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the heir of redclyffe-第54部分

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assistance; would become known; and lead to the loss of his character 

and situation。  Guy stood and considered。  He had an impulse; but he 

did not think it a safe one; and resolved to give himself time。



'I do not say that I cannot help you;' he answered; 'but I must have 

time to consider。'



'Time! would you see me ruined while you are considering?'



'I suppose this must be paid immediately。  Where do you lodge?'



Mr。 Dixon told him the street and number。



'You shall hear from me to…morrow morning。  I cannot trust my present 

thoughts。  Good night!'



Mr。 Dixon would fain have guessed whether the present thoughts were 

favourable; but all his hope in his extremity was in his nephew; it 

might be fatal to push him too far; and; with a certain trust in his 

good…nature; Sebastian allowed him to walk away without further 

remonstrance。



Guy knew his own impetuous nature too well to venture to act on impulse 

in a doubtful case。  He had now first to consider what he was able to 

do; and secondly what he would do; and this was not as clear to his 

mind as in the earlier days of his acquaintance with his uncle。



Their intercourse had never been on a comfortable footing。  It would 

perhaps have been better if Philip's advice had been followed; and no 

connection kept up。  Guy had once begged for some definite rule; since 

there was always vexation when he was known to have been with his 

uncle; and yet Mr。 Edmonstone would never absolutely say he ought not 

to see him。  As long as his guardian permitted it; or rather winked at 

it; Guy did not think it necessary to attend to Philip's marked 

disapproval。  Part of it was well founded; but part was dislike to all 

that might be considered as vulgar; and part was absolute injustice to 

Sebastian Dixon; there was everything that could offend in his line of 

argument; and in the very circumstance of his interfering; and Guy had 

a continual struggle; in which he was not always successful; to avoid 

showing the affront he had taken; and to reason down his subsequent 

indignation。  The ever…recurring irritation which Philip's conversation 

was apt to cause him; made him avoid it as far as he could; and retreat 

in haste from the subjects on which they were most apt to disagree; and 

so his manner had assumed an air of reserve; and almost of distrust; 

with his cousin; that was very unlike its usual winning openness。



This had been one unfortunate effect of his intercourse with his uncle; 

and another was a certain vague; dissatisfied feeling which his 

silence; and Philip's insinuations respecting the days he spent in 

London; left on Mr。 Edmonstone's mind; and which gained strength from 

their recurrence。  The days were; indeed; not many; it was only that in 

coming from and going to Oxford; he slept a night at an hotel in London 

(for his uncle never would take him to his lodgings; never even would 

tell him where they were; but always gave his address at the place of 

his engagement); was conducted by him to some concert in the evening; 

and had him to breakfast in the morning。  He could not think there was 

any harm in this; he explained all he had done to Mr。 Edmonstone the 

first time; but nothing was gained by it: his visits to London 

continued to be treated as something to be excused or overlookedas 

something not quite correct。



He would almost have been ready to discontinue them; but that he saw 

that his uncle regarded him with affection; and he could not bear the 

thought of giving up a poor relation for the sake of the opinion of his 

rich friends。  These meetings were the one pure pleasure to which 

Sebastian looked; recalling to him the happier days of his youth; and 

of his friendship with Guy's father; and when Guy perceived how he 

valued them; it would have seemed a piece of cruel neglect to gratify 

himself by giving the time to Hollywell。



Early in the course of their acquaintance; the importunity of a 

creditor revealed that; in spite of his handsome salary; Sebastian 

Dixon was often in considerable distress for money。  In process of 

time; Guy discovered that at the time his uncle had been supporting his 

sister and her husband in all the luxury he thought befitted their 

rank; he had contracted considerable debts; and he had only been able 

to return to England on condition of paying so much a…year to his 

creditors。  This left him very little on which to maintain his family; 

but still his pride made him bent on concealing his difficulties; and 

it was not without a struggle that he would at first consent to receive 

assistance from his nephew。



Guy resolved that these debts; which he considered as in fact his 

father's own; should be paid as soon as he had the command of his 

property; but; in the meantime; he thought himself bound to send his 

uncle all the help in his power; and when once the effort of accepting 

it at all was over; Dixon's expectations extended far beyond his power。  

His allowance was not large; and the constant requests for a few pounds 

to meet some pressing occasion were more than he could well meet。  They 

kept him actually a great deal poorer than men without a tenth part of 

his fortune; and at the end of the term he would look back with 

surprise at having been able to pay his way; but still he contrived 

neither to exceed his allowance; nor to get into debt。  This was; 

indeed; only done by a rigid self…denial of little luxuries such as 

most young men look on nearly as necessaries; but he had never been 

brought up to think self…indulgence a consequence of riches; he did not 

care what was said of him; he had no expensive tastes; for he did not 

seek after society; so that he was not ill…prepared for such a course; 

and only thought of it as an assistance in abstaining from the time…

wasting that might have tempted him if he had had plenty of money to 

spend。



The only thing that concerned him was a growing doubt lest he might be 

feeding extravagance instead of doing good; and the more he disliked 

himself for the suspicion; the more it would return。  There was no 

doubt much distress; the children were sickly; several of them died; 

the doctor's bills; and other expenses; pressed heavily; and Guy blamed 

himself for having doubted。  Yet; again; he could not conceal from 

himself traces that his uncle was careless and imprudent。  He had once; 

indeed; in a violent fit of self…reproach; confessed as much; allowed 

that what ought to have been spent in the maintenance of his family; 

had gone in gambling; but immediately after; he had been seized with a 

fit of terror; and implored Guy to guard the secret; since; if once it 

came to the knowledge of his creditors; it would be all over with him。   

Concealment of his present difficulties was therefore no less necessary 

than assistance in paying the sum he owed。  Indeed; as far as Guy was 

able to understand his confused statement; what he wanted was at once 

to pay a part of his debt; before he could go on to a place where he 

was engaged to perform; and where he would earn enough to make up the 

rest。



Guy had intended to have sent for Deloraine; but had since given up the 

idea; in order to be able to help forward some plans of Miss 

Wellwood's; and resigning this project would enable him to place thirty 

pounds at his uncle's disposal; leaving him just enough to pay his 

expenses at South Moor; and carry him back to Hollywell。  It was sorely 

against his inclination that; instead of helping a charity; his savings 

should go to pay gaming debts; and his five…miles walk was spent in 

self…debate on the right and wrong of the matter; and questions what 

should be done for the futurefor he was beginning to awaken to the 

sense of his responsibility; and feared lest he might be encouraging 

vice。



Very early next morning Guy put his head into his tutor's room; 

announced that he must walk into St。 Mildred's on business; but should 

be back by eleven at the latest; ran down…stairs; called Bustle; and 

made interest with the farmer's wife for a hunch of dry bread and a cup 

of new milk。



Then rejoicing that he had made up his mind; though not light…hearted 

enough to whistle; he walked across the moorland; through the white 

morning mist; curling on the sides of the hills in fantastic forms; and 

now and then catching his lengthened shadow; so as to make him smile by 

reminding him of the spectre of the Brocken。



Not without difficulty; he found a back street; and a little shop; 

where a slovenly maid was sweeping the steps; and the shutters were not 

yet taken down。  He asked if Mr。 Dixon lodged there。  'Yes;' the woman 

said; staring in amazement that such a gentleman could be there at that 

time in the morning; asking for Mr。 Dixon。



'Is he at home?'



'Yes; sir but he is not up yet。  He was very late last night。  Did you 

want to speak to h
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