the captives-第34部分

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She　had　abandoned　so　completely　any　idea　that　he　might　still　come　that　she　could　not　now　feel　that　it　was　he。　She　withdrew　from　her　aunt's　side　and　stood　in　the　shadow　against　the　wall。

Although　her　heart　beat　wildly　her　whole　mind　was　bent　upon　composure；　upon　showing　nothing　to　her　aunts；　and　on　behaving　to　him　as　though　she　scarcely　knew　him；　but　so　soon　as　he　entered　the　room　some　voice　cried　in　her：　〃He　is　mine！　He　is　mine！〃　She　did　not　stir　from　her　wall；　but　her　eyes　fastened　upon　him　and　then　did　not　move。　He　was　wearing　the　same　clothes　as　yesterday；　his　tie　was　different；　it　had　been　black　and　now　it　was　dark　blue。　He　looked　quiet　and　self…possessed　and　at　his　ease。　His　rough　stiff　hair　was　carelessly　brushed　as　always；　good…humour　shone　from　his　eyes；　he　smiled；　his　walk　had　the　sturdy　broad　strength　of　a　man　who　is　absolutely　sure　of　himself　but　is　not　conceited。　He　seemed　to　have　no　trouble　in　the　world。

He　greeted　the　aunts；　then　shook　hands　with　Maggie。　He　gave　her　one　glance　and　she；　suddenly　feeling　that　that　glance　had　not　the　things　in　it　that　she　had　wanted；　was　frightened；　her　confidence　left　her；　she　felt　that　if　she　did　not　have　a　word　alone　with　him　she　would　die。

He　sat　down　near　Aunt　Anne。

〃No；　thank　you；　I　won't　have　any　tea；〃　he　said。　〃We're　dining　very　early　to…night　because　Father　and　Amy　have　a　meeting　right　away　over　Golders　Green　way　somewhere。　It's　really　on　a　message　from　him　that　I　came。〃

He　did　not　look　at　her；　placed　like　a　square　shadow　against　the　dusky　wall。　He　sat；　leaning　forward　a　little；　his　red…brown　hand　on　his　knee；　his　leg　bulging　under　the　cloth　of　his　trouser；　his　neck　struggling　behind　his　collarbut　his　smile　was　pleasant　and　easy；　he　seemed　perfectly　at　home。

〃My　father　wonders　whether　you　will　mind　some　friends　of　Miss　Avies　sitting　with　you　in　your　pew　to…morrow　evening。　She　has　especially　askedtwo　of　them　。　。　。　ladies；　I　believe。　But　it　seems　that　there　will　be　something　of　a　crowd；　and　as　your　pew　is　always　half　empty　He　would　not　have　asked　except　that　there　seems　nowhere　else。〃

Aunt　Anne　graciously　assented。

〃But；　of　course；　Mr。　Warlock；　Maggie　will　be　going　with　us；　but　still　there　will　be　room。　Mr。　Crashaw　is　going　to　speak　after　all；　I　hear。　I　was　afraid　that　he　would　have　been　too　ill。〃

Martin　laughed。　〃He　is　staying　with　us；　you　know；　and　already　he　is　preparing　himself。　He's　about　the　oldest　human　being　I've　ever　seen。　He　must　be　a　hundred。〃

〃He's　a　great　saint；〃　said　Aunt　Anne。

〃He's　always　in　a　terrible　temper　though；〃　said　Martin。　〃He　mutters　to　himselfand　he　eats　nothing。　His　room　is　next　to　mine；　and　he　walked　up　and　down　all　night　talking。　I　don't　know　how　he　keeps　alive。〃

Perhaps　Aunt　Anne　thought　Martin's　tone　irreverent。　She　relapsed　into　herself　and　seemed　suddenly；　with　a　spiritual　wave　of　the　hand；　to　have　dismissed　the　whole　company。

Martin　took　his　leave。　He　barely　touched　Maggie's　hand；　but　his　eyes　leapt　upon　hers　with　all　the　fire　of　a　greeting　too　long　delayed。　His　lips　did　not　move；　but　she　heard　the　whisper　〃Soon！〃　Then　he　was　gone。

Soon！　She　felt　as　though　she　could　not　wait　another　instant　but　must　immediately　run　after　him；　follow　him　into　the　street；　and　make　clear　his　plans　both　for　himself　and　her。

Then；　continuing　her　struggle　of　the　long　day；　she　beat　into　herself　endurance；　she　was　in　a　new　world；　in　a　world　with　roads　and　cities；　mountains；　rivers；　seas　and　forests　that　had　to　be　traversed　by　her；　to　be　learnt　and　remembered　and　conquered；　and　for　the　success　of　this　she　must　have　her　own　spirit　absolutely　aloof　and　firm　and　brave。　She　loved　him。　That　must　be　enough　for　her；　and　meanwhile　she　need　not　lose　her　common　sense　and　vision　of　everyday　life　。　。　。But　meanwhile　it　hurt。　She　was　now　twice　as　lonely　as　she　had　been　before　because　she　did　not　know　what　he　intended　to　do；　and　always　with　her　now　there　was　something　strange　and　unknown　that　might　at　any　moment　be　stronger　than　she。

But　by　next　morning　she　had　conquered　herself。　She　would　see　him　at　Chapel　that　night　and　perhaps　have　a　word　with　him；　and　so　already　she　had　arrived　at　her　now　lover's　calendar　of　dates　and　seasons。　There　was　the　time　before　she　would　see　him　and　the　time　afterno　other　time　than　that。

The　trouble　that　weighed　upon　her　most　heavily　was　her　deceitfulness　to　the　aunts。　Fifty　times　that　day　she　was　on　the　edge　of　speaking　and　telling　them　all；　but　she　was　held　back　by　the　vagueness　of　her　relations　to　Martin。　Were　they　engaged？　Did　he　even　love　her？　He　had　only　kissed　her。　He　had　said　nothing。　No；　she　must　wait；　but　with　this　definite　sense　of　her　wickedness　weighing　upon　hernot　wickedness　to　herself；　for　that　she　cared　nothing；　but　wickedness　to　themshe　tried；　on　this　day；　to　be　a　pattern　member　of　the　household；　going　softly　everywhere　that　she　was　told；　closing　doors　behind　her；　being　punctual　and　careful。　Unhappily　it　was　a　day　of　misfortune；　it　was　one　of　Aunt　Anne's　more　worldly　hours　and　she　thought　that　she　would　spend　it　in　training　Maggie。　Very　goodbut　Maggie　dropped　a　glass　into　which　flowers　were　to　have　been　put；　she　shook　her　pen　when　she　was　addressing　some　envelopes　so　that　some　drops　of　ink　were　scattered　upon　the　carpet；　and；　in　her　haste　to　be　punctual；　she　banged　her　bedroom　door　so　loudly　that　Aunt　Anne　was　waked　from　her　afternoon　nap。

A　scene　followed。　Aunt　Anne　showed　herself　very　human；　like　any　other　aunt　justly　exasperated　by　any　other　niece。

〃I　sometimes　despair　of　you；　Maggie。　You　will　not　think　of　others。　I　don't　wish　to　be　hard　or　unjust；　but　selfishness　is　the　name　of　your　greatest　weakness。〃

Maggie；　standing　with　her　hands　behind　her；　a　spot　of　ink　on　her　nose　and　her　short　hair　ruffled；　was　hard　and　unrepentant。

〃You　must　send　me　away；〃　she　said；　〃I'm　not　a　success　here。　You　don't　like　me。〃

Aunt　Anne　looked　at　Maggie　with　eyes　that　were　clear　and　cold　like　deep　unfriendly　waters。　〃You　mustn't　say　that。　We　love　you；　but　you　have　very　much　to　learn。　To…night　I　shall　speak　to　Miss　Avies　and　arrange　that　you　go　to　have　a　talk　with　her　sometimes。　She　is　a　wise　woman　who　knows　many　things。　My　sister　and　I　are　not　strong　enough　to　deal　with　you；　and　we　are　weakened　perhaps　by　our　love　for　you。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　go　to…night；〃　Maggie　said；　then　she　burst　out：　〃Oh；　can't　I　lead　an　ordinary　life　like　other　girlsbe　free　and　find　things　out　for　myself；　not　only　go　by　what　older　people　tell　me　earn　my　living　and　be　free？　I've　never　lived　an　ordinary　life。　Life　with　Father　wasn't　fair；　and　now〃

Aunt　Anne　put　out　her　arm　and　drew　her　towards　her。　〃Poor　Maggie　。　。　。　Aren't　you　unfair　to　us？　Do　you　suppose　really　that　we　don't　love　you？　Do　you　think　that　I　don't　understand？　You　shall　be　free；　afterwards；　if　you　wishperfectly　freebut　you　must　have　the　opportunity　of　learning　what　this　life　is　first；　what　the　love　of　God　is；　what　the　companionship　of　Him　is。　If　after　you　have　seen　you　still　reject　it；　we　will　not　try　to　keep　you。　But　it　is　God's　will　that　you　stay　with　us　for　a　time。〃

〃How　do　you　know　that　it　is　God's　will？〃　asked　Maggie；　melted　nevertheless；　as　she　always　was　by　any　sign　of　affection。

〃He　has　told　me；〃　Aunt　Anne　answered；　and　then　closed　her　eyes。

Maggie　went　away　with　a　sensation　of　being　tracked　by　some　stealthy　mysterious　force　that　was　creeping　ever　closer　and　closer　upon　her；　that　she　could　only　feel　but　not　see。　For　instance；　she　might　have　said　that　she　would　not　go　to　Chapel　to…night；　and　she　might　have　taken　her　stand　upon　that。　And　yet　she　could　not　say　that。　Of　course　she　must　go　because　she　must　see　Martin；　but　even　if　she　had　known　that　he　would　not　be　there　she　would　have　gone。　Was　it　curiosity？　Was　it　reminiscence？　Was　it　superstition？　Was　it　cowardice？　Was　it　loneliness？　All　these　things；　perhaps；　and　yet　something　more　than　they　。　。　。

All　through　the　afternoon　of　the　lovely　November　day　she　anticipated　that　evening's　services　as　though　it　were　in　some　way　to　be　a　climax。　She　knew　that　it　was　to　be　for　all　of　them　an　especial　affair。　She　had　heard　during　the　last　days　much　discussion　of　old　Mr。　Crashaw。　He　was　an　old　man　with；　apparently；　a　wonderful　history　of　conversions　behind　him。　His　conversions　had　been；　it　seemed；　of　the　forcible　kind；　seizing　people　by　the　neck　and　shoving　them　in；　he　was　a　fierce　and　militant　kind　of　saint；　he　believed；　it　seemed；　in　damnation　and　eternal　hell　fire；　and　could　make　you　believe　in　them　too；　his　accent　was　on　the　tortures　rather　than　the　triumphs　of　religion。

But　Maggie　had　other　thoughts；　in　this；　outside　Mr。　Crashaw。　She　had　never　lost　the　force　of　that　first　meeting　with　Mr。　Warlock；　she　had　avoided　him　simply　because　she　was　afraid　lest　he　should　influence　her　too　much；　but　now　after　her　friendship　with　Martin　she　felt　that　she　could　never　meet　old　Mr。　Warlock　frankly　again。　What　he　would　say　to　her　if　he　knew　that　she　meant　to　take　his　son　away　from　him　she　knew　well　enough。　On　every　side　there　was　trouble　and　difficulty。　She　could　not　see　a　friend　anywhere　unless　it　was　Caroline；　whom　she　did　not　completely　trust；　and　Mr。　Magnus；　whom　her　deception　of　her　aunt　would；　she　knew；　most　deeply　distress。　Meanwhile　she　was　being　pushed　forward　more　and　more　into　the　especial　religious　atmospher