character-第66部分

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tends　to　grow　suspicious　and　ungenerous。　　The　best　corrective　of

such　influences　is　always　the　domestic；　by　withdrawing　the　mind

from　thoughts　that　are　wholly　gainful；　by　taking　it　out　of　its

daily　rut；　and　bringing　it　back　to　the　sanctuary　of　home　for

refreshment　and　rest：



　　　　　　　　　　〃That　truest；　rarest　light　of　social　joy；

　　　　　　　　　　Which　gleams　upon　the　man　of　many　cares。〃



〃Business；〃　says　Sir　Henry　Taylor；　〃does　but　lay　waste　the

approaches　to　the　heart；　whilst　marriage　garrisons　the　fortress。〃

And　however　the　head　may　be　occupied；　by　labours　of　ambition　or　of

businessif　the　heart　be　not　occupied　by　affection　for　others

and　sympathy　with　themlife；　though　it　may　appear　to　the　outer

world　to　be　a　success；　will　probably　be　no　success　at　all；

but　a　failure。　（4）



A　man's　real　character　will　always　be　more　visible　in　his

household　than　anywhere　else；　and　his　practical　wisdom　will　be

better　exhibited　by　the　manner　in　which　he　bears　rule　there；　than

even　in　the　larger　affairs　of　business　or　public　life。　　His　whole

mind　may　be　in　his　business；　but；　if　he　would　be　happy；　his　whole

heart　must　be　in　his　home。　　It　is　there　that　his　genuine　qualities

most　surely　display　themselvesthere　that　he　shows　his

truthfulness；　his　love；　his　sympathy；　his　consideration　for

others；　his　uprightness；　his　manlinessin　a　word；　his　character。

If　affection　be　not　the　governing　principle　in　a　household；

domestic　life　may　be　the　most　intolerable　of　despotisms。　　Without

justice；　also；　there　can　be　neither　love；　confidence；　nor　respect；

on　which　all　true　domestic　rule　is　founded。



Erasmus　speaks　of　Sir　Thomas　More's　home　as　〃a　school　and　exercise

of　the　Christian　religion。〃　　〃No　wrangling；　no　angry　word　was

heard　in　it；　no　one　was　idle；　every　one　did　his　duty　with

alacrity；　and　not　without　a　temperate　cheerfulness。〃　　Sir　Thomas

won　all　hearts　to　obedience　by　his　gentleness。　　He　was　a　man

clothed　in　household　goodness；　and　he　ruled　so　gently　and　wisely；

that　his　home　was　pervaded　by　an　atmosphere　of　love　and　duty。　　He

himself　spoke　of　the　hourly　interchange　of　the　smaller　acts　of

kindness　with　the　several　members　of　his　family；　as　having　a　claim

upon　his　time　as　strong　as　those　other　public　occupations　of　his

life　which　seemed　to　others　so　much　more　serious　and　important。



But　the　man　whose　affections　are　quickened　by　home…life；　does　not

confine　his　sympathies　within　that　comparatively　narrow　sphere。

His　love　enlarges　in　the　family；　and　through　the　family　it　expands

into　the　world。　　〃Love；〃　says　Emerson；　〃is　a　fire　that；　kindling

its　first　embers　in　the　narrow　nook　of　a　private　bosom；　caught

from　a　wandering　spark　out　of　another　private　heart；　glows　and

enlarges　until　it　warms　and　beams　upon　multitudes　of　men　and

women；　upon　the　universal　heart　of　all；　and　so　lights　up　the　whole

world　and　nature　with　its　generous　flames。〃



It　is　by　the　regimen　of　domestic　affection　that　the　heart　of　man

is　best　composed　and　regulated。　　The　home　is　the　woman's　kingdom；

her　state；　her　worldwhere　she　governs　by　affection；　by

kindness；　by　the　power　of　gentleness。　　There　is　nothing　which　so

settles　the　turbulence　of　a　man's　nature　as　his　union　in　life　with

a　highminded　woman。　　There　he　finds　rest；　contentment；　and

happinessrest　of　brain　and　peace　of　spirit。　　He　will　also　often

find　in　her　his　best　counsellor；　for　her　instinctive　tact　will

usually　lead　him　right　when　his　own　unaided　reason　might　be　apt　to

go　wrong。　　The　true　wife　is　a　staff　to　lean　upon　in　times　of　trial

and　difficulty；　and　she　is　never　wanting　in　sympathy　and　solace

when　distress　occurs　or　fortune　frowns。　　In　the　time　of　youth；　she

is　a　comfort　and　an　ornament　of　man's　life；　and　she　remains　a

faithful　helpmate　in　maturer　years；　when　life　has　ceased　to　be　an

anticipation；　and　we　live　in　its　realities。



What　a　happy　man　must　Edmund　Burke　have　been；　when　he　could　say　of

his　home；　〃Every　care　vanishes　the　moment　I　enter　under　my　own

roof！〃　　And　Luther；　a　man　full　of　human　affection；　speaking　of　his

wife；　said；　〃I　would　not　exchange　my　poverty　with　her　for　all　the

riches　of　Croesus　without　her。〃　　Of　marriage　he　observed：　〃The

utmost　blessing　that　God　can　confer　on　a　man　is　the　possession　of

a　good　and　pious　wife；　with　whom　he　may　live　in　peace　and

tranquillityto　whom　he　may　confide　his　whole　possessions；　even

his　life　and　welfare。〃　　And　again　he　said；　〃To　rise　betimes；　and

to　marry　young；　are　what　no　man　ever　repents　of　doing。〃



For　a　man　to　enjoy　true　repose　and　happiness　in　marriage；　he　must

have　in　his　wife　a　soul…mate　as　well　as　a　helpmate。　　But　it　is　not

requisite　that　she　should　be　merely　a　pale　copy　of　himself。　　A　man

no　more　desires　in　his　wife　a　manly　woman；　than　the　woman　desires

in　her　husband　a　feminine　man。　　A　woman's　best　qualities　do　not

reside　in　her　intellect；　but　in　her　affections。　　She　gives

refreshment　by　her　sympathies；　rather　than　by　her　knowledge。　　〃The

brain…women；〃　says　Oliver　Wendell　Holmes；　〃never　interest　us　like

the　heart…women。〃　（5）　　Men　are　often　so　wearied　with　themselves；

that　they　are　rather　predisposed　to　admire　qualities　and　tastes　in

others　different　from　their　own。　　〃If　I　were　suddenly　asked；〃　says

Mr。　Helps；　〃to　give　a　proof　of　the　goodness　of　God　to　us；　I　think

I　should　say　that　it　is　most　manifest　in　the　exquisite　difference

He　has　made　between　the　souls　of　men　and　women；　so　as　to　create

the　possibility　of　the　most　comforting　and　charming　companionship

that　the　mind　of　man　can　imagine。〃　（6）　　But　though　no　man　may　love

a　woman　for　her　understanding；　it　is　not　the　less　necessary　for

her　to　cultivate　it　on　that　account。　（7）　　There　may　be　difference

in　character；　but　there　must　be　harmony　of　mind　and　sentiment

two　intelligent　souls　as　well　as　two　loving　hearts：



　　　　　　　　　　〃Two　heads　in　council；　two　beside　the　hearth；

　　　　　　　　　　Two　in　the　tangled　business　of　the　world；

　　　　　　　　　　Two　in　the　liberal　offices　of　life。〃



There　are　few　men　who　have　written　so　wisely　on　the　subject　of

marriage　as　Sir　Henry　Taylor。　　What　he　says　about　the　influence　of

a　happy　union　in　its　relation　to　successful　statesmanship；　applies

to　all　conditions　of　life。　　The　true　wife；　he　says；　should　possess

such　qualities　as　will　tend　to　make　home　as　much　as　may　be　a　place

of　repose。　　To　this　end；　she　should　have　sense　enough　or　worth

enough　to　exempt　her　husband　as　much　as　possible　from　the　troubles

of　family　management；　and　more　especially　from　all　possibility　of

debt。　　〃She　should　be　pleasing　to　his　eyes　and　to　his　taste：　the

taste　goes　deep　into　the　nature　of　all　menlove　is　hardly　apart

from　it；　and　in　a　life　of　care　and　excitement；　that　home　which　is

not　the　seat　of　love　cannot　be　a　place　of　repose；　rest　for　the

brain；　and　peace　for　the　spirit；　being　only　to　be　had　through　the

softening　of　the　affections。　　He　should　look　for　a　clear

understanding；　cheerfulness；　and　alacrity　of　mind；　rather　than

gaiety　and　brilliancy；　and　for　a　gentle　tenderness　of　disposition

in　preference　to　an　impassioned　nature。　　Lively　talents　are　too

stimulating　in　a　tired　man's　housepassion　is　too　disturbing。。。。



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Her　love　should　be

　　　　　　A　love　that　clings　not；　nor　is　exigent；

　　　　　　Encumbers　not　the　active　purposes；

　　　　　　Nor　drains　their　source；　but　profers　with　free　grace

　　　　　　Pleasure　at　pleasure　touched；　at　pleasure　waived；

　　　　　　A　washing　of　the　weary　traveller's　feet；

　　　　　　A　quenching　of　his　thirst；　a　sweet　repose；

　　　　　　Alternate　and　preparative；　in　groves

　　　　　　Where；　loving　much　the　flower　that　loves　the　shade；

　　　　　　And　loving　much　the　shade　that　that　flower　loves；

　　　　　　He　yet　is　unbewildered；　unenslaved；

　　　　　　Thence　starting　light；　and　pleasantly　let　go

　　　　　　When　serious　service　calls。　（8）



Some　persons　are　disappointed　in　marriage；　because　they　expect　too

much　from　it；　but　many　more；　because　they　do　not　bring　into　the

co…partnership　their　fair　share　of　cheerfulness；　kindliness；

forbearance；　and　common　sense。　　Their　imagination　has　perhaps

pictured　a　condition　never　experienced　on　this　side　Heaven；　and

when　real　life　comes；　with　its　troubles　and　cares；　there　is　a

sudden　waking…up　as　from　a　dream。　　Or　they　look　for　something

approaching　perfection　in　their　chosen　companion；　and　discover　by

experience　that　the　fairest　of　characters　have　their　weaknesses。

Yet　it　is　often　the　very　imperfection　of　human　nature；　rather　than

its　perfection；　that　makes　the　strongest　claims　on　the　forbearance

and　sympathy　of　others；　and；　in　affectionate　and　sensible　natures；

tends　to　produce　the　closest　unions。



The　golden　rule　of　married　life　is；　〃Bear　and　forbear。〃　　Marriage；

like　government；　is　a　series　of　compromises。　　One　must　give　and

take；　refrain　and　restrain；　endure　and　be　patient。　　One　may　not　be

blind　to　another's　failings；　but　they　may　be　borne　with　good…

natured　forbearance。　　Of　all　qualities；　good　temper　is　the　one

that　wears　and　works　the　best　in　married