little novels-第13部分

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y。

Nature　has　laidso；　at　least；　philosophers　saysome　heavy　burdens　upon　women。　Do　those　learned　persons　include　in　their　list　the　burden　of　hysterics？　If　so；　I　cordially　agree　with　them。　It　is　hardly　worth　speaking　of　in　my　casea　constitutional　outbreak　in　the　solitude　of　my　own　room；　treated　with　eau…de…cologne　and　water；　and　quite　forgotten　afterward　in　the　absorbing　employment　of　education。　My　favorite　pupil；　Freddy；　had　been　up　earlier　than　the　rest　of　usbreathing　the　morning　air　in　the　fruit…garden。　He　had　seen　Mr。　Sax　and　had　asked　him　when　he　was　coming　back　again。　And　Mr。　Sax　had　said；　〃I　shall　be　back　again　next　month。〃　（Dear　little　Freddy！）

In　the　meanwhile　we；　in　the　schoolroom；　had　the　prospect　before　us　of　a　dull　time　in　an　empty　house。　The　remaining　guests　were　to　go　away　at　the　end　of　the　week；　their　hostess　being　engaged　to　pay　a　visit　to　some　old　friends　in　Scotland。

During　the　next　three　or　four　days；　though　I　was　often　alone　with　Mrs。　Fosdyke；　she　never　said　one　word　on　the　subject　of　Mr。　Sax。　Once　or　twice　I　caught　her　looking　at　me　with　that　unendurably　significant　smile　of　hers。　Miss　Melbury　was　equally　unpleasant　in　another　way。　When　we　accidentally　met　on　the　stairs；　her　black　eyes　shot　at　me　passing　glances　of　hatred　and　scorn。　Did　these　two　ladies　presume　to　think？

No；　I　abstained　from　completing　that　inquiry　at　the　time；　and　I　abstain　from　completing　it　here。

The　end　of　the　week　came；　and　I　and　the　children　were　left　alone　at　Carsham　Hall。

I　took　advantage　of　the　leisure　hours　at　my　disposal　to　write　to　Sir　Gervase；　respectfully　inquiring　after　his　health；　and　informing　him　that　I　had　been　again　most　fortunate　in　my　engagement　as　a　governess。　By　return　of　post　an　answer　arrived。　I　eagerly　opened　it。　The　first　lines　informed　me　of　Sir　Gervase　Damian's　death。

The　letter　dropped　from　my　hand。　I　looked　at　my　little　enameled　cross。　It　is　not　for　me　to　say　what　I　felt。　Think　of　all　that　I　owed　to　him；　and　remember　how　lonely　my　lot　was　in　the　world。　I　gave　the　children　a　holiday；　it　was　only　the　truth　to　tell　them　that　I　was　not　well。

How　long　an　interval　passed　before　I　could　call　to　mind　that　I　had　only　read　the　first　lines　of　the　letter；　I　am　not　able　to　say。　When　I　did　take　it　up　I　was　surprised　to　see　that　the　writing　covered　two　pages。　Beginning　again　where　I　had　left　off；　my　head；　in　a　moment　more；　began　to　swim。　A　horrid　fear　overpowered　me　that　I　might　not　be　in　my　right　mind；　after　I　had　read　the　first　three　sentences。　Here　they　are；　to　answer　for　me　that　I　exaggerate　nothing：

〃The　will　of　our　deceased　client　is　not　yet　proved。　But；　with　the　sanction　of　the　executors；　I　inform　you　confidentially　that　you　are　the　person　chiefly　interested　in　it。　Sir　Gervase　Damian　bequeaths　to　you；　absolutely；　the　whole　of　his　personal　property；　amounting　to　the　sum　of　seventy　thousand　pounds。〃

If　the　letter　had　ended　there；　I　really　cannot　imagine　what　extravagances　I　might　not　have　committed。　But　the　writer　｛head　partner　in　the　firm　of　Sir　Gervase's　lawyers）　had　something　more　to　say　on　his　own　behalf。　The　manner　in　which　he　said　it　strung　up　my　nerves　in　an　instant。　I　can　not；　and　will　not；　copy　the　words　here。　It　is　quite　revolting　enough　to　give　the　substance　of　them。

The　man's　object　was　evidently　to　let　me　perceive　that　he　disapproved　of　the　will。　So　far　I　do　not　complain　of　himhe　had；　no　doubt；　good　reason　for　the　view　he　took。　But；　in　expressing　his　surprise　〃at　this　extraordinary　proof　of　the　testator's　interest　in　a　perfect　stranger　to　the　family；〃　he　hinted　his　suspicion　of　an　influence；　on　my　part；　exercised　over　Sir　Gervase；　so　utterly　shameful；　that　I　cannot　dwell　on　the　subject。　The　language；　I　should　add；　was　cunningly　guarded。　Even　I　could　see　that　it　would　bear　more　than　one　interpretation；　and　would　thus　put　me　in　the　wrong　if　I　openly　resented　it。　But　the　meaning　was　plain；　and　part　at　least　of　the　motive　came　out　in　the　following　sentences：

〃The　present　Sir　Gervase；　as　you　are　doubtless　aware；　is　not　seriously　affected　by　his　father's　will。　He　is　already　more　liberally　provided　for；　as　heir　under　the　entail　to　the　whole　of　the　landed　property。　But；　to　say　nothing　of　old　friends　who　are　forgotten；　there　is　a　surviving　relative　of　the　late　Sir　Gervase　passed　over；　who　is　nearly　akin　to　him　by　blood。　In　the　event　of　this　person　disputing　the　will；　you　will　of　course　hear　from　us　again；　and　refer　us　to　your　legal　adviser。〃

The　letter　ended　with　an　apology　for　delay　in　writing　to　me；　caused　by　difficulty　in　discovering　my　address。

And　what　did　I　do？Write　to　the　rector；　or　to　Mrs。　Fosdyke；　fo　r　advice？　Not　I！

At　first　I　was　too　indignant　to　be　able　to　think　of　what　I　ought　to　do。　Our　post…time　was　late；　and　my　head　ached　as　if　it　would　burst　into　pieces。　I　had　plenty　of　leisure　to　rest　and　compose　myself。　When　I　got　cool　again；　I　felt　able　to　take　my　own　part；　without　asking　any　one　to　help　me。

Even　if　I　had　been　treated　kindly；　I　should　certainly　not　have　taken　the　money　when　there　was　a　relative　living　with　a　claim　to　it。　What　did　_I_　want　with　a　large　fortune！　To　buy　a　husband　with　it；　perhaps？　No；　no！　from　all　that　I　have　heard；　the　great　Lord　Chancellor　was　quite　right　when　he　said　that　a　woman　with　money　at　her　own　disposal　was　〃either　kissed　out　of　it　or　kicked　out　of　it；　six　weeks　after　her　marriage。〃　The　one　difficulty　before　me　was　not　to　give　up　my　legacy；　but　to　express　my　reply　with　sufficient　severity；　and　at　the　same　time　with　due　regard　to　my　own　self…respect。　Here　is　what　I　wrote：

〃SIRI　will　not　trouble　you　by　attempting　to　express　my　sorrow　on　hearing　of　Sir　Gervase　Damian's　death。　You　would　probably　form　your　own　opinion　on　that　subject　also；　and　I　have　no　wish　to　be　judged　by　your　unenviable　experience　of　humanity　for　the　second　time。

〃With　regard　to　the　legacy；　feeling　the　sincerest　gratitude　to　my　generous　benefactor；　I　nevertheless　refuse　to　receive　the　money。

　〃Be　pleased　to　send　me　the　necessary　document　to　sign；　for　transferring　my　fortune　to　that　relative　of　Sir　Gervase　mentioned　in　your　letter。　The　one　condition　on　which　I　insist　is；　that　no　expression　of　thanks　shall　be　addressed　to　me　by　the　person　in　whose　favor　I　resign　the　money。　I　do　not　desire　（even　supposing　that　justice　is　done　to　my　motives　on　this　occasion）　to　be　made　the　object　of　expressions　of　gratitude　for　only　doing　my　duty。〃

So　it　ended。　I　may　be　wrong；　but　I　call　that　strong　writing。

In　due　course　of　post　a　formal　acknowledgment　arrived。　I　was　requested　to　wait　for　the　document　until　the　will　had　been　proved；　and　was　informed　that　my　name　should　be　kept　strictly　secret　in　the　interval。　On　this　occasion　the　executors　were　almost　as　insolent　as　the　lawyer。　They　felt　it　their　duty　to　give　me　time　to　reconsider　a　decision　which　had　been　evidently　formed　on　impulse。　Ah；　how　hard　men　areat　least；　some　of　them！　I　locked　up　the　acknowledgment　in　disgust；　resolved　to　think　no　more　of　it　until　the　time　came　for　getting　rid　of　my　legacy。　I　kissed　poor　Sir　Gervase's　little　keepsake。　While　I　was　still　looking　at　it；　the　good　children　came　in；　of　their　own　accord；　to　ask　how　I　was。　I　was　obliged　to　draw　down　the　blind　in　my　room；　or　they　would　have　seen　the　tears　in　my　eyes。　For　the　first　time　since　my　mother's　death；　I　felt　the　heartache。　Perhaps　the　children　made　me　think　of　the　happier　time　when　I　was　a　child　myself。

VII。

THE　will　had　been　proved；　and　I　was　informed　that　the　document　was　in　course　of　preparation　when　Mrs。　Fosdyke　returned　from　her　visit　to　Scotland。

She　thought　me　looking　pale　and　worn。

〃The　time　seems　to　me　to　have　come；〃　she　said；　〃when　I　had　better　make　you　and　Mr。　Sax　understand　each　other。　Have　you　been　thinking　penitently　of　your　own　bad　behavior？〃

I　felt　myself　blushing。　I　_had_　been　thinking　of　my　conduct　to　Mr。　Saxand　I　was　heartily　ashamed　of　it；　too。

Mrs。　Fosdyke　went　on；　half　in　jest；　half　in　earnest。　〃Consult　your　own　sense　of　propriety！〃　she　said。　〃Was　the　poor　man　to　blame　for　not　being　rude　enough　to　say　No；　when　a　lady　asked　him　to　turn　over　her　music？　Could　_he_　help　it；　if　the　same　lady　persisted　in　flirting　with　him？　He　ran　away　from　her　the　next　morning。　Did　you　deserve　to　be　told　why　he　left　us？　Certainly　notafter　the　vixenish　manner　in　which　you　handed　the　bedroom　candle　to　Miss　Melbury。　You　foolish　girl！　Do　you　think　I　couldn't　see　that　you　were　in　love　with　him？　Thank　Heaven；　he's　too　poor　to　marry　you；　and　take　you　away　from　my　children；　for　some　time　to　come。　There　will　be　a　long　marriage　engagement；　even　if　he　is　magnanimous　enough　to　forgive　you。　Shall　I　ask　Miss　Melbury　to　come　back　with　him？〃

She　took　pity　on　me　at　last；　and　sat　down　to　write　to　Mr。　Sax。　His　reply；　dated　from　a　country　house　some　twenty　miles　distant；　announced　that　he　would　be　at　Carsham　Hall　in　three　days'　time。

On　that　third　day　the　legal　paper　that　I　was　to　sign　arrived　by　post。　It　was　Sunday　morning；　I　was　alone　in　the　schoolroom。

In　writing　to　me；　the　lawyer　had　only　alluded　to　〃a　surviving　relative　of　Sir　Gervase；　nearly　akin　to　him　by　blood。〃　The　document　was　more　explicit。　It　described　the　relative　as　being　a　nephew　of　Sir　Gervase；　the　son　of　his　sister。　The　name　followed。

It　was　Sextus　Cyril　Sax。

I　have　trie