little novels-第48部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


SEVENTH　EPOCH。

WHATEVER　may　be　thought　of　my　conduct；　let　me　say　this　in　justice　to　myselfI　was　resolved　that　Susan　should　not　be　deceived。

Half　an　hour　after　Mrs。　Rymer　had　left　my　house；　I　wrote　to　her　daughter；　plainly　revealing　the　motive　which　led　me　to　offer　marriage；　solely　in　the　future　interest　of　Rothsay　and　herself。　〃If　you　refuse；〃　1　said　in　conclusion；　〃you　may　depend　on　my　understanding　you　and　feeling　for　you。　But；　if　you　consentthen　I　have　a　favor　to　ask　Never　let　us　speak　to　one　another　of　the　profanation　that　we　have　agreed　to　commit；　for　your　faithful　lover's　sake。〃

I　had　formed　a　high　opinion　of　Susantoo　high　an　opinion　as　it　seemed。　Her　reply　surprised　and　disappointed　me。　In　other　words；　she　gave　her　consent。

I　stipulated　that　the　marriage　should　be　kept　strictly　secret；　for　a　certain　period。　In　my　own　mind　I　decided　that　the　interval　should　be　held　to　expire；　either　on　the　day　of　my　death；　or　on　the　day　when　Rothsay　returned。

My　next　proceeding　was　to　write　in　confidence　to　the　priest　whom　I　have　already　mentioned；　in　an　earlier　part　of　these　pages。　He　has　reasons　of　his　own　for　not　permitting　me　to　disclose　the　motive　which　induced　him　to　celebrate　my　marriage　privately　in　the　chapel　at　Lord　Lepel's　house。　My　uncle's　desire　that　I　should　try　change　of　air；　as　offering　a　last　chance　of　recovery；　was　known　to　my　medical　attendant；　and　served　as　a　sufficient　reason　（although　he　protested　against　the　risk）　for　my　removal　to　the　country。　I　was　carried　to　the　station；　and　placed　on　a　bedslung　by　ropes　to　the　ceiling　of　a　saloon　carriage；　so　as　to　prevent　me　from　feeling　the　vibration　when　the　train　was　in　motion。　Faithful　Mrs。　Mozeen　entreated　to　be　allowed　to　accompany　me。　I　was　reluctantly　compelled　to　refuse　compliance　with　this　request；　in　justice　to　the　claims　of　my　lord's　housekeeper；　who　had　been　accustomed　to　exercise　undivided　authority　in　the　household；　and　who　had　made　every　preparation　for　my　comfort。　With　her　own　hands；　Mrs。　Mozeen　packed　everything　that　I　required；　including　the　medicines　prescribed　for　the　occasion。　She　was　deeply　affected；　poor　soul；　when　we　parted。

I　bore　the　journeyhappily　for　me；　it　was　a　short　onebetter　than　had　been　anticipated。　For　the　first　few　days　that　followed；　the　purer　air　of　the　country　seemed；　in　some　degree；　to　revive　me。　But　the　deadly　sense　of　weakness；　the　slow　sinking　of　the　vital　power　in　me；　returned　as　the　time　drew　near　for　the　marriage。　The　ceremony　was　performed　at　night。　Only　Susan　and　her　mother　were　present。　No　persons　in　the　house　but　ourselves　had　the　faintest　suspicion　of　what　had　happened。

I　signed　my　new　will　（the　priest　and　Mrs。　Rymer　being　the　witnesses）　in　my　bed　that　night。　It　left　everything　that　I　possessed；　excepting　a　legacy　to　Mrs。　Mozeen；　to　my　wife。

Obliged；　it　is　needless　to　say；　to　preserve　appearances；　Susan　remained　at　the　lodge　as　usual。　But　it　was　impossible　to　resist　her　entreaty　to　be　allowed　to　attend　on　me；　for　a　few　hours　daily；　as　assistant　to　the　regular　nurse。　When　she　was　alone　with　me；　and　had　no　inquisitive　eyes　to　dread；　the　poor　girl　showed　a　depth　of　feeling；　which　I　was　unable　to　reconcile　with　the　motives　that　could　alone　have　induced　her　（as　I　then　supposed）　to　consent　to　the　mockery　of　our　marriage。　On　occasions　when　I　was　so　far　able　to　resist　the　languor　that　oppressed　　me　as　to　observe　what　was　passing　at　my　bedsideI　saw　Susan　look　at　me　as　if　there　were　thoughts　in　her　pressing　for　utterance　which　she　hesitated　to　express。　Once；　she　herself　acknowledged　this。　〃I　have　so　much　to　say　to　you；〃　she　owned；　〃when　you　are　stronger　and　fitter　to　hear　me。〃　At　other　times；　her　nerves　seemed　to　be　shaken　by　the　spectacle　of　my　sufferings。　Her　kind　hands　trembled　and　made　mistakes；　when　they　had　any　nursing　duties　to　perform　near　me。　The　servants；　noticing　her；　used　to　say；　〃That　pretty　girl　seems　to　be　the　most　awkward　person　in　the　house。〃　On　the　day　that　followed　the　ceremony　in　the　chapel；　this　want　of　self…control　brought　about　an　accident　which　led　to　serious　results。

In　removing　the　small　chest　which　held　my　medicines　from　the　shelf　on　which　it　was　placed；　Susan　let　it　drop　on　the　floor。　The　two　full　bottles　still　left　were　so　completely　shattered　that　not　even　a　teaspoonful　of　the　contents　was　saved。

Shocked　at　what　she　had　done；　the　poor　girl　volunteered　to　go　herself　to　my　chemist　in　London　by　the　first　train。　I　refused　to　allow　it。　What　did　it　matter　to　me　now；　if　my　death　from　exhaustion　was　hastened　by　a　day　or　two？　Why　need　my　life　be　prolonged　artificially　by　drugs；　when　I　had　nothing　left　to　live　for？　An　excuse　for　me　which　would　satisfy　others　was　easily　found。　I　said　that　I　had　been　long　weary　of　physic；　and　that　the　accident　had　decided　me　on　refusing　to　take　more。

That　night　I　did　not　wake　quite　so　often　as　usual。　When　she　came　to　me　the　next　day；　Susan　noticed　that　I　looked　better。　The　day　after；　the　other　nurse　made　the　same　observation。　At　the　end　of　the　week；　I　was　able　to　leave　my　bed；　and　sit　by　the　fireside；　while　Susan　read　to　me。　Some　mysterious　change　in　my　health　had　completely　falsified　the　prediction　of　the　medical　men。　I　sent　to　London　for　my　doctorand　told　him　that　the　improvement　in　me　had　begun　on　the　day　when　I　left　off　taking　his　remedies。　〃Can　you　explain　it？〃　I　asked。

He　answered　that　no　such　〃resurrection　from　the　dead〃　（as　he　called　it）　had　ever　happened　in　his　long　experience。　On　leaving　me；　he　asked　for　the　latest　prescriptions　that　had　been　written。　I　inquired　what　he　was　going　to　do　with　them。　〃I　mean　to　go　to　the　chemist；〃　he　replied；　〃and　to　satisfy　myself　that　your　medicines　have　been　properly　made　up。〃

I　owed　it　to　Mrs。　Mozeen's　true　interest　in　me　to　tell　her　what　had　happened。　The　same　day　I　wrote　to　her。　I　also　mentioned　what　the　doctor　had　said；　and　asked　her　to　call　on　him；　and　ascertain　if　the　prescriptions　had　been　shown　to　the　chemist；　and　if　any　mistake　had　been　made。

A　more　innocently　intended　letter　than　this　never　was　written。　And　yet　there　are　people　who　have　declared　that　it　was　inspired　by　suspicion　of　Mrs。　Mozeen！

EIGHTH　EPOCH。

WHETHER　I　was　so　weakened　by　illness　as　to　be　incapable　of　giving　my　mind　to　more　than　one　subject　for　reflection　at　a　time　（that　subject　being　now　the　extraordinary　recovery　of　my　health）or　whether　I　was　preoccupied　by　the　effort；　which　I　was　in　honor　bound　to　make；　to　resist　the　growing　attraction　to　me　of　Susan's　societyI　cannot　presume　to　say。　This　only　I　know：　when　the　discovery　of　the　terrible　position　toward　Rothsay　in　which　I　now　stood　suddenly　overwhelmed　me；　an　interval　of　some　days　had　passed。　I　cannot　account　for　it。　I　can　only　sayso　it　was。

Susan　was　in　the　room。　I　was　wholly　unable　to　hide　from　her　the　sudden　change　of　color　which　betrayed　the　horror　that　had　overpowered　me。　She　said；　anxiously：　〃What　has　frightened　you？〃

I　don't　think　I　heard　her。　The　play　was　in　my　memory　againthe　fatal　play；　which　had　wound　itself　into　the　texture　of　Rothsay's　life　and　mine。　In　vivid　remembrance；　I　saw　once　more　the　dramatic　situation　of　the　first　act；　and　shrank　from　the　reflection　of　it　in　the　disaster　which　had　fallen　on　my　friend　and　myself。

〃What　has　frightened　you？〃　Susan　repeated。

I　answered　in　one　wordI　whispered　his　name：　〃Rothsay！〃

She　looked　at　me　in　innocent　surprise。　〃Has　he　met　with　some　misfortune？〃　she　asked；　quietly。

〃Misfortune〃did　she　call　it？　Had　I　not　said　enough　to　disturb　her　tranquillity　in　mentioning　Rothsay's　name？　〃I　am　living！〃　I　said。　〃Livingand　likely　to　live！〃

Her　answer　expressed　fervent　gratitude。　〃Thank　God　for　it！〃

I　looked　at　her；　astonished　as　she　had　been　astonished　when　she　looked　at　me。

〃Susan；　Susan；〃　I　cried〃must　I　own　it？　I　love　you！〃

She　came　nearer　to　me　with　timid　pleasure　in　her　eyeswith　the　first　faint　light　of　a　smile　playing　round　her　lips。

〃You　say　it　very　strangely；〃　she　murmured。　〃Surely；　my　dear　one；　you　ought　to　love　me？　Since　the　first　day　when　you　gave　me　my　French　lessonhaven't　I　loved　You？〃

〃You　love　_me？_〃　I　repeated。　〃Have　you　read？〃　My　voice　failed　me；　I　could　say　no　more。

She　turned　pale。　〃Read　what？〃　she　asked。

〃My　letter。〃

〃What　letter？〃

〃The　letter　I　wrote　to　you　before　we　were　married。〃




Am　I　a　coward？　The　bare　recollection　of　what　followed　that　reply　makes　me　tremble。　Time　has　passed。　I　am　a　new　man　now；　my　health　is　restored；　my　happiness　is　assured：　I　ought　to　be　able　to　write　on。　No：　it　is　not　to　be　done。　How　can　I　think　coolly？　how　force　myself　to　record　the　suffering　that　I　innocently；　most　innocently；　inflicted　on　the　sweetest　and　truest　of　women？　Nothing　saved　us　from　a　parting　as　absolute　as　the　parting　that　follows　death　but　the　confession　that　had　been　wrung　from　me　at　a　time　when　my　motive　spoke　for　itself。　The　artless　avowal　of　her　affection　had　been　justified；　had　been　honored；　by　the　words　which　laid　my　heart　at　her　feet　when　I　said　〃I　love　you。〃

。　。　。

She　had　risen　to　leave　me。　In　a　last　look；　we　had　silently　resigned　ourselves　to　wait；　apart　from　each　other；　for　the　day　of　reckoning　that　must　follow　Rothsay's　return；　when　we　heard　the　sound　of　carriage…wheels　on　the　drive　that　led　to　the　house。　In　a　minute　more　the　man　himself　entered　the　room。