02-after the dance-第3部分

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creature；　the　fifes　shrilled　and　the　drums　beat；　and
the　tall　imposing　figure　of　the　colonel　moved　along…
side　the　man；　just　as　before。　　Then；　suddenly；　the
colonel　stopped；　and　rapidly　approached　a　man　in
the　ranks。

〃'I'll　teach　you　to　hit　him　gently；'　I　heard　his
furious　voice　say。　　'Will　you　pat　him　like　that？
Will　you？'　and　I　saw　how　his　strong　hand　in　the
suede　glove　struck　the　weak；　bloodless；　terrified
soldier　for　not　bringing　down　his　stick　with　suffi…
cient　strength　on　the　red　neck　of　the　Tartar。

〃'Bring　new　sticks！'　he　cried；　and　looking
round；　he　saw　me。　　Assuming　an　air　of　not　know…
ing　me；　and　with　a　ferocious；　angry　frown；　he
hastily　turned　away。　　I　felt　so　utterly　ashamed
that　I　didn't　know　where　to　look。　　It　was　as　if　I
had　been　detected　in　a　disgraceful　act。　　I　dropped
my　eyes；　and　quickly　hurried　home。　　All　the　way
I　had　the　drums　beating　and　the　fifes　whistling　in
my　ears。　　And　I　heard　the　words；　'Brothers；　have
mercy　on　me！'　or　'Will　you　pat　him？　Will
you？'　My　heart　was　full　of　physical　disgust　that
was　almost　sickness。　　So　much　so　that　I　halted　sev…
eral　times　on　my　way；　for　I　had　the　feeling　that　I
was　going　to　be　really　sick　from　all　the　horrors
that　possessed　me　at　that　sight。　　I　do　not　remem…
ber　how　I　got　home　and　got　to　bed。　　But　the　mo…
ment　I　was　about　to　fall　asleep　I　heard　and　saw
again　all　that　had　happened；　and　I　sprang　up。

〃'Evidently　he　knows　something　I　do　not
know；'　I　thought　about　the　colonel。　　'If　I　knew
what　he　knows　I　should　certainly　graspunder…
standwhat　I　have　just　seen；　and　it　would　not
cause　me　such　suffering。'

〃But　however　much　I　thought　about　it；　I　could
not　understand　the　thing　that　the　colonel　knew。　
It　was　evening　before　I　could　get　to　sleep；　and　then
only　after　calling　on　a　friend　and　drinking　till　I；
was　quite　drunk。

〃Do　you　think　I　had　come　to　the　conclusion　that
the　deed　I　had　witnessed　was　wicked？　Oh；　no。　
Since　it　was　done　with　such　assurance；　and　was　rec…
ognised　by　every　one　as　indispensable；　they　doubt…
less　knew　something　which　I　did　not　know。　　So　I
thought；　and　tried　to　understand。　　But　no　matter；
I　could　never　understand　it；　then　or　afterwards。
And　not　being　able　to　grasp　it；　I　could　not　enter
the　service　as　I　had　intended。　　I　don't　mean　only
the　military　service：　　I　did　not　enter　the　Civil　Serv…
ice　either。　　And　so　I　have　been　of　no　use　whatever；
as　you　can　see。〃

〃Yes；　we　know　how　useless　you've　been；〃　said
one　of　us。　　〃Tell　us；　rather；　how　many　people
would　be　of　any　use　at　all　if　it　hadn't　been　for
you。〃

〃Oh；　that's　utter　nonsense；〃　said　Ivan　Vasilie…
vich；　with　genuine　annoyance。

〃Well；　and　what　about　the　love　affair？

〃My　love？　It　decreased　from　that　day。　
When；　as　often　happened；　she　looked　dreamy　and
meditative；　I　instantly　recollected　the　colonel　on
the　parade　ground；　and　I　felt　so　awkward　and
uncomfortable　that　I　began　to　see　her　less　fre…
quently。　　So　my　love　came　to　naught。　　Yes；　such
chances　arise；　and　they　alter　and　direct　a　man's
whole　　life；〃　he　said　in　summing　up。　　〃And　you
say　。　。　。〃