the legacy of cain-第12部分

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me。　Not　that　I　mind　being　made　hot；　it　is　surely　better　than
being　made　cold。　He　and　Mrs。　Staveley　shook　hands。

They　seemed　to　be　old　friends。　I　wished　I　had　been　an　old
friendnot　for　any　bad　reason；　I　hope。　I　only　wanted　to　shake
hands；　too。　What　Mrs。　Staveley　said　to　him　escaped　me；　somehow。　I
think　the　picture　escaped　me　also；　I　don't　remember　noticing
anything　except　the　young　gentleman；　especially　when　he　took　off
his　hat　to　me。　He　looked　at　me　twice　before　he　went　away。　I　got
hot　again。　I　said　to　Mrs。　Staveley：　〃Who　is　he？〃

She　laughed　at　me。　I　said　again：　〃Who　is　he？〃　She　said：　〃He　is
young　Mr。　Dunboyne。〃　I　said：　〃Does　he　live　in　London？〃　She
laughed　again。　I　said　again：　〃Does　he　live　in　London？〃　She　said：
〃He　is　here　for　a　holiday；　he　lives　with　his　father　at　Fairmount；
in　Ireland。〃

Young　Mr。　Dunboynehere　for　a　holidaylives　with　his　father　at
Fairmount；　in　Ireland。　I　have　said　that　to　myself　fifty　times
over。　And　here　it　is；　saying　itself　for　the　fifty…first　time　in
my　Journal。　I　must　indeed　be　a　simpleton；　as　Helena　says。　I　had
better　go　to　bed　again。

CHAPTER　XIII。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


NOT　long　before　I　left　home；　I　heard　one　of　our　two　servants
telling　the　other　about　a　person　who　had　been　〃bewitched。〃　Are
you　bewitched　when　you　don't　understand　your　own　self？　That　has
been　my　curious　case；　since　I　returned　from　the　picture　show。
This　morning　I　took　my　drawing　materials　out　of　my　box；　and　tried
to　make　a　portrait　of　young　Mr。　Dunboyne　from　recollection。　I
succeeded　pretty　well　with　his　frock…coat　and　cane；　but；　try　as　I
might；　his　face　was　beyond　me。　I　have　never　drawn　anything　so
badly　since　I　was　a　little　girl；　I　almost　felt　ready　to　cry。　What
a　fool　I　am！

This　morning　I　received　a　letter　from　papait　was　in　reply　to　a
letter　that　I　had　written　to　himso　kind；　so　beautifully
expressed；　so　like　himself；　that　I　felt　inclined　to　send　him　a
confession　of　the　strange　state　of　feeling　that　has　come　over　me；
and　to　ask　him　to　comfort　and　advise　me。　On　second　thoughts；　I
was　afraid　to　do　it。　Afraid　of　papa！　I　am　further　away　from
understanding　myself　than　ever。

Mr。　Dunboyne　paid　us　a　visit　in　the　afternoon。　Fortunately；
before　we　went　out。

I　thought　I　would　have　a　good　look　at　him；　so　as　to　know　his　face
better　than　I　had　known　it　yet。　Another　disappointment　was　in
store　for　me。　Without　intending　it；　I　am　sure；　he　did　what　no
other　young　man　has　ever　donehe　made　me　feel　confused。　Instead
of　looking　at　him；　I　sat　with　my　head　down；　and　listened　to　his
talk。　His　voicethis　is　high　praisereminded　me　of　papa's
voice。　It　seemed　to　persuade　me　as　papa　persuades　his
congregation。　I　felt　quite　at　ease　again。　When　he　went　away；　we
shook　hands。　He　gave　my　hand　a　little　squeeze。　I　gave　him　back
the　squeezewithout　knowing　why。　When　he　was　gone；　I　wished　I
had　not　done　itwithout　knowing　why；　either。

I　heard　his　Christian　name　for　the　first　time　to…day。　Mrs。
Staveley　said　to　me：　〃We　are　going　to　have　a　dinner…party。　Shall
I　ask　Philip　Dunboyne？〃　I　said　to　Mrs。　Staveley：　〃Oh；　do！〃

She　is　an　old　woman；　her　eyes　are　dim。　At　times；　she　can　look
mischievous。　She　looked　at　me　mischievously　now。　I　wished　I　had
not　been　so　eager　to　have　Mr。　Dunboyne　asked　to　dinner。

A　fear　has　come　to　me　that　I　may　have　degraded　myself。　My　spirits
are　depressed。　This；　as　papa　tells　us　in　his　sermons；　is　a
miserable　world。　I　am　sorry　I　accepted　the　Staveleys'　invitation。
I　am　sorry　I　went　to　see　the　pictures。　When　that　young　man　comes
to　dinner；　I　shall　say　I　have　got　a　headache；　and　shall　stop
upstairs　by　myself。　I　don't　think　I　like　his　Christian　name。　I
hate　London。　I　hate　everybody。

What　I　wrote　up　above；　yesterday；　is　nonsense。　I　think　his
Christian　name　is　perfect。　I　like　London。　I　love　everybody。

He　came　to　dinner　to…day。　I　sat　next　to　him。　How　beautiful　a
dress…coat　is；　and　a　white　cravat！　We　talked。　He　wanted　to　know
what　my　Christian　name　was。　I　was　so　pleased　when　I　found　he　was
one　of　the　few　people　who　like　it。　His　hair　curls　naturally。　In
color；　it　is　something　between　my　hair　and　Helena's。　He　wears　his
beard。　How　manly！　It　curls　naturally；　like　his　hair；　it　smells
deliciously　of　some　perfume　which　is　new　to　me。　He　has　white
hands；　his　nails　look　as　if　he　polished　them；　I　should　like　to
polish　my　nails　if　I　knew　how。　Whatever　I　said；　he　agreed　with
me；　I　felt　satisfied　with　my　own　conversation；　for　the　first　time
in　my　life。　Helena　won't　find　me　a　simpleton　when　I　go　home。　What
exquisite　things　dinner…parties　are！


My　sister　told　me　（when　we　said　good…by）　to　be　particular　in
writing　down　my　true　opinion　of　the　Staveleys。　Helena　wishes　to
compare　what　she　thinks　of　them　with　what　I　think　of　them。

My　opinion　of　Mr。　Staveley　isI　don't　like　him。　My　opinion　of
Miss　Staveley　isI　can't　endure　her。　As　for　Master　Staveley；　my
clever　sister　will　understand　that　_he_　is　beneath　notice。　But；
oh；　what　a　wonderful　woman　Mrs。　Staveley　is！　We　went　out
together；　after　luncheon　today；　for　a　walk　in　Kensington　Gardens。
Never　have　I　heard　any　conversation　to　compare　with　Mrs。
Staveley's。　Helena　shall　enjoy　it　here；　at　second　hand。　I　am
quite　changed　in　two　things。　First：　I　think　more　of　myself　than　I
ever　did　before。　Second：　writing　is　no　longer　a　difficulty　to　me。
I　could　fill　a　hundred　journals；　without　once　stopping　to　think。

Mrs。　Staveley　began　nicely；　〃I　suppose；　Eunice；　you　have　often
been　told　that　you　have　a　good　figure；　and　that　you　walk　well？〃

I　said：　〃Helena　thinks　my　figure　is　better　than　my　face。　But　do　I
really　walk　well？　Nobody　ever　told　me　that。〃

She　answered：　〃Philip　Dunboyne　thinks　so。　He　said　to　me；　'I
resist　the　temptation　because　I　might　be　wanting　in　respect　if　I
gave　way　to　it。　But　I　should　like　to　follow　her　when　she　goes
outmerely　for　the　pleasure　of　seeing　her　walk。'　〃

I　stood　stockstill。　I　said　nothing。　When　you　are　as　proud　as　a
peacock　（which　never　happened　to　me　before）；　I　find　you　can't
move　and　can't　talk。　You　can　only　enjoy　yourself。

Kind　Mrs。　Staveley　had　more　things　to　tell　me。　She　said：　〃I　am
interested　in　Philip。　I　lived　near　Fairmount　in　the　time　before　I
was　married；　and　in　those　days　he　was　a　child。　I　want　him　to
marry　a　charming　girl；　and　be　happy。〃

What　made　me　think　directly　of　Miss　Staveley？　What　made　me　mad　to
know　if　she　was　the　charming　girl？　I　was　bold　enough　to　ask　the
question。　Mrs。　Staveley　turned　to　me　with　that　mischievous　look
which　I　have　noticed　already。　I　felt　as　if　I　had　been　running　at
the　top　of　my　speed；　and　had　not　got　my　breath　again；　yet。

But　this　good　motherly　friend　set　me　at　my　ease。　She　explained
herself：　〃Philip　is　not　much　liked；　poor　fellow；　in　our　house。　My
husband　considers　him　to　be　weak　and　vain　and　fickle。　And　my
daughter　agrees　with　her　father。　There　are　times　when　she　is
barely　civil　to　Philip。　He　is　too　good…natured　to　complain；　but
_I_　see　it。　Tell　me；　my　dear；　do　you　like　Philip？〃

〃Of　course　I　do！〃　Out　it　came　in　those　words；　before　I　could　stop
it。　Was　there　something　unbecoming　to　a　young　lady　in
　saying　what　I　had　just　said？　Mrs。　Staveley　seemed　to　be　more
amused　than　angry　with　me。　She　took　my　arm　kindly；　and　led　me
along　with　her。　〃My　dear；　you　are　as　clear　as　crystal；　and　as
true　as　steel。　You　are　a　favorite　of　mine　already。〃

What　a　delightful　woman！　as　I　said　just　now。　I　asked　if　she
really　liked　me　as　well　as　she　liked　my　sister。

She　said：　〃Better。〃

I　didn't　expect　that；　and　didn't　want　it。　Helena　is　my　superior。
She　is　prettier　than　I　am；　cleverer　than　I　am；　better　worth
liking　than　I　am。　Mrs。　Staveley　shifted　the　talk　back　to　Philip。
I　ought　to　have　said　Mr。　Philip。　No；　I　won't；　I　shall　call　him
Philip。　If　I　had　a　heart　of　stone；　I　should　feel　interested　in
him；　after　what　Mrs。　Staveley　has　told　me。

Such　a　sad　story；　in　some　respects。　Mother　dead；　no　brothers　or
sisters。　Only　the　father　left；　he　lives　a　dismal　life　on　a　lonely
stormy　coast。　Not　a　severe　old　gentleman；　for　all　that。　His
reasons　for　taking　to　retirement　are　reasons　（so　Mrs。　Staveley
says）　which　nobody　knows。　He　buries　himself　among　his　books；　in
an　immense　library；　and　he　appears　to　like　it。　His　son　has　not
been　brought　up。　like　other　young　men；　at　school　and　college。　He
is　a　great　scholar；　educated　at　home　by　his　father。　To　hear　this
account　of　his　learning　depressed　me。　It　seemed　to　put　such　a
distance　between　us。　I　asked　Mrs。　Staveley　if　he　thought　me
ignorant。　As　long　as　I　live　I　shall　remember　the　reply：　〃He
thinks　you　charming。〃

Any　other　girl　would　have　been　satisfied　with　this。　I　am　the
miserable　creature　who　is　always　making　mistakes。　My　stupid
curiosity　spoiled　the　charm　of　Mrs。　Staveley's　conversation。　And
yet　it　seemed　to　be　a　harmless　question；　I　only　said　I　should
like　to　know　what　profession　Philip　belonged　to。

Mrs。　Staveley　answered：　〃No　profession。〃

I　foolishly　put　a　wrong　meaning　on　this。　I　said：　〃Is　he　idle？〃

Mrs。　Staveley　laughed。　〃My　dear；　he　is　an　only　sonand　his
father　is　a　rich　man。〃

That　stopped　meat　last。

We　have　enough　to　live　on　in　comfort　at　homeno　more。　Papa　has
told　us　himself　that　he　is　not　（and　can　never　hope　to　be）　a　rich
man。　This　is　not　the　worst　of　it。　Last　year；　he　refused