the legacy of cain-第16部分

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luxury　of　hating　Miss　Jillgall。

On　one　thing　I　am　determined：　Eunice　shall　not　form　a　hasty
opinion；　either。　She　shall　undergo　the　same　severe　discipline　of
self…restraint　to　which　her　sister　is　obliged　to　submit。　Let　us
be　just；　as　somebody　says；　before　we　are　generous。　No　more　for
to…day。

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

I　open　my　diary　againafter　the　prescribed　interval　has　elapsed。
The　first　impression　produced　on　me　by　the　new　member　of　our
household　remains　entirely　unchanged。

Have　I　already　made　the　remark　that；　when　one　removes　a　page　from
a　book；　it　does　not　necessarily　follow　that　one　destroys　the　page
afterward？　or　did　I　leave　this　to　be　inferred？　In　either　case；　my
course　of　proceeding　was　the　same。　I　ordered　some　paste　to　be
made。　Then　I　unlocked　a　drawer；　and　found　my　poor　ill…used
leaves；　and　put　them　back　in　my　Journal。　An　act　of　justice　is
surely　not　the　less　praiseworthy　because　it　is　an　act　of　justice
done　to　one's　self。

My　father　has　often　told　me　that　he　revises　his　writings　on
religious　subjects。　I　may　harmlessly　imitate　that　good　example；
by　revising　my　restored　entry。　It　is　now　a　sufficiently
remarkable　performance　to　be　distinguished　by　a　title。　Let　me
call　it：

Impressions　of　Miss　Jillgall。

My　first　impression　was　a　strong　oneit　was　produced　by　the
state　of　this　lady's　breath。　In　other　words；　I　was　obliged　to　let
her　kiss　me。　It　is　a　duty　to　be　considerate　toward　human
infirmity。　I　will　only　say　that　I　thought　I　should　have　fainted。

My　second　impression　draws　a　portrait；　and　produces　a　striking
likeness。

Figure；　little　and　leanhair　of　a　dirty　drab　color　which　we　see
in　stringsmall　light　gray　eyes；　sly　and　restless；　and　deeply
sunk　in　the　headprominent　cheekbones；　and　a　florid
complexionan　inquisitive　nose；　turning　up　at　the　enda　large
mouth　and　a　servile　smileraw…looking　hands；　decorated　with
black　mittensa　misfitting　white　jacket　and　a　limp
skirtmanners　familiartemper　cleverly　hiddenvoice　too
irritating　to　be　mentioned。　Whose　portrait　is　this？　It　is　the
portrait　of　Miss　Jillgall；　taken　in　words。

Her　true　character　is　not　easy　to　discover；　I　suspect　that　it
will　only　show　itself　little　by　little。　That　she　is　a　born
meddler　in　other　people's　affairs；　I　think　I　can　see　already。　I
also　found　out　that　she　trusted　to　flattery　as　the　easiest　means
of　making　herself　agreeable。　She　tried　her　first　experiment　on
myself。

〃You　charming　girl；〃　she　began；　〃your　bright　face　encourages　me
to　ask　a　favor。　Pray　make　me　useful！　The　one　aspiration　of　my
life　is　to　be　useful。　Unless　you　employ　me　in　that　way；　I　have　no
right　to　intrude　myself　into　your　family　circle。　Yes；　yes；　I　know
that　your　father　has　opened　his　house　and　his　heart　to　me。　But　I
dare　not　found　any　claimyour　name　is　Helena；　isn't　it？　Dear
Helena；　I　dare　not　found　any　claim　on　what　I　owe　to　your　father's
kindness。〃

〃Why　not？〃　I　inquired。

〃Because　your　father　is　not　a　man〃

I　was　rude　enough　to　interrupt　her：　〃What　is　he；　then？〃

〃An　angel；〃　Miss　Jillgall　answered；　solemnly。　〃A　destitute
earthly　creature　like　me　must　not　look　up　as　high　as　your　father。
I　might　be　dazzled。〃

This　was　rather　more　than　I　could　endure　patiently。　〃Let　us　try；〃
I　suggested；　〃if　we　can't　understand　each　other；　at　starting。〃

Miss　Jillgall's　little　eyes　twinkled　in　their　bony　caverns。　〃The
very　thing　I　was　going　to　propose！〃　she　burst　out。

〃Very　well；〃　I　went　on；　〃then；　let　me　tell　you　plainly　that
flattery　is　not　relished　in　this　house。〃

〃Flattery？〃　She　put　her　hand　to　her　head　as　she　repeated　the
word；　and　looked　quite　bewildered。　〃Dear　Helena；　I　have　lived　all
my　life　in　East　Flande　rs；　and　my　own　language　is　occasionally
strange　to　me。　Can　you　tell　me　what　flattery　is　in　Flemish？〃

〃I　don't　understand　Flemish。〃

〃How　very　provoking！　You　don't　understand　Flemish；　and　I　don't
understand　Flattery。　I　should　so　like　to　know　what　it　means。　Ah；
I　see　books　in　this　lovely　room。　Is　there　a　dictionary　among
them？〃　She　darted　to　the　bookcase；　and　discovered　a　dictionary。
〃Now　I　shall　understand　Flattery；〃　she　remarked〃and　then　we
shall　understand　each　other。　Oh；　let　me　find　it　for　myself！〃　She
ran　her　raw　red　finger　along　the　alphabetical　headings　at　the　top
of　each　page。　〃　'FAD。'　That　won't　do。　'FIE。'　Further　on　still。
'FLE。'　Too　far　the　other　way。　'FLA。'　Here　we　are！　'Flattery：
False　praise。　Commendation　bestowed　for　the　purpose　of　gaining
favor　and　influence。'　Oh；　Helena；　how　cruel　of　you！〃　She　dropped
the　book；　and　sank　into　a　chairthe　picture；　if　such　a　thing　can
be；　of　a　broken…hearted　old　maid。

I　should　most　assuredly　have　taken　the　opportunity　of　leaving　her
to　her　own　devices；　if　I　had　been　free　to　act　as　I　pleased。　But
my　interests　as　a　daughter　forbade　me　to　make　an　enemy　of　my
father's　cousin；　on　the　first　day　when　she　had　entered　the　house。
I　made　an　apology；　very　neatly　expressed。

She　jumped　uplet　me　do　her　justice；　Miss　Jillgall　is　as　nimble
as　a　monkeyand　（Faugh！）　she　kissed　me　for　the　second　time。　If　I
had　been　a　man；　I　am　afraid　I　should　have　called　for　that　deadly
poison　（we　are　all　temperance　people　in　this　house）　known　by　the
name　of　Brandy。

〃If　you　will　make　me　love　you；〃　Miss　Jillgall　explained；　〃you
must　expect　to　be　kissed。　Dear　girl；　let　us　go　back　to　my　poor
little　petition。　Oh；　do　make　me　useful！　There　are　so　many　things
I　can　do：　you　will　find　me　a　treasure　in　the　house。　I　write　a
good　hand；　I　understand　polishing　furniture；　I　can　dress　hair
（look　at　my　own　hair）；　I　play　and　sing　a　little　when　people　want
to　be　amused；　I　can　mix　a　salad　and　knit　stockingswho　is　this？〃
The　cook　came　in；　at　the　moment；　to　consult　me；　I　introduced　her。
〃And；　oh；〃　cried　Miss　Jillgall；　in　ecstasy；　〃I　can　cook！　Do；
please；　let　me　see　the　kitchen。〃

The　cook's　face　turned　red。　She　had　come　to　me　to　make　a
confession；　and　she　had　not　（as　she　afterward　said）　bargained　for
the　presence　of　a　stranger。　For　the　first　time　in　her　life　she
took　the　liberty　of　whispering　to　me：　〃I　must　ask　you；　miss；　to
let　me　send　up　the　cauliflower　plain　boiled；　I　don't　understand
the　directions　in　the　book　for　doing　it　in　the　foreign　way。〃

Miss　Jillgall's　earsperhaps　because　they　are　so　largepossess
a　quickness　of　hearing　quite　unparalleled　in　my　experience。　Not
one　word　of　the　cook's　whispered　confession　had　escaped　her。

〃Here；〃　she　declared；　〃is　an　opportunity　of　making　myself　useful！
What　is　the　cook's　name？　Hannah？　Take　me　downstairs；　Hannah；　and
I'll　show　you　how　to　do　the　cauliflower　in　the　foreign　way。　She
seems　to　hesitate。　Is　it　possible　that　she　doesn't　believe　me？
Listen；　Hannah；　and　judge　for　yourself　if　I　am　deceiving　you。
Have　you　boiled　the　cauliflower？　Very　well；　this　is　what　you　must
do　next。　Take　four　ounces　of　grated　cheese；　two　ounces　of　best
butter；　the　yolks　of　four　eggs；　a　little　bit　of　glaze；
lemon…juice；　nutmegdear；　dear；　how　black　she　looks。　What　have　I
said　to　offend　her？〃

The　cook　passed　over　the　lady　who　had　presumed　to　instruct　her；
as　if　no　such　person　had　been　present；　and　addressed　herself　to
me：　〃If　I　am　to　be　interfered　with　in　my　own　kitchen；　miss；　I
will　ask　you　to　suit　yourself　at　a　month's　notice。〃

Miss　Jillgall　wrung　her　hands　in　despair。

〃I　meant　so　kindly；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　seem　to　have　made　mischief。
With　the　best　intentions；　Helena；　I　have　set　you　and　your　servant
at　variance。　I　really　didn't　know　you　had　such　a　temper；　Hannah；〃
she　declared；　following　the　cook　to　the　door。　〃I'm　sure　there's
nothing　I　am　not　ready　to　do　to　make　it　up　with　you。　Perhaps　you
have　not　got　the　cheese　downstairs？　I'm　ready　to　go　out　and　buy
it　for　you。　I　could　show　you　how　to　keep　eggs　sweet　and　fresh　for
weeks　together。　Your　gown　doesn't　fit　very　well；　I　shall　be　glad
to　improve　it；　if　you　will　leave　it　out　for　me　after　you　have
gone　to　bed。　There！〃　cried　Miss　Jillgall；　as　the　cook
majestically　left　the　room；　without　even　looking　at　her；　〃I　have
done　my　best　to　make　it　up；　and　you　see　how　my　advances　are
received。　What　more　could　I　have　done？　I　really　ask　you；　dear；　as
a　friend；　what　more　_could_　I　have　done？〃

I　had　it　on　the　tip　of　my　tongue　to　say：　〃The　cook　doesn't　ask
you　to　buy　cheese　for　her；　or　to　teach　her　how　to　keep　eggs；　or
to　improve　the　fit　of　her　gown；　all　she　wants　is　to　have　her
kitchen　to　herself。〃　But　here　again　it　was　necessary　to　remember
that　this　odious　person　was　my　father's　guest。

〃Pray　don't　distress　yourself；〃　I　began；　〃I　am　sure　you　are　not
to　blame；　Miss　Jillgall〃

〃Oh；　don't！〃

〃Don'twhat？〃

〃Don't　call　me　Miss　Jillgall。　I　call　you　Helena。　Call　me　Selina。〃

I　had　really　not　supposed　it　possible　that　she　could　be　more
unendurable　than　ever。　When　she　mentioned　her　Christian　name；　she
succeeded　nevertheless　in　producing　that　result。　In　the　whole
list　of　women's　names；　is　there　any　one　to　be　found　so　absolutely
sickening　as　〃Selina〃？　I　forced　myself　to　pronounce　it；　I　made
another　neatly…expressed　apology；　I　said　English　servants　were　so
very　peculiar。　Selina　was　more　than　satisfied；　she　was　quite
delighted。

〃Is　that　it；　indeed？　An　explanation　was　all　I　wanted。　How　good　of
you！　And　now　tell　meis　there　no　chance；　in　the　house　or　out　of
the　house；　of　my　making　myself　usef