the legacy of cain-第61部分

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of　doing　her　work；　had　seen　Mr。　Dunboyne　leave　the　house。　It　was
possible　that　he　had　charged　Miss　Jillgall　with　a　message　for　me。
I　asked　if　she　was　in　her　room。　No；　she；　too；　had　gone　out。　It
was　a　fine　day；　and　Philip　had　no　doubt　taken　a　strollbut　he
might　have　waited　till　I　could　join　him。　There　were　some　orders
to　be　given　to　the　butcher　and　the　green…grocer。　I；　too；　left　the
house；　hoping　to　get　rid　of　some　little　discontent；　caused　by
thinking　of　what　had　happened。　Returning　by　the　way　of　High
StreetI　declare　I　can　hardly　believe　it　even　nowI　did
positively　see　Miss　Jillgall　coming　out　of　a　pawnbroker's　shop！

The　direction　in　which　she　turned　prevented　her　from　seeing　me。
She　was　quite　unaware　that　I　had　discovered　her；　and　I　have　said
nothing　about　it　since。　But　I　noticed　something　unusual　in　the
manner　in　which　her　watch…chain　was　hanging；　and　I　asked　her　what
o'clock　it　was。　She　said；　〃You　have　got　your　own　watch。〃　I　told
her　my　watch　had　stopped。　〃So　has　mine；〃　she　said。　There　is　no
doubt　about　it　now；　she　has　pawned　her　watch。　What　for？　She　lives
here　for　nothing；　and　she　has　not　had　a　new　dress　since　I　have
known　her。　Why　does　she　want　money？

Philip　had　not　returned　when　I　got　home。　Another　mysterious
journey　to　London？　No。　After　an　absence　of　more　than　two　hours；
he　came　back。

Naturally　enough；　I　asked　what　he　had　been　about。　He　had　been
taking　a　long　walk。　For　his　health's　sake？　No：　to　think。　To　think
of　what？　Well；　I　might　be　surprised　to　hear　it；　but　his　idle　life
was　beginning　to　weigh　on　his　spirits；　he　wanted　employment。　Had
he　thought　of　an　employment？　Not　yet。　Which　way　had　he　walked？
Anyway：　he　had　not　noticed　where　he　went。　These　replies　were　all
made　in　a　tone　that　offended　me。　Besides；　I　observed　there　was　no
dust　on　his　boots　（after　a　week　of　dry　weather）；　and　his　walk　of
two　hours　did　not　appear　to　have　heated　or　tired　him。　I　took　an
opportunity　of　consulting　Mrs。　Tenbruggen。

She　had　anticipated　that　I　should　appeal　to　her　opinion；　as　a
woman　of　the　world。

I　shall　not　set　down　in　detail　what　she　said。　Some　of　it
humiliated　me；　and　from　some　of　it　I　recoiled。　The　expression　of
her　opinion　came　to　this。　In　the　absence　of　experience；　a　certain
fervor　of　temperament　was　essential　to　success　in　the　art　of
fascinating　men。　Either　my　temperament　was　deficient；　or　my
intellect　overpowered　it。　It　was　natural　that　I　should　suppose
myself　to　be　as　susceptible　to　the　tender　passion　as　the　most
excitable　woman　living。　Delusion；　my　Helena；　amiable　delusion！
Had　I　ever　observed　or　had　any　friend　told　me　that　my　pretty
hands　were　cold　hands？　I　had　beautiful　eyes；　expressive　of
vivacity；　of　intelligence；　of　every　feminine　charm；　except　the
one　inviting　charm　that　finds　favor　in　the　eyes　of　a　man。　She
then　entered　into　particulars；　which　I　don't　deny　showed　a　true
interest　in　helping　me。　I　was　ungrateful；　sulky；
self…opinionated。　Dating　from　that　day's　talk　with　Mrs。
Tenbruggen；　my　new　friendship　began　to　show　signs　of　having
caught　a　chill。

But　I　did　my　best　to　follow　her　instructionsand　failed。

It　is　perhaps　true　that　my　temperament　is　overpowered　by　my
intellect。　Or　it　is　possibly　truer　still　that　the　fire　in　my
heart；　when　it　warms　to　love；　is　a　fire　that　burns　low。　My　belief
is　that　I　surprised　Philip　instead　of　charming　him。　He　responded
to　my　advances；　but　I　felt　that　it　was　not　done　in　earnest；　not
spontaneously。　Had　I　any　right　to　complain？　Was　I　in　earnest？　Was
I　spontaneous？　We　were　making　love　to　each　other　under　false
pretenses。　Oh；　what　a　fool　I　was　to　ask　for　Mrs。　Tenbruggen's
advice！

A　humiliating　doubt　has　come　to　me　suddenly。　Has　his　heart　been
inclining　to　Eunice　again？　After　such　a　letter　as　she　has　written
to　him？　Impossible！


Three　events　since　yesterday；　which　I　consider；　trifling　as　they
may　be；　intimations　of　something　wrong。

First；　Miss　Jillgall；　who　at　one　time　was　eager　to　take　my　place；
has　refused　to　relieve　me　of　my　housekeeping　duties。　Secondly；
Philip　has　been　absent　again；　on　another　long　walk。　Thirdly；　when
Philip　returned；　depressed　and　sulky；　I　caught　Miss　Jillgall
looking　at　him　with　interest　and　pity　visible　in　her　skinny　face。
What　do　these　things　mean？


I　am　beginning　to　doubt　everybody。　Not　one　of　them；　Philip
included；　cares　for　mebut　I　can　frighten　them；　at　any　rate。
Yesterday　evening；　I　dropped　on　the　floor　as　suddenly　as　if　I　had
been　shot：　a　fit　of　some　sort。　The　doctor　honestly　declared　that
he　was　at　a　loss　to　account　for　it。　He　would　have　laid　me　under
an　eternal　obligation　if　he　had　failed　to　bring　me　back　to　life
again。

As　it　is；　I　am　more　clever　than　the　doctor。　What　brought　the　fit
on　is　well　known　to　me。　Ragefurious；　overpowering；　deadly
ragewas　the　cause。　I　am　now　in　the　cold…blooded　state；　which
can　look　back　at　the　event　as　composedly　as　if　it　had　happened　to
some　other　girl。　Suppose　that　girl　had　let　her　sweetheart　know
how　she　loved　him　as　she　had　never　let　him　know　it　before。
Suppose　she　opened　the　door　again　the　instant　after　she　had　left
the　room；　eager；　poor　wretch；　to　say　once　more；　for　the　fiftieth
time；　〃My　angel；　I　love　you！〃　Suppose　she　found　her　angel
standing　with　his　back　toward　her；　so　that　his　face　was　reflected
in　the　glass。　And　suppose　she　discovered　in　that　face；　so　smiling
and　so　sweet　when　his　head　had　rested　on　her　bosom　only　the
moment　before；　the　most　hideous　expression　of　disgust　that
features　can　betray。　There　could　be　no　doubt　of　it；　I　had　made　my
poor　offering　of　love　to　a　man　who　secretly　loathed　me。　I　wonder
that　I　survived　my　sense　of　my　own　degradation。　Well！　I　am　alive；
and　I　know　him　in　his　true　character　at　last。　Am　I　a　woman　who
submits　when　an　outrage　is　offered　to　her？　What　will　happen　next？
Who　knows？　I　am　in　a　fine　humor。　What　I　have　just　written　has　set
me　laughing　at　myself。　Helena　Gracedieu　has　one　merit　at
leastshe　is　a　very　amusing　person。


I　slept　last　night。

This　morning；　I　am　strong　again；　calm；　wickedly　capable　of
deceiving　Mr。　Philip　Dunboyne；　as　he　has　deceived　me。　He　has　not
the　faintest　suspicion　that　I　have　discovered　him。　I　wish　he　had
courage　enough　to　kill　somebody。　How　I　should　enjoy　hiring　the
nearest　window　to　the　scaffold；　and　seeing　him　hanged！

Miss　Jillgall　is　in　better　spirits　than　ever。　She　is　going　to
take　a　little　holiday；　and　the　cunning　creature　makes　a　mystery
of　it。　〃Good…by；　Miss　Helen　a。　I　am　going　to　stay　for　a　day　or
two　with　a　friend。〃　What　friend？　Who　cares？


Last　night；　I　was　wakeful。　In　the　darkness　a　daring　idea　came　to
me。　To…day；　I　have　carried　out　the　idea。　Something　has　followed
which　is　well　worth　entering　in　my　Diary。

I　left　the　room　at　the　usual　hour　for　attending　to　my　domestic
affairs。　The　obstinate　cook　did　me　a　service；　she　was　insolent；
she　wanted　to　have　her　own　way。　I　gave　her　her　own　way。　In　less
than　five　minutes　I　was　on　the　watch　in　the　pantry；　which　has　a
view　of　the　house　door。　My　hat　and　my　parasol　were　waiting　for　me
on　the　table；　in　case　of　my　going　out；　too。

In　a　few　minutes　more；　I　heard　the　door　opened。　Mr。　Philip
Dunboyne　stepped　out。　He　was　going　to　take　another　of　his　long
walks。

I　followed　him　to　the　street　in　which　the　cabs　stand。　He　hired
the　first　one　on　the　rank；　an　open　chaise；　while　I　kept　myself
hidden　in　a。　shop　door。

The　moment　he　started　on　his　drive；　I　hired　a　closed　cab。　〃Double
your　fare；〃　I　said　to　the　driver；　〃whatever　it　may　be；　if　you
follow　that　chaise　cleverly；　and　do　what　I　tell　you。〃

He　nodded　and　winked　at　me。　A　wicked…looking　old　fellow；　just　the
man　I　wanted。

We　followed　the　chaise。



CHAPTER　LVI。

HELENA'S　DIARY　RESUMED。


WHEN　we　had　left　the　town　behind　us；　the　coachman　began　to　drive
more　slowly。　In　my　ignorance；　I　asked　what　this　change　in　the
pace　meant。　He　pointed　with　his　whip　to　the　open　road　and　to　the
chaise　in　the　distance。

〃If　we　keep　too　near　the　gentleman；　miss；　he　has　only　got　to　look
back；　and　he'll　see　we　are　following　him。　The　safe　thing　to　do　is
to　let　the　chaise　get　on　a　bit。　We　can't　lose　sight　of　it；　out
here。〃

I　had　felt　inclined　to　trust　in　the　driver's　experience；　and　he
had　already　justified　my　confidence　in　him。　This　encouraged　me　to
consult　his　opinion　on　a　matter　of　some　importance　to　my　present
interests。　I　could　see　the　necessity　of　avoiding　discovery　when
we　had　followed　the　chaise　to　its　destination；　but　I　was　totally
at　a　loss　to　know　how　it　could　be　done。　My　wily　old　man　was　ready
with　his　advice　the　moment　I　asked　for　it。

〃Wherever　the　chaise　stops；　miss；　we　must　drive　past　it　as　if　we
were　going　somewhere　else。　I　shall　notice　the　place　while　we　go
by；　and　you　will　please　sit　back　in　the　corner　of　the　cab　so　that
the　gentleman　can't　see　you。〃

〃Well；〃　I　said；　〃and　what　next？〃

〃Next；　miss；　I　shall　pull　up；　wherever　it　may　be；　out　of　sight　of
the　driver　of　the　chaise。　He　bears　an　excellent　character；　I
don't　deny　it；　but　I've　known　him　for　yearsand　we　had　better
not　trust　him。　I　shall　tell　you　where　the　gentleman　stopped；　and
you　will　go　back　to　the　place　（on　foot；　of　course）；　and　see　for
yourself　what's　to　be　done；　specially　if　there　happens　to　be　a
lady　in　the　case。　No　offense；　miss；