david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第85部分

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rambling　thoughts　ever　went　upon　any　of　the　fancies　that　used　to　
occupy　mine；　on　the　rosy　mornings　when　I　peeped　out　of　that　
same　little　window　in　my　night…clothes；　and　saw　the　sheep　quietly　
feeding　in　the　light　of　the　rising　sun。　

Our　old　neighbours；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Grayper；　were　gone　to　South　
America；　and　the　rain　had　made　its　way　through　the　roof　of　their　
empty　house；　and　stained　the　outer　walls。　Mr。　Chillip　was　married　
again　to　a　tall；　raw…boned；　high…nosed　wife；　and　they　had　a　weazen　
little　baby；　with　a　heavy　head　that　it　couldn’t　hold　up；　and　two　
weak　staring　eyes；　with　which　it　seemed　to　be　always　wondering　
why　it　had　ever　been　born。　

It　was　with　a　singular　jumble　of　sadness　and　pleasure　that　I　
used　to　linger　about　my　native　place；　until　the　reddening　winter　
sun　admonished　me　that　it　was　time　to　start　on　my　returning　walk。　
But；　when　the　place　was　left　behind；　and　especially　when　
Steerforth　and　I　were　happily　seated　over　our　dinner　by　a　blazing　
fire；　it　was　delicious　to　think　of　having　been　there。　So　it　was；　
though　in　a　softened　degree；　when　I　went　to　my　neat　room　at　
night；　and；　turning　over　the　leaves　of　the　crocodile…book　（which　
was　always　there；　upon　a　little　table）；　remembered　with　a　grateful　
heart　how　blest　I　was　in　having　such　a　friend　as　Steerforth；　such　a　
friend　as　Peggotty；　and　such　a　substitute　for　what　I　had　lost　as　my　
excellent　and　generous　aunt。　

My　nearest　way　to　Yarmouth；　in　coming　back　from　these　long　
walks；　was　by　a　ferry。　It　landed　me　on　the　flat　between　the　town　
and　the　sea；　which　I　could　make　straight　across；　and　so　save　
myself　a　considerable　circuit　by　the　high　road。　Mr。　Peggotty’s　

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David　Copperfield　

house　being　on　that　waste…place；　and　not　a　hundred　yards　out　of　
my　track；　I　always　looked　in　as　I　went　by。　Steerforth　was　pretty　
sure　to　be　there　expecting　me；　and　we　went　on　together　through　
the　frosty　air　and　gathering　fog　towards　the　twinkling　lights　of　the　
town。　

One　dark　evening；　when　I　was　later　than　usual—for　I　had；　that　
day；　been　making　my　parting　visit　to　Blunderstone；　as　we　were　
now　about　to　return　home—I　found　him　alone　in　Mr。　Peggotty’s　
house；　sitting　thoughtfully　before　the　fire。　He　was　so　intent　upon　
his　own　reflections　that　he　was　quite　unconscious　of　my　approach。　
This；　indeed；　he　might　easily　have　been　if　he　had　been　less　
absorbed；　for　footsteps　fell　noiselessly　on　the　sandy　ground　
outside；　but　even　my　entrance　failed　to　rouse　him。　I　was　standing　
close　to　him；　looking　at　him；　and　still；　with　a　heavy　brow；　he　was　
lost　in　his　meditations。　

He　gave　such　a　start　when　I　put　my　hand　upon　his　shoulder；　
that　he　made　me　start　too。　

‘You　come　upon　me；’　he　said；　almost　angrily；　‘like　a　reproachful　
ghost！’　

‘I　was　obliged　to　announce　myself；　somehow；’　I　replied。　‘Have　I　
called　you　down　from　the　stars？’　

‘No；’　he　answered。　‘No。’　

‘Up　from　anywhere；　then？’　said　I；　taking　my　seat　near　him。　

‘I　was　looking　at　the　pictures　in　the　fire；’　he　returned。　

‘But　you　are　spoiling　them　for　me；’　said　I；　as　he　stirred　it　
quickly　with　a　piece　of　burning　wood；　striking　out　of　it　a　train　of　
red…hot　sparks　that　went　careering　up　the　little　chimney；　and　
roaring　out　into　the　air。　

‘You　would　not　have　seen　them；’　he　returned。　‘I　detest　this　

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mongrel　time；　neither　day　nor　night。　How　late　you　are！　Where　

have　you　been？’　

‘I　have　been　taking　leave　of　my　usual　walk；’　said　I。　

‘And　I　have　been　sitting　here；’　said　Steerforth；　glancing　round　
the　room；　‘thinking　that　all　the　people　we　found　so　glad　on　the　
night　of　our　coming　down；　might—to　judge　from　the　present　
wasted　air　of　the　place—be　dispersed；　or　dead；　or　come　to　I　don’t　
know　what　harm。　David；　I　wish　to　God　I　had　had　a　judicious　father　
these　last　twenty　years！’　

‘My　dear　Steerforth；　what　is　the　matter？’　

‘I　wish　with　all　my　soul　I　had　been　better　guided！’　he　exclaimed。　
‘I　wish　with　all　my　soul　I　could　guide　myself　better！’　

There　was　a　passionate　dejection　in　his　manner　that　quite　
amazed　me。　He　was　more　unlike　himself　than　I　could　have　
supposed　possible。　

‘It　would　be　better　to　be　this　poor　Peggotty；　or　his　lout　of　a　
nephew；’　he　said；　getting　up　and　leaning　moodily　against　the　
chimney…piece；　with　his　face　towards　the　fire；　‘than　to　be　myself；　
twenty　times　richer　and　twenty　times　wiser；　and　be　the　torment　to　
myself　that　I　have　been；　in　this　Devil’s　bark　of　a　boat；　within　the　
last　half…hour！’　

I　was　so　confounded　by　the　alteration　in　him；　that　at　first　I　
could　only　observe　him　in　silence；　as　he　stood　leaning　his　head　
upon　his　hand；　and　looking　gloomily　down　at　the　fire。　At　length　I　
begged　him；　with　all　the　earnestness　I　felt；　to　tell　me　what　had　
occurred　to　cross　him　so　unusually；　and　to　let　me　sympathize　with　
him；　if　I　could　not　hope　to　advise　him。　Before　I　had　well　
concluded；　he　began　to　laugh—fretfully　at　first；　but　soon　with　
returning　gaiety。　

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‘Tut；　it’s　nothing；　Daisy！　nothing！’　he　replied。　‘I　told　you　at　the　
inn　in　London；　I　am　heavy　company　for　myself；　sometimes。　I　have　
been　a　nightmare　to　myself；　just　now—must　have　had　one；　I　think。　
At　odd　dull　times；　nursery　tales　come　up　into　the　memory；　
unrecognized　for　what　they　are。　I　believe　I　have　been　confounding　
myself　with　the　bad　boy　who　“didn’t　care”；　and　became　food　for　
lions—a　grander　kind　of　going　to　the　dogs；　I　suppose。　What　old　
women　call　the　horrors；　have　been　creeping　over　me　from　head　to　
foot。　I　have　been　afraid　of　myself。’　

‘You　are　afraid　of　nothing　else；　I　think；’　said　I。　

‘Perhaps　not；　and　yet　may　have　enough　to　be　afraid　of　too；’　he　
answered。　‘Well！　So　it　goes　by！　I　am　not　about　to　be　hipped　again；　
David；　but　I　tell　you；　my　good　fellow；　once　more；　that　it　would　have　
been　well　for　me　（and　for　more　than　me）　if　I　had　had　a　steadfast　
and　judicious　father！’　

His　face　was　always　full　of　expression；　but　I　never　saw　it　
express　such　a　dark　kind　of　earnestness　as　when　he　said　these　
words；　with　his　glance　bent　on　the　fire。　

‘So　much　for　that！’　he　said；　making　as　if　he　tossed　something　
light　into　the　air；　with　his　hand。　

“‘Why；　being　gone；　I　am　a　man　again；”　

like　Macbeth。　And　now　for　dinner！　If　I　have　not　（Macbeth…like）　

broken　up　the　feast　with　most　admired　disorder；　Daisy。’　

‘But　where　are　they　all；　I　wonder！’　said　I。　

‘God　knows；’　said　Steerforth。　‘After　strolling　to　the　ferry　looking　
for　you；　I　strolled　in　here　and　found　the　place　deserted。　That　set　
me　thinking；　and　you　found　me　thinking。’　

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The　advent　of　Mrs。　Gummidge　with　a　basket；　explained　how　the　
house　had　happened　to　be　empty。　She　had　hurried　out　to　buy　
something　that　was　needed；　against　Mr。　Peggotty’s　return　with　the　
tide；　and　had　left　the　door　open　in　the　meanwhile；　lest　Ham　and　
little　Em’ly；　with　whom　it　was　an　early　night；　should　come　home　
while　she　was　gone。　Steerforth；　after　very　much　improving　Mrs。　
Gummidge’s　spirits　by　a　cheerful　salutation　and　a　jocose　embrace；　
took　my　arm；　and　hurried　me　away。　

He　had　improved　his　own　spirits；　no　less　than　Mrs。　
Gummidge’s；　for　they　were　again　at　their　usual　flow；　and　he　was　
full　of　vivacious　conversation　as　we　went　along。　

‘And　so；’　he　said；　gaily；　‘we　abandon　this　buccaneer　life　
tomorrow；　do　we？’　

‘So　we　agreed；’　I　returned。　‘And　our　places　by　the　coach　are　
taken；　you　know。’　

‘Ay！　there’s　no　help　for　it；　I　suppose；’　said　Steerforth。　‘I　have　
almost　forgotten　that　there　is　anything　to　do　in　the　world　but　to　go　
out　tossing　on　the　sea　here。　I　wish　there　was　not。’　

‘As　long　as　the　novelty　should　last；’　said　I；　laughing。　

‘Like　enough；’　he　returned；　‘though　there’s　a　sarcastic　meaning　
in　that　observation　for　an　amiable　piece　of　innocence　like　my　
young　friend。　Well！　I　dare　say　I　am　a　capricious　fellow；　David。　I　
know　I　am；　but　while　the　iron　is　hot；　I　can　strike　it　vigorously　too。　I　
could　pass　a　reasonably　good　examination　already；　as　a　pilot　in　
these　waters；　I　think。’　

‘Mr。　Peggotty　says　you　are　a　wonder；’　I　returned。　‘A　nautical　
phenomenon；　eh？’　laughed　Steerforth。　

‘Indeed　he　does；　and　you　know　how　truly；　I　know　how　ardent　
you　are　in　any　pursuit　you　follow；　and　how　easily　you　can　master　

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it。　And　that　amazes　me　most　in　you；　Steerforth—that　you　should　
be　contented　with　such　fitful　uses　of　your　powers。’　

‘Contented？’　he　answered；　merrily。　‘I　am　never　contented；　
except　with　your　freshness；　my　gentle　Daisy。　As　to　fitfulness；　I　
have　never　learnt　the　art　of　binding　myself　to　any　of　the　wheels　on　
which　the　Ixions　of　these　days　are　turning　round　and　round。　I　
missed　it　somehow　in　a　bad　apprenticeship；　and　now　don’t　care　
about　it。—You　know　I　have　bought　a　boat　down　here？’　

‘What　an　extraordinary　fellow　you　are；　Steerforth！’　I　exclaimed；　
stopping—for　this　was　the　first　I　had　heard　of　it。　‘When　you　may　
nev