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tales and fantasies-第7部分
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respected my pin!' he thought; and he was moved as by a
slight; and began at once to recollect that he was here an
interloper; in a strange house; which he had entered almost
by a burglary; and where at any moment he might be
scandalously challenged。
He moved at once; his hat still in his hand; to the door of
his father's room; opened it; and entered。 Mr。 Nicholson sat
in the same place and posture as on that last Sunday morning;
only he was older; and greyer; and sterner; and as he now
glanced up and caught the eye of his son; a strange commotion
and a dark flush sprung into his face。
'Father;' said John; steadily; and even cheerfully; for this
was a moment against which he was long ago prepared; 'father;
here I am; and here is the money that I took from you。 I
have come back to ask your forgiveness; and to stay Christmas
with you and the children。'
'Keep your money;' said the father; 'and go!'
'Father!' cried John; 'for God's sake don't receive me this
way。 I've come for … '
'Understand me;' interrupted Mr。 Nicholson; 'you are no son
of mine; and in the sight of God; I wash my hands of you。
One last thing I will tell you; one warning I will give you;
all is discovered; and you are being hunted for your crimes;
if you are still at large it is thanks to me; but I have done
all that I mean to do; and from this time forth I would not
raise one finger … not one finger … to save you from the
gallows! And now;' with a low voice of absolute authority;
and a single weighty gesture of the finger; 'and now … go!'
CHAPTER VI … THE HOUSE AT MURRAYFIELD
How John passed the evening; in what windy confusion of mind;
in what squalls of anger and lulls of sick collapse; in what
pacing of streets and plunging into public…houses; it would
profit little to relate。 His misery; if it were not
progressive; yet tended in no way to diminish; for in
proportion as grief and indignation abated; fear began to
take their place。 At first; his father's menacing words lay
by in some safe drawer of memory; biding their hour。 At
first; John was all thwarted affection and blighted hope;
next bludgeoned vanity raised its head again; with twenty
mortal gashes: and the father was disowned even as he had
disowned the son。 What was this regular course of life; that
John should have admired it? what were these clock…work
virtues; from which love was absent? Kindness was the test;
kindness the aim and soul; and judged by such a standard; the
discarded prodigal … now rapidly drowning his sorrows and his
reason in successive drams … was a creature of a lovelier
morality than his self…righteous father。 Yes; he was the
better man; he felt it; glowed with the consciousness; and
entering a public…house at the corner of Howard Place
(whither he had somehow wandered) he pledged his own virtues
in a glass … perhaps the fourth since his dismissal。 Of that
he knew nothing; keeping no account of what he did or where
he went; and in the general crashing hurry of his nerves;
unconscious of the approach of intoxication。 Indeed; it is a
question whether he were really growing intoxicated; or
whether at first the spirits did not even sober him。 For it
was even as he drained this last glass that his father's
ambiguous and menacing words … popping from their hiding…
place in memory … startled him like a hand laid upon his
shoulder。 'Crimes; hunted; the gallows。' They were ugly
words; in the ears of an innocent man; perhaps all the
uglier; for if some judicial error were in act against him;
who should set a limit to its grossness or to how far it
might be pushed? Not John; indeed; he was no believer in the
powers of innocence; his cursed experience pointing in quite
other ways; and his fears; once wakened; grew with every hour
and hunted him about the city streets。
It was; perhaps; nearly nine at night; he had eaten nothing
since lunch; he had drunk a good deal; and he was exhausted
by emotion; when the thought of Houston came into his head。
He turned; not merely to the man as a friend; but to his
house as a place of refuge。 The danger that threatened him
was still so vague that he knew neither what to fear nor
where he might expect it; but this much at least seemed
undeniable; that a private house was safer than a public inn。
Moved by these counsels; he turned at once to the Caledonian
Station; passed (not without alarm) into the bright lights of
the approach; redeemed his portmanteau from the cloak…room;
and was soon whirling in a cab along the Glasgow Road。 The
change of movement and position; the sight of the lamps
twinkling to the rear; and the smell of damp and mould and
rotten straw which clung about the vehicle; wrought in him
strange alternations of lucidity and mortal giddiness。
'I have been drinking;' he discovered; 'I must go straight to
bed; and sleep。' And he thanked Heaven for the drowsiness
that came upon his mind in waves。
From one of these spells he was wakened by the stoppage of
the cab; and; getting down; found himself in quite a country
road; the last lamp of the suburb shining some way below; and
the high walls of a garden rising before him in the dark。
The Lodge (as the place was named); stood; indeed; very
solitary。 To the south it adjoined another house; but
standing in so large a garden as to be well out of cry; on
all other sides; open fields stretched upward to the woods of
Corstorphine Hill; or backward to the dells of Ravelston; or
downward toward the valley of the Leith。 The effect of
seclusion was aided by the great height of the garden walls;
which were; indeed; conventual; and; as John had tested in
former days; defied the climbing schoolboy。 The lamp of the
cab threw a gleam upon the door and the not brilliant handle
of the bell。
'Shall I ring for ye?' said the cabman; who had descended
from his perch; and was slapping his chest; for the night was
bitter。
'I wish you would;' said John; putting his hand to his brow
in one of his accesses of giddiness。
The man pulled at the handle; and the clanking of the bell
replied from further in the garden; twice and thrice he did
it; with sufficient intervals; in the great frosty silence of
the night the sounds fell sharp and small。
'Does he expect ye?' asked the driver; with that manner of
familiar interest that well became his port…wine face; and
when John had told him no; 'Well; then;' said the cabman; 'if
ye'll tak' my advice of it; we'll just gang back。 And that's
disinterested; mind ye; for my stables are in the Glesgie
Road。'
'The servants must hear;' said John。
'Hout!' said the driver。 'He keeps no servants here; man。
They're a' in the town house; I drive him often; it's just a
kind of a hermitage; this。'
'Give me the bell;' said John; and he plucked at it like a
man desperate。
The clamour had not yet subsided before they heard steps upon
the gravel; and a voice of singular nervous irritability
cried to them through the door; 'Who are you; and what do you
want?'
'Alan;' said John; 'it's me … it's Fatty … John; you know。
I'm just come home; and I've come to stay with you。'
There was no reply for a moment; and then the door was
opened。
'Get the portmanteau down;' said John to the driver。
'Do nothing of the kind;' said Alan; and then to John; 'Come
in here a moment。 I want to speak to you。'
John entered the garden; and the door was closed behind him。
A candle stood on the gravel walk; winking a little in the
draughts; it threw inconstant sparkles on the clumped holly;
struck the light and darkness to and fro like a veil on
Alan's features; and sent his shadow hovering behind him。
All beyond was inscrutable; and John's dizzy brain rocked
with the shadow。 Yet even so; it struck him that Alan was
pale; and his voice; when he spoke; unnatural。
'What brings you here to…night?' he began。 'I don't want;
God knows; to seem unfriendly; but I cannot take you in;
Nicholson; I cannot do it。'
'Alan;' said John; 'you've just got to! You don't know the
mess I'm in; the governor's turned me out; and I daren't show
my face in an inn; because they're down on me for murder or
something!'
'For what?' cried Alan; starting。
'Murder; I believe;' says John。
'Murder!' repeated Alan; and passed his hand over his eyes。
'What was that you were saying?' he asked again。
'That they were down on me;' said John。 'I'm accused of
murder; by what I can make out; and I've really had a
dreadful day of it; Alan; and I can't sleep on the roadside
on a night like this … at least; not with a portmanteau;' he
pleaded。
'Hush!' said Alan; with his head on one side; and then; 'Did
you hear nothing?' he asked。
'No;' said John; thrilling; he knew not why; with
communicated terror。 'No; I heard nothing; why?' And then;
as there
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