a new england girlhood-第26部分

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k　hers　away；　〃I　did　think　you　had　more　conscience　than　to　bring　that　book　here。〃　But　we　had　some　close　ethical　questions　to　settle　in　those　days。　It　was　a　rigid　code　of　morality　under　which　we　lived。　Nobody　complained　of　it；　however；　and　we　were　doubtless　better　off　for　its　strictness；　in　the　end。

The　last　window　in　the　row　behind　me　was　filled　with　flourishing　house…plantsfragrant　leaved　geraniums；　the　overseer's　pets。　They　gave　that　corner　a　bowery　look；　the　perfume　and　freshness　tempted　me　there　often。　Standing　before　that　window；　I　could　look　across　the　room　and　see　girls　moving　backwards　and　forwards　among　the　spinning…frames；　sometimes　stooping；　sometimes　reaching　up　their　arms；　as　their　work　required；　with　easy　and　not　ungraceful　movements。　On　the　whole；　it　was　far　from　being　a　disagreeable　place　to　stay　in。　The　girls　were　bright…looking　and　neat；　and　everything　was　kept　clean　and　shining。　The　effect　of　the　whole　was　rather　attractive　to　strangers。

My　grandfather　came　to　see　my　mother　once　at　about　this　time　and　visited　the　mills。　When　he　had　entered　our　room；　and　looked　around　for　a　moment；　he　took　off　his　hat　and　made　a　low　bow　to　the　girls；　first　toward　the　right；　and　then　toward　the　left。　We　were　familiar　with　his　courteous　habits；　partly　due　to　his　French　descent；　but　we　had　never　seen　anybody　bow　to　a　room　full　of　mill　girls　in　that　polite　way；　and　some　one　of　the　family　afterwards　asked　him　why　he　did　so。　He　looked　a　little　surprised　at　the　question；　but　answered　promptly　and　with　dignity；　〃I　always　take　off　my　hat　to　ladies。〃

His　courtesy　was　genuine。　Still；　we　did　not　call　ourselves　ladies。　We　did　not　forget　that　we　were　working…girls；　wearing　coarse　aprons　suitable　to　our　work；　and　that　there　was　some　danger　of　our　becoming　drudges。　I　know　that　sometimes　the　confinement　of　the　mill　became　very　wearisome　to　me。　In　the　sweet　June　weather　I　would　lean　far　out　of　the　window；　and　try　not　to　hear　the　unceasing　clash　of　sound　inside。　Looking　away　to　the　hills；　my　whole　stifled　being　would　cry　out

〃Oh；　that　I　had　wings！〃

Still　I　was　there　from　choice；　and

〃The　prison　unto　which　we　doom　ourselves；　No　prison　is。〃

And　I　was　every　day　making　discoveries　about　life；　and　about　myself。　I　had　naturally　some　elements　of　the　recluse；　and　would　never；　of　my　own　choice；　have　lived　in　a　crowd。　I　loved　quiet…　ness。　The　noise　of　machinery　was　particularly　distasteful　to　me。　But　I　found　that　the　crowd　was　made　up　of　single　human　lives；　not　one　of　them　wholly　uninteresting；　when　separately　known。　I　learned　also　that　there　are　many　things　which　belong　to　the　whole　world　of　us　together；　that　no　one　of　us；　nor　any　few　of　us；　can　claim　or　enjoy　for　ourselves　alone。　I　discovered；　too；　that　I　could　so　accustom　myself　to　the　noise　that　it　became　like　a　silence　to　me。　And　I　defied　the　machinery　to　make　me　its　slave。　Its　incessant　discords　could　not　drown　the　music　of　my　thoughts　if　I　would　let　them　fly　high　enough。　Even　the　long　hours；　the　early　rising　and　the　regularity　enforced　by　the　cladgor　of　the　bell　were　good　discipline　for　one　who　was　naturally　inclined　to　dally　and　to　dream；　and　who　loved　her　own　personal　liberty　with　a　willful　rebellion　against　control。　Perhaps　I　could　have　brought　myself　into　the　limitations　of　order　and　method　in　no　other　way。

Like　a　plant　that　starts　up　in　showers　and　sunshine　and　does　not　know　which　has　best　helped　it　to　grow；　it　is　difficult　to　say　whether　the　hard　things　or　the　pleasant　things　did　me　most　good。　But　when　I　was　sincerest　with　myself；　as　also　when　I　thought　least　about　it；　I　know　that　I　was　glad　to　be　alive；　and　to　be　just　where　I　was。　It　is　a　conquest　when　we　can　lift　ourselves　above　the　annoyances　of　circumstances　over　which　we　have　no　control；　but　it　is　a　greater　victory　when　we　can　make　those　circumstances　our　helpers；　when　we　can　appreciate　the　good　there　is　in　them。　It　has　often　seemed　to　me　as　if　Life　stood　beside　me；　looking　me　in　the　face；　and　saying；　〃Child；　you　must　learn　to　like　me　in　the　form　in　which　you　see　me；　before　I　can　offer　myself　to　you　in　any　other　aspect。〃

It　was　so　with　this　disagreeable　necessity　of　living　among　many　people。　There　is　nothing　more　miserable　than　to　lose　the　feeling　of　our　own　distinctiveness；　since　that　is　our　only　clue　to　the　Purpose　behind　us　and　the　End　before　us。　But　when　we　have　discovered　that　human　beings　are　not　a　mere　〃mass；〃　but　an　orderly　Whole；　of　which　we　are　a　part；　it　is　all　so　different！

This　we　working…girls　might　have　learned　from　the　webs　of　cloth　we　saw　woven　around　us。　Every　little　thread　must　take　its　place　as　warp　or　woof；　and　keep　in　it　steadily。　Left　to　itself；　it　would　be　only　a　loose；　useless　filament。　Trying　to　wander　in　an　independent　or　a　disconnected　way　among　the　other　threads；　it　would　make　of　the　whole　web　an　inextricable　snarl。　Yet　each　little　thread　must　be　as　firmly　spun　as　if　it　were　the　only　one；　or　the　result　would　be　a　worthless　fabric。

That　we　are　entirely　separate；　while　yet　we　entirely　belong　to　the　Whole；　is　a　truth　that　we　learn　to　rejoice　in；　as　we　come　to　understand　more　and　more　of　ourselves；　and　of　this　human　life　of　ours；　which　seems　so　complicated；　and　yet　is　so　simple。　And　when　we　once　get　a　glimpse　of　the　Divine　Plan　in　it　all；　and　know　that　to　be　just　where　we　are；　doing　just　what　we　are　doing　just　at　this　hour　because　it　is　our　appointed　hour；when　we　become　aware　that　this　is　the　very　best　thing　possible　for　us　in　God's　universe；　the　hard　task　grows　easy；　the　tiresome　employment　welcome　and　delightful。　Having　fitted　ourselves　to　our　present　work　in　such　a　way　as　this；　we　are　usually　prepared　for　better　work；　and　are　sent　to　take　a　better　place。

Perhaps　this　is　one　of　the　unfailing　laws　of　progress　in　our　being。　Perhaps　the　Master　of　Life　always　rewards　those　who　do　their　little　faithfully　by　giving　them　some　greater　opportunity　for　faithfulness。　Certainly；　it　is　a　comfort；　wherever　we　are；　to　say　to　ourselves：

〃Thou　camest　not　to　thy　place　by　accident；　It　is　the　very　place　God　meant　for　thee。〃

IX。

MOUNTAIN…FRIENDS。

THE　pleasure　we　found　in　making　new　acquaintances　among　our　workmates　arose　partly　from　their　having　come　from　great　distances；　regions　unknown　to　us；　as　the　northern　districts　of　Maine　and　New　Hampshire　and　Vermont　were；　in　those　days　of　stage…　coach　traveling；　when　rail…roads　had　as　yet　only　connected　the　larger　cities　with　one　another。

It　seemed　wonderful　to　me　to　be　talking　with　anybody　who　had　really　seen　mountains　and　lived　among　them。　One　of　the　younger　girls；　who　worked　beside　me　during　my　very　first　days　in　the　mill；　had　come　from　far　up　near　the　sources　of　the　Merrimack；　and　she　told　me　a　great　deal　about　her　home；　and　about　farm…life　among　the　hills。　I　listened　almost　with　awe　when　she　said　that　she　lived　in　a　valley　where　the　sun　set　at　four　o'clock；　and　where　the　great　snowstorms　drifted　in　so　that　sometimes　they　did　not　see　a　neighbor　for　weeks。

To　have　mountain…summits　looking　down　upon　one　out　of　the　clouds；　summer　and　winter；　by　day　and　by　night；　seemed　to　me　something　both　delightful　and　terrible。　And　yet　here　was　this　girl　to　whom　it　all　appeared　like　the　merest　commonplace。　What　she　felt　about　it　was　that　it　was　〃awful　cold；　sometimes；　the　days　were　so　short！　and　it　grew　dark　so　early！　〃　Then　she　told　me　about　the　spinning；　and　the　husking；　and　the　sugar…making；　while　we　sat　in　a　corner　together；　waiting　to　replace　the　full　spools　by　empty　ones；the　work　usually　given　to　the　little　girls。

I　had　a　great　admiration　for　this　girl；　because　she　had　come　from　those　wilderness…regions。　The　scent　of　pine…woods　and　checker…　berry…leaves　seemed　to　bang　about　her。　I　believe　I　liked　her　all　the　better　because　she　said　〃daown〃　and　〃haow。〃　It　was　part　of　the　mountain…flavor。

I　tried；　on　my　part；　to　impress　her　with　stories　of　the　sea；　but　I　did　not　succeed　very　well。　Her　principal　comment　was；　〃They　don't　think　much　of　sailors　up　aour　way。〃　And　I　received　the　impression；　from　her　and　others；　and　from　my　own　imagination；　that　rural　life　was　far　more　delightful　than　the　life　of　towns。

But　there　is　something　in　the　place　where　we　were　born　that　holds　us　always　by　the　heartstrings。　A　town　that　still　has　a　great　deal　of　the　country　in　it；　one　that　is　rich　in　beautiful　scenery　and　ancestral　associations；　is　almost　like　a　living　being；　with　a　body　and　a　soul。　We　speak　of　such　a　town；　if　our　birthplace；　as　of　a　mother；　and　think　of　ourselves　as　her　sons　and　daughters。

So　we　felt；　my　sisters　and　I；　about　our　dear　native　town　of　Beverly。　Its　miles　of　sea…border；　almost　every　sunny　cove　and　rocky　headland　of　which　was　a　part　of　some　near　relative's　homestead；　were　only　half　a　day's　journey　distant；　and　the　misty　ocean…spaces　beyond　still　widened　out　on　our　imagination　from　the　green　inland　landscape　around　us。　But　the　hills　sometimes　shut　us　in；　body　and　soul。　To　those　who　have　been　reared　by　the　sea　a　wide　horizon　is　a　necessity；　both　for　the　mind　and　for　the　eye。

We　had　many　opportunities　of　escape　towards　our　native　shores；　for　the　larger　part　of　our　large　family　still　remained　there；　and　there　was　a　constant　coming　and　going　among　us。　The　stagedriver　looked　upon　us　as　his　especial　charge；　and　we　had　a　sense　of　personal　property　in　the