a new england girlhood-第32部分

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n　the　usual　school　compositions　of　intelligent　girls。　It　would　hardly　be　worth　while　to　refer　to　it　particularly；　had　not　the　Lowell　girls　and　their　magazines　been　so　frequently　spoken　of　as　something　phenomenal。　But　it　was　a　perfectly　natural　out…　growth　of　those　girls'　previous　life。　For　what　were　we？　　Girls　who　were　working　in　a　factory　for　the　time；　to　be　sure；　but　none　of　us　had　the　least　idea　of　continuing　at　that　kind　of　work　permanently。　Our　composite　photograph；　had　it　been　taken；　would　have　been　the　representative　New　England　girlhood　of　those　days。　We　had　all　been　fairly　educated　at　public　or　private　schools；　and　many　of　us　were　resolutely　bent　upon　obtaining　a　better　education。　Very　few　were　among　us　without　some　distinct　plan　for　bettering　the　condition　of　themselves　and　those　they　loved。　For　the　first　time；　our　young　women　had　come　forth　from　their　home　retirement　in　a　throng；　each　with　her　own　individual　purpose。　For　twenty　years　or　so；　Lowell　might　have　been　looked　upon　as　a　rather　select　industrial　school　for　young　people。　The　girls　there　were　just　such　girls　as　are　knocking　at　the　doors　of　young　women's　colleges　to…day。　They　had　come　to　work　with　their　hands；　but　they　could　not　hinder　the　working　of　their　minds　also。　Their　mental　activity　was　overflowing　at　every　possible　outlet。

Many　of　them　were　supporting　themselves　at　schools　like　Bradford　Academy　or　Ipswich　Seminary　half　the　year；　by　working　in　the　mills　the　other　half。　Mount　Holyoke　Seminary　broke　upon　the　thoughts　of　many　of　them　as　a　vision　of　hope；I　remember　being　dazzled　by　it　myself　for　a　while；and　Mary　Lyon's　name　was　honored　nowhere　more　than　among　the　Lowell　mill…girls。　Meanwhile　they　were　improving　themselves　and　preparing　for　their　future　in　every　possible　way；　by　purchasing　and　reading　standard　books；　by　attending　lectures；　and　evening　classes　of　their　own　getting　up；　and　by　meeting　each　other　for　reading　and　conversation。

That　they　should　write　was　no　more　strange　than　that　they　should　study；　or　read；　or　think。　And　yet　there　were　those　to　whom　it　seemed　incredible　that　a　girl　could；　in　the　pauses　of　her　work；　put　together　words　with　her　pen　that　it　would　do　to　print；　and　after　a　while　the　assertion　was　circulated；　through　some　distant　newspaper；　that　our　magazine　was　not　written　by　ourselves　at　all；　but　by　〃Lowell　lawyers。〃　This　seemed　almost　too　foolish　a　suggestion　to　contradict；　but　the　editor　of　the　〃Offering〃　thought　it　best　to　give　the　name　and　occupation　of　some　of　the　writers　by　way　of　refutation。　It　was　for　this　reason　（much　against　my　own　wish）　that　my　real　name　was　first　attached　to　anything　I　wrote。　I　was　then　book…keeper　in　the　cloth…room　of　the　Lawrence　Mills。　We　had　all　used　any　fanciful　signature　we　chose；　varying　it　as　we　pleased。　After　I　began　to　read　and　love　Wordsworth；　my　favorite　nom　de　plume　was　〃Rotha。〃　In　the　later　numbers　of　the　magazine；　the　editor　more　frequently　made　us　of　my　initials。　One　day　I　was　surprised　by　seeing　my　name　in　full　in　Griswold's　〃Female　Poet's；〃no　great　distinction；　however；　since　there　were　a　hundred　names　or　so；　besides。

It　seemed　necessary　to　give　these　gossip　items　about　myself；　but　the　real　interest　of　every　separate　life…story　is　involved　in　the　larger　life…history　which　is　going　on　around　it。　We　do　not　know　ourselves　without　our　companions　and　surroundings。　I　cannot　narrate　my　workmates'　separate　experiences；　but　I　know　that　because　of　having　lived　among　them；　and　because　of　having　felt　the　beauty　and　power　of　their　lives；　I　am　different　from　what　I　should　otherwise　have　been；　and　it　is　my　own　fault　if　I　am　not　better　for　my　life　with　them。

In　recalling　those　years　of　my　girlhood　at　Lowell；　I　often　think　that　I　knew　then　what　real　society　is　better　perhaps　than　ever　since。　For　in　that　large　gathering　together　of　young　womanhood　there　were　many　choice　natures…some　of　the　choicest　in　all　our　excellent　New　England；　and　there　were　no　false　social　standards　to　hold　them　apart。　It　is　the　best　society　when　people　meet　sincerely；　on　the　ground　of　their　deepest　sympathies　and　highest　aspirations；　without　conventionality　or　cliques　or　affectation；　and　it　was　in　that　way　that　these　young　girls　met　and　became　acquainted　with　each　other；　almost　of　necessity。

There　were　all　varieties　of　woman…nature　among　them；　all　degrees　of　refinement　and　cultivation；　and；　of　course；　many　sharp　contrasts　of　agreeable　and　disagreeable。　It　was　not　always　the　most　cultivated；　however；　who　were　the　most　companionable。　　There　were　gentle；　untaught　girls；　as　fresh　and　simple　as　wild　flowers；　whose　unpretending　goodness　of　heart　was　better　to　have　than　bookishness；　girls　who　loved　everybody；　and　were　loved　by　everybody。　Those　are　the　girls　that　I　remember　best；　and　their　memory　is　sweet　as　a　breeze　from　the　clover　fields。

As　I　recall　the　throngs　of　unknown　girlish　forms　that　used　to　pass　and　repass　me　on　the　familiar　road　to　the　mill…gates；　and　also　the　few　that　I　knew　so　well；　those　with　whom　I　worked；　thought；　read；　wrote；　studied；　and　worshiped；　my　thoughts　send　a　heartfelt　greeting　to　them　all；　wherever　in　God's　beautiful；　busy　universe　they　may　now　be　scattered：

〃I　am　glad　I　have　lived　in　the　world　with　you！〃

XI。

READING　AND　STUDYING。

My　return　to　mill…work　involved　making　acquaintance　with　a　new　kind　of　machinery。　The　spinning…room　was　the　only　one　I　had　hitherto　known　anything　about。　Now　my　sister　Emilie　found　a　place　for　me　in　the　dressing…room；　beside　herself。　It　was　more　airy；　and　fewer　girls　were　in　the　room；　for　the　dressing…frame　itself　was　a　large；　clumsy　affair；　that　occupied　a　great　deal　of　space。　Mine　seemed　to　me　as　unmanageable　as　an　overgrown　spoilt　child。　It　had　to　be　　watched　in　a　dozen　directions　every　minute；　and　even　then　it　was　always　getting　itself　and　me　into　trouble。　I　felt　as　if　the　half…live　creature；　with　its　great；　groaning　joints　and　whizzing　fan；　was　aware　of　my　incapacity　to　manage　it；　and　had　a　fiendish　spite　against　me。　I　contracted　an　unconquer…　able　dislike　to　it；　indeed；　I　had　never　liked；　and　never　could　learn　to　like；　any　kind　of　machinery。　And　this　machine　finally　conquered　me。　It　was　humiliating；　but　I　had　to　acknowledge　that　there　were　some　things　I　could　not　do；　and　I　retired　from　the　field；　vanquished。

The　two　things　I　had　enjoyed　in　this　room　were　that　my　sister　was　with　me；　and　that　our　windows　looked　toward　the　west。　When　the　work　was　running　smoothly；　we　looked　out　together　and　quoted　to　each　other　all　the　sunset…poetry　we　could　remember。　Our　tastes　did　not　quite　agree。　Her　favorite　description　of　the　clouds　was　from　Pollok：

〃They　seemed　like　chariots　of　saints；　By　fiery　coursers　drawn；　as　brightly　hued　As　if　the　glorious；　bushy；　golden　locks　Of　thousand　cherubim　had　been　shorn　off；　And　on　the　temples　hung　of　morn　and　even。〃

I　liked　better　a　translation　from　the　German；　beginning

〃Methinks　it　were　no　pain　to　die　On　such　an　eve；　while　such　a　sky　O'ercanopies　the　west。〃

And　she　generally　had　to　hear　the　whole　poem；　for　I　was　very　fond　of　it；　though　the　especial　verse　that　I　contrasted　with　hers　was；

〃There's　peace　and　welcome　in　yon　sea　Of　endless　blue　tranquillity；　Those　clouds　are　living　things；　I　trace　their　veins　of　liquid　gold；　And　see　them　silently　unfold　Their　soft　and　fleecy　wings。〃

Then　she　would　tell　me　that　my　nature　inclined　to　quietness　and　harmony；　while　hers　asked　for　motion　and　splendor。　I　wondered　whether　it　really　were　so。　But　that　huge；　creaking　framework　beside　us　would　continually　intrude　upon　our　meditations　and　break　up　our　discussions；　and　silence　all　poetry　for　us　with　its　dull　prose。

Emilie　found　more　profitable　work　elsewhere；　and　I　found　some　that　was　less　so；　but　far　more　satisfactory；　as　it　would　give　me　the　openings　of　leisure　which　I　craved。

The　paymaster　asked；　when　I　left；　〃Going　where　on　can　earn　more　money？〃

〃No；〃　I　answered；　〃I　am　going　where　I　can　have　more　time。〃　〃Ah；　yes！〃　he　said　sententiously；　〃time　is　money。〃　But　that　was　not　my　thought　about　it。　〃Time　is　education；〃　I　said　to　myself；　for　that　was　what　I　meant　it　should　be　to　me。

Perhaps　I　never　gave　the　wage…earning　element　in　work　its　due　weight。　It　always　seemed　to　me　that　the；　Apostle's　idea　about　worldly　possessions　was　the　only　sensible　one；

〃Having　food　and　raiment；　let　us　be　therewith　content。〃

If　I　could　earn　enough　to　furnish　that；　and　have　time　to　study　besides；of　course　we　always　gave　away　a　little；　however　little　we　had；it　seemed　to　me　a　sufficiency。　At　this　time　I　was　receiving　two　dollars　a　week；　besides　my　board。　Those　who　were　earning　much　more；　and　were　carefully　〃laying　it　up；〃　did　not　appear　to　be　any　happier　than　I　was。

I　never　thought　that　the　possession　of　money　would　make　me　feel　rich：　it　often　does　seem　to　have　an　opposite　effect。　But　then；　I　have　never　had　the　opportunity　of　knowing；　by　experience；　how　it　does　make　one　feel。　It　is　something　to　have　been　spared　the　responsibility　of　taking　charge　of　the　Lord's　silver　and　gold。　Let　us　be　thankful　for　what　we　have　not；　as　well　as　for　what　we　have！

Freedom　to　live　one's　life　truly　is　surely　more　desirable　than　any　earthly　acquisition　or　possession；　and　at　my　new　work　I　had　hours　of　freedom　every　day。　I　never　went　back　again　to　the　bondage　of　machi