we two-第94部分

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ice　boy　was　mercifully　late　however；　and　it　must　have　been　quite　half　an　hour　after　she　had　left　Haeberlein's　room　that　she　heard　his　unwelcome　ring。　　Late　as　it　was；　she　was　obliged　to　keep　him　waiting　a　few　minutes　for　it　was　exceedingly　difficult　in　those　days　to　get　her　work　done。　　Not　only　was　the　time　hard　to　obtain；　but　the　writing　itself　was　a　difficulty；　her　mind　was　occupied　with　so　many　other　things；　and　her　strength　was　so　overtasked　that　it　was　often　an　effort　almost　intolerable　to　sit　down　and　write　on　the　appointed　subject。

She　was　in　the　hall　giving　her　manuscript　to　the　boy　when　she　saw　her　father　come　downstairs；　she　followed　him　into　the　study；　and　one　look　at　his　face　told　her　what　had　happened。　　He　was　leaning　back　in　the　chair　in　which　but　a　few　weeks　before　she　had　seen　Haeberlein　himself；　it　came　over　her　with　a　shudder　that　he　looked　almost　as　ill　now　as　his　friend　had　looked。　　She　sat　down　on　the　arm　of　his　chair；　and　slipped　her　hand　into　his；　but　did　not　dare　to　break　the　silence。　　At　last　he　looked　up。

〃I　think　you　know　it；〃　he　said。　　〃It　is　all　over；　Erica。〃

〃Was　Brian　there？〃　she　asked。

〃Happily；　yes；　but　there　was　nothing　to　be　done。　　The　end　was　strangely　sudden　and　quite　painless；　just　what　one　would　have　wished　for　him。　　But　oh；　child！　　I　can　ill　spare　such　a　friend　just　now！〃

His　voice　failed；　and　great　tears　gathered　in　his　eyes。　　He　let　his　head　rest　for　a　minute　on　Erica's　shoulder；　conscious　of　a　sort　of　relief　in　the　clasp　of　arms　which　had　so　often；　in　weak　babyhood；　clung　to　him　for　help；　conscious　of　the　only　comfort　there　could　be　for　him　as　his　child's　kisses　fell　on　his　lips；　and　brow；　and　hair。

〃I　am　overdone；　child；〃　　he　said　at　length　as　though　to　account　for　breaking　down；　albeit；　by　the　confession；　which　but　a　short　time　before　he　would　never　have　made；　that　his　strength　was　failing。

All　through　the　dreary　days　that　followed；　Erica　was　haunted　by　those　words。　　The　work　had　to　go　on　just　as　usual；　and　it　seemed　to　tell　on　her　father　fearfully。　　The　very　cay　after　Haeberlein's　death　it　was　necessary　for　him　to　speak　at　a　mass　meeting　in　the　north　of　England；　and　he　came　back　from　it　almost　voiceless　and　so　ill　that　they　were　at　their　wits'　end　to　know　what　to　do　with　him。　　The　morrow　did　not　mend　matters　for　the　jury　disagreed　in　the　blasphemy　trial；　and　the　whole　thing　had　to　be　gone　through　again。

A　more　trying　combination　of　events　could　hardly　have　been　imagined；　and　Erica；　as　she　stood　in　the　crowded　cemetery　next　day　at　the　funeral；　thought　infinitely　less　of　the　quixotic　Haeberlein　whom　she　had；　nevertheless；　loved　very　sincerely　than　of　her　sorely　overtasked　father。　　He　was　evidently　in　dread　of　breaking　down；　and　it　was　with　the　greatest　difficulty　that　he　got　through　his　oration。　　To　all　present　the　sight　was　a　most　painful　one　and；　although　the　musical　voice　was　hoarse　and　strained；　seeming；　indeed；　to　tear　out　each　sentence　by　sheer　force　of　will；　the　orator　had　never　carried　his　audience　more　completely　with　him。　　Their　tears　were；　however；　more　for　the　living　than　for　the　dead；　for　the　man　who　was　struggling　with　all　his　might　to　restrain　his　emotion；　painfully　spurring　on　his　exhausted　powers　to　fulfill　the　duty　in　hand。　　More　than　once　Erica　thought　he　would　have　fainted；　and　she　was　fully　prepared　for　the　small　crowd　of　friends　who　gathered　round　her　afterward；　begging　her　to　persuade　him　to　rest。　　The　worst　of　it　was　that　she　could　see　no　prospect　of　rest　for　him；　though　she　knew　how　sorely　he　longed　for　it。　　He　spoke　of　it　as　they　drove　home。

〃I've　an　almost　intolerable　longing　for　quiet；〃　he　said　to　her。　　〃Do　you　remember　Mill's　passage　about　the　two　main　constituents　of　a　satisfied　life　excitement　and　tranquillity？　　How　willingly　would　I　change　places　today　with　that　Tyrolese　fellow　whom　we　saw　last　year！〃

〃Oh！　　If　we　could　but　go　to　the　Tyrol　again！〃　exclaimed　Erica；　but　Raeburn　shook　his　head。

〃Out　of　the　question　just　now；　my　child；　but　next　week　when　this　blasphemy　trial　is　over；　I　must　try　to　get　a　few　days'　holiday　that　is　to　say；　if　I　don't　find　myself　in　prison。〃

She　sighed　the　sigh　of　one　who　is　burdened　almost　beyond　endurance。　　For　recent　events　had　proved　to　her；　only　too　plainly；　that　her　confidence　that　no　jury　would　be　found　to　convict　a　man　under　the　old　blasphemy　laws　was　quite　mistaken。

That　evening；　however；　her　thoughts　were　a　little　diverted　from　her　father。　　For　the　first　time　for　many　months　she　had　a　letter　from　Rose。　　It　was　to　announce　her　engagement　to　Captain　Golightly。　　Rose　seemed　very　happy；　but　there　was　an　undertone　of　regret　about　the　letter　which　was　uncomfortably　suggestive　of　her　flirtation　with　Tom。　　Also　there　were　sentences　which；　to　Erica；　were　enigmatical；　about　〃having　been　so　foolish　last　summer；〃　and　wishing　that　she　〃could　live　that　Brighton　time　over　again。〃　　All　she　could　do　was　to　choose　the　time　and　place　for　telling　Tom　with　discrimination。　　No　opportunity　presented　itself　till　late　in　the　evening　when　she　went　down　as　usual　to　say　good　night　to　him；　taking　Rose's　letter　with　her。　　Tom　was　in　his　〃den；〃　a　small　room　consecrated　to　the　goddess　of　disorder　books；　papers；　electric　batteries；　crucibles；　chemicals；　new　temperance　beverages；　and　fishing　rods　were　gathered　together　in　wild　confusion。　　Tom　himself　was　stirring　something　in　a　pipkin　over　the　gas　stove　when　Erica　came　in。

〃An　unfallible　cure　for　the　drunkard's　craving　after　alcohol；〃　he　said；　looking　up　at　her　with　a　smile。　　〃'A　thing　of　my　own　invention；'　to　quote　the　knight　in　'Through　the　Looking　Glass。'　　Try　some？〃

〃No；　thank　you；〃　said　Erica；　recoiling　a　little　from　the　very　odoriferous　contents　of　the　pipkin。　　〃I　have　had　a　letter　from　Rose　this　evening。〃

Tom　started　visibly。

〃What；　has　Mr。　Fane…Smith　relented？〃　he　asked。

〃Rose　had　something　special　to　tell　me；〃　said　Erica；　unfolding　the　letter。

But　Tom　just　took　it　from　her　hands　without　ceremony；　and　began　to　read　it。　　A　dark　flush　came　over　his　face　Erica　saw　that　much；　but　afterward　would　not　look　at　him；　feeling　that　it　was　hardly　fair。　　Presently　he　gave　her　the　letter　once　more。

〃Thank　you；〃　he　said　in　a　voice　so　cold　and　bitter　that　she　could　hardly　believe　it　to　be　his。　　〃As　you　probably　see；　I　have　been　a　fool。　　I　shall　know　better　how　to　trust　a　woman　in　the　future。〃

〃Oh；　Tom；〃　she　cried。　　〃Don't　let　it〃

He　interrupted　her。

〃I　don't　wish　to　talk；〃　he　said。　　〃Least　of　all　to　one　who　has　adopted　the　religion　which　Miss　Fane…Smith　has　been　brought　up　in　a　religion　which　of　necessity　debases　and　degrades　its　votaries。〃

Her　eyes　filled　with　tears；　but　she　new　that　Christianity　would　in　this　case　be　better　vindicated　by　silence　than　by　words　however　eloquent。　　She　just　kissed　him　and　wished　him　good　night。　　But　as　she　reached　the　door；　his　heart　smote　him。

〃I　don't　say　it　has　debased　you；〃　he　said；　〃but　that　that　is　its　natural　tendency。　　You　are　better　than　your　creed。〃

〃He　meant　that　by　way　of　consolation；〃　thought　Erica　to　herself　as　she　went　slowly　upstairs　fighting　with　her　tears。

But　of　course　the　consolation　had　been　merely　a　sharper　stab；　for　to　tell　a　Christian　that　he　is　better　than　his　creed　is　the　one　intolerable　thing。

What　had　been　the　extent　of　the　understanding　with　Rose；　Erica　never　learned；　but　she　feared　that　it　must　have　been　equivalent　to　a　promise　in　Tom's　eyes；　and　much　more　serious　than　mere　flirtation　in　Rose's；　otherwise　the　regret　in　the　letter　was；　from　one　of　Rose's　way　of　thinking；　inexplicable。　　From　that　time　there　was　a　marked　change　in　Tom；　Erica　was　very　unhappy　about　him；　but　there　was　little　to　be　done　except；　indeed；　to　share　all　his　interests　as　much　as　she　could；　and　to　try　to　make　the　home　life　pleasant。　　But　this　was　by　no　means　easy。　　To　begin　with；　Raeburn　himself　was　more　difficult　than　ever　to　work　with；　and　Tom；　who　was　in　a　hard；　cynical　mood；　called　him　overbearing　where；　in　former　times；　he　would　merely　have　called　him　decided。　The　very　best　of　men　are　occasionally　irritable　when　they　are　nearly　worked　to　death；　and　under　the　severe　strain　of　those　days；　Raeburn's　philosophic　calm　more　than　once　broke　down；　and　the　quick　Highland　temper；　usually　kept　in　admirable　restraint；　made　itself　felt。

It　was　not；　however；　for　two　or　three　days　after　Haeberlein's　funeral　that　he　showed　any　other　symptoms　of　illness。　　One　evening　they　were　all　present　at　a　meeting　at　the　East　End　at　which　Donovan　Farrant　was　also　speaking。　　Raeburn's　voice　had　somewhat　recovered；　and　he　was　speaking　with　great　force　and　fluency　when；　all　at　once　in　the　middle　of　a　sentence；　he　came　to　a　dead　pause。　　For　half　a　minute　he　stood　motionless；　before　him　were　the　densely　packed　rows　of　listening　faces；　but　what　they　had　come　there　to　hear　he　had　not　the　faintest　notion。　　His　mind　was　exactly　like　a　sheet　of　white　paper；　all　recollection　of　the　subject　he　had　been　speaking　on　was　entirely　obliterated。　　Some　men　would　have　pleaded　illness　and　escaped；　others　would　have　blundered　on。　　But　Raeburn；　who　never　lost　his　presence　of　mind；　just　turned　to　the　audience　and　said　quietly：　〃Will　some　one　have　the　goodness　to　tell　me　what　I　was　saying？　　My　memory　has　played　me　a　trick。〃

〃Taxation！〃　shouted　the　pe