idle thoughts of an idle fellow-第17部分

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By　this　time　you　have　got　to　be　regarded　as　not　quite　right　in　your　head；　and　pity　is　the　only　thing　felt　for　you。　　The　nurse；　however；　is　determined　that；　insane　or　not；　there　shall　be　no　shirking　and　that　you　shall　go　through　your　task　to　the　end。　　In　the　tones　of　a　high　priestess　directing　some　religious　mystery　she　says；　holding　the　bundle　toward　you：

〃Take　her　in　your　arms；　sir。〃　　You　are　too　crushed　to　offer　any　resistance　and　so　meekly　accept　the　burden。　　〃Put　your　arm　more　down　her　middle；　sir；〃　says　the　high…priestess；　and　then　all　step　back　and　watch　you　intently　as　though　you　were　going　to　do　a　trick　with　it。

What　to　do　you　know　no　more　than　you　did　what　to　say。　　It　is　certain　something　must　be　done；　and　the　only　thing　that　occurs　to　you　is　to　heave　the　unhappy　infant　up　and　down　to　the　accompaniment　of　〃oopsee…daisy；〃　or　some　remark　of　equal　intelligence。　　〃I　wouldn't　jig　her；　sir；　if　I　were　you；〃　says　the　nurse；　〃a　very　little　upsets　her。〃　You　promptly　decide　not　to　jig　her　and　sincerely　hope　that　you　have　not　gone　too　far　already。

At　this　point　the　child　itself；　who　has　hitherto　been　regarding　you　with　an　expression　of　mingled　horror　and　disgust；　puts　an　end　to　the　nonsense　by　beginning　to　yell　at　the　top　of　its　voice；　at　which　the　priestess　rushes　forward　and　snatches　it　from　you　with　〃There！　there！　there！　　What　did　ums　do　to　ums？〃　　〃How　very　extraordinary！〃　you　say　pleasantly。　　〃Whatever　made　it　go　off　like　that？〃　　〃Oh；　why；　you　must　have　done　something　to　her！〃　says　the　mother　indignantly；　〃the　child　wouldn't　scream　like　that　for　nothing。〃　　It　is　evident　they　think　you　have　been　running　pins　into　it。

The　brat　is　calmed　at　last；　and　would　no　doubt　remain　quiet　enough；　only　some　mischievous　busybody　points　you　out　again　with　〃Who's　this；　baby？〃　and　the　intelligent　child；　recognizing　you；　howls　louder　than　ever。

Whereupon　some　fat　old　lady　remarks　that　〃it's　strange　how　children　take　a　dislike　to　any　one。〃　　〃Oh；　they　know；〃　replies　another　mysteriously。　　〃It's　a　wonderful　thing；〃　adds　a　third；　and　then　everybody　looks　sideways　at　you；　convinced　you　are　a　scoundrel　of　the　blackest　dye；　and　they　glory　in　the　beautiful　idea　that　your　true　character；　unguessed　by　your　fellow…men；　has　been　discovered　by　the　untaught　instinct　of　a　little　child。

Babies；　though；　with　all　their　crimes　and　errors；　are　not　without　their　usenot　without　use；　surely；　when　they　fill　an　empty　heart；　not　without　use　when；　at　their　call；　sunbeams　of　love　break　through　care…clouded　faces；　not　without　use　when　their　little　fingers　press　wrinkles　into　smiles。

Odd　little　people！　　They　are　the　unconscious　comedians　of　the　world's　great　stage。　　They　supply　the　humor　in　life's　all…too…heavy　drama。　Each　one；　a　small　but　determined　opposition　to　the　order　of　things　in　general；　is　forever　doing　the　wrong　thing　at　the　wrong　time；　in　the　wrong　place　and　in　the　wrong　way。　　The　nurse…girl　who　sent　Jenny　to　see　what　Tommy　and　Totty　were　doing　and　〃tell　'em　they　mustn't〃　knew　infantile　nature。　　Give　an　average　baby　a　fair　chance；　and　if　it　doesn't　do　something　it　oughtn't　to　a　doctor　should　be　called　in　at　once。

They　have　a　genius　for　doing　the　most　ridiculous　things；　and　they　do　them　in　a　grave；　stoical　manner　that　is　irresistible。　　The　business…like　air　with　which　two　of　them　will　join　hands　and　proceed　due　east　at　a　break…neck　toddle；　while　an　excitable　big　sister　is　roaring　for　them　to　follow　her　in　a　westerly　direction；　is　most　amusingexcept；　perhaps；　for　the　big　sister。　　They　walk　round　a　soldier；　staring　at　his　legs　with　the　greatest　curiosity；　and　poke　him　to　see　if　he　is　real。　　They　stoutly　maintain；　against　all　argument　and　much　to　the　discomfort　of　the　victim；　that　the　bashful　young　man　at　the　end　of　the　'bus　is　〃dadda。〃　　A　crowded　street…corner　suggests　itself　to　their　minds　as　a　favorable　spot　for　the　discussion　of　family　affairs　at　a　shrill　treble。　　When　in　the　middle　of　crossing　the　road　they　are　seized　with　a　sudden　impulse　to　dance；　and　the　doorstep　of　a　busy　shop　is　the　place　they　always　select　for　sitting　down　and　taking　off　their　shoes。

When　at　home　they　find　the　biggest　walking…stick　in　the　house　or　an　umbrellaopen　preferred…of　much　assistance　in　getting　upstairs。　　They　discover　that　they　love　Mary　Ann　at　the　precise　moment　when　that　faithful　domestic　is　blackleading　the　stove；　and　nothing　will　relieve　their　feelings　but　to　embrace　her　then　and　there。　　With　regard　to　food；　their　favorite　dishes　are　coke　and　cat's　meat。　　They　nurse　pussy　upside　down；　and　they　show　their　affection　for　the　dog　by　pulling　his　tail。

They　are　a　deal　of　trouble；　and　they　make　a　place　untidy　and　they　cost　a　lot　of　money　to　keep；　but　still　you　would　not　have　the　house　without　them。　　It　would　not　be　home　without　their　noisy　tongues　and　their　mischief…making　hands。　　Would　not　the　rooms　seem　silent　without　their　pattering　feet；　and　might　not　you　stray　apart　if　no　prattling　voices　called　you　together？

It　should　be　so；　and　yet　I　have　sometimes　thought　the　tiny　hand　seemed　as　a　wedge；　dividing。　　It　is　a　bearish　task　to　quarrel　with　that　purest　of　all　human　　affectionsthat　　perfecting　touch　to　a　woman's　lifea　mother's　love。　　It　is　a　holy　love；　that　we　coarser…fibered　men　can　hardly　understand；　and　I　would　not　be　deemed　to　lack　reverence　for　it　when　I　say　that　surely　it　need　not　swallow　up　all　other　affection。　The　baby　need　not　take　your　whole　heart；　like　the　rich　man　who　walled　up　the　desert　well。　　Is　there　not　another　thirsty　traveler　standing　by？

In　your　desire　to　be　a　good　mother；　do　not　forget　to　be　a　good　wife。　No　need　for　all　the　thought　and　care　to　be　only　for　one。　　Do　not；　whenever　poor　Edwin　wants　you　to　come　out；　answer　indignantly；　〃What；　and　leave　baby！〃　　Do　not　spend　all　your　evenings　upstairs；　and　do　not　confine　your　conversation　exclusively　to　whooping…cough　and　measles。　My　dear　little　woman；　the　child　is　not　going　to　die　every　time　it　sneezes；　the　house　is　not　bound　to　get　burned　down　and　the　nurse　run　away　with　a　soldier　every　time　you　go　outside　the　front　door；　nor　the　cat　sure　to　come　and　sit　on　the　precious　child's　chest　the　moment　you　leave　the　bedside。　　You　worry　yourself　a　good　deal　too　much　about　that　solitary　chick；　and　you　worry　everybody　else　too。　　Try　and　think　of　your　other　duties；　and　your　pretty　face　will　not　be　always　puckered　into　wrinkles；　and　there　will　be　cheerfulness　in　the　parlor　as　well　as　in　the　nursery。　　Think　of　your　big　baby　a　little。　　Dance　him　about　a　bit；　call　him　pretty　names；　laugh　at　him　now　and　then。　　It　is　only　the　first　baby　that　takes　up　the　whole　of　a　woman's　time。　　Five　or　six　do　not　require　nearly　so　much　attention　as　one。　　But　before　then　the　mischief　has　been　done。　　A　house　where　there　seems　no　room　for　him　and　a　wife　too　busy　to　think　of　him　have　lost　their　hold　on　that　so　unreasonable　husband　of　yours；　and　he　has　learned　to　look　elsewhere　for　comfort　and　companionship。

But　there；　there；　there！　　I　shall　get　myself　the　character　of　a　baby…hater　if　I　talk　any　more　in　this　strain。　　And　Heaven　knows　I　am　not　one。　　Who　could　be；　to　look　into　the　little　innocent　faces　clustered　in　timid　helplessness　round　those　great　gates　that　open　down　into　the　world？

The　worldthe　small　round　world！　what　a　vast　mysterious　place　it　must　seem　to　baby　eyes！　　What　a　trackless　continent　the　back　garden　appears！　　What　marvelous　explorations　they　make　in　the　cellar　under　the　stairs！　　With　what　awe　they　gaze　down　the　long　street；　wondering；　like　us　bigger　babies　when　we　gaze　up　at　the　stars；　where　it　all　ends！

And　down　that　longest　street　of　allthat　long；　dim　street　of　life　that　stretches　out　before　themwhat　grave；　old…fashioned　looks　they　seem　to　cast！　　What　pitiful；　frightened　looks　sometimes！　　I　saw　a　little　mite　sitting　on　a　doorstep　in　a　Soho　slum　one　night；　and　I　shall　never　forget　the　look　that　the　gas…lamp　showed　me　on　its　wizen　facea　look　of　dull　despair；　as　if　from　the　squalid　court　the　vista　of　its　own　squalid　life　had　risen；　ghostlike；　and　struck　its　heart　dead　with　horror。

Poor　little　feet；　just　commencing　the　stony　journey！　　We　old　travelers；　far　down　the　road；　can　only　pause　to　wave　a　hand　to　you。　You　come　out　of　the　dark　mist；　and　we；　looking　back；　see　you；　so　tiny　in　the　distance；　standing　on　the　brow　of　the　hill；　your　arms　stretched　out　toward　us。　　God　speed　you！　　We　would　stay　and　take　your　little　hands　in　ours；　but　the　murmur　of　the　great　sea　is　in　our　ears　and　we　may　not　linger。　　We　must　hasten　down；　for　the　shadowy　ships　are　waiting　to　spread　their　sable　sails。



ON　EATING　AND　DRINKING。

I　always　was　fond　of　eating　and　drinking；　even　as　a　childespecially　eating；　in　those　early　days。　　I　had　an　appetite　then；　also　a　digestion。　　I　remember　a　dull…eyed；　livid…complexioned　gentleman　coming　to　dine　at　our　house　once。　　He　watched　me　eating　for　about　five　minutes；　quite　fascinated　seemingly；　and　then　he　turned　to　my　father　with

〃Does　your　boy　ever　suffer　from　dyspepsia？〃

〃I　never　heard　him　complain　of　anything　of　that　kind；〃　replied　my　father。　　〃Do　you　ever　suffer　from　dyspepsia；　Colly　wobbles？〃　　（They　called　me　Colly　wobbles；　but　it　was　not　my　real　name。）

〃No；　pa；〃　I　answered。　　After　which　I　added：

〃What　is　dyspepsia；　pa？〃

My　livid…complexioned　friend　regarded　me　with　a　l