the life of horatio lord nelson-第49部分

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would　naturally　hate　me；　if　I　kept　back　one　moment。　I　long　to　pay　them　for　their　tricks　t'other　day；　the　debt　of　a　drubbing；　which　surely　I'll　pay：　but　WHEN；　WHERE　or　HOW；　it　is　impossible；　your　own　good　sense　must　tell　you；　for　me　or　mortal　man　to　say。〃　Yet　he　now　wished　to　be　relieved　from　this　service。　The　country；　he　said；　had　attached　a　confidence　to　his　name；　which　he　had　submitted　to；　and　therefore　had　cheerfully　repaired　to　the　station；　but　this　boat　business；　though　it　might　be　part　of　a　great　plan　of　invasion；　could　never　be　the　only　one；　and　he　did　not　think　it　was　a　command　for　a　vice…admiral。　It　was　not　that　he　wanted　a　more　lucrative　situation；　for；　seriously　indisposed　as　he　was；　and　low…spirited　from　private　considerations；　he　did　not　know；　if　the　Mediterranean　were　vacant；　that　he　should　be　equal　to　undertake　it。　He　was　offended　with　the　Admiralty　for　refusing　him　leave　to　go　to　town　when　he　had　solicited：　in　reply　to　a　friendly　letter　from　Troubridge　he　says；　〃I　am　at　this　moment　as　firmly　of　opinion　as　ever；　that　Lord　St。　Vincent　and　yourself　should　have　allowed　of　my　coming　to　town　for　my　own　affairs；　for　every　one　knows　I　left　it　without　a　thought　for　myself。〃

His　letters　at　this　time　breathe　an　angry　feeling　toward　Troubridge；　who　was　now　become；　he　said；　one　of　his　lords　and　masters。　〃I　have　a　letter　from　him；〃　he　says；　〃recommending　me　to　wear　flannel　shirts。　Does　he　care　for　me？　NO：　but　never　mind。　They　shall　work　hard　to　get　me　again。　The　cold　has　settled　in　my　bowels。　I　wish　the　Admiralty　had　my　complaint：　but　they　have　no　bowels；　at　least　for　me。　　I　daresay　Master　Troubridge　is　grown　fat；　I　know　I　am　grown　lean　with　my　complaint；　which；　but　for　their　indifference　about　my　health；　could　never　have　happened；　or；　at　least；　I　should　have　got　well　long　ago　in　a　warm　room　with　a　good　fire　and　sincere　friend。〃　In　the　same　tone　of　bitterness　he　complained　that　he　was　not　able　to　promote　those　whom　he　thought　deserving。　〃Troubridge；〃　　he　says；　〃has　so　completely　prevented　my　ever　mentioning　anybody's　service；　that　I　am　become　a　cipher；　and　he　has　gained　a　victory　over　Nelson's　spirit。　I　am　kept　here；　for　what？he　may　be　able　to　tell；　I　cannot。　But　long　it　cannot；　shall　not　be。〃　An　end　was　put　to　this　uncomfortable　state　of　mind　when；　fortunately　（on　that　account）　for　him；　as　well　as　happily　for　the　nation；　the　peace　of　Amiens　was　just　at　this　time　signed。　Nelson　rejoiced　that　the　experiment　was　made；　but　was　well　aware　that　it　was　an　experiment。　He　saw　what　he　called　the　misery　of　peace；　unless　the　utmost　vigilance　and　prudence　were　exerted；　and　he　expressed；　in　bitter　terms；　his　proper　indignation　at　the　manner　in　which　the　mob　of　London　welcomed　the　French　general　who　brought　the　ratification　saying；　〃that　they　made　him　ashamed　of　his　country。〃

He　had　purchased　a　house　and　estate　at　Merton；　in　Surrey；　meaning　　to　pass　his　days　there　in　the　society　of　Sir　William　and　Lady　Hamilton。　He　had　indulged　in　pleasant　dreams　when　looking　on　to　this　as　his　place　of　residence　and　rest。　〃To　be　sure；〃　he　says；　〃we　shall　employ　the　tradespeople　of　our　village　in　preference　to　any　others　in　what　we　want　for　common　use；　and　give　them　every　encouragement　to　be　kind　and　attentive　to　us。〃　〃Have　we　a　nice　church　at　Merton？　We　will　set　an　example　of　goodness　to　the　under…parishioners。　I　admire　the　pigs　and　poultry。　Sheep　are　certainly　most　beneficial　to　eat　off　the　grass。　Do　you　get　paid　for　them；　and　take　care　that　they　are　kept　on　the　premises　all　night；　for　that　is　the　time　they　do　good　to　the　land。　They　should　be　folded。　Is　your　head…man　a　good　person；　and　true　to　our　interest？　I　intend　to　have　a　farming…book。　I　expect　that　all　animals　will　increase　where　you　are；　for　I　never　expect　that　you　will　suffer　any　to　be　killed。　No　person　can　take　amiss　our　not　visiting。　The　answer　from　me　will　always　be　very　civil　thanks；　but　that　I　wish　to　live　retired。　We　shall　have　our　sea…friends；　and　I　know　Sir　William　thinks　they　are　the　best。〃　This　place　he　had　never　seen　till　he　was　now　welcomed　there　by　the　friends　to　whom　he　had　so　passionately　devoted　himself；　and　who　were　not　less　sincerely　attached　to　him。　The　place；　and　everything　which　Lady　Hamilton　had　done　to　it；　delighted　him；　and　he　declared　that　the　longest　liver　should　possess　it　all。　Here　he　amused　himself　with　angling　in　the　Wandle；　having　been　a　good　fly…fisher　in　former　days；　and　learning　now　to　practise　with　his　left　hand　what　he　could　no　longer　pursue　as　a　solitary　diversion。　His　pensions　for　his　victories；　and　for　the　loss　of　his　eye　and　arm；　amounted　with　his　half…pay　to　about　L3400　a…year。　From　this　he　gave　L1800　to　Lady　Nelson；　L200　to　a　brother's　widow；　and　L150　for　the　education　of　his　children；　and　he　paid　L500　interest　for　borrowed　money；　so　that　Nelson　was　comparatively　a　poor　man；　and　though　much　of　the　pecuniary　embarrassment　which　he　endured　was　occasioned　by　the　separation　from　his　wifeeven　if　that　cause　had　not　existed；　his　income　would　not　have　been　sufficient　for　the　rank　which　he　held；　and　the　claims　which　would　necessarily　be　made　upon　his　bounty。　The　depression　of　spirits　under　which　he　had　long　laboured　arose　partly　from　this　state　of　his　circumstances；　and　partly　from　the　other　disquietudes　in　which　his　connection　with　Lady　Hamilton　had　involved　hima　connection　which　it　was　not　possible　his　father　could　behold　without　sorrow　and　displeasure。　Mr。　Nelson；　however；　was　soon　persuaded　that　the　attachment；　which　Lady　Nelson　regarded　with　natural　jealousy　and　resentment；　did　not　in　reality　pass　the　bounds　of　ardent　and　romantic　admiration：　a　passion　which　the　manners　and　accomplishments　of　Lady　Hamilton；　fascinating　as　they　were；　would　not　have　been　able　to　excite；　if　they　had　not　been　accompanied　by　more　uncommon　intellectual　endowments；　and　by　a　character　which；　both　in　its　strength　and　in　its　weakness；　resembled　his　own。　It　did　not；　therefore；　require　much　explanation　to　reconcile　him　to　his　sonan　event　the　more　essential　to　Nelson's　happiness；　because；　a　few　months　afterwards；　the　good　old　man　died　at　the　age　of　seventy…nine。

Soon　after　the　conclusion　of　peace；　tidings　arrived　of　our　final　and　decisive　successes　in　Egypt；　in　consequence　of　which；　the　common　council　voted　their　thanks　to　the　army　and　navy　for　bringing　the　campaign　to　so　glorious　a　conclusion。　When　Nelson；　after　the　action　of　Cape　St。　Vincent；　had　been　entertained　at　a　city　feast；　he　had　observed　to　the　lord　mayor；　〃that；　if　the　city　continued　its　generosity；　the　navy　would　ruin　them　in　gifts。〃　To　which　the　lord　mayor　replied；　putting　his　hand　upon　the　admiral's　shoulder：　〃Do　you　find　victories　and　we　will　find　rewards。〃　Nelson；　as　he　said；　had　kept　his　word；　had　doubly　fulfilled　his　part　of　the　contract；　but　no　thanks　had　been　voted　for　the　battle　of　Copenhagen；　and　feeling　that　he　and　his　companions　in　that　day's　glory　had　a　fair　and　honourable　claim　to　this　reward；　he　took　the　present　opportunity　of　addressing　a　letter　to　the　lord　mayor；　complaining　of　the　omission　and　the　injustice。　〃The　smallest　services；〃　said　he；　〃rendered　by　the　army　or　navy　to　the　country；　have　always　been　noticed　by　the　great　city　of　London　with　one　exceptionthe　glorious　2nd　of　Aprila　day　when　the　greatest　dangers　of　navigation　were　overcome；　and　the　Danish　force；　which　they　thought　impregnable；　totally　taken　or　destroyed；　by　the　consummate　skill　of　our　commanders；　and　by　the　undaunted　bravery　of　as　gallant　a　band　as　ever　defended　the　rights　of　this　country。　For　myself；　if　I　were　only　personally　concerned；　I　should　bear　the　stigma；　attempted　to　be　now　first　placed　upon　my　brow；　with　humility。　But；　my　lord；　I　am　the　natural　guardian　of　the　fame　of　all　the　officers　of　the　navy；　army；　and　marines　who　fought；　and　so　profusely　bled；　under　my　command　on　that　day。　Again　I　disclaim　for　myself　more　merit　than　naturally　falls　to　a　successful　commander；　but　when　I　am　called　upon　to　speak　of　the　merits　of　the　captains　of　his　Majesty's　ships；　and　of　the　officers　and　men；　whether　seamen；　marines；　or　soldiers；　whom　I　that　day　had　the　happiness　to　command；　I　then　say；　that　never　was　the　glory　of　this　country　upheld　with　more　determined　bravery　than　on　that　occasion：　and　if　I　may　be　allowed　to　give　an　opinion　as　a　Briton；　then　I　say；　that　more　important　service　was　never　rendered　to　our　king　and　country。　It　is　my　duty；　my　lord；　to　prove　to　the　brave　fellows；　　my　companions　in　danger；　that　I　have　not　failed　at　every　proper　place　to　represent；　as　well　as　I　am　able；　their　bravery　and　meritorious　conduct。〃

Another　honour；　of　greater　import；　was　withheld　from　the　conquerors。　The　king　had　given　medals　to　those　captains　who　were　engaged　in　the　battles　of　the　1st　of　June；　of　Cape　St。　Vincent；　of　Camperdown；　and　of　the　Nile。　Then　came　the　victory　at　Copenhagen；　which　Nelson　truly　called　the　most　difficult　achievement；　the　hardest…fought　battle；　the　most　glorious　result　that　ever　graced　the　annals　of　our　country。　He；　of　course；　expected　the　medal；　and　in　writing　to　Earl　St。　Vincent；　said；　〃He　longed　to　have　it；　and　would　not　give　it　up　to　be　made　an　English　duke。〃　The　medal；　however；　was　not　given：〃For　what　reason；〃　said　Nelson；　〃Lord　St。　Vincent　best　knows。〃　Words　plainly　implying　a　suspicion　that　it　was　withheld　by　some　feeling　of　jealo