fantastic fables-第16部分

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But　at　last　came　the　Congress　of　1889。















The　Justice　and　His　Accuser















AN　eminent　Justice　of　the　Supreme　Court　of　Patagascar　was　accused　



of　having　obtained　his　appointment　by　fraud。







〃You　wander；〃　he　said　to　the　Accuser；　〃it　is　of　little　importance　



how　I　obtained　my　power；　it　is　only　important　how　I　have　used　it。〃







〃I　confess；〃　said　the　Accuser；　〃that　in　comparison　with　the　



rascally　way　in　which　you　have　conducted　yourself　on　the　Bench；　the　



rascally　way　in　which　you　got　there　does　seem　rather　a　trifle。〃















The　Highwayman　and　the　Traveller















A　HIGHWAYMAN　confronted　a　Traveller；　and　covering　him　with　a　



firearm；　shouted：　〃Your　money　or　your　life！〃







〃My　good　friend；〃　said　the　Traveller；　〃according　to　the　terms　of　



your　demand　my　money　will　save　my　life；　my　life　my　money；　you　imply　



you　will　take　one　or　the　other；　but　not　both。　　If　that　is　what　you　



mean；　please　be　good　enough　to　take　my　life。〃







〃That　is　not　what　I　mean；〃　said　the　Highwayman；　〃you　cannot　save　



your　money　by　giving　up　your　life。〃







〃Then　take　it；　anyhow；〃　the　Traveller　said。　　〃If　it　will　not　save　



my　money；　it　is　good　for　nothing。〃







The　Highwayman　was　so　pleased　with　the　Traveller's　philosophy　and　



wit　that　he　took　him　into　partnership；　and　this　splendid　



combination　of　talent　started　a　newspaper。















The　Policeman　and　the　Citizen















A　POLICEMAN；　finding　a　man　that　had　fallen　in　a　fit；　said；　〃This　



man　is　drunk；〃　and　began　beating　him　on　the　head　with　his　club。　　A　



passing　Citizen　said：







〃Why　do　you　murder　a　man　that　is　already　harmless？〃







Thereupon　the　Policeman　left　the　man　in　a　fit　and　attacked　the　



Citizen；　who；　after　receiving　several　severe　contusions；　ran　away。







〃Alas；〃　said　the　Policeman；　〃why　did　I　not　attack　the　sober　one　



before　exhausting　myself　upon　the　other？〃







Thenceforward　he　pursued　that　plan；　and　by　zeal　and　diligence　rose　



to　be　Chief；　and　sobriety　is　unknown　in　the　region　subject　to　his　



sway。















The　Writer　and　the　Tramps















AN　Ambitious　Writer；　distinguished　for　the　condition　of　his　linen；　



was　travelling　the　high　road　to　fame；　when　he　met　a　Tramp。







〃What　is　the　matter　with　your　shirt？〃　inquired　the　Tramp。







〃It　bears　the　marks　of　that　superb　unconcern　which　is　the　



characteristic　of　genius；〃　replied　the　Ambitious　Writer；　



contemptuously　passing　him　by。







Resting　by　the　wayside　a　little　later；　the　Tramp　carved　upon　the　



smooth　bark　of　a　birch…tree　the　words；　〃John　Gump；　Champion　



Genius。〃















Two　Politicians















Two　Politicians　were　exchanging　ideas　regarding　the　rewards　for　



public　service。







〃The　reward　which　I　most　desire；〃　said　the　First　Politician；　〃is　



the　gratitude　of　my　fellow…citizens。〃







〃That　would　be　very　gratifying；　no　doubt；〃　said　the　Second　



Politician；　〃but；　alas！　in　order　to　obtain　it　one　has　to　retire　



from　politics。〃







For　an　instant　they　gazed　upon　each　other　with　inexpressible　



tenderness；　then　the　First　Politician　murmured；　〃God's　will　be　



done！　　Since　we　cannot　hope　for　reward；　let　us　be　content　with　what　



we　have。〃







And　lifting　their　right　hands　from　the　public　treasury　they　swore　



to　be　content。















The　Fugitive　Office















A　TRAVELLER　arriving　at　the　capitol　of　the　nation　saw　a　vast　plain　



outside　the　wall；　filled　with　struggling　and　shouting　men。　　While　



he　looked　upon　the　alarming　spectacle　an　Office　broke　away　from　the　



Throng　and　took　shelter　in　a　tomb　close　to　where　he　stood；　the　



crowd　being　too　intent　upon　hammering　one　another　to　observe　that　



the　cause　of　their　contention　had　departed。







〃Poor　bruised　and　bleeding　creature；〃　said　the　compassionate　



Traveller；　〃what　misfortune　caused　you　to　be　so　far　away　from　the　



source　of　power？〃







〃I　'sought　the　man；'〃　said　the　Office。















The　Tyrant　Frog















A　SNAKE　swallowing　a　frog　head…first　was　approached　by　a　Naturalist　



with　a　stick。







〃Ah；　my　deliverer；〃　said　the　Snake　as　well　as　he　could；　〃you　have　



arrived　just　in　time；　this　reptile；　you　see；　is　pitching　into　me　



without　provocation。〃







〃Sir；〃　replied　the　Naturalist；　〃I　need　a　snakeskin　for　my　



collection；　but　if　you　had　not　explained　I　should　not　have　



interrupted　you；　for　I　thought　you　were　at　dinner。〃















The　Eligible　Son…in…Law















A　TRULY　Pious　Person　who　conducted　a　savings　bank　and　lent　money　to　



his　sisters　and　his　cousins　and　his　aunts　of　both　sexes；　was　



approached　by　a　Tatterdemalion；　who　applied　for　a　loan　of　one　



hundred　thousand　dollars。







〃What　security　have　you　to　offer？〃　asked　the　Truly　Pious　Person。







〃The　best　in　the　world；〃　the　applicant　replied；　confidentially；　〃I　



am　about　to　become　your　son…in…law。〃







〃That　would　indeed　be　gilt…edged；〃　said　the　banker；　gravely；　〃but　



what　claim　have　you　to　the　hand　of　my　daughter？〃







〃One　that　cannot　be　lightly　denied；〃　said　the　Tatterdemalion。　　〃I　



am　about　to　become　worth　one　hundred　thousand　dollars。〃







Unable　to　detect　a　weak　point　in　this　scheme　of　mutual　advantage；　



the　financier　gave　the　promoter　in　disguise　an　order　for　the　money；　



and　wrote　a　note　to　his　wife　directing　her　to　count　out　the　girl。















The　Statesman　and　the　Horse















A　STATESMAN　who　had　saved　his　country　was　returning　from　Washington　



on　foot；　when　he　met　a　Race　Horse　going　at　full　speed；　and　stopped　



it。







〃Turn　about　and　travel　the　other　way；〃　said　the　Statesman；　〃and　I　



will　keep　you　company　as　far　as　my　home。　　The　advantages　of　



travelling　together　are　obvious。〃







〃I　cannot　do　that；〃　said　the　Race　Horse；　〃I　am　following　my　master　



to　Washington。　　I　did　not　go　fast　enough　to　suit　him；　and　he　has　



gone　on　ahead。〃







〃Who　is　your　master？〃　inquired　the　Statesman。







〃He　is　the　Statesman　who　saved　his　country；〃　answered　the　Race　



Horse。







〃There　appears　to　be　some　mistake；〃　the　other　said。　　〃Why　did　he　



wish　to　travel　so　fast？〃







〃So　as　to　be　there　in　time　to　get　the　country　that　he　saved。〃







〃I　guess　he　got　it；〃　said　the　other；　and　limped　along；　sighing。















An　AErophobe















A　CELEBRATED　Divine　having　affirmed　the　fallibility　of　the　Bible；　



was　asked　why；　then；　he　preached　the　religion　founded　upon　it。







〃If　it　is　fallible；〃　he　replied；　〃there　is　the　greater　reason　that　



I　explain　it；　lest　it　mislead。〃







〃Then　am　I　to　infer；〃　said　his　Questioner；　〃that　YOU　are　not　



fallible？〃







〃You　are　to　infer　that　I　am　not　pneumophagous。〃















The　Thrift　of　Strength















A　WEAK　Man　going　down…hill　met　a　Strong　Man　going　up；　and　said：







〃I　take　this　direction　because　it　requires　less　exertion；　not　from　



choice。　　I　pray　you；　sir；　assist　me　to　regain　the　summit。〃







〃Gladly；〃　said　the　Strong　Man；　his　face　illuminated　with　the　glory　



of　his　thought。　　〃I　have　always　considered　my　strength　a　sacred　



gift　in　trust　for　my　fellow…men。　　I　will　take　you　along　with　me。　　



Just　get　behind　me　and　push。〃















The　Good　Government















〃WHAT　a　happy　land　you　are！〃　said　a　Republican　Form　of　Government　



to　a　Sovereign　State。　　〃Be　good　enough　to　lie　still　while　I　walk　



upon　you；　singing　the　praises　of　universal　suffrage　and　descanting　



upon　the　blessings　of　civil　and　religious　liberty。　　In　the　meantime　



you　can　relieve　your　feelings　by　cursing　the　one…man　power　and　the　



effete　monarchies　of　Europe。〃







〃My　public　servants　have　been　fools　and　rogues　from　the　date　of　



your　accession　to　power；〃　replied　the　State；　〃my　legislative　



bodies；　both　State　and　municipal；　are　bands　of　thieves；　my　taxes　



are　insupportable；　my　courts　are　corrupt；　my　cities　are　a　disgrace　



to　civilisation；　my　corporations　have　their　hands　at　the　throats　of　



every　private　interest　…　all　my　affairs　are　in　disorder　and　



criminal　confusion。〃







〃That　is　all　very　true；〃　said　the　Republican　Form　of　Government；　



putting　on　its　hobnail　shoes；　〃but　consider　how　I　thrill　you　every　



Fourth　of　July。〃















The　Life　Saver















AN　Ancient　Maiden；　standing　on　the　edge　of　a　wharf　near　a　Modern　



Swain；　was　overheard　rehearsing　the　words：







〃Noble　preserver！　　The　life　that　you　have　saved　is　yours！〃







Having　repeated　them　several　times　with　various　intonations；　she　



sprang　into　the　water；　where　she　was　suffered　to　drown。







〃I　am　a　noble　preserver；〃　said　the　Modern　Swain；　thoughtfully　



moving　awa