fantastic fables-第4部分

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fruit　abundantly。　　Please　pass　the　plate　for　me；　and　you　shall　have　



one　fourth。〃







The　Holy　Deacon　did　so；　and　putting　the　money　into　his　pocket　



waited　till　the　congregation　was　dismissed　and　said　goodnight。







〃But　the　money；　brother；　the　money　that　you　collected！〃　said　the　



Itinerant　Preacher。







〃Nothing　is　coming　to　you；〃　was　the　reply；　〃the　Adversary　has　



hardened　their　hearts；　and　one　fourth　is　all　they　gave。〃















A　Hasty　Settlement















〃YOUR　Honour；〃　said　an　Attorney；　rising；　〃what　is　the　present　



status　of　this　case　…　as　far　as　it　has　gone？〃







〃I　have　given　a　judgment　for　the　residuary　legatee　under　the　will；〃　



said　the　Court；　〃put　the　costs　upon　the　contestants；　decided　all　



questions　relating　to　fees　and　other　charges；　and；　in　short；　the　



estate　in　litigation　has　been　settled；　with　all　controversies；　



disputes；　misunderstandings；　and　differences　of　opinion　thereunto　



appertaining。〃







〃Ah；　yes；　I　see；〃　said　the　Attorney；　thoughtfully；　〃we　are　making　



progress　…　we　are　getting　on　famously。〃







〃Progress？〃　echoed　the　Judge　…　〃progress？　　Why；　sir；　the　matter　is　



concluded！〃







〃Exactly；　exactly；　it　had　to　be　concluded　in　order　to　give　



relevancy　to　the　motion　that　I　am　about　to　make。　　Your　Honour；　I　



move　that　the　judgment　of　the　Court　be　set　aside　and　the　case　



reopened。〃







〃Upon　what　ground；　sir？〃　the　Judge　asked　in　surprise。







〃Upon　the　ground；〃　said　the　Attorney；　〃that　after　paying　all　fees　



and　expenses　of　litigation　and　all　charges　against　the　estate　there　



will　still　be　something　left。〃







〃There　may　have　been　an　error；〃　said　His　Honour；　thoughtfully　…　



〃the　Court　may　have　underestimated　the　value　of　the　estate。　　The　



motion　is　taken　under　advisement。〃















The　Wooden　Guns















AN　Artillery　Regiment　of　a　State　Militia　applied　to　the　Governor　



for　wooden　guns　to　practise　with。







〃Those；〃　they　explained；　〃will　be　cheaper　than　real　ones。〃







〃It　shall　not　be　said　that　I　sacrificed　efficiency　to　economy；〃　



said　the　Governor。　　〃You　shall　have　real　guns。〃







〃Thank　you；　thank　you；〃　cried　the　warriors；　effusively。　　〃We　will　



take　good　care　of　them；　and　in　the　event　of　war　return　them　to　the　



arsenal。〃















The　Reform　School　Board















THE　members　of　the　School　Board　in　Doosnoswair　being　suspected　of　



appointing　female　teachers　for　an　improper　consideration；　the　



people　elected　a　Board　composed　wholly　of　women。　　In　a　few　years　



the　scandal　was　at　an　end；　there　were　no　female　teachers　in　the　



Department。















The　Poet's　Doom















AN　Object　was　walking　along　the　King's　highway　wrapped　in　



meditation　and　with　little　else　on；　when　he　suddenly　found　himself　



at　the　gates　of　a　strange　city。　　On　applying　for　admittance；　he　was　



arrested　as　a　necessitator　of　ordinances；　and　taken　before　the　



King。







〃Who　are　you；〃　said　the　King；　〃and　what　is　your　business　in　life？〃







〃Snouter　the　Sneak；〃　replied　the　Object；　with　ready　invention；　



〃pick…pocket。〃







The　King　was　about　to　command　him　to　be　released　when　the　Prime　



Minister　suggested　that　the　prisoner's　fingers　be　examined。　　They　



were　found　greatly　flattened　and　calloused　at　the　ends。







〃Ha！〃　cried　the　King；　〃I　told　you　so！　…　he　is　addicted　to　counting　



syllables。　　This　is　a　poet。　　Turn　him　over　to　the　Lord　High　



Dissuader　from　the　Head　Habit。〃







〃My　liege；〃　said　the　Inventor…in…Ordinary　of　Ingenious　Penalties；　



〃I　venture　to　suggest　a　keener　affliction。







〃Name　it；〃　the　King　said。







〃Let　him　retain　that　head！〃







It　was　so　ordered。















The　Noser　and　the　Note















THE　Head　Rifler　of　an　insolvent　bank；　learning　that　it　was　about　to　



be　visited　by　the　official　Noser　into　Things；　placed　his　own　



personal　note　for　a　large　amount　among　its　resources；　and；　gaily　



touching　his　guitar；　awaited　the　inspection。　　When　the　Noser　came　



to　the　note　he　asked；　〃What's　this？〃







〃That；〃　said　the　Assistant　Pocketer　of　Deposits；　〃is　one　of　our　



liabilities。〃







〃A　liability？〃　exclaimed　the　Noser。　　〃Nay；　nay；　an　asset。　　That　is　



what　you　mean；　doubtless。〃







〃Therein　you　err；〃　the　Pocketer　explained；　〃that　note　was　written　



in　the　bank　with　our　own　pen；　ink；　and　paper；　and　we　have　not　paid　



a　stationery　bill　for　six　months。〃







〃Ah；　I　see；〃　the　Noser　said；　thoughtfully；　〃it　is　a　liability。　　May　



I　ask　how　you　expect　to　meet　it？〃







〃With　fortitude；　please　God；〃　answered　the　Assistant　Pocketer；　his　



eyes　to　Heaven　raising　…　〃with　fortitude　and　a　firm　reliance　on　the　



laxity　of　the　law。〃







〃Enough；　enough；〃　exclaimed　the　faithful　servant　of　the　State；　



choking　with　emotion；　〃here　is　a　certificate　of　solvency。〃







〃And　here　is　a　bottle　of　ink；〃　the　grateful　financier　said；　



slipping　it　into　the　other's　pocket；　〃it　is　all　that　we　have。〃















The　Cat　and　the　King















A　CAT　was　looking　at　a　King；　as　permitted　by　the　proverb。







〃Well；〃　said　the　monarch；　observing　her　inspection　of　the　royal　



person；　〃how　do　you　like　me？〃







〃I　can　imagine　a　King；〃　said　the　Cat；　〃whom　I　should　like　better。〃







〃For　example？〃







〃The　King　of　the　Mice。〃







The　sovereign　was　so　pleased　with　the　wit　of　the　reply　that　he　gave　



her　permission　to　scratch　his　Prime　Minister's　eyes　out。















The　Literary　Astronomer















THE　Director　of　an　Observatory；　who；　with　a　thirty…six…inch　



refractor；　had　discovered　the　moon；　hastened　to　an　Editor；　with　a　



four…column　account　of　the　event。







〃How　much？〃　said　the　Editor；　sententiously；　without　looking　up　from　



his　essay　on　the　circularity　of　the　political　horizon。







〃One　hundred　and　sixty　dollars；〃　replied　the　man　who　had　discovered　



the　moon。







〃Not　half　enough；〃　was　the　Editor's　comment。







〃Generous　man！〃　cried　the　Astronomer；　glowing　with　warm　and　



elevated　sentiments；　〃pay　me；　then；　what　you　will。〃







〃Great　and　good　friend；〃　said　the　Editor；　blandly；　looking　up　from　



his　work；　〃we　are　far　asunder；　it　seems。　　The　paying　is　to　be　done　



by　you。〃







The　Director　of　the　Observatory　gathered　up　the　manuscript　and　went　



away；　explaining　that　it　needed　correction；　he　had　neglected　to　dot　



an　m。















The　Lion　and　the　Rattlesnake















A　MAN　having　found　a　Lion　in　his　path　undertook　to　subdue　him　by　



the　power　of　the　human　eye；　and　near　by　was　a　Rattlesnake　engaged　



in　fascinating　a　small　bird。







〃How　are　you　getting　on；　brother？〃　the　Man　called　out　to　the　other　



reptile；　without　removing　his　eyes　from　those　of　the　Lion。







〃Admirably；〃　replied　the　serpent。　　〃My　success　is　assured；　my　



victim　draws　nearer　and　nearer　in　spite　of　her　efforts。〃







〃And　mine；〃　said　the　Man；　〃draws　nearer　and　nearer　in　spite　of　



mine。　　Are　you　sure　it　is　all　right？〃







〃If　you　don't　think　so；〃　the　reptile　replied　as　well　as　he　then　



could；　with　his　mouth　full　of　bird；　〃you　better　give　it　up。〃







A　half…hour　later；　the　Lion；　thoughtfully　picking　his　teeth　with　



his　claws；　told　the　Rattlesnake　that　he　had　never　in　all　his　varied　



experience　in　being　subdued；　seen　a　subduer　try　so　earnestly　to　



give　it　up。　　〃But；〃　he　added；　with　a　wide；　significant　smile；　〃I　



looked　him　into　countenance。〃















The　Man　with　No　Enemies















AN　Inoffensive　Person　walking　in　a　public　place　was　assaulted　by　a　



Stranger　with　a　Club；　and　severely　beaten。







When　the　Stranger　with　a　Club　was　brought　to　trial；　the　complainant　



said　to　the　Judge：







〃I　do　not　know　why　I　was　assaulted；　I　have　not　an　enemy　in　the　



world。〃







〃That；〃　said　the　defendant；　〃is　why　I　struck　him。〃







〃Let　the　prisoner　be　discharged；〃　said　the　Judge；　〃a　man　who　has　no　



enemies　has　no　friends。　　The　courts　are　not　for　such。〃















The　Alderman　and　the　Raccoon















〃I　SEE　quite　a　number　of　rings　on　your　tail；〃　said　an　Alderman　to　a　



Raccoon　that　he　met　in　a　zoological　garden。







〃Yes；〃　replied　the　Raccoon；　〃and　I　hear　quite　a　number　of　tales　on　



your　ring。〃







The　Alderman；　being　of　a　sensitive；　retiring　disposition；　shrank　



from　further　comparison；　and；　strolling　to　another　part　of　the　



garden；　stole　the　camel。















The　Flying…Machine















AN　Ingenious　Man　who　had　built　a　flying…machine　invited　a　great　



concourse　of　people　to　see　it　go　up。　　At　the　appointed　moment；　



everything　being　ready；　he　boarded　the　car　and　turned　on　the　power。　　



The　machine　immediately　broke　through　the　massive