fantastic fables-第6部分

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himself　the　Ahkoond　of　Swat；　fell　into　the　baleful　habit　of　



standing　on　his　head；　and　swore　that　the　mother　who　bore　him　was　a　



pragmatic　paralogism。　　Wherefore　he　was　held　in　high　reverence；　and　



when　the　two　other　gentlemen　were　hanged　for　lying　the　Theosophists　



elected　him　to　the　leadership　of　their　Disastral　Body；　and　after　a　



quiet　life　and　an　honourable　death　by　the　kick　of　a　jackass　he　was　



reincarnated　as　a　Yellow　Dog。　　As　such　he　ate　the　Ashes　of　Madame　



Blavatsky；　and　Theosophy　was　no　more。















The　Opossum　of　the　Future















ONE　day　an　Opossum　who　had　gone　to　sleep　hanging　from　the　highest　



branch　of　a　tree　by　the　tail；　awoke　and　saw　a　large　Snake　wound　



about　the　limb；　between　him　and　the　trunk　of　the　tree。







〃If　I　hold　on；〃　he　said　to　himself；　〃I　shall　be　swallowed；　if　I　let　



go　I　shall　break　my　neck。〃







But　suddenly　he　bethought　himself　to　dissemble。







〃My　perfected　friend；〃　he　said；　〃my　parental　instinct　recognises　in　



you　a　noble　evidence　and　illustration　of　the　theory　of　development。　　



You　are　the　Opossum　of　the　Future；　the　ultimate　Fittest　Survivor　of　



our　species；　the　ripe　result　of　progressive　prehensility　…　all　



tail！〃







But　the　Snake；　proud　of　his　ancient　eminence　in　Scriptural　history；　



was　strictly　orthodox；　and　did　not　accept　the　scientific　view。















The　Life…Savers















SEVENTY…FIVE　Men　presented　themselves　before　the　President　of　the　



Humane　Society　and　demanded　the　great　gold　medal　for　life…saving。







〃Why；　yes；〃　said　the　President；　〃by　diligent　effort　so　many　men　



must　have　saved　a　considerable　number　of　lives。　　How　many　did　you　



save？〃







〃Seventy…five；　sir；〃　replied　their　Spokesman。







〃Ah；　yes；　that　is　one　each　…　very　good　work　…　very　good　work；　



indeed；〃　the　President　said。　　〃You　shall　not　only　have　the　



Society's　great　gold　medal；　but　its　recommendation　for　employment　



at　the　various　life…boat　stations　along　the　coast。　　But　how　did　you　



save　so　many　lives？〃







The　Spokesman　of　the　Men　replied：







〃We　are　officers　of　the　law；　and　have　just　returned　from　the　



pursuit　of　two　murderous　outlaws。〃















The　Australian　Grasshopper















A　DISTINGUISHED　Naturalist　was　travelling　in　Australia；　when　he　saw　



a　Kangaroo　in　session　and　flung　a　stone　at　it。　　The　Kangaroo　



immediately　adjourned；　tracing　against　the　sunset　sky　a　parabolic　



curve　spanning　seven　provinces；　and　evanished　below　the　horizon。　　



The　Distinguished　Naturalist　looked　interested；　but　said　nothing　



for　an　hour；　then　he　said　to　his　native　Guide：







〃You　have　pretty　wide　meadows　here；　I　suppose？〃







〃No；　not　very　wide；〃　the　Guide　answered；　〃about　the　same　as　in　



England　and　America。〃







After　another　long　silence　the　Distinguished　Naturalist　said：







〃The　hay　which　we　shall　purchase　for　our　horses　this　evening　…　I　



shall　expect　to　find　the　stalks　about　fifty　feet　long。　　Am　I　



right？〃







〃Why；　no；〃　said　the　Guide；　〃a　foot　or　two　is　about　the　usual　length　



of　our　hay。　　What　can　you　be　thinking　of？〃







The　Distinguished　Naturalist　made　no　immediate　reply；　but　later；　as　



in　the　shades　of　night　they　journeyed　through　the　desolate　vastness　



of　the　Great　Lone　Land；　he　broke　the　silence：







〃I　was　thinking；〃　he　said；　〃of　the　uncommon　magnitude　of　that　



grass…hopper。〃















The　Pavior















AN　Author　saw　a　Labourer　hammering　stones　into　the　pavement　of　a　



street；　and　approaching　him　said：







〃My　friend；　you　seem　weary。　　Ambition　is　a　hard　taskmaster。〃







〃I'm　working　for　Mr。　Jones；　sir；〃　the　Labourer　replied。







〃Well；　cheer　up；〃　the　Author　resumed；　〃fame　comes　at　the　most　



unexpected　times。　　To…day　you　are　poor；　obscure；　and　disheartened；　



and　to…morrow　the　world　may　be　ringing　with　your　name。〃







〃What　are　you　giving　me？〃　the　Labourer　said。　　〃Cannot　an　honest　



pavior　perform　his　work　in　peace；　and　get　his　money　for　it；　and　his　



living　by　it；　without　others　talking　rot　about　ambition　and　hopes　



of　fame？〃







〃Cannot　an　honest　writer？〃　said　the　Author。















The　Tried　Assassin















AN　Assassin　being　put　upon　trial　in　a　New　England　court；　his　



Counsel　rose　and　said：　〃Your　Honour；　I　move　for　a　discharge　on　the　



ground　of　'once　in　jeopardy'：　my　client　has　been　already　tried　for　



that　murder　and　acquitted。〃







〃In　what　court？〃　asked　the　Judge。







〃In　the　Superior　Court　of　San　Francisco；〃　the　Counsel　replied。







〃Let　the　trial　proceed　…　your　motion　is　denied；〃　said　the　Judge。　　



〃An　Assassin　is　not　in　jeopardy　when　tried　in　California。〃















The　Bumbo　of　Jiam















THE　Pahdour　of　Patagascar　and　the　Gookul　of　Madagonia　were　



disputing　about　an　island　which　both　claimed。　　Finally；　at　the　



suggestion　of　the　International　League　of　Cannon　Founders；　which　



had　important　branches　in　both　countries；　they　decided　to　refer　



their　claims　to　the　Bumbo　of　Jiam；　and　abide　by　his　judgment。　　In　



settling　the　preliminaries　of　the　arbitration　they　had；　however；　



the　misfortune　to　disagree；　and　appealed　to　arms。　　At　the　end　of　a　



long　and　disastrous　war；　when　both　sides　were　exhausted　and　



bankrupt；　the　Bumbo　of　Jiam　intervened　in　the　interest　of　peace。







〃My　great　and　good　friends；〃　he　said　to　his　brother　sovereigns；　〃it　



will　be　advantageous　to　you　to　learn　that　some　questions　are　more　



complex　and　perilous　than　others；　presenting　a　greater　number　of　



points　upon　which　it　is　possible　to　differ。　　For　four　generations　



your　royal　predecessors　disputed　about　possession　of　that　island；　



without　falling　out。　　Beware；　oh；　beware　the　perils　of　



international　arbitration！　…　against　which　I　feel　it　my　duty　to　



protect　you　henceforth。〃







So　saying；　he　annexed　both　countries；　and　after　a　long；　peaceful；　



and　happy　reign　was　poisoned　by　his　Prime　Minister。















The　Two　Poets















Two　Poets　were　quarrelling　for　the　Apple　of　Discord　and　the　Bone　of　



Contention；　for　they　were　very　hungry。







〃My　sons；〃　said　Apollo；　〃I　will　part　the　prizes　between　you。　　You；〃　



he　said　to　the　First　Poet；　〃excel　in　Art　…　take　the　Apple。　　And　



you；〃　he　said　to　the　Second　Poet；　〃in　Imagination　…　take　the　Bone。〃







〃To　Art　the　best　prize！〃　said　the　First　Poet；　triumphantly；　and　



endeavouring　to　devour　his　award　broke　all　his　teeth。　　The　Apple　



was　a　work　of　Art。







〃That　shows　our　Master's　contempt　for　mere　Art；〃　said　the　Second　



Poet；　grinning。







Thereupon　he　attempted　to　gnaw　his　Bone；　but　his　teeth　passed　



through　it　without　resistance。　　It　was　an　imaginary　Bone。















The　Thistles　upon　the　Grave















A　MIND　Reader　made　a　wager　that　he　would　be　buried　alive　and　remain　



so　for　six　months；　then　be　dug　up　alive。　　In　order　to　secure　the　



grave　against　secret　disturbance；　it　was　sown　with　thistles。　　At　



the　end　of　three　months；　the　Mind　Reader　lost　his　money。　　He　had　



come　up　to　eat　the　thistles。















The　Shadow　of　the　Leader















A　POLITICAL　Leader　was　walking　out　one　sunny　day；　when　he　observed　



his　Shadow　leaving　him　and　walking　rapidly　away。







〃Come　back　here；　you　scoundrel；〃　he　cried。







〃If　I　had　been　a　scoundrel；〃　answered　the　Shadow；　increasing　its　



speed；　〃I　should　not　have　left　you。〃















The　Sagacious　Rat















A　RAT　that　was　about　to　emerge　from　his　hole　caught　a　glimpse　of　a　



Cat　waiting　for　him；　and　descending　to　the　colony　at　the　bottom　of　



the　hole　invited　a　Friend　to　join　him　in　a　visit　to　a　neighbouring　



corn…bin。　　〃I　would　have　gone　alone；〃　he　said；　〃but　could　not　deny　



myself　the　pleasure　of　such　distinguished　company。〃







〃Very　well；〃　said　the　Friend；　〃I　will　go　with　you。　　Lead　on。〃







〃Lead？〃　exclaimed　the　other。　　〃What！　　I　precede　so　great　and　



illustrious　a　rat　as　you？　No；　indeed　…　after　you；　sir；　after　you。〃







Pleased　with　this　great　show　of　deference；　the　Friend　went　ahead；　



and；　leaving　the　hole　first；　was　caught　by　the　Cat；　who　immediately　



trotted　away　with　him。　　The　other　then　went　out　unmolested。















The　Member　and　the　Soap















A　MEMBER　of　the　Kansas　Legislature　meeting　a　Cake　of　Soap　was　



passing　it　by　without　recognition；　but　the　Cake　of　Soap　insisted　on　





stopping　and　shaking　hands。　　Thinking　it　might　possibly　be　in　the　



enjoyment　of　the　elective　franchise；　he　gave　it　a　cordial　and　



earnest　grasp。　　On　letting　it　go　he　observed　that　a　portion　of　it　



adhered　to　his　fingers；　and　running　to　a　brook　in　great　alarm　he　



proceeded　to　wash　it　off。　　In　doing　so　he　necessarily　got　some　on　



the