fantastic fables-第7部分

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adhered　to　his　fingers；　and　running　to　a　brook　in　great　alarm　he　



proceeded　to　wash　it　off。　　In　doing　so　he　necessarily　got　some　on　



the　other　hand；　and　when　he　had　finished　washing；　both　were　so　



white　that　he　went　to　bed　and　sent　for　a　physician。















Alarm　and　Pride















〃GOOD…MORNING；　my　friend；〃　said　Alarm　to　Pride；　〃how　are　you　this　



morning？〃







〃Very　tired；〃　replied　Pride；　seating　himself　on　a　stone　by　the　



wayside　and　mopping　his　steaming　brow。　　〃The　politicians　are　



wearing　me　out　by　pointing　to　their　dirty　records　with　ME；　when　



they　could　as　well　use　a　stick。〃







Alarm　sighed　sympathetically；　and　said：







〃It　is　pretty　much　the　same　way　here。　　Instead　of　using　an　opera…



glass　they　view　the　acts　of　their　opponents　with　ME！〃







As　these　patient　drudges　were　mingling　their　tears；　they　were　



notified　that　they　must　go　on　duty　again；　for　one　of　the　political　



parties　had　nominated　a　thief　and　was　about　to　hold　a　gratification　



meeting。















A　Causeway















A　RICH　Woman　having　returned　from　abroad　disembarked　at　the　foot　of　



Knee…deep　Street；　and　was　about　to　walk　to　her　hotel　through　the　



mud。







〃Madam；〃　said　a　Policeman；　〃I　cannot　permit　you　to　do　that；　you　



would　soil　your　shoes　and　stockings。〃







〃Oh；　that　is　of　no　importance；　really；〃　replied　the　Rich　Woman；　



with　a　cheerful　smile。







〃But；　madam；　it　is　needless；　from　the　wharf　to　the　hotel；　as　you　



observe；　extends　an　unbroken　line　of　prostrate　newspaper　men　who　



crave　the　honour　of　having　you　walk　upon　them。〃







〃In　that　case；〃　she　said；　seating　herself　in　a　doorway　and　



unlocking　her　satchel；　〃I　shall　have　to　put　on　my　rubber　boots。〃















Two　in　Trouble















MEETING　a　fat　and　patriotic　Statesman　on　his　way　to　Washington　to　



beseech　the　President　for　an　office；　an　idle　Tramp　accosted　him　and　



begged　twenty…five　cents　with　which　to　buy　a　suit　of　clothes。







〃Melancholy　wreck；〃　said　the　Statesman；　〃what　brought　you　to　this　



state　of　degradation？　　Liquor；　I　suppose。〃







〃I　am　temperate　to　the　verge　of　absurdity；〃　replied　the　Tramp。　　〃My　



foible　was　patriotism；　I　was　ruined　by　the　baneful　habit　of　trying　



to　serve　my　country。　　What　ruined　you？〃







〃Indolence。〃















The　Witch's　Steed















A　BROOMSTICK　which　had　long　served　a　witch　as　a　steed　complained　of　



the　nature　of　its　employment；　which　it　thought　degrading。







〃Very　well；〃　said　the　Witch；　〃I　will　give　you　work　in　which　you　



will　be　associated　with　intellect　…　you　will　come　in　contact　with　



brains。　　I　shall　present　you　to　a　housewife。〃







〃What！〃　said　the　Broomstick；　〃do　you　consider　the　hands　of　a　



housewife　intellectual？〃







〃I　referred；〃　said　the　Witch；　〃to　the　head　of　her　good　man。〃















The　All　Dog















A　LION　seeing　a　Poodle　fell　into　laughter　at　the　ridiculous　



spectacle。







〃Who　ever　saw　so　small　a　beast？〃　he　said。







〃It　is　very　true；〃　said　the　Poodle；　with　austere　dignity；　〃that　I　



am　small；　but；　sir；　I　beg　to　observe　that　I　am　all　dog。〃















The　Farmer's　Friend















A　GREAT　Philanthropist　who　had　thought　of　himself　in　connection　



with　the　Presidency　and　had　introduced　a　bill　into　Congress　



requiring　the　Government　to　loan　every　voter　all　the　money　that　he　



needed；　on　his　personal　security；　was　explaining　to　a　Sunday…school　



at　a　railway　station　how　much　he　had　done　for　the　country；　when　an　



angel　looked　down　from　Heaven　and　wept。







〃For　example；〃　said　the　Great　Philanthropist；　watching　the　



teardrops　pattering　in　the　dust；　〃these　early　rains　are　of　



incalculable　advantage　to　the　farmer。〃















Physicians　Two















A　WICKED　Old　Man　finding　himself　ill　sent　for　a　Physician；　who　



prescribed　for　him　and　went　away。　　Then　the　Wicked　Old　Man　sent　for　



another　Physician；　saying　nothing　of　the　first；　and　an　entirely　



different　treatment　was　ordered。　　This　continued　for　some　weeks；　



the　physicians　visiting　him　on　alternate　days　and　treating　him　for　



two　different　disorders；　with　constantly　enlarging　doses　of　



medicine　and　more　and　more　rigorous　nursing。　　But　one　day　they　



accidently　met　at　his　bedside　while　he　slept；　and　the　truth　coming　



out　a　violent　quarrel　ensued。







〃My　good　friends；〃　said　the　patient；　awakened　by　the　noise　of　the　



dispute；　and　apprehending　the　cause　of　it；　〃pray　be　more　



reasonable。　　If　I　could　for　weeks　endure　you　both；　can　you　not　for　



a　little　while　endure　each　other？　　I　have　been　well　for　ten　days；　



but　have　remained　in　bed　in　the　hope　of　gaining　by　repose　the　



strength　that　would　justify　me　in　taking　your　medicines。　　So　far　I　



have　touched　none　of　it。〃















The　Overlooked　Factor















A　MAN　that　owned　a　fine　Dog；　and　by　a　careful　selection　of　its　mate　



had　bred　a　number　of　animals　but　a　little　lower　than　the　angels；　



fell　in　love　with　his　washerwoman；　married　her；　and　reared　a　family　



of　dolts。







〃Alas！〃　he　exclaimed；　contemplating　the　melancholy　result；　〃had　I　



but　chosen　a　mate　for　myself　with　half　the　care　that　I　did　for　my　



Dog　I　should　now　be　a　proud　and　happy　father。〃







〃I'm　not　so　sure　of　that；〃　said　the　Dog；　overhearing　the　lament。　　



〃There's　a　difference；　certainly；　between　your　whelps　and　mine；　but　



I　venture　to　flatter　myself　that　it　is　not　due　altogether　to　the　



mothers。　　You　and　I　are　not　entirely　alike　ourselves。〃















A　Racial　Parallel















SOME　White　Christians　engaged　in　driving　Chinese　Heathens　out　of　an　



American　town　found　a　newspaper　published　in　Peking　in　the　Chinese　



tongue；　and　compelled　one　of　their　victims　to　translate　an　



editorial。　　It　turned　out　to　be　an　appeal　to　the　people　of　the　



Province　of　Pang　Ki　to　drive　the　foreign　devils　out　of　the　country　



and　burn　their　dwellings　and　churches。　　At　this　evidence　of　



Mongolian　barbarity　the　White　Christians　were　so　greatly　incensed　



that　they　carried　out　their　original　design。















The　Honest　Cadi















A　ROBBER　who　had　plundered　a　Merchant　of　one　thousand　pieces　of　



gold　was　taken　before　the　Cadi；　who　asked　him　if　he　had　anything　to　



say　why　he　should　not　be　decapitated。







〃Your　Honour；〃　said　the　Robber；　〃I　could　do　no　otherwise　than　take　



the　money；　for　Allah　made　me　that　way。〃







〃Your　defence　is　ingenious　and　sound；〃　said　the　Cadi；　〃and　I　must　



acquit　you　of　criminality。　　Unfortunately；　Allah　has　made　me　so　



that　I　must　also　take　off　your　head　…　unless；〃　he　added；　



thoughtfully；　〃you　offer　me　half　of　the　gold；　for　He　made　me　weak　



under　temptation。〃







Thereupon　the　Robber　put　five　hundred　pieces　of　gold　into　the　



Cadi's　hand。







〃Good；〃　said　the　Cadi。　　〃I　shall　now　remove　but　one　half　your　head。　　



To　show　my　trust　in　your　discretion　I　shall　leave　intact　the　half　



you　talk　with。〃















The　Kangaroo　and　the　Zebra















A　KANGAROO　hopping　awkwardly　along　with　some　bulky　object　concealed　



in　her　pouch　met　a　Zebra；　and　desirous　of　keeping　his　attention　



upon　himself；　said：







〃Your　costume　looks　as　if　you　might　have　come　out　of　the　



penitentiary。〃







〃Appearances　are　deceitful；〃　replied　the　Zebra；　smiling　in　the　



consciousness　of　a　more　insupportable　wit；　〃or　I　should　have　to　



think　that　you　had　come　out　of　the　Legislature。〃















A　Matter　of　Method















A　PHILOSOPHER　seeing　a　Fool　beating　his　Donkey；　said：







〃Abstain；　my　son；　abstain；　I　implore。　　Those　who　resort　to　violence　



shall　suffer　from　violence。〃







〃That；〃　said　the　Fool；　diligently　belabouring　the　animal；　〃is　what　



I'm　trying　to　teach　this　beast　…　which　has　kicked　me。〃







〃Doubtless；〃　said　the　Philosopher　to　himself；　as　he　walked　away；　



〃the　wisdom　of　fools　is　no　deeper　nor　truer　than　ours；　but　they　



really　do　seem　to　have　a　more　impressive　way　of　imparting　it。〃















The　Man　of　Principle















DURING　a　shower　of　rain　the　Keeper　of　a　Zoological　garden　observed　



a　Man　of　Principle　crouching　beneath　the　belly　of　the　ostrich；　



which　had　drawn　itself　up　to　its　full　height　to　sleep。







〃Why；　my　dear　sir；〃　said　the　Keeper；　〃if　you　fear　to　get　wet；　you'd　



better　creep　into　the　pouch　of　yonder　female　kangaroo　…　the　



SALTARIX　MACKINTOSHA　…　for　if　that　ostrich　wakes　he　will　kick　you　



to　death　in　a　minute。〃







〃I　can't　help　that；〃　the　Man　of　Principle　replied；　with　that　lofty　



scorn　of　practical　considerations　distinguishing　his　species。　　〃He　



may　kick　me　to　death　if　he　wish；　but　until　he　does　he　shall　give　me　



shelter　from