fantastic fables-第9部分

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Honourable　Editor。　　〃And　yet；〃　he　added；　with　a　sly　smile；　〃I　feel　



that　I　ought　to　give　you　as　much　knowledge　of　my　character　as　I　



possess。　　In　this　scrap…book　is　such　testimony　relating　to　my　shady　



side；　as　I　have　within　the　past　ten　years　been　able　to　cut　from　the　



columns　of　my　competitors　in　the　business　of　elevating　humanity　to　



a　higher　plane　of　mind　and　morals　…　my　'loathsome　contemporaries。'〃







Laying　the　book　on　a　table；　he　withdrew　in　high　spirits　to　make　



arrangements　for　the　wedding。　　Three　days　later　he　received　the　



scrap…book　from　a　messenger；　with　a　note　warning　him　never　again　to　



darken　his　Old　Friend's　door。







〃See！〃　the　Gifted　and　Honourable　Editor　exclaimed；　pointing　to　that　



injunction　…　〃I　am　a　painter　and　grainer！〃







And　he　was　led　away　to　the　Asylum　for　the　Indiscreet。















The　Faithful　Cashier















THE　Cashier　of　a　bank　having　defaulted　was　asked　by　the　Directors　



what　he　had　done　with　the　money　taken。







〃I　am　greatly　surprised　by　such　a　question；〃　said　the　Cashier；　〃it　



sounds　as　if　you　suspected　me　of　selfishness。　　Gentlemen；　I　applied　



that　money　to　the　purpose　for　which　I　took　it；　I　paid　it　as　an　



initiation　fee　and　one　year's　dues　in　advance　to　the　Treasurer　of　



the　Cashiers'　Mutual　Defence　Association。〃







〃What　is　the　object　of　that　organisation？〃　the　Directors　inquired。







〃When　any　one　of　its　members　is　under　suspicion；〃　replied　the　



Cashier；　〃the　Association　undertakes　to　clear　his　character　by　



submitting　evidence　that　he　was　never　a　prominent　member　of　any　



church；　nor　foremost　in　Sunday…school　work。〃







Recognising　the　value　to　the　bank　of　a　spotless　reputation　for　its　



officers；　the　President　drew　his　check　for　the　amount　of　the　



shortage　and　the　Cashier　was　restored　to　favour。















The　Circular　Clew















A　DETECTIVE　searching　for　the　murderer　of　a　dead　man　was　accosted　



by　a　Clew。







〃Follow　me；〃　said　the　Clew；　〃and　there's　no　knowing　what　you　may　



discover。〃







So　the　Detective　followed　the　Clew　a　whole　year　through　a　thousand　



sinuosities；　and　at　last　found　himself　in　the　office　of　the　Morgue。







〃There！〃　said　the　Clew；　pointing　to　the　open　register。







The　Detective　eagerly　scanned　the　page；　and　found　an　official　



statement　that　the　deceased　was　dead。　　Thereupon　he　hastened　to　



Police　Headquarters　to　report　progress。　　The　Clew；　meanwhile；　



sauntered　among　the　busy　haunts　of　men；　arm　in　arm　with　an　



Ingenious　Theory。〃















The　Devoted　Widow















A　WIDOW　weeping　on　her　husband's　grave　was　approached　by　an　



Engaging　Gentleman　who；　in　a　respectful　manner；　assured　her　that　he　



had　long　entertained　for　her　the　most　tender　feelings。







〃Wretch！〃　cried　the　Widow。　　〃Leave　me　this　instant！　　Is　this　a　time　



to　talk　to　me　of　love？〃







〃I　assure　you；　madam；　that　I　had　not　intended　to　disclose　my　



affection；〃　the　Engaging　Gentleman　humbly　explained；　〃but　the　power　



of　your　beauty　has　overcome　my　discretion。〃







〃You　should　see　me　when　I　have　not　been　crying；〃　said　the　Widow。















The　Hardy　Patriots















A　DISPENSER…ELECT　of　Patronage　gave　notice　through　the　newspapers　



that　applicants　for　places　would　be　given　none　until　he　should　



assume　the　duties　of　his　office。







〃You　are　exposing　yourself　to　a　grave　danger；〃　said　a　Lawyer。







〃How　so？〃　the　Dispenser…Elect　inquired。







〃It　will　be　nearly　two　months；〃　the　Lawyer　answered；　〃before　the　



day　that　you　mention。　　Few　patriots　can　live　so　long　without　



eating；　and　some　of　the　applicants　will　be　compelled　to　go　to　work　



in　the　meantime。　　If　that　kills　them；　you　will　be　liable　to　



prosecution　for　murder。〃







〃You　underrate　their　powers　of　endurance；〃　the　official　replied。







〃What！〃　said　the　Lawyer；　〃you　think　they　can　stand　work？〃







〃No；〃　said　the　other　…　〃hunger。〃















The　Humble　Peasant















AN　Office　Seeker　whom　the　President　had　ordered　out　of　Washington　



was　watering　the　homeward　highway　with　his　tears。







〃Ah；〃　he　said；　〃how　disastrous　is　ambition！　how　unsatisfying　its　



rewards！　how　terrible　its　disappointments！　　Behold　yonder　peasant　



tilling　his　field　in　peace　and　contentment！　　He　rises　with　the　



lark；　passes　the　day　in　wholesome　toil；　and　lies　down　at　night　to　



pleasant　dreams。　　In　the　mad　struggle　for　place　and　power　he　has　no　



part；　the　roar　of　the　strife　reaches　his　ear　like　the　distant　



murmur　of　the　ocean。　　Happy；　thrice　happy　man！　　I　will　approach　him　



and　bask　in　the　sunshine　of　his　humble　felicity。　　Peasant；　all　



hail！〃







Leaning　upon　his　rake；　the　Peasant　returned　the　salutation　with　a　



nod；　but　said　nothing。







〃My　friend；〃　said　the　Office　Seeker；　〃you　see　before　you　the　wreck　



of　an　ambitious　man　…　ruined　by　the　pursuit　of　place　and　power。　　



This　morning　when　I　set　out　from　the　national　capital　…　〃







〃Stranger；〃　the　Peasant　interrupted；　〃if　you're　going　back　there　



soon　maybe　you　wouldn't　mind　using　your　influence　to　make　me　



Postmaster　at　Smith's　Corners。〃







The　traveller　passed　on。















The　Various　Delegation















THE　King　of　Wideout　having　been　offered　the　sovereignty　of　Wayoff；　



sent　for　the　Three　Persons　who　had　made　the　offer；　and　said　to　



them：







〃I　am　extremely　obliged　to　you；　but　before　accepting　so　great　a　



responsibility　I　must　ascertain　the　sentiments　of　the　people　of　



Wayoff。〃







〃Sire；〃　said　the　Spokesman　of　the　Three　Persons；　〃they　stand　before　



you。〃







〃Indeed！〃　said　the　King；　〃are　you；　then；　the　people　of　Wayoff？〃







〃Yes；　your　Majesty。〃







〃There　are　not　many　of　you；〃　the　King　said；　attentively　regarding　



them　with　the　royal　eye；　〃and　you　are　not　so　very　large；　I　hardly　



think　you　are　a　quorum。　　Moreover；　I　never　heard　of　you　until　you　



came　here；　whereas　Wayoff　is　noted　for　the　quality　of　its　pork　and　



contains　hogs　of　distinction。　　I　shall　send　a　Commissioner　to　



ascertain　the　sentiments　of　the　hogs。〃







The　Three　Persons；　bowing　profoundly；　backed　out　of　the　presence；　



but　soon　afterward　they　desired　another　audience；　and；　on　being　



readmitted；　said；　through　their　Spokesman：







〃May　it　please　your　Majesty；　we　are　the　hogs。〃















The　No　Case















A　STATESMAN　who　had　been　indicted　by　an　unfeeling　Grand　Jury　was　



arrested　by　a　Sheriff　and　thrown　into　jail。　　As　this　was　abhorrent　



to　his　fine　spiritual　nature；　he　sent　for　the　District　Attorney　and　



asked　that　the　case　against　him　be　dismissed。







〃Upon　what　grounds？〃　asked　the　District　Attorney。







〃Lack　of　evidence　to　convict；〃　replied　the　accused。







〃Do　you　happen　to　have　the　lack　with　you？〃　the　official　asked。　　〃I　



should　like　to　see　it。〃







〃With　pleasure；〃　said　the　other；　〃here　it　is。〃







So　saying　he　handed　the　other　a　check；　which　the　District　Attorney　



carefully　examined；　and　then　pronounced　it　the　most　complete　



absence　of　both　proof　and　presumption　that　he　had　ever　seen。　　He　



said　it　would　acquit　the　oldest　man　in　the　world。















A　Harmless　Visitor















AT　a　meeting　of　the　Golden　League　of　Mystery　a　Woman　was　



discovered；　writing　in　a　note…book。　　A　member　directed　the　



attention　of　the　Superb　High　Chairman　to　her；　and　she　was　asked　to　



explain　her　presence　there；　and　what　she　was　doing。







〃I　came　in　for　my　own　pleasure　and　instruction；〃　she　said；　〃and　was　



so　struck　by　the　wisdom　of　the　speakers　that　I　could　not　help　



making　a　few　notes。〃







〃Madam；〃　said　the　Superb　High　Chairman；　〃we　have　no　objection　to　



visitors　if　they　will　pledge　themselves　not　to　publish　anything　



they　hear。　　Are　you　…　on　your　honour　as　a　lady；　now；　madam　…　are　



you　not　connected　with　some　newspaper？〃







〃Good　gracious；　no！〃　cried　the　Woman；　earnestly。　　〃Why；　sir；　I　am　



an　officer　of　the　Women's　Press　Association！〃







She　was　permitted　to　remain；　and　presented　with　resolutions　of　



apology。















The　Judge　and　the　Rash　Act















A　JUDGE　who　had　for　years　looked　in　vain　for　an　opportunity　for　



infamous　distinction；　but　whom　no　litigant　thought　worth　bribing；　



sat　one　day　upon　the　Bench；　lamenting　his　hard　lot；　and　threatening　



to　put　an　end　to　his　life　if　business　did　not　improve。　　Suddenly　he　



found　himself　confronted　by　a　dreadful　figure　clad　in　a　shroud；　



whose　pallor　and　stony　eyes　smote　him　with　a　horrible　apprehension。







〃Who　are　you；〃　he　faltered；　〃and　why　do　you　come　here？〃







〃I　am　the　Rash　Act；〃　was　the　sepulchral　reply；　〃you　may　commit　me。〃







〃No；〃　the　judge　said；　thoughtfully；　〃no；　that　w