the lost road-第5部分

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him；　that　she；　and　only　she；　can　steady　him；　cheer　him；　keep　him
true　to　the　work　he　is　in　the　world　to　perform。　　It　is　called　the
〃mothering〃　instinct。

Frances　felt　this　mothering　instinct　toward　the　sensitive；
imaginative；　charming　Stedman。　　She　believed　he　had　but　two
thoughts；　his　art　and　herself。　　She　was　content　to　place　his　art　first。
She　could　not　guess　that　to　one　so　unworldly；　to　one　so　wrapped　up
in　his　art；　the　fortune　of　a　rich　aunt　might　prove　alluring。

When　the　transport　finally　picked　up　the　landfalls　of　Cavite
Harbor；　Lee；　with　the　instinct　of　a　soldier；　did　not　exclaim：
〃This　is　where　Dewey　ran　the　forts　and　sank　the　Spanish　fleet！〃
On　the　contrary；　he　was　saying：　〃When　she　comes　to　join　me；　it
will　be　here　I　will　first　see　her　steamer。　　I　will　be　waiting　with
a　field…glass　on　the　end　of　that　wharf。　　No；　I　will　be　out　here　in
a　shore…boat　waving　my　hat。　　And　of　all　those　along　the　rail；　my
heart　will　tell　me　which　is　she！〃

Then　a　barefooted　Filipino　boy　handed　him　an　unsigned　cablegram。
It　read：　〃If　I　wrote　a　thousand　words　I　could　not　make　it　easier
for　either　of　us。　　I　am　to　marry　Arthur　Stedman　in　December。〃

Lee　was　grateful　for　the　fact　that　he　was　not　permitted　to　linger
in　Manila。　　Instead；　he　was　at　once　ordered　up…country；　where　at　a
one…troop　post　he　administered　the　affairs　of　a　somewhat　hectic
province；　and　under　the　guidance　of　the　local　constabulary　chased
will…o'…the…wisp　brigands。　　On　a　shelf　in　his　quarters　he　placed
the　silver　loving…cup；　and　at　night；　when　the　village　slept；　he
would　sit　facing　it；　filling　one　pipe　after　another；　and　through
the　smoke　staring　at　the　evidence　to　the　fact　that　once　Frances
Gardner　and　he　had　been　partners。

In　these　post…mortems　he　saw　nothing　morbid。　　With　his　present
activities　they　in　no　way　interfered；　and　in　thinking　of　the　days
when　they　had　been　together；　in　thinking　of　what　he　had　lost；　he
found　deep　content。　　Another　man；　having　lost　the　woman　he　loved；
would　have　tried　to　forget　her　and　all　she　meant　to　him。　　But　Lee
was　far　too　honest　with　himself　to　substitute　other　thoughts　for
those　that　were　glorious；　that　still　thrilled　him。　　The　girl　could
take　herself　from　him；　but　she　could　not　take　his　love　for　her
from　him。　　And　for　that　he　was　grateful。　　He　never　had　considered
himself　worthy；　and　so　could　not　believe　he　had　been　ill　used。　　In
his　thoughts　of　her　there　was　no　bitterness：　for　that　also　he　was
grateful。　　And；　as　he　knew　he　would　not　care　for　any　other　woman
in　the　way　he　cared　for　her；　he　preferred　to　care　in　that　way；
even　for　one　who　was　lost；　than　in　a　lesser　way　for　a　possible
she　who　some　day　might　greatly　care　for　him。　　So　she　still
remained　in　his　thoughts；　and　was　so　constantly　with　him　that　he
led　a　dual　existence；　in　which　by　day　he　directed　the　affairs　of
an　alien　and　hostile　people　and　by　night　again　lived　through　the
wonderful　moments　when　she　had　thought　she　loved　him；　when　he
first　had　learned　to　love　her。　　At　times　she　seemed　actually　at
his　side；　and　he　could　not　tell　whether　he　was　pretending　that
this　were　so　or　whether　the　force　of　his　love　had　projected　her
image　half　around　the　world。

Often；　when　in　single　file　he　led　the　men　through　the　forest；　he
seemed　again　to　be　back　on　Cape　Cod　picking　his　way　over　their
own　lost　road　through　the　wood；　and　he　heard　〃the　beat　of　a
horse's　feet　and　the　swish　of　a　skirt　in　the　dew。〃　　And　then　a
carbine　would　rattle；　or　a　horse　would　stumble　and　a　trooper
swear；　and　he　was　again　in　the　sweating　jungle；　where　men；　intent
upon　his　life；　crouched　in　ambush。

She　spared　him　the　mockery　of　wedding…cards；　but　the　announcement
of　the　wedding　came　to　him　in　a　three…months…old　newspaper。　　Hoping
they　would　speak　of　her　in　their　letters；　he　kept　up　a　somewhat　one…sided
correspondence　with　friends　of　Mrs。　Stedman's　in　Boston；　where　she　now
lived。　　But　for　a　year　in　none　of　their　letters　did　her　name　appear。　　When
a　mutual　friend　did　write　of　her　Lee　understood　the　silence。

From　the　first；　the　mutual　friend　wrote；　the　life　of　Mrs。　Stedman
and　her　husband　was　thoroughly　miserable。　　Stedman　blamed　her
because　she　came　to　him　penniless。　　The　rich　aunt；　who　had
heartily　disapproved　of　the　artist；　had　spoken　of　him　so　frankly
that　Frances　had　quarrelled　with　her；　and　from　her　no　longer
would　accept　money。　　In　his　anger　at　this　Stedman　showed　himself
to　Frances　as　he　was。　　And　only　two　months　after　their　marriage
she　was　further　enlightened。

An　irate　husband　made　him　the　central　figure　in　a　scandal　that
filled　the　friends　of　Frances　with　disgust；　and　that　for　her　was
an　awakening　cruel　and　humiliating。　　Men　no　longer　permitted　their
womenfolk　to　sit　to　Stedman　for　a　portrait；　and　the　need　of　money
grew　imperative。　　He　the　more　blamed　Frances　for　having　quarrelled
with　her　aunt；　told　her　it　was　for　her　money　he　had　married　her；
that　she　had　ruined　his　career；　and　that　she　was　to　blame　for　his
ostracisma　condition　that　his　own　misconduct　had　brought　upon
him。　　Finally；　after　twelve　months　of　this；　one　morning　he　left　a
note　saying　he　no　longer　would　allow　her　to　be　a　drag　upon　him；
and　sailed　for　Europe。

They　learned　that；　in　Paris；　he　had　returned　to　that　life　which
before　his　marriage；　even　in　that　easy…going　city；　had　made　him
notorious。　　〃And　Frances；〃　continued　Lee's　correspondent；　〃has
left　Boston；　and　now　lives　in　New　York。　　She　wouldn't　let　any　of
us　help　her；　nor　even　know　where　she　is。　　The　last　we　heard　of　her
she　was　in　charge　of　the　complaint　department　of　a　millinery
shop；　for　which　work　she　was　receiving　about　the　same　wages　I
give　my　cook。〃

Lee　did　not　stop　to　wonder　why　the　same　woman；　who　to　one　man　was
a　〃drag；〃　was　to　another；　even　though　separated　from　her　by　half
the　world；　a　joy　and　a　blessing。　　Instead；　he　promptly　wrote　his
lawyers　to　find　Mrs。　Stedman；　and；　in　such　a　way　as　to　keep　her
ignorant　of　their　good　offices；　see　that　she　obtained　a　position
more　congenial　than　her　present　one；　and　one　that　would　pay　her
as　much　as；　without　arousing　her　suspicions；　they　found　it
possible　to　give。

Three　months　had　passed；　and　this　letter　had　not　been　answered；
when　in　Manila；　where　he　had　been　ordered　to　make　a　report；　he
heard　of　her　again。　　One　evening；　when　the　band　played　on　the
Luneta；　he　met　a　newly　married　couple　who　had　known　him　in
Agawamsett。　　They　now　were　on　a　ninety…day　cruise　around　the
world。　　Close　friends　of　Frances　Gardner；　they　remembered　him　as
one　of　her　many　devotees　and　at　once　spoke　of　her。

〃That　blackguard　she　married；〃　the　bridegroom　told　him；　〃was
killed　three　months　ago　racing　with　another　car　from　Versailles
back　to　Paris　after　a　dinner　at　which；　it　seems；　all　present
drank　'burgundy　out　of　the　fingerbowls。'　　Coming　down　that　steep
hill　into　Saint　Cloud；　the　cars　collided；　and　Stedman　and　a
woman；　whose　husband　thought　she　was　somewhere　else；　were　killed。
He　couldn't　even　die　without　making　a　scandal　of　it。〃

〃But　the　worst；〃　added　the　bride；　〃is　that；　in　spite　of　the　way
the　little　beast　treated　her；　I　believe　Frances　still　cares　for
him；　and　always　will。　　That's　the　worst　of　it；　isn't　it？〃　she
demanded。

In　words；　Lee　did　not　answer；　but　in　his　heart　he　agreed　that　was
much　the　worst　of　it。　　The　fact　that　Frances　was　free　filled　him
with　hope；　but　that　she　still　cared　for　the　man　she　had　married；
and　would　continue　to　think　only　of　him；　made　him　ill　with
despair。

He　cabled　his　lawyers　for　her　address。　　He　determined　that；　at
once；　on　learning　it；　he　would　tell　her　that　with　him　nothing　was
changed。　　He　had　forgotten　nothing；　and　had　learned　much。　　He　had
learned　that　his　love　for　her　was　a　splendid　and　inspiring
passion；　that　even　without　her　it　had　lifted　him　up；　helped　and
cheered　him；　made　the　whole　world　kind　and　beautiful。　　With　her　he
could　not　picture　a　world　so　complete　with　happiness。

Since　entering　the　army　he　had　never　taken　a　leave　of　absence；　and　he
was　sure；　if　now　he　asked　for　one；　it　would　not　be　refused。　　He　determined；
if　the　answer　to　his　cable　gave　him　the　address；　he　would　return　at　once；
and　again　offer　her　his　love；　which　he　now　knew　was　deeper；　finer；　and
infinitely　more　tender　than　the　love　he　first　had　felt　for　her。　　But　the　cable
balked　him。　　〃Address　unknown；〃　it　read；　〃believed　to　have　gone　abroad　in
capacity　of　governess。　　Have　employed　foreign　agents。　　Will　cable　their
report。〃

Whether　to　wait　for　and　be　guided　by　the　report　of　the
detectives；　or　to　proceed　to　Europe　and　search　for　her　himself；
Lee　did　not　know。　　He　finally　determined　that　to　seek　for　her　with
no　clew　to　her　whereabouts　would　be　but　a　waste　of　precious
moments；　while；　if　in　their　search　the　agents　were　successful；　he
would　be　able　to　go　directly　to　her。　　Meanwhile；　by　cable；　he
asked　for　protracted　leave　of　absence　and；　while　waiting　for　his
answer；　returned　to　his　post。　　There；　within　a　week；　he　received
his　leave　of　absence；　but　in　a　fashion　that　threatened　to　remove
him　forever　from　the　army。

The　constabulary　had　located　the　will…o'…the…wisp　brigands　behind
a　stockade　built　about　an　extinct　volcano；　and　Lee　and　his　troop
and　a　mountain　battery　attempted　to　dislodge　them。　　In　the　fight　that