the lost road-第65部分

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first　to　discover　his　successful　rival。　　It　is　either　an　instinct
or　because　his　concern　is　deeper　than　that　of　others。　

And　so；　when　Hemingway　sought　for　the　influence　that　separated
him　from　Polly　Adair；　the　trail　led　to　Fearing。　　To　find　that　the
obstacle　in　the　path　of　his　true　love　was　a　man　greatly　relieved
him。　　He　had　feared　that　what　was　in　the　thoughts　of　Mrs。　Adair
was　the　memory　of　her　dead　husband。　　He　had　no　desire　to　cross
swords　with　a　ghost。　　But　to　a　living　rival　he　could　afford　to　be
generous。

For　he　was　sure　no　one　could　care　for　Polly　Adair　as　he　cared；
and；　like　every　other　man　in　love；　he　believed　that　he　alone　had
discovered　in　her　beauties　of　soul　and　character　that　to　the　rest
of　mankind　were　hidden。　　This　knowledge；　he　assured　himself；　had
aroused　in　him　a　depth　of　devotion　no　one　else　could　hope　to
imitate；　and　this　depth　of　devotion　would　in　time　so　impress　her；
would　become　so　necessary　to　her　existence；　that　it　would　force
her　at　last　into　the　arms　of　the　only　man　who　could　offer　it。

Having　satisfied　himself　in　this　fashion；　he　continued　cheerfully
on　his　way；　and　the　presence　of　a　rival　in　no　way　discouraged
him。　　It　only　was　Polly　Adair　who　discouraged　him。　　And　this；
in　spite　of　the　fact　that　every　hour　of　the　day　he　tried　to　bring
himself　pleasantly　to　her　notice。　　All　that　an　idle　young　man　in
love；　aided　and　abetted　by　imagination　and　an　unlimited　letter　of
credit；　could　do；　Hemingway　did。　　But　to　no　end。　

The　treasures　he　dug　out　of　the　bazaars　and　presented　to　her；
under　false　pretenses　as　trinkets　he　happened　at　that　moment
to　find　in　his　pockets；　were　admired　by　her　at　their　own　great
value；　and　returned　also　under　false　pretenses；　as　having　been
offered　her　only　to　examine。

〃It　is　for　your　sister　at　home；　I　suppose；〃　she　prompted。　　〃It's
quite　lovely。　　Thank　you　for　letting　me　see　it。〃

After　having　been　several　times　severely　snubbed　in　this　fashion；
Hemingway　remarked　grimly　as　he　put　a　black　pearl　back　into　his
pocket：

〃At　this　rate　sister　will　be　mighty　glad　to　see　me　when　I　get
home。　　It　seems　almost　a　pity　I　haven't　got　a　sister。〃　

The　girl　answered　this　only　with　a　grave　smile。

On　another　occasion　she　admired　a　polo　pony　that　had　been
imported　for　the　stable　of　the　boy　Sultan。　　But　next　morning
Hemingway；　after　much　diplomacy；　became　the　owner　of　it　and
proudly　rode　it　to　the　agency。　　Lady　Firth　and　Polly　Adair　walked
out　to　meet　him　arm　in　arm；　but　at　sight　of　the　pony　there　came
into　the　eyes　of　the　secretary　a　look　that　caused　Hemingway　to
wish　himself　and　his　mount　many　miles　in　the　jungle。　　He　saw
that　before　it　had　been　proffered；　his　gift…horse　had　been　rejected。
He　acted　promptly。　

〃Lady　Firth；〃　he　said；　〃you've　been　so　awfully　kind　to　me；　made　this
place　so　like　a　home　to　me；　that　I　want　you　to　put　this　mare　in　your
stable。　　The　Sultan　wanted　her；　but　when　he　learned　I　meant　to　turn
her　over　to　you；　he　let　her　go。　　We　both　hope　you'll　accept。〃

Lady　Firth　had　no　scruples。　　In　five　minutes　she　had　accepted；　had
clapped　a　side…saddle　on　her　rich　gift；　and　was　cantering　joyously
down　the　Pearl　Road。

Polly　Adair　looked　after　her　with　an　expression　that　was
distinctly　wistful。　　Thus　encouraged；　Hemingway　said：

〃I'm　glad　you　are　sorry。　　I　hope　every　time　you　see　that　pony
you'll　be　sorry。〃

〃Why　should　I　be　sorry？〃　asked　the　girl。

〃Because　you　have　been　unkind；〃　said　Hemingway；　〃and　it　is　not　your
character　to　be　unkind。　　And　that　you　have　shown　lack　of　character
ought　to　make　you　sorry。〃

〃But　you　know　perfectly　well；〃　said　Mrs。　Adair；　〃that　if　I　were
to　take　any　one　of　these　wonderful　things　you　bring　me；　I　wouldn't
have　any　character　left。〃

She　smiled　at　him　reassuringly。　　〃And　you　know；〃　she　added；　〃that
that　is　not　why　I　do　not　take　them。　　It　isn't　because　I　can't　afford　to；
or　because　I　don't　want　them；　because　I　do；　but　it's　because　I　don't
deserve　them；　because　I　can　give　you　nothing　in　return。〃

〃As　the　copy…book　says；〃　returned　Hemingway；　〃'the　pleasure　is　in
the　giving。'　　If　the　copy…book　don't　say　that；　I　do。　　And　to　pretend
that　you　give　me　nothing；　that　is　ridiculous！〃　

It　was　so　ridiculous　that　he　rushed　on　vehemently。　　〃Why；　every
minute　you　give　me　something；〃　he　exclaimed。　　〃Just　to　see　you；
just　to　know　you　are　alive；　just　to　be　certain　when　I　turn　in　at
night　that　when　the　world　wakes　up　again　you　will　still　be　a　part
of　it；　that　is　what　you　give　me。　　And　its　name　isHappiness！〃

He　had　begun　quite　innocently；　he　had　had　no　idea　that　it　would
come。　　But　he　had　said　it。　　As　clearly　as　though　he　had　dropped
upon　one　knee；　laid　his　hand　over　his　heart　and　exclaimed：　〃Most
beautiful　of　your　sex；　I　love　you！　Will　you　marry　me？〃　　His　eyes
and　the　tone　of　his　voice　had　said　it。　　And　he　knew　that　he　had
said　it；　and　that　she　knew。　

Her　eyes　were　filled　with　sudden　tears；　and　so　wonderful　was　the
light　in　them　that　for　one　mad　moment　Hemingway　thought　they　were
tears　of　happiness。　　But　the　light　died；　and　what　had　been　tears
became　only　wet　drops　of　water；　and　he　saw　to　his　dismay　that　she
was　most　miserable。　

The　girl　moved　ahead　of　him　to　the　cliff　on　which　the　agency
stood；　and　which　overhung　the　harbor　and　the　Indian　Ocean。　　Her
eyes　were　filled　with　trouble。　　As　she　raised　them　to　his　they　begged
of　him　to　be　kind。　

〃I　am　glad　you　told　me；〃　she　said。　　〃I　have　been　afraid　it　was
coming。　　But　until　you　told　me　I　could　not　say　anything。　　I　tried
to　stop　you。　　I　was　rude　and　unkind〃

〃You　certainly　were；〃　Hemingway　agreed　cheerfully。　　〃And　the　more
you　would　have　nothing　to　do　with　me；　the　more　I　admired　you。　　And
then　I　learned　to　admire　you　more；　and　then　to　love　you。　　It　seems　now
as　though　I　had　always　known　and　always　loved　you。　　And　now　this
is　what　we　are　going　to　do。〃

He　wouldn't　let　her　speak；　he　rushed　on　precipitately。　

〃We　are　first　going　up　to　the　house　to　get　your　typewriting…machine；
and　we　will　bring　it　back　here　and　hurl　it　as　far　as　we　can　off　this　cliff。
I　want　to　see　the　splash！　I　want　to　hear　it　smash　when　it　hits　that　rock。
It　has　been　my　worst　enemy；　because　it　helped　you　to　be　independent
of　me；　because　it　kept　you　from　me。　　Time　after　time；　on　the　veranda；
when　I　was　pretending　to　listen　to　Lady　Firth；　I　was　listening　to　that
damned　machine　banging　and　complaining　and　tiring　your　pretty
fingers　and　your　dear　eyes。　　So　first　it　has　got　to　go。　　You　have　been
its　slave；　now　I　am　going　to　be　your　slave。　　You　have　only　to　rub
the　lamp　and　things　will　happen。　　And　because　I've　told　you　nothing
about　myself；　you　mustn't　think　that　the　money　that　helps　to　make
them　happen　is　'tainted。'　　It　isn't。　　Nor　am　I；　nor　my　father；　nor　my
father's　father。　　I　am　asking　you　to　marry　a　perfectly　respectable
young　man。　　And；　when　you　do〃

Again　he　gave　her　no　opportunity　to　interrupt；　but　rushed　on
impetuously：　　〃We　will　sail　away　across　that　ocean　to　wherever
you　will　take　me。　　To　Ceylon　and　Tokio　and　San　Francisco；　to　Naples
and　New　York；　to　Greece　and　Athens。　　They　are　all　near。　　They　are
all　yours。　　Will　you　accept　them　and　me？〃　　He　smiled　appealingly；
but　most　miserably。　　For　though　he　had　spoken　lightly　and　with
confidence；　it　was　to　conceal　the　fact　that　he　was　not　at　all　confident。
As　he　had　read　in　her　eyes　her　refusal　of　his　pony；　he　had　read；　even
as　he　spoke；　her　refusal　of　himself。　　When　he　ceased　speaking　the　girl
answered：

〃If　I　say　that　what　you　tell　me　makes　me　proud；　I　am　saying　too　little。〃
She　shook　her　head　firmly；　with　an　air　of　finality　that　frightened
Hemingway。　　〃But　what　you　askwhat　you　suggest　is　impossible。〃

〃You　don't　like　me？〃　said　Hemingway。

〃I　like　you　very　much；〃　returned　the　girl；　〃and；　if　I　don't　seem
unhappy　that　it　can't　be；　it　is　because　I　always　have　known　it　can't
be〃

〃Why　can't　it　be？〃　rebelled　Hemingway。　　〃I　don't　mean　that　I　can't
understand　your　not　wanting　to　marry　me；　but　if　I　knew　your
objection；　maybe；　I　could　beat　it　down。〃

Again；　with　the　same　air　of　finality；　the　girl　moved　her　head
slowly；　as　though　considering　each　word；　she　began　cautiously。

〃I　cannot　tell　you　the　reason；〃　she　said；　〃because　it　does　not
concern　only　myself。〃

〃If　you　mean　you　care　for　some　one　else；〃　pleaded　Hemingway；
〃that　does　not　frighten　me　at　all。〃　　It　did　frighten　him　extremely；
but；　believing　that　a　faint　heart　never　won　anything；　he　pretended
to　be　brave。

〃For　you；〃　he　boasted；　〃I　would　go　down　into　the　grave　as　deep　as
any　man。　　He　that　hath　more　let　him　give。　　I　know　what　I　offer。　　I
know　I　love　you　as　no　other　man〃

The　girl　backed　away　from　him　as　though　he　had　struck　her。　　〃You
must　not　say　that；〃　she　commanded。

For　the　first　time　he　saw　that　she　was　moved；　that　the　fingers
she　laced　and　unlaced　were　trembling。　　〃It　is　final！〃　exclaimed
the　girl。　　〃I　cannot　marryyou；　or　any　one。　　II　have　promised。
I　am　not　free。〃

〃Nothing　in　the　world　is　final；〃　returned　Hemingway　sharply；
〃except　death。〃　　He　raised　his　hat　and；　as　though　to　leave　her；
moved　away。　　Not　because　he　admitted　defeat；　but　because　he
felt　that　for　the　present　to　continue　might　lose　him　the　chance　to
fight　again。　　But；　to　deliver　an　ultimatum；　he　turned　back。

〃