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the lost road-第93部分

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a man throw away his life for his officer; or for a chap he didn't
know; just as though it was a cigarette butt。  I've seen the women
nurses of our corps steer a car into a village and yank out a wounded
man while shells were breaking under the wheels and the houses
were pitching into the streets。〃  He stopped and laughed consciously。

〃Understand;〃 he warned me; 〃I'm not talking about myself; only of
things I've seen。  The things I'm going to put in my book。  It ought
to be a pretty good book…what?〃

My envy had been washed clean in admiration。

〃It will make a wonderful book;〃 I agreed。  〃Are you going to
syndicate it first?〃

Young Mr。 Hamlin frowned importantly。

〃I was thinking;〃 he said; 〃of asking John for letters to the magazine
editors。  So; they'll know I'm not faking; that I've really been through
it all。  Letters from John would help a lot。〃  Then he asked anxiously:
〃They would; wouldn't they?〃

I reassured him。  Remembering the Kid's gibes at John and his
numerous dependents; I said: 〃You another college chum of John's?〃
The young man answered my question quite seriously。  〃No;〃 he said;
〃John graduated before I entered; but we belong to the same fraternity。
It was the luckiest chance in the world my finding him here。  There was
a month…old copy of the Balkan News blowing around camp; and his
name was in the list of arrivals。  The moment I found he was in Salonika;
I asked for twelve hours leave; and came down in an ambulance。  I made
straight for John; gave him the grip; and put it up to him to help me。〃

〃I don't understand;〃 I said。  〃I thought you were sailing on the
Adriaticus?〃

The young man was again pacing the floor。  He halted and faced the
harbor。

〃You bet I'm sailing on the Adriaticus;〃 he said。  He looked out at
that vessel; at the Blue Peter flying from her foremast; and grinned。
〃In just two hours!〃

It was stupid of me; but I still was unenlightened。  〃But your twelve
hours' leave?〃 I asked。

The young man laughed。  〃They can take my twelve hours' leave;〃
he said deliberately; 〃and feed it to the chickens。  I'm beating it。〃

〃What d'you mean; you're beating it?〃

〃What do you suppose I mean?〃 he demanded。  〃What do you
suppose I'm doing out of uniform; what do you suppose I'm lying
low in the room for? So's I won't catch cold?〃

〃If you're leaving the army without a discharge; and without
permission;〃 I said; 〃I suppose you know it's desertion。〃

Mr。 Hamlin laughed easily。  〃It's not my army;〃 he said。 〃I'm an
American。〃

〃It's your desertion;〃 I suggested。

The door opened and closed noiselessly; and Billy; entering;
placed a new travelling bag on the floor。  He must have heard my
last words; for he looked inquiringly at each of us。  But he did
not speak and; walking to the window; stood with his hands in his
pockets; staring out at the harbor。  His presence seemed to encourage
the young man。  〃Who knows I'm deserting?〃 he demanded。  〃No
one's ever seen me in Salonika before; and in these 'cits' I can get on
board all right。  And then they can't touch me。  What do the folks at
home care how I left the British army? They'll be so darned glad to
get me back alive that they won't ask if I walked out or was kicked
out。  I should worry!〃

〃It's none of my business;〃 I began; but I was interrupted。  In
his restless pacings the young man turned quickly。

〃As you say;〃 he remarked icily; 〃it is none of your business。
It's none of your business whether I get shot as a deserter; or
go home; or〃

〃You can go to the devil for all I care;〃 I assured him。  〃I
wasn't considering you at all。  I was only sorry that I'll never
be able to read your book。〃

For a moment Mr。 Hamlin remained silent; then he burst forth
with a jeer。

〃No British firing squad;〃 he boasted; 〃will ever stand me up。〃

〃Maybe not;〃 I agreed; 〃but you will never write that book。〃

Again there was silence; and this time it was broken by the Kid。
He turned from the window and looked toward Hamlin。  〃That's
right!〃 he said。

He sat down on the edge of the table; and at the deserter pointed
his forefinger。

〃Son;〃 he said; 〃this war is some war。  It's the biggest war in
history; and folks will be talking about nothing else for the next
ninety years; folks that never were nearer it than Bay City; Mich。
But you won't talk about it。  And you've been all through it。
You've been to hell and back again。  Compared with what you
know about hell; Dante is in the same class with Dr。 Cook。  But
you won't be able to talk about this war; or lecture; or write a
book about it。〃

〃I won't?〃 demanded Hamlin。  〃And why won't I?〃

〃Because of what you're doing now;〃 said Billy。  〃Because
you're queering yourself。  Now; you've got everything。〃  The
Kid was very much in earnest。  His tone was intimate; kind; and
friendly。  〃You've seen everything; done everything。  We'd give
our eye…teeth to see what you've seen; and to write the things you
can write。  You've got a record now that'll last you until you're
dead; and your grandchildren are dead…and then some。  When
you talk the table will have to sit up and listen。  You can say 'I
was there。'  'I was in it。'  'I saw。'  'I know。'  When this war is
over you'll have everything out of it that's worth getting…all
the experiences; all the inside knowledge; all the 'nosebag'
news; you'll have wounds; honors; medals; money; reputation。
And you're throwing all that away!〃

Mr。 Hamlin interrupted savagely。

〃To hell with their medals;〃 he said。  〃They can take their medals
and hang 'em on Christmas trees。  I don't owe the British army
anything。  It owes me。  I've done my bit。  I've earned what I've
got; and there's no one can take it away from me。〃

〃You can;〃 said the Kid。  Before Hamlin could reply the door
opened and John came in; followed by Uncle Jim。  The older
man was looking very grave; and John very unhappy。  Hamlin
turned quickly to John。

〃I thought these men were friends of yours;〃 he began; 〃and
Americans。  They're fine Americans。  They're as full of human
kindness and red blood as a kippered herring!〃

John looked inquiringly at the Kid。

〃He wants to hang himself;〃 explained Billy; 〃and because we
tried to cut him down; he's sore。〃

〃They talked to me;〃 protested Hamlin; 〃as though I was a
yellow dog。  As though I was a quitter。  I'm no quitter! But;
if I'm ready to quit; who's got a better right? I'm not an
Englishman; but there are several million Englishmen haven't
done as much for England in this was as I have。  What do you
fellows know about it? You write about it; about the 'brave
lads in the trenches'; but what do you know about the trenches?
What you've seen from automobiles。  That's all。  That's where
you get off! I've lived in the trenches for fifteen months; froze
in 'em; starved in 'em; risked my life in 'em; and I've saved other
lives; too; by hauling men out of the trenches。  And that's no airy
persiflage; either!〃

He ran to the wardrobe where John's clothes hung; and from the
bottom of it dragged a khaki uniform。  It was still so caked with
mud and snow that when he flung it on the floor it splashed like
a wet bathing suit。  〃How would you like to wear one of those?〃 he
Demanded。  〃Stinking with lice and sweat and blood; the blood of
other men; the men you've helped off the field; and your own
blood。〃

As though committing hara…kiri; he slashed his hand across his
stomach; and then drew it up from his waist to his chin。  〃I'm
scraped with shrapnel from there to there;〃 said Mr。 Hamlin。
〃And another time I got a ball in the shoulder。  That would have
been a 'blighty' for a fighting manthey're always giving them
leavebut all I got was six weeks at Havre in hospital。  Then it
was the Dardanelles; and sunstroke and sand; sleeping in sand;
eating sand; sand in your boots; sand in your teeth; hiding in
holes in the sand like a dirty prairie dog。  And then; 'Off to
Servia!' And the next act opens in the snow and the mud!
Cold? God; how cold it was! And most of us in sun helmets。〃

As though the cold still gnawed at his bones; he shivered。

〃It isn't the danger;〃 he protested。  〃It isn't that I'm getting
away from。  To hell with the danger! It's just the plain
discomfort of it! It's the never being your own master; never
being clean; never being warm。〃  Again he shivered and
rubbed one hand against the other。  〃There were no bridges
over the streams;〃 he went on; 〃and we had to break the ice
and wade in; and then sleep in the open with the khaki frozen
to us。  There was no firewood; not enough to warm a pot of tea。
There were no wounded; all our casualties were frost bite and
Pneumonia。  When we take them out of the blankets their toes
fall off。  We've been in camp for a month now near Doiran; and
it's worse there than on the march。  It's a frozen swamp。  You can't
sleep for the cold; can't eat; the only ration we get is bully beef;
and our insides are frozen so damn tight we can't digest it。  The
cold gets into your blood; gets into your brains。  It won't let you
think; or else; you think crazy things。  It makes you afraid。〃  He
shook himself like a man coming out of a bad dream。

So; I'm through;〃 he said。  In turn he s
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