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the wife and other stories-第4部分

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thought that our ship; which had no freight nor ballast; would overturn。 And that evening I understood that my uneasiness was not disappointment; as I had supposed; but a different feeling; though what exactly I could not say; and that irritated me more than ever。

〃I will go to her;〃 I decided。 〃I can think of a pretext。 I shall say that I want to see Ivan Ivanitch; that will be all。〃

I went downstairs and walked without haste over the carpeted floor through the vestibule and the hall。 Ivan Ivanitch was sitting on the sofa in the drawing…room; he was drinking tea again and muttering something。 My wife was standing opposite to him and holding on to the back of a chair。 There was a gentle; sweet; and docile expression on her face; such as one sees on the faces of people listening to crazy saints or holy men when a peculiar hidden significance is imagined in their vague words and mutterings。 There was something morbid; something of a nun's exaltation; in my wife's expression and attitude; and her low…pitched; half…dark rooms with their old…fashioned furniture; with her birds asleep in their cages; and with a smell of geranium; reminded me of the rooms of some abbess or pious old lady。

I went into the drawing…room。 My wife showed neither surprise nor confusion; and looked at me calmly and serenely; as though she had known I should come。

〃I beg your pardon;〃 I said softly。 〃I am so glad you have not gone yet; Ivan Ivanitch。 I forgot to ask you; do you know the Christian name of the president of our Zemstvo?〃

〃Andrey Stanislavovitch。 Yes。 。 。 。〃

〃_Merci_;〃 I said; took out my notebook; and wrote it down。

There followed a silence during which my wife and Ivan Ivanitch were probably waiting for me to go; my wife did not believe that I wanted to know the president's name  I saw that from her eyes。

〃Well; I must be going; my beauty;〃 muttered Ivan Ivanitch; after I had walked once or twice across the drawing…room and sat down by the fireplace。

〃No;〃 said Natalya Gavrilovna quickly; touching his hand。 〃Stay another quarter of an hour。 。 。 。 Please do!〃

Evidently she did not wish to be left alone with me without a witness。

〃Oh; well; I'll wait a quarter of an hour; too;〃 I thought。

〃Why; it's snowing!〃 I said; getting up and looking out of window。 〃A good fall of snow! Ivan Ivanitch〃 I went on walking about the room  〃I do regret not being a sportsman。 I can imagine what a pleasure it must be coursing hares or hunting wolves in snow like this!〃

My wife; standing still; watched my movements; looking out of the corner of her eyes without turning her head。 She looked as though she thought I had a sharp knife or a revolver in my pocket。

〃Ivan Ivanitch; do take me out hunting some day;〃 I went on softly。 〃I shall be very; very grateful to you。〃

At that moment a visitor came into the room。 He was a tall; thick…set gentleman whom I did not know; with a bald head; a big fair beard; and little eyes。 From his baggy; crumpled clothes and his manners I took him to be a parish clerk or a teacher; but my wife introduced him to me as Dr。 Sobol。

〃Very; very glad to make your acquaintance;〃 said the doctor in a loud tenor voice; shaking hands with me warmly; with a naive smile。 〃Very glad!〃

He sat down at the table; took a glass of tea; and said in a loud voice:

〃Do you happen to have a drop of rum or brandy? Have pity on me; Olya; and look in the cupboard; I am frozen;〃 he said; addressing the maid。

I sat down by the fire again; looked on; listened; and from time to time put in a word in the general conversation。 My wife smiled graciously to the visitors and kept a sharp lookout on me; as though I were a wild beast。 She was oppressed by my presence; and this aroused in me jealousy; annoyance; and an obstinate desire to wound her。 〃Wife; these snug rooms; the place by the fire;〃 I thought; 〃are mine; have been mine for years; but some crazy Ivan Ivanitch or Sobol has for some reason more right to them than I。 Now I see my wife; not out of window; but close at hand; in ordinary home surroundings that I feel the want of now I am growing older; and; in spite of her hatred for me; I miss her as years ago in my childhood I used to miss my mother and my nurse。 And I feel that now; on the verge of old age; my love for her is purer and loftier than it was in the past; and that is why I want to go up to her; to stamp hard on her toe with my heel; to hurt her and smile as I do it。〃

〃Monsieur Marten;〃 I said; addressing the doctor; 〃how many hospitals have we in the district?〃

〃Sobol;〃 my wife corrected。

〃Two;〃 answered Sobol。

〃And how many deaths are there every year in each hospital?〃

〃Pavel Andreitch; I want to speak to you;〃 said my wife。

She apologized to the visitors and went to the next room。 I got up and followed her。

〃You will go upstairs to your own rooms this minute;〃 she said。

〃You are ill…bred;〃 I said to her。

〃You will go upstairs to your own rooms this very minute;〃 she repeated sharply; and she looked into my face with hatred。

She was standing so near that if I had stooped a lit tle my beard would have touched her face。

〃What is the matter?〃 I asked。 〃What harm have I done all at once?〃

Her chin quivered; she hastily wiped her eyes; and; with a cursory glance at the looking…glass; whispered:

〃The old story is beginning all over again。 Of course you won't go away。 Well; do as you like。 I'll go away myself; and you stay。〃

We returned to the drawing…room; she with a resolute face; while I shrugged my shoulders and tried to smile。 There were some more visitors  an elderly lady and a young man in spectacles。 Without greeting the new arrivals or taking leave of the others; I went off to my own rooms。

After what had happened at tea and then again downstairs; it became clear to me that our 〃family happiness;〃 which we had begun to forget about in the course of the last two years; was through some absurd and trivial reason beginning all over again; and that neither I nor my wife could now stop ourselves; and that next day or the day after; the outburst of hatred would; as I knew by experience of past years; be followed by something revolting which would upset the whole order of our lives。 〃So it seems that during these two years we have grown no wiser; colder; or calmer;〃 I thought as I began walking about the rooms。 〃So there will again be tears; outcries; curses; packing up; going abroad; then the continual sickly fear that she will disgrace me with some coxcomb out there; Italian or Russian; refusing a passport; letters; utter loneliness; missing her; and in five years old age; grey hairs。〃 I walked about; imagining what was really impossible  her; grown handsomer; stouter; embracing a man I did not know。 By now convinced that that would certainly happen; 〃'Why;〃 I asked myself; 〃Why; in one of our long past quarrels; had not I given her a divorce; or why had she not at that time left me altogether? I should not have had this yearning for her now; this hatred; this anxiety; and I should have lived out my life quietly; working and not worrying about anything。〃

A carriage with two lamps drove into the yard; then a big sledge with three horses。 My wife was evidently having a party。

Till midnight everything was quiet downstairs and I heard nothing; but at midnight there was a sound of moving chairs and a clatter of crockery。 So there was supper。 Then the chairs moved again; and through the floor I heard a noise; they seemed to be shouting hurrah。 Marya Gerasimovna was already asleep and I was quite alone in the whole upper storey; the portraits of my forefathers; cruel; insignificant people; looked at me from the walls of the drawing…room; and the reflection of my lamp in the window winked unpleasantly。 And with a feeling of jealousy and envy for what was going on downstairs; I listened and thought: 〃I am master here; if I like; I can in a moment turn out all that fine crew。〃 But I knew that all that was nonsense; that I could not turn out any one; and the word 〃master〃 had no meaning。 One may think oneself master; married; rich; a kammer…junker; as much as one likes; and at the same time not know what it means。

After supper some one downstairs began singing in a tenor voice。

〃Why; nothing special has happened;〃 I tried to persuade myself。 〃Why am I so upset? I won't go downstairs tomorrow; that's all; and that will be the end of our quarrel。〃

At a quarter past one I went to bed。

〃Have the visitors downstairs gone?〃 I asked Alexey as he was undressing me。

〃Yes; sir; they've gone。〃

〃And why were they shouting hurrah?〃

〃Alexey Dmitritch Mahonov subscribed for the famine fund a thousand bushels of flour and a thousand roubles。 And the old lady  I don't know her name  promised to set up a soup kitchen on her estate to feed a hundred and fifty people。 Thank God 。 。 。 Natalya Gavrilovna has been pleased to arrange that all the gentry should assemble every Friday。〃

〃To assemble here; downstairs?〃

〃Yes; sir。 Before supper they read a list: since August up to today Natalya Gavrilovna has collected eight thousand roubles; besides corn。 Thank God。 。 。 。 What I think is that if our mistress does take trouble for the salvation of her soul; she will soo
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