jeremy-第29部分

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be　making。

Then　he　saw　Jeremy。　He　said：

〃Oh！　　　Where's　Miss　Jones？〃

〃She's　in　the　next　room；〃　said　Jeremy；　looking　at　his　father。

〃Oh！〃　He　began　to　walk　up　and　down　the　schoolroom。　Jeremy　left　his
toy　village　and　stood　up。

〃Is　Mother　better；　Father？〃

He　stopped　in　his　walk　and　looked　at　the　boy　as　though　he　were
trying　to　recollect　who　he　was。

〃No。　。　。　Nothat　isNo；　my　boy；　I'm　afraid　not。〃

〃Is　she　very　bad；　Fatherlike　the　Dean's　wife　when　she　had　fever？〃

His　father　didn't　answer。　He　walked　to　the　end　of　the　room；　then
turned　suddenly　as　though　he　had　seen　something　there　that　terrified
him；　and　hurried　from　the　room。

Jeremy；　suddenly　left　alone；　had　a　desperate　impulse　to　scream　that
someone　must　come；　that　he　was　frightened；　that　something　horrible
was　in　the　house。　He　stood　up；　staring　at　the　closed　door；　his　face
white；　his　eyes　large　and　full　of　fear。　Then　he　flung　himself　down
by　Hamlet　and；　taking　him　by　the　neck；　whispered：

〃I'm　frightened！　I'm　frightened！　Bark　or　something！　。　。　。　There's
someone　here！〃




III


Next　morning　Mrs。　Cole　was　still　alive。　There　had　been　no　change
during　the　night；　to…day；　the　doctor　said；　would　be　the　critical
day。　To…day　was　Sunday；　and　Mr。　Cole　took　his　morning　service　at　his
church　as　usual。　He　had　been　up　all　night；　he　looked　haggard　and
pale；　still　wearing　that　expression　as　of　a　man　lost　in　a　world　that
he　had　always　trusted。　But　he　would　not　fail　in　his　duty。　〃When　two
or　three　are　gathered　together　in　my　name。　。　。。〃　Perhaps　God　would
hear　him。

It　was　a　day　of　wonderful　heat　for　May。　No　one　had　ever　remembered
so　hot　a　day　at　so　early　a　time　of　year。　The　windows　of　the　church
were　open；　but　no　breeze　blew　through　the　aisles。　The　relentless
blazing　blue　of　the　sky　penetrated　into　the　cool　shadows　of　the
church；　and　it　was　as　though　the　congregation　sat　there　under
shimmering　glass。　The　waves　of　light　shifted；　rose　and　fell　above
the　bonnets　and　hats　and　bare　heads；　and　all　the　little　choir　boys
fell　asleep　during　the　sermon。

The　Cole　family　did　not　fall　asleep。　They　sat　with　pale　faces　and
stiff　backs　staring　at　their　father　and　thinking　about　their　mother。
Mary　and　Helen　were　frightened；　the　house　was　so　strange；　everyone
spoke　in　whispers；　and；　on　the　way　into　church；　many　ladies　had
asked　them　how　their　mother　was。

They　felt　important　as　well　as　sad。　But　Jeremy　did　not　feel
important。　He　had　not　heard　the　ladies　and　their　questionshe　would
not　have　cared　if　he　had。　People　had　always　called　him　〃a　queer
little　boy；〃　simply　because　he　was　independent　and　thought　more　than
he　spoke。　Nevertheless；　he　had　always　in　reality　been　normal　enough
until　now。　To…day　he　was　really　〃queer；〃　was　conscious　for　the　first
time　of　the　existence　of　a　world　whose　adjacence　to　the　real　world
was；　in　after　days；　to　trouble　him　so　often　and　to　complicate　life
for　him　so　grievously。　The　terror　that　had　come　down　upon　him　when
his　father　had　left　him　seemed　to…day　utterly　to　soak　through　into
the　very　heart　of　him。　His　mother　was　going　to　die　unless　something
or　somebody　saved　her。　What　was　dying？　Going　away；　he　had　always
been　told；　with　a　golden　harp；　to　sing　hymns　in　a　foreign　country。
But　to…day　the　picture　would　not　form　so　easily。　There　was　silence
and　darkness　and　confusion　about　this　Death。　His　mother　was　going；
against　her　will；　and　no　one　could　tell　him　whither　she　was　going。
If　he　could　only　stop　her　dying；　force　God　to　leave　her　alone；　to
leave　her　with　them　all　as　she　had　been　before。　。　。

He　fixed　his　eyes　upon　his　father；　who　climbed　slowly　into　his
pulpit　and　gave　out　the　text　of　his　sermon。　To…day　he　would　talk
about　the　sacrifice　of　Isaac。　〃Abraham；　as　his　hearers　would
remember　。　。　。〃　and　so　on。

Jeremy　listened；　and　gradually　there　grew　before　his　eyes　the　figure
of　a　strange　and　terrible　God。　This　was　no　new　figure。　He　had　never
thought　directly　about　God；　but　for　a　very　long　time　now　he　had　had
Him　in　the　background　of　his　life　as　Polchester　Town　Hall　was　in　the
background。　But　now　he　definitely　and　actively　figured　to　himself
this　God；　this　God　Who　was　taking　his　mother　away　and　was　intending
apparently　to　put　her　into　some　dark　place　where　she　would　know
nobody。　It　must　be　some　horrible　place；　because　his　father　looked　so
frightened；　which　he　would　not　look　if　his　mother　was　simply　going；
with　a　golden　harp；　to　sing　hymns。　Jeremy　had　always　heard　that　this
God　was　loving　and　kind　and　tender；　but　the　figure　whom　his　father
was　now　drawing　for　the　benefit　of　the　congregation　was　none　of
these　things。

Mr。　Cole　spoke　of　a　God　just　and　terrible；　but　a　God　Who　apparently
for　the　merest　fancy　put　His　faithful　servant　to　terrible　anguish
and　distress；　and　then　for　another　fancy；　as　light　as　the　first；
spared　him　his　sorrow。　Mr。　Cole　emphasised　the　necessity　for
obedience；　the　need　for　a　willing　surrender　of　anything　that　may　be
dear　to　us；　〃because　the　love　of　God　must　be　greater　than　anything
that　holds　us　here　on　earth。〃　But　Jeremy　did　not　listen　to　these
remarks；　his　mind　was　filled　with　this　picture　of　a　vast　shadowy
figure；　seated　in　the　sky；　his　white　beard　flowing　beneath　eyes　that
frowned　from　dark　rocky　eyebrows　out　upon　people　like　Jeremy　who；
although　doing　their　best；　were　nevertheless　at　the　mercy　of　any
whim　that　He　might　have。　This　terrible　figure　was　the　author　of　the
hot　day；　author　of　the　silent　house　and　the　shimmering　darkened
church；　author　of　the　decision　to　take　his　mother　away　from　all　that
she　loved　and　put　her　somewhere　where　she　would　be　alone　and　cold
and　silent〃simply　because　He　wishes。　。　。〃

〃From　this　beautiful　passage；〃　concluded　Mr。　Cole；　〃we　learn　that
God　is　just　and　merciful；　but　that　He　demands　our　obedience。　We　must
be　ready　at　any　instant　to　give　up　what　we　love　most　and　best。　。　。。〃

Afterwards　they　all　trooped　out　into　the　splendid　sunshine。




IV


There　was　a　horrible　Sunday　dinner　whenthe　silence　and　the　roast
beef　and　Yorkshire　pudding；　and　the　dining…　room　quivering　with
heat；　emphasised　every　minute　of　the　solemn　ticking　clockMary
suddenly　burst　into　tears；　choked　over　a　glass　of　water；　and　was　led
from　the　room。　Jeremy　ate　his　beef　and　rice　pudding　in　silence；
except　that　once　or　twice　in　a　low；　hoarse　voice　whispered：　〃Pass
the　mustard；　please；〃　or　〃Pass　the　salt；　please。〃　Miss　Jones；
watching　his　white　face　and　the　tremble　of　his　upper　lip；　longed　to
say　something　to　comfort　him；　but　wisely　held　her　peace。

After　dinner　Jeremy　collected　Hamlet　and　went　to　the　conservatory。
This；　like　so　many　other　English　conservatories；　was　a　desolate　and
desperate　little　place；　where　boxes　of　sand；　dry　corded…looking
bulbs；　and　an　unhappy　plant　or　two　languished；　forgotten　and
forlorn。　It　had　been　inherited　with　the　house　many　years　ago；　and；
at　first；　the　Coles　had　had　the　ambition　to　make　it　blaze　with
colour；　to　grow　there　the　most　marvellous　grapes；　the　richest
tomatoes；　and　evenalthough　it　was　a　little　out　of　place　in　the
house　of　a　clergyman　of　the　Church　of　Englandthe　most　sinister　of
orchids。　Very　quickly　the　little　conservatory　had　been　abandoned；
the　heating　apparatus　had　failed；　the　plants　had　refused　to　grow；
the　tomatoes　never　appeared；　the　bulbs　would　not　burst　into　colour。

For　Jeremy　the　place　had　had　always　an　indescribable　fascination。
When　he　was　very　young　there　had　been　absolute　trust　that　things
would　grow；　that　every　kind　of　wonder　might　spring　before　one's　eyes
at　any　moment　of　the　day。　Then；　when　no　wonder　came；　there　had　been
the　thrill　of　the　empty　boxes　of　earth；　the　probing　with　one's
fingers　to　see　what　the　funny…looking　bulbs　would　be；　and　watching
the　fronds　of　the　pale　vine。　Afterwards；　there　was　another
fascinationthe　fascination　of　some　strange　and　sinister　atmosphere
that　he　was　much　too　young　to　define。　The　place；　he　knew；　was
different　from　the　rest　of　the　house。　It　projected；　conventionally
enough；　from　the　drawing…room；　but　the　heavy　door　with　thick　windows
of　red　glass　shut　it　off　from　the　whole　world。　Its　rather　dirty　and
obscure　windows　looked　over　the　same　country　that　Jeremy's　bedroom
window　commanded。　It　also　caught　all　the　sun；　so　that　in　the　summer
it　was　terribly　hot。　But　Jeremy　loved　the　heat。　He　was　discovered
once　by　the　scandalised　Jampot　quite　naked　dancing　on　the　wooden
boards；　his　face　and　hands　black　with　grime。　No　one　could　ever
understand　〃what　he　saw　in　the　dirty　place；〃　and　at　one　time　he　had
been　forbidden　to　go　there。　Then　he　had　cried　and　stamped　and
shouted；　so　that　he　had　been　allowed　to　return。　Amongst　the　things
that　he　saw　there　were　the　reflections　that　the　outside　world　made
upon　the　glass；　it　would　be　stained；　sometimes；　with　a　strange；
green　reflection　of　the　fields　beyond　the　wall；　sometimes　it　would
catch　the　blue　of　the　sky；　or　the　red　and　gold　of　the　setting　sun；
sometimes　it　would　be　grey　with　waving　shadows　across　its　surface；
as　though　one　were　under　water。　Through　the　dirty　windows　the
country；　on　fine　days；　shone　like　distant　tapestry；　and　in　the　glass
that　covered　the　farther　side　of　the　place　strange　reflections　were
caught：　of　cows；　horses；　walls；　and　treesas　though　in　a　kind　of
magic　mirror