the story of a pioneer-第11部分

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remain　in　it。　　Gently　but　persistently　she　directed

the　attention　of　Dr。　Peck　to　me；　and　immediately

things　began　to　happen。



Without　telling　me　to　what　it　might　lead；　Miss

Foot　finally　arranged　a　meeting　at　her　home　by　in…

viting　Dr。　Peck　and　me　to　dinner。　　Being　uncon…

scious　of　any　significance　in　the　occasion；　I　chatted

light…heartedly　about　the　large　issues　of　life　and

probably　settled　most　of　them　to　my　personal　satis…

faction。　　Dr。　Peck　drew　me　out　and　led　me　on；

listened　and　smiled。　　When　the　evening　was　over

and　we　rose　to　go；　he　turned　to　me　with　sudden

seriousness：



‘‘My　quarterly　meeting　will　be　held　at　Ashton；''

he　remarked；　casually。　　‘‘I　would　like　you　to　preach

the　quarterly　sermon。''



For　a　moment　the　earth　seemed　to　slip　away　from

my　feet。　　I　stared　at　him　in　utter　stupefaction。　

Then　slowly　I　realized　that；　incredible　as　it　seemed；

the　man　was　in　earnest。



‘‘Why；''　I　stammered；　‘‘_I_　can't　preach　a　ser…

mon！''



Dr。　Peck　smiled　at　me。　　‘‘Have　you　ever　tried？''

he　asked。



I　started　to　assure　him　vehemently　that　I　never

had。　　Then；　as　if　Time　had　thrown　a　picture　on　a

screen　before　me；　I　saw　myself　as　a　little　girl　preach…

ing　alone　in　the　forest；　as　I　had　so　often　preached

to　a　congregation　of　listening　trees。　　I　qualified　my

answer。



‘‘Never；''　I　said；　‘‘to　human　beings。''



Dr。　Peck　smiled　again。　　‘‘Well；''　he　told　me；

‘‘the　door　is　open。　　Enter　or　not；　as　you　wish。''



He　left　the　house；　but　I　remained　to　discuss　his

overwhelming　proposition　with　Miss　Foot。　　A　sud…

den　sobering　thought　had　come　to　me。



‘‘But；''　I　exclaimed；　‘‘I've　never　been　converted。　

How　can　I　preach　to　any　one？''



We　both　had　the　old…time　idea　of　conversion；　which

now　seems　so　mistaken。　　We　thought　one　had　to

struggle　with　sin　and　with　the　Lord　until　at　last　the

heart　opened；　doubts　were　dispersed；　and　the　light

poured　in。　　Miss　Foot　could　only　advise　me　to

put　the　matter　before　the　Lord；　to　wrestle　and　to

pray；　and　thereafter；　for　hours　at　a　time；　she　worked

and　prayed　with　me；　alternately　urging；　pleading；

instructing；　and　sending　up　petitions　in　my　behalf。　

Our　last　session　was　a　dramatic　one；　which　took　up

the　entire　night。　　Long　before　it　was　over　we　were

both　worn　out；　but　toward　morning；　either　from

exhaustion　of　body　or　exaltation　of　soul；　I　seemed

to　see　the　light；　and　it　made　me　very　happy。　　With

all　my　heart　I　wanted　to　preach；　and　I　believed　that

now　at　last　I　had　my　call。　　The　following　day　we

sent　word　to　Dr。　Peck　that　I　would　preach　the　ser…

mon　at　Ashton　as　he　had　asked；　but　we　urged　him　to

say　nothing　of　the　matter　for　the　present；　and　Miss

Foot　and　I　also　kept　the　secret　locked　in　our　breasts。　

I　knew　only　too　well　what　view　my　family　and　my

friends　would　take　of　such　a　step　and　of　me。　　To

them　it　would　mean　nothing　short　of　personal　dis…

grace　and　a　blotted　page　in　the　Shaw　record。



I　had　six　weeks　in　which　to　prepare　my　sermon；

and　I　gave　it　most　of　my　waking　hours　as　well　as

those　in　which　I　should　have　been　asleep。　　I　took

for　my　text：　　‘‘And　as　Moses　lifted　up　the　serpent

in　the　wilderness；　even　so　must　the　Son　of　Man　be

lifted　up；　that　whosoever　believeth　in　Him　should

not　perish；　but　have　eternal　life。''



It　was　not　until　three　days　before　I　preached　the

sermon　that　I　found　courage　to　confide　my　purpose

to　my　sister　Mary；　and　if　I　had　confessed　my　inten…

tion　to　commit　a　capital　crime　she　could　not　have

been　more　disturbed。　　We　two　had　always　been　very

close；　and　the　death　of　Eleanor；　to　whom　we　were

both　devoted；　had　drawn　us　even　nearer　to　each

other。　　Now　Mary's　tears　and　prayers　wrung　my

heart　and　shook　my　resolution。　　But；　after　all；　she

was　asking　me　to　give　up　my　whole　future；　to　close

my　ears　to　my　call；　and　I　felt　that　I　could　not　do

it。　　My　decision　caused　an　estrangement　between

us　which　lasted　for　years。　　On　the　day　preceding

the　delivery　of　my　sermon　I　left　for　Ashton　on　the

afternoon　train；　and　in　the　same　car；　but　as　far

away　from　me　as　she　could　get；　Mary　sat　alone　and

wept　throughout　the　journey。　　She　was　going　to

my　mother；　but　she　did　not　speak　to　me；　and　I；

for　my　part；　facing　both　alienation　from　her　and　the

ordeal　before　me；　found　my　one　comfort　in　Lucy

Foot's　presence　and　understanding　sympathy。



There　was　no　church　in　Ashton；　so　I　preached

my　sermon　in　its　one　little　school…house；　which　was

filled　with　a　curious　crowd；　eager　to　look　at　and　hear

the　girl　who　was　defying　all　conventions　by　getting

out　of　the　pew　and　into　the　pulpit。　　There　was

much　whispering　and　suppressed　excitement　before

I　began；　but　when　I　gave　out　my　text　silence　fell

upon　the　room；　and　from　that　moment　until　I　had

finished　my　hearers　listened　quietly。　　A　kerosene…

lamp　stood　on　a　stand　at　my　elbow；　and　as　I　preached

I　trembled　so　violently　that　the　oil　shook　in　its　glass

globe；　but　I　finished　without　breaking　down；　and

at　the　end　Dr。　Peck；　who　had　his　own　reasons　for

nervousness；　handsomely　assured　me　that　my　first

sermon　was　better　than　his　maiden　effort　had　been。　

It　was　evidently　not　a　failure；　for　the　next　day　he

invited　me　to　follow　him　around　in　his　circuit；　which

included　thirty…six　appointments；　he　wished　me　to

preach　in　each　of　the　thirty…six　places；　as　it　was　de…

sirable　to　let　the　various　ministers　hear　and　know

me　before　I　applied　for　my　license　as　a　local　preacher。



The　sermon　also　had　another　result；　less　gratify…

ing。　　It　brought　out；　on　the　following　morning；　the

first　notice　of　me　ever　printed　in　a　newspaper。　

This　was　instigated　by　my　brother…in…law；　and　it

was　brief　but　pointed。　　It　read：





A　young　girl　named　Anna　Shaw；　seventeen　years　old；＇1＇

preached　at　Ashton　yesterday。　　Her　real　friends　deprecate　the

course　she　is　pursuing。



＇1＇　A　misstatement　by　the　brother…in…law。　　Dr。　Shaw　was　at　this

time　twenty…three　years　old。E。　J。





The　little　notice　had　something　of　the　effect　of

a　lighted　match　applied　to　gunpowder。　　An　ex…

plosion　of　public　sentiment　followed　it；　the　entire

community　arose　in　consternation；　and　I　became　a

bone　of　contention　over　which　friends　and　strangers

alike　wrangled　until　they　wore　themselves　out。　

The　members　of　my　family；　meeting　in　solemn

council；　sent　for　me；　and　I　responded。　　They　had

a　proposition　to　make；　and　they　lost　no　time　in　put…

ting　it　before　me。　　If　I　gave　up　my　preaching　they

would　send　me　to　college　and　pay　for　my　entire

course。　　They　suggested　Ann　Arbor；　and　Ann　Arbor

tempted　me　sorely；　but　to　descend　from　the　pulpit

I　had　at　last　enteredthe　pulpit　I　had　visualized

in　all　my　childish　dreamswas　not　to　be　considered。　

We　had　a　long　evening　together；　and　it　was　a　very

unhappy　one。　　At　the　end　of　it　I　was　given　twenty…

four　hours　in　which　to　decide　whether　I　would　choose

my　people　and　college；　or　my　pulpit　and　the　arctic

loneliness　of　a　life　that　held　no　family…circle。　　It

did　not　require　twenty…four　hours　of　reflection　to

convince　me　that　I　must　go　my　solitary　way。



That　year　I　preached　thirty…six　times；　at　each　of

the　presiding　elder's　appointments；　and　the　follow…

ing　spring；　at　the　annual　Methodist　Conference　of

our　district；　held　at　Big　Rapids；　my　name　was　pre…

sented　to　the　assembled　ministers　as　that　of　a　can…

didate　for　a　license　to　preach。　　There　was　unusual

interest　in　the　result；　and　my　father　was　among　those

who　came　to　the　Conference　to　see　the　vote　taken。　

During　these　Conferences　a　minister　voted　affirma…

tively　on　a　question　by　holding　up　his　hand；　and

negatively　by　failing　to　do　so。　　When　the　question

of　my　license　came　up　the　majority　of　the　ministers

voted　by　raising　both　hands；　and　in　the　pleasant

excitement　which　followed　my　father　slipped　away。

Those　who　saw　him　told　me　he　looked　pleased；　but

he　sent　me　no　message　showing　a　change　of　view…

point；　and　the　gulf　between　the　family　and　its　black

sheep　remained　unbridged。　　Though　the　warmth　of

Mary's　love　for　me　had　become　a　memory；　the

warmth　of　her　hearthstone　was　still　offered　me。　　I

accepted　it；　perforce；　and　we　lived　together　like

shadows　of　what　we　had　been。　　Two　friends　alone

of　all　I　had　made　stood　by　me　without　qualification

Miss　Foot　and　Clara　Osborn；　the　latter　my

‘‘chum''　at　Big　Rapids　and　a　dweller　in　my　heart

to　this　day。



In　the　mean　time　my　preaching　had　not　inter…

fered　with　my　studies。　　I　was　working　day　and　night；

but　life　was　very　difficult；　for　among　my　school…

mates；　too；　there　were　doubts　and　much　head…shaking

over　this　choice　of　a　career。　　I　needed　the　sound　of

friendly　voices；　for　I　was　very　lonely；　and　suddenly；

when　the　pressure　from　all　sides　was　strongest　and

I　was　going　down　physically　under　it；　a　voice　was

raised　that　I　had　never　dared　to　dream　would　speak

for　me。　　Mary　A。　Livermore　came　to　Big　Rapids；

and　as　she　was　then　at　the　height　of　her　career；　the

entire　countryside　poured　in　to