the island pharisees-第40部分

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Shelton　still　stood；　holding　to　the　branch；　and　the　oscillation　of

the　boat　freed　an　infinity　of　tiny　ripples。



〃You　thoughtwhat？〃　he　said。



He　ought　to　have　seen　her　face　grow　younger；　more　childish；　even

timid。　　She　said　in　a　voice　smooth；　round；　and　young：



〃You　know；　Dick；　I　do　think　we　ought　to　try。　　I　know　I　don't　try　half

hard　enough。　　It　does　n't　do　any　good　to　think；　when　you　think；

everything　seems　so　mixed；　as　if　there　were　nothing　to　lay　hold　of。

I　do　so　hate　to　feel　like　that。　　It　is　n't　as　if　we　didn't　know

what's　right。　　Sometimes　I　think；　and　think；　and　it　's　all　no　good；

only　a　waste　of　time；　and　you　feel　at　the　end　as　if　you　had　been

doing　wrong。〃



Shelton　frowned。



〃What　has　n't　been　through　fire's　no　good；〃　he　said；　and；　letting　go

the　branch；　sat　down。　　Freed　from　restraint；　the　boat　edged　out

towards　the　current。　　〃But　what　about　Ferrand？〃



〃I　lay　awake　last　night　wondering　what　makes　you　like　him　so。　　He's

so　bitter；　he　makes　me　feel　unhappy。　　He　never　seems　content　with

anything。　　And　he　despises〃her　face　hardened〃I　mean；　he　hates　us

all！〃



〃So　should　I　if　I　were　he；〃　said　Shelton。



The　boat　was　drifting　on；　and　gleams　of　sunlight　chased　across　their

faces。　　Antonia　spoke　again。



〃He　seems　to　be　always　looking　at　dark　things；　or　else　he　seems　as

ifas　if　he　couldenjoy　himself　too　much。　　I　thoughtI　thought　at

first；〃　she　stammered；　〃that　we　could　do　him　good。〃



〃Do　him　good！　　Ha；　ha！〃



A　startled　rat　went　swimming　for　its　life　against　the　stream；　and

Shelton　saw　that　he　had　done　a　dreadful　thing：　he　had　let　Antonia

with　a　jerk　into　a　secret　not　hitherto　admitted　even　by　himselfthe

secret　that　her　eyes　were　not　his　eyes；　her　way　of　seeing　things　not

his　nor　ever　would　be。　　He　quickly　muffled　up　his　laughter。　　Antonia

had　dropped　her　gaze；　her　face　regained　its　languor；　but　the　bosom　of

her　dress　was　heaving。　　Shelton　watched　her；　racking　his　brains　to

find　excuses　for　that　fatal　laugh；　none　could　he　find。　　It　was　a

little　piece　of　truth。　　He　paddled　slowly　on；　close　to　the　bank；　in

the　long　silence　of　the　river。



The　breeze　had　died　away；　not　a　fish　was　rising；　save　for　the　lost

music　of　the　larks　no　birds　were　piping；　alone；　a　single　pigeon　at

brief　intervals　cooed　from　the　neighbouring　wood。



They　did　not　stay　much　longer　in　the　boat。



On　the　homeward　journey　in　the　pony…cart；　rounding　a　corner　of　the

road；　they　came　on　Ferrand　in　his　pince…nez；　holding　a　cigarette

between　his　fingers　and　talking　to　a　tramp；　who　was　squatting　on　the

bank。　　The　young　foreigner　recognised　them；　and　at　once　removed　his

hat。



〃There　he　is；〃　said　Shelton；　returning　the　salute。



Antonia　bowed。



〃Oh！〃　she；　cried；　when　they　were　out　of　hearing；　〃I　wish　he　'd　go。

I　can't　bear　to　see　him；　it's　like　looking　at　the　dark。〃









CHAPTER　XXIX



ON　THE　WING



That　night；　having　gone　up　to　his　room；　Shelton　filled　his　pipe　for

his　unpleasant　duty。　　He　had　resolved　to　hint　to　Ferrand　that　he　had

better　go。　　He　was　still　debating　whether　to　write　or　go　himself　to

the　young　foreigner；　when　there　came　a　knock　and　Ferrand　himself

appeared。



〃I　should　be　sorry；〃　he　said；　breaking　an　awkward　silence；　〃if　you

were　to　think　me　ungrateful；　but　I　see　no　future　for　me　here。　　It

would　be　better　for　me　to　go。　　I　should　never　be　content　to　pass　my

life　in　teaching　languages　'ce　n'est　guere　dans　mon　caractre'。〃



As　soon　as　what　he　had　been　cudgelling　his　brains　to　find　a　way　of

saying　had　thus　been　said　for　him；　Shelton　experienced　a　sense　of

disapproval。



〃What　do　you　expect　to　get　that's　better？〃　he　said；　avoiding

Ferrand's　eyes。



〃Thanks　to　your　kindness；〃　replied　the　latter；　〃I　find　myself

restored。　　I　feel　that　I　ought　to　make　some　good　efforts　to　dominate

my　social　position。〃



〃I　should　think　it　well　over；　if　I　were　you！〃　said　Shelton。



〃I　have；　and　it　seems　to　me　that　I'm　wasting　my　time。　　For　a　man　with

any　courage　languages　are　no　career；　and；　though　I　've　many　defects；

I　still　have　courage。〃



Shelton　let　his　pipe　go　out；　so　pathetic　seemed　to　him　this　young

man's　faith　in　his　career；　it　was　no　pretended　faith；　but　neither　was

it；　he　felt；　his　true　motive　for　departure。　　〃He's　tired；〃　he

thought；　〃that　's　it。　　Tired　of　one　place。〃　　And　having　the

instinctive　sense　that　nothing　would　keep　Ferrand；　he　redoubled　his

advice。



〃I　should　have　thought；〃　he　said；　〃that　you　would　have　done　better　to

have　held　on　here　and　saved　a　little　before　going　off　to　God　knows

what。〃



〃To　save；〃　said　Ferrand；　〃is　impossible　for　me；　but；　thanks　to　you

and　your　good　friends；　I　've　enough　to　make　front　to　first

necessities。　　I'm　in　correspondence　with　a　friend；　it's　of　great

importance　for　me　to　reach　Paris　before　all　the　world　returns。　　I　've

a　chance　to　get；　a　post　in　one　of　the　West　African　companies。　　One

makes　fortunes　out　thereif　one　survives；　and；　as　you　know；　I　don't

set　too　much　store　by　life。〃



〃We　have　a　proverb；〃　said　Shelton；　〃'A　bird　in　the　hand　is　worth　two

birds　in　the　bush！'〃



〃That；〃　returned　Ferrand；　〃like　all　proverbs；　is　just　half　true。

This　is　an　affair　of　temperament。　　It　's　not　in　my　character　to

dandle　one　when　I　see　two　waiting　to　be　caught；　'voyager；　apprendre；

c'est　plus　fort　que　moi'。〃　　He　paused；　then；　with　a　nervous　goggle　of

the　eyes　and　an　ironic　smile　he　said：　〃Besides；　'mon　cher　monsieur'；

it　is　better　that　I　go。　　I　have　never　been　one　to　hug　illusions；　and

I　see　pretty　clearly　that　my　presence　is　hardly　acceptable　in　this

house。〃



〃What　makes　you　say　that？〃　asked；　Shelton；　feeling　that　the　murder

was　now　out。〃



〃My　dear　sir；　all　the　world　has　not　your　understanding　and　your　lack

of　prejudice；　and；　though　your　friends　have　been　extremely　kind　to

me；　I　am　in　a　false　position；　I　cause　them　embarrassment；　which　is

not　extraordinary　when　you　reflect　what　I　have　been；　and　that　they

know　my　history。〃



〃Not　through　me；〃　said　Shelton　quickly；　〃for　I　don't　know　it　myself。〃



〃It's　enough；〃　the　vagrant　said；　〃that　they　feel　I'm　not　a　bird　of

their　feather。　　They　cannot　change；　neither　can　I。　　I　have　never

wanted　to　remain　where　I　'm　not　welcome。〃



Shelton　turned　to　the　window；　and　stared　into　the　darkness；　he　would

never　quite　understand　this　vagabond；　so　delicate；　so　cynical；　and　he

wondered　if　Ferrand　had　been　swallowing　down　the　words；　〃Why；　even

you　won't　be　sorry　to　see　my　back！〃



〃Well；〃　he　said　at　last；　〃if　you　must　go；　you　must。　　When　do　you

start？〃



〃I　've　arranged　with　a　man　to　carry　my　things　to　the　early　train。　　I

think　it　better　not　to　say　good…bye。　　I　've　written　a　letter　instead；

here　it　is。　　I　left　it　open　for　you　to　read　if　you　should　wish；〃



〃Then；〃　said　Shelton；　with　a　curious　mingling　of　relief；　regret；

good…will；　〃I　sha'n't　see　you　again？〃



Ferrand　gave　his　hand　a　stealthy　rub；　and　held　it　out。



〃I　shall　never　forget　what　you　have　done　for　me；〃　he　said。



〃Mind　you　write；〃　said　Shelton。



〃Yes；　yes〃the；　vagrant's　face　was　oddly　twisted〃you　don't　know

what　a　difference　it　makes　to　have　a　correspondent；　it　gives　one

courage。　　I　hope　to　remain　a　long　time　in　correspondence　with　you。〃



〃I　dare　say　you　do；〃　thought　Shelton　grimly；　with　a　certain　queer

emotion。



〃You　will　do　me　the　justice　to　remember　that　I　have　never　asked　you

for　anything；〃　said　Ferrand。　　〃Thank　you　a　thousand　times。

Good…bye！〃



He　again　wrung　his　patron's　hand　in　his　damp　grasp；　and；　going　out；

left　Shelton　with　an　odd　sensation　in　his　throat。　　〃You　will　do　me

the　justice　to　remember　that　I　have　never　asked　you　for　anything。〃

The　phrase　seemed　strange；　and　his　mind　flew　back　over　all　this　queer

acquaintanceship。　　It　was　a　fact：　from　the　beginning　to　the　end　the

youth　had　never　really　asked　for　anything。　　Shelton　sat　down　on　his

bed；　and　began　to　read　the　letter　in　his　hand。　　It　was　in　French。



DEAR　MADAME　（it　ran）；



It　will　be　insupportable　to　me；　after　your　kindness；　if　you　take　me

for　ungrateful。　　Unfortunately；　a　crisis　has　arrived　which　plunges　me

into　the　necessity　of　leaving　your　hospitality。　　In　all　lives；　as　you

are　well　aware；　there　arise　occasions　that　one　cannot　govern；　and　I

know　that　you　will　pardon　me　that　I　enter　into　no　explanation　on　an

event　which　gives　me　great　chagrin；　and；　above　all；　renders　me

subject　to　an　imputation　of　ingratitude；　which；　believe　me；　dear

Madame；　by　no　means　lies　in　my　character。　　I　know　well　enough　that　it

is　a　breach　of　politeness　to　leave　you　without　in　person　conveying

the　expression　of　my　profound　reconnaissance；　but　if　you　consider　how

hard　it　is　for　me　to　be　compelled　to　abandon　all　that　is　so

distinguished　in　domestic　life；　you　will　forgive　my　weakness。　　People

like　me；　who　have　gone　through　existence　with　their　eyes　open；　have

remarked　that　those　who　are　endowed　with　riches　have　a　right　to　look

down　on　such　as　are　not