the professor at the breakfast table-第53部分

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above；　a　person　or　persons　might　pass　their　days　there　without

attracting　attention　from　the　household；　and　wander　where　they

pleased　at　night；to　Copp's…Hill　burial…ground；　if　they　liked；I

said　to　myself；　laughing；　and　pulling　the　bed…clothes　over　my　head。

There　is　no　logic　in　superstitious…fancies　any　more　than　in　dreams。

A　she…ghost　wouldn't　want　an　inner　chamber　to　herself。　　A　live

woman；　with　a　valuable　soprano　voice；　wouldn't　start　off　at　night　to

sprain　her　ankles　over　the　old　graves　of　the　North…End　cemetery。



It　is　all　very　easy　for　you；　middle…aged　reader；　sitting　over　this

page　in　the　broad　daylight；　to　call　me　by　all　manner　of　asinine　and

anserine　unchristian　names；　because　I　had　these　fancies　running

through　my　head。　　I　don't　care　much　for　your　abuse。　　The　question　is

not；　what　it　is　reasonable　for　a　man　to　think　about；　but　what　he

actually　does　think　about；　in　the　dark；　and　when　be　is　alone；　and

his　whole　body　seems　but　one　great　nerve　of　hearing；　and　he　sees　the

phosphorescent　flashes　of　his　own　eyeballs　as　they　turn　suddenly　in

the　direction　of　the　last　strange　noise；what　he　actually　does

think　about；　as　he　lies　and　recalls　all　the　wild　stories　his　head　is

full　of；　his　fancy　hinting　the　most　alarming　conjectures　to　account

for　the　simplest　facts　about　him；　his　common…sense　laughing　them　to

scorn　the　next　minute；　but　his　mind　still　returning　to　them；　under

one　shape　or　another；　until　he　gets　very　nervous　and　foolish；　and

remembers　how　pleasant　it　used　to　be　to　have　his　mother　come　and

tuck　him　up　and　go　and　sit　within　call；　so　that　she　could　hear　him

at　any　minute；　if　he　got　very　much　scared　and　wanted　her。　　Old

babies　that　we　are！



Daylight　will　clear　up　all　that　lamp…light　has　left　doubtful。　　I

longed　for　the　morning　to　come；　for　I　was　more　curious　than　ever。

So；　between　my　fancies　and　anticipations；　I　had　but　a　poor　night　of

it；　and　came　down　tired　to　the　breakfast…table。　　My　visit　was　not　to

be　made　until　after　this　morning　hour；　there　was　nothing　urgent；　so

the　servant　was　ordered　to　tell　me。



It　was　the　first　breakfast　at　which　the　high　chair　at　the　side　of

Iris　had　been　unoccupied。　You　might　jest　as　well　take　away　that

chair；said　our　landlady；he'll　never　want　it　again。　　He　acts　like

a　man　that　's　struck　with　death；　'n'　I　don't　believe　he　'll　ever

come　out　of　his　chamber　till　he　's　laid　out　and　brought　down　a

corpse。　These　good　women　do　put　things　so　plainly！　　There　were　two

or　three　words　in　her　short　remark　that　always　sober　people；　and

suggest　silence　or　brief　moral　reflections。



Life　is　dreadful　uncerting；said　the　Poor　Relation；and　pulled

in　her　social　tentacles　to　concentrate　her　thoughts　on　this　fact　of

human　history。



If　there　was　anything　a　fellah　could　do；said　the　young　man　John；

so　called；a　fellah　'd　like　the　chance　o'　helpin'　a　little　cripple

like　that。　　He　looks　as　if　he　couldn't　turn　over　any　handier　than　a

turtle　that's　laid　on　his　back；　and　I　guess　there　a'n't　many　people

that　know　how　to　lift　better　than　I　do。　　Ask　him　if　he　don't　want

any　watchers。　　I　don't　mind　settin'　up　any　more　'n　a　cat…owl。　　I　was

up　all　night　twice　last　month。



＇My　private　opinion　is；　that　there　was　no　small　amount　of　punch

absorbed　on　those　two　occasions；　which　I　think　I　heard　of　at　the

time；but　the　offer　is　a　kind　one；　and　it　is　n't　fair　to　question

how　he　would　like　sitting　up　without　the　punch　and　the　company　and

the　songs　and　smoking。　　He　means　what　he　says；　and　it　would　be　a

more　considerable　achievement　for　him　to　sit　quietly　all　night　by　a

sick　man　than　for　a　good　many　other　people。　　I　tell　you　this　odd

thing：　there　are　a　good　many　persons；　who；　through　the　habit　of

making　other　folks　uncomfortable；　by　finding　fault　with　all　their

cheerful　enjoyments；　at　last　get　up　a　kind　of　hostility　to　comfort

in　general；　even　in　their　own　persons。　　The　correlative　to　loving

our　neighbors　as　ourselves　is　hating　ourselves　as　we　hate　our

neighbors。　　Look　at　old　misers；　first　they　starve　their　dependants；

and　then　themselves。　　So　I　think　it　more　for　a　lively　young　fellow

to　be　ready　to　play　nurse　than　for　one　of　those　useful　but　forlorn

martyrs　who　have　taken　a　spite　against　themselves　and　love　to

gratify　it　by　fasting　and　watching。



The　time　came　at　last　for　me　to　make　my　visit。　　I　found　Iris

sitting　by　the　Little　Gentleman's　pillow。　　To　my　disappointment；　the

room　was　darkened。　　He　did　not　like　the　light；　and　would　have　the

shutters　kept　nearly　closed。　　It　was　good　enough　for　me；　what

business　had　I　to　be　indulging　my　curiosity；　when　I　had　nothing　to

do　but　to　exercise　such　skill　as　I　possessed　for　the　benefit　of　my

patient？　　There　was　not　much　to　be　said　or　done　in　such　a　case；　but

I　spoke　as　encouragingly　as　I　could；　as　I　think　we　are　always　bound

to　do。　　He　did　not　seem　to　pay　any　very　anxious　attention；　but　the

poor　girl　listened　as　if　her　own　life　and　more　than　her　own　life

were　depending　on　the　words　I　uttered。　　She　followed　me　out　of　the

room；　when　I　had　got　through　my　visit。



How　long？she　said。



Uncertain。　　Any　time；　to…day；next　week；　next　month；I　answered。

One　of　those　cases　where　the　issue　is　not　doubtful；　but　may　be

sudden　or　slow。



The　women　of　the　house　were　kind；　as　women　always　are　in　trouble。

But　Iris　pretended　that　nobody　could　spare　the　time　as　well　as　she；

and　kept　her　place；　hour　after　hour；　until　the　landlady　insisted

that　she'd　be　killin'　herself；　if　she　begun　at　that　rate；　'n'　haf　to

give　up；　if　she　didn't　want　to　be　clean　beat　out　in　less　'n　a　week。



At　the　table　we　were　graver　than　common。　　The　high　chair　was　set

back　against　the　wall；　and　a　gap　left　between　that　of　the　young　girl

and　her　nearest　neighbor's　on　the　right。　　But　the　next　morning；　to

our　great　surprise；　that　good…looking　young　Marylander　had　very

quietly　moved　his　own　chair　to　the　vacant　place。　　I　thought　he　was

creeping　down　that　way；　but　I　was　not　prepared　for　a　leap　spanning

such　a　tremendous　parenthesis　of　boarders　as　this　change　of　position

included。　　There　was　no　denying　that　the　youth　and　maiden　were　a

handsome　pair；　as　they　sat　side　by　side。　　But　whatever　the　young

girl　may　have　thought　of　her　new　neighbor　she　never　seemed　for　a

moment　to　forget　the　poor　little　friend　who　had　been　taken　from　her

side。　　There　are　women；　and　even　girls；　with　whom　it　is　of　no　use　to

talk。　　One　might　as　well　reason　with　a　bee　as　to　the　form　of　his

cell；　or　with　an　oriole　as　to　the　construction　of　his　swinging　nest；

as　try　to　stir　these　creatures　from　their　own　way　of　doing　their　own

work。　　It　was　not　a　question　with　Iris；　whether　she　was　entitled　by

any　special　relation　or　by　the　fitness　of　things　to　play　the　part　of

a　nurse。　　She　was　a　wilful　creature　that　must　have　her　way　in　this

matter。　　And　it　so　proved　that　it　called　for　much　patience　and　long

endurance　to　carry　through　the　duties；　say　rather　the　kind　offices；

the　painful　pleasures；　which　she　had　chosen　as　her　share　in　the

household　where　accident　had　thrown　her。　　She　had　that　genius　of

ministration　which　is　the　special　province　of　certain　women；　marked

even　among　their　helpful　sisters　by　a　soft；　low　voice；　a　quiet

footfall；　a　light　hand；　a　cheering　smile；　and　a　ready　self…surrender

to　the　objects　of　their　care；　which　such　trifles　as　their　own　food；

sleep；　or　habits　of　any　kind　never　presume　to　interfere　with。

Day　after　day；　and　too　often　through　the　long　watches　of　the　night；

she　kept　her　place　by　the　pillow。



That　girl　will　kill　herself　over　me；　Sir；said　the　poor　Little

Gentleman　to　me；　one　day；she　will　kill　herself；　Sir；　if　you　don't

call　in　all　the　resources　of　your　art　to　get　me　off　as　soon　as　may

be。　　I　shall　wear　her　out；　Sir；　with　sitting　in　this　close　chamber

and　watching　when　she　ought　to　be　sleeping；　if　you　leave　me　to　the

care　of　Nature　without　dosing　me。



This　was　rather　strange　pleasantry；　under　the　circumstances。　　But

there　are　certain　persons　whose　existence　is　so　out　of　parallel　with

the　larger　laws　in　the　midst　of　which　it　is　moving；　that　life

becomes　to　them　as　death　and　death　as　life。　How　am　I　getting

along？he　said；　another　morning。　　He　lifted　his　shrivelled　hand；

with　the　death's…head　ring　on　it；　and　looked　at　it　with　a　sad　sort

of　complacency。　　By　this　one　movement；　which　I　have　seen　repeatedly

of　late；　I　know　that　his　thoughts　have　gone　before　to　another

condition；　and　that　he　is；　as　it　were；　looking　back　on　the

infirmities　of　the　body　as　accidents　of　the　past。　　For；　when　he　was

well；　one　might　see　him　often　looking　at　the　handsome　hand　with　the

flaming　jewel　on　one　of　its　fingers。　　The　single　well…shaped　limb

was　the　source　of　that　pleasure　which　in　some　form　or　other　Nature

almost　always　grants　to　her　least　richly　endowed　children。　　Handsome

hair；　eyes；　complexion；　feature；　form；　hand；　foot；　pleasant　voice；

strength；　grace；　agility；　intelligence；how　few　there　are　that　have

not　just　enough　of　one　at　least　of　these　gifts　to　show　them