she-第23部分

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feeble　reason　till　it　fell；　and　we　were　drowned　in　the　
depths　of　our　own　vanity。　For　what　is　the　first　result　
of　man's　increased　knowledge　interpreted　from　Nature's　
book　by　the　persistent　effort　of　his　purblind　
observation？　Is　it　not　but　too　often　to　make　him　
question　the　existence　of　his　Maker；　or　indeed　of　any　
intelligent　purpose　beyond　his　own？　The　truth　is　
veiled；　because　we　could　no　more　look　upon　her　glory　
than　we　can　upon　the　sun。　It　would　destroy　us。　Full　
knowledge　is　not　for　man　as　man　is　here；　for　his　
capacities；　which　he　is　apt　to　think　so　great；　are　
indeed　but　small。　The　vessel　is　soon　filled；　and；　were　
one　thousandth　part　of　the　unutterable　and　silent　
wisdom　that　directs　the　rolling　of　those　shining　
spheres；　and　the　force　which　makes　them　roll；　pressed　
into　it；　it　would　be　shattered　into　fragments。　Perhaps　
in　some　other　place　and　time　it　may　be　otherwise；　who　
can　tell？　Herethe　lot　of　man　born　of　the　flesh　is　but　
to　endure　midst　toil　and　tribulation；　to　catch　at　the　
bubbles　blown　by　Fate；　which　he　calls　pleasures；　
thankful　if　before　they　burst　they　rest　a　moment　in　
his　hand；　and　when　the　tragedy　is　played　out；　and　his　
hour　comes　to　perish；　to　pass　humbly　whither　he　knows　
not。

Above　me；　as　I　lay；　shone　the　eternal　stars；　and　there　
at　my　feet　the　impish　marsh…born　balls　of　fire　rolled　
this　way　and　that；　vapor…tossed　and　earth…desiring；　
and　methought　that　in　the　two　I　saw　a　type　and　image　
of　what　man　is；　and　what　perchance　man　may　one　day　be；　
if　the　living　Force　who　ordained　him　and　them　should　
so　ordain　this　also。　Oh；　that　it　might　be　ours　to　rest　
year　by　year　upon　that　high　level　of　the　heart　to　
which　at　times　we　momentarily　attain！　Oh；　that　we　
could　shake　loose　the　prisoned　pinions　of　the　soul　and　
soar　to　that　superior　point；　whence；　like　to　some　
traveller　looking　out　through　space　from　Darien's　
giddiest　peak；　we　might　gaze　with　the　spiritual　eyes　
of　noble　thoughts　deep　into　Infinity！

What　would　it　be　to　cast　off　this　earthy　robe；　to　have　
done　forever　with　these　earthy　thoughts　and　miserable　
desires；　no　longer；　like　those　corpse　candles；　to　be　
tossed　this　way　and　that；　by　forces　beyond　our　
control；　or　which；　if　we　can　theoretically　control　
them；　we　are　at　times　driven　by　the　exigencies　of　our　
nature　to　obey！　Yes；　to　cast　them　off；　to　have　done　
with　the　foul　and　thorny　places　of　the　world；　and；　
like　to　those　glittering　points　above　me；　to　rest　on　
high　wrapped　forever　in　the　brightness　of　our　better　
selves；　that　even　now　shines　in　us　as　fire　faintly　
shines　within　those　lurid　balls；　and　lay　down　our　
littleness　in　that　wide　glory　of　our　dreams；　that　
invisible　but　surrounding　good；　from　which　all　truth　
and　beauty　comes！

These　and　many　such　thoughts　passed　through　my　mind　
that　night。　They　come　to　torment　us　all　at　times。　I　
say　to　torment；　for；　alas！　thinking　can　only　serve　to　
measure　out　the　helplessness　of　thought。　What　is　the　
use　of　our　feeble　crying　in　the　awful　silences　of　
space！　Can　our　dim　intelligence　read　the　secrets　of　
that　star…strewn　sky？　Does　any　answer　come　out　of　it？　
Never　any　at　all；　nothing　but　echoes　and　fantastic　
visions。　And　yet　we　believe　that　there　is　an　answer；　
and　that　upon　a　time　a　new　Dawn　will　come　blushing　
down　the　ways　of　our　enduring　night。　We　believe　it；　
for　its　reflected　beauty　even　now　shines　up　
continually　in　our　hearts　from　beneath　the　horizon　of　
the　grave；　and　we　call　it　Hope。　Without　Hope　we　should　
suffer　moral　death；　and　by　the　help　of　Hope　we　yet　may　
climb　to　heaven；　or　at　the　worst；　if　she　also　prove　
but　a　kindly　mockery　given　to　hold　us　from　despair；　be　
gently　lowered　into　the　abysses　of　eternal　sleep。

Then　I　fell　to　reflecting　upon　the　undertaking　on　
which　we　were　bent；　and　what　a　wild　one　it　was；　and　
yet　how　strangely　the　story　seemed　to　fit　in　with　what　
had　been　written　centuries　ago　upon　the　sherd。　Who　was　
this　extraordinary　woman；　queen　over　a　people　
apparently　as　extraordinary　as　herself；　and　reigning　
amidst　the　vestiges　of　a　lost　civilization？　And　what　
was　the　meaning　of　this　story　of　the　Fire　that　gave　
unending　life？　Could　it　be　possible　that　any　fluid　or　
essence　should　exist　which　might　so　fortify　these　
fleshy　walls　that　they　should　from　age　to　age　resist　
the　mines　and　batterings　of　decay？　It　was　possible；　
though　not　probable。　The　indefinite　continuation　of　
life　would　not；　as　poor　Vincey　said；　be　so　marvellous　
a　thing　as　the　production　of　life　and　its　temporary　
endurance。　And　if　it　were　true；　what　then？　The　person　
who　found　it　could　no　doubt　rule　the　world。　He　could　
accumulate　all　the　wealth　in　the　world；　and　all　the　
power；　and　all　the　wisdom　that　is　power。　He　might　give　
a　lifetime　to　the　study　of　each　art　or　science。　Well；　
if　that　were　so；　and　this　_i_　She　_i_　were　practically　
immortal；　which　I　did　not　for　one　moment　believe；　how　
was　it　that；　with　all　these　things　at　her　feet；　she　
preferred　to　remain　in　a　cave　among　a　society　of　
cannibals？　This　surely　settled　the　question。　The　whole　
story　was　monstrous；　and　only　worthy　of　the　
superstitious　days　in　which　it　was　written。　At　any　
rate　I　was　very　sure　that　I　would　not　attempt　to　
attain　unending　life。　I　had　had　far　too　many　worries　
and　disappointments　and　secret　bitternesses　during　my　
forty　odd　years　of　existence　to　wish　that　this　state　
of　affairs　should　be　continued　indefinitely。　And　yet　I　
suppose　that　my　life　has　been；　comparatively　speaking；　
a　happy　one。

And　then；　reflecting　that　at　the　present　moment　there　
was　far　more　likelihood　of　our　earthly　careers　being　
cut　exceedingly　short　than　of　their　being　unduly　
prolonged；　I　at　last　managed　to　get　to　sleep；　a　fact　
for　which　anybody　who　reads　this　narrative；　if　anybody　
ever　does；　may　very　probably　be　thankful。

When　I　woke　again　it　was　just　dawning；　and　the　guard　
and　bearers　were　moving　about　like　ghosts　through　the　
dense　morning　mists；　getting　ready　for　our　start。　The　
fire　had　died　quite　down；　and　I　rose　and　stretched　
myself；　shivering　in　every　limb　from　the　damp　cold　of　
the　dawn。　Then　I　looked　at　Leo。　He　was　sitting　up；　
holding　his　hands　to　his　head；　and　I　saw　that　his　face　
was　flushed　and　his　eye　bright；　and　yet　yellow　round　
the　pupil。

〃Well；　Leo；〃　I　said；　〃how　do　you　feel？〃

〃I　feel　as　though　I　were　going　to　die；〃　he　answered；　
hoarsely。　〃My　head　is　splitting；　my　body　is　trembling；　
and　I　am　as　sick　as　a　cat。〃

I　whistled；　or　if　I　did　not　whistle　I　felt　inclined　
toLeo　had　got　a　sharp　attack　of　fever。　I　went　to　
Job；　and　asked　him　for　the　quinine；　of　which　
fortunately　we　had　still　a　good　supply；　only　to　find　
that　Job　himself　was　not　much　better。　He　complained　of　
pains　across　the　back；　and　dizziness；　and　was　almost　
incapable　of　helping　himself。　Then　I　did　the　only　
thing　it　was　possible　to　do　under　the　circumstances
gave　them　both　about　ten　grains　of　quinine；　and　took　a　
slightly　smaller　dose　myself　as　a　matter　of　
precaution。　After　that　I　found　Billali；　and　explained　
to　him　how　matters　stood；　asking　at　the　same　time　what　
he　thought　had　best　be　done。　He　came　with　me；　and　
looked　at　Leo　and　Job　（whom；　by　the　way；　he　had　named　
the　Pig；　on　account　of　his　fatness；　round　face；　and　
small　eyes）。

〃Ah；〃　he　said；　when　we　were　out　of　earshot；　〃the　
fever！　I　thought　so。　The　Lion　has　it　badly；　but　he　is　
young；　and　he　may　live。　As　for　the　Pig；　his　attack　is　
not　so　bad；　it　is　the　little　fever　which　he　has；　that　
always　begins　with　pains　across　the　back；　it　will　
spend　itself　upon　his　fat。〃

〃Can　they　go　on；　my　father？〃　I　asked。　

〃Nay；　my　son；　they　must　go　on。　If　they　stop　here　they　
will　certainly　die；　also；　they　will　be　better　in　the　
litters　than　on　the　ground。　By　to…night；　if　all　goes　
well；　we　shall　be　across　the　marsh　and　in　good　air。　
Come；　let　us　lift　them　into　the　litters　and　start；　for　
it　is　very　bad　to　stand　still　in　this　morning　fog。　We　
can　eat　our　meal　as　we　go。〃

This　we　accordingly　did；　and　with　a　heavy　heart　I　once　
more　set　out　upon　our　strange　journey。　For　the　first　
three　hours　all　went　as　well　as　could　be　expected；　and　
then　an　accident　happened　that　nearly　lost　us　the　
pleasure　of　the　company　of　our　venerable　friend　
Billali；　whose　litter　was　leading　the　cavalcade。　We　
were　going　through　a　particularly　dangerous　stretch　of　
quagmire；　in　which　the　bearers　sometimes　sank　up　to　
their　knees。　Indeed；　it　was　a　mystery　to　me　how　they　
contrived　to　carry　the　heavy　litters　at　all　over　such　
ground　as　that　which　we　were　traversing；　though　the　
two　spare　hands；　as　well　as　the　four　regular　ones；　had　
of　course　to　put　their　shoulders　to　the　pole。

Presently；　as　we　blundered　and　floundered　along；　there　
was　a　sharp　cry；　then　a　storm　of　exclamations；　and；　
last　of　all；　a　most　tremendous　splash；　and　the　whole　
caravan　halted。

I　jumped　out　of　my　litter　and　ran　forward。　About　
twenty　yards　ahead　was　the　edge　of　one　of　those　sullen　
peaty　pools　of　which　I　have　spoken；　the　path　we　were　
following　running　along　the　top　of　its　bank；　that；　as　
it　happened；　was　a　steep　one。　Looking　towards　this　
pool；　to　my　horror　I　saw　that　Billali's　litter　was　
floating　on　it；　and　as　for　Billali　himsel