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she-第39部分
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farther towards me till her soft hair brushed my brow;
and her fragrant breath played upon my face; and made
me faint and weak。 Then of a sudden; even as I
stretched out my arms to clasp; she straightened
herself; and a quick change passed over her。 Reaching
out her hand; she held it over my head; and it seemed
to me that something flowed from it that chilled me
back to common…sense; and a knowledge of propriety and
the domestic virtues。
〃Enough of this wanton play;〃 she said; with a touch
of sternness。 〃Listen; Holly。 Thou art a good and
honest man; and I fain would spare thee; but; oh! it
is so hard for a woman to be merciful。 I have said I
am not for thee; therefore let thy thoughts pass by me
like an idle wind; and the dust of thy imagination
sink again into the depthswell; of despair; if thou
wilt。 Thou dost not know me; Holly。 Hadst thou seen me
but ten hours past when my passion seized me; thou
hadst shrunk from me in fear and trembling。 I am a
woman of many moods; and; like the water in that
vessel; I reflect many things; but they pass; my
Holly; they pass; and are forgotten。 Only the water is
the water still; and I still am I; and that which
maketh the water maketh it; and that which maketh me
maketh me; nor can my quality be altered。 Therefore;
pay no heed to what I seem; seeing that thou canst not
know what I am。 If thou troublest me again I will veil
myself; and thou shalt behold my face no more。〃
I rose; and sank on the cushioned couch beside her;
yet quivering with emotion; though for a moment my mad
passion had left me; as the leaves of a tree quiver
still; although the gust begone that stirred them。 I
did not dare to tell her that I had seen her in that
deep and hellish mood; muttering incantations to the
fire in the tomb。
〃So;〃 she went on; 〃now eat some fruit; believe me; it
is the only true food for man。 Oh; tell me of the
philosophy of that Hebrew Messiah; who came after me;
and whom thou sayest doth now rule Rome and Greece and
Egypt and the barbarians beyond。 It must have been a
strange philosophy that he taught; for in my day the
peoples would have naught of our philosophies。 Revel
and lust and drink; blood and cold steel; and the
shock of men gathered in the battlethese were the
canons of their creeds。〃
I had recovered myself a little by now; and feeling
bitterly ashamed of the weakness into which I had been
betrayed; I did my best to expound to her the
doctrines of Christianity; to which; however; with the
single exception of our conception of heaven and hell;
I found that she paid but faint attention; her
interest being all directed towards the Man who taught
them。 Also I told her that among her own people; the
Arabs; another prophet; one Mohammed; had arisen and
preached a new faith to which many millions of mankind
now adhered。
〃Ah!〃 she said; 〃I seetwo new religions! I have
known so many; and doubtless there have been many more
since I knew aught beyond these caves of Ko^r。 Mankind
asks ever of the skies to vision out what lies behind
them。 It is terror for the end; and but a subtler form
of selfishnessthis it is that breeds religions。
Mark; my Holly; each religion claims the future for
its followers; or; at the least; the good thereof。 The
evil is for those benighted ones who will have none of
it; seeing the light the true believers worship; as
the fishes see the stars; but dimly。 The religions
come and the religions pass; and the civilizations
come and pass; and naught endures but the world and
human nature。 Ah! if man would but see that hope is
from within and not from withoutthat he himself must
work out his own salvation! He is there; and within
him is the breath of life and a knowledge of good and
evil as good and evil is to him。 Thereon let him build
and stand erect; and not cast himself before the image
of some unknown God; modelled like his poor self; but
with a bigger brain to think the evil thing; and a
longer arm to do it。〃
I thought to myself; which shows how old such
reasoning is; being; indeed; one of the recurring
quantities of theological discussion; that her
argument sounded very like some that I have heard in
the nineteenth century; and in other places than the
caves of Ko^r; and with which; by the way; I totally
disagree; but I did not care to try and discuss the
question with her。 To begin with; my mind was too
weary with all the emotions through which I had
passed; and; in the second place; I knew that I should
get the worst of it; It is weary work enough to argue
with an ordinary materialist; who hurls statistics and
whole strata of geological facts at your head; while
you can only buffet him with deductions and instincts
and the snowflakes of faith; that are; alas! so apt to
melt in the hot embers of our troubles。 How little
chance; then; should I have against one whose brain
was supernatural sharpened; and who had two thousand
years of experience; besides all manner of knowledge
of the secrets of Nature at her command! Feeling that
she would be more likely to convert me than I should
to convert her; I thought it best to leave the matter
alone; and so sat silent。 Many a time since then have
I bitterly regretted that I did so; for thereby I lost
the only opportunity I can remember having had of
ascertaining what Ayesha really believed; and what her
〃philosophy〃 was。
〃Well; my Holly;〃 she continued; 〃and so those people
of mine have also found a prophet; a false prophet
thou sayest; for he is not thine own; and; indeed; I
doubt it not。 Yet in my day was it otherwise; for then
we Arabs had many gods。 Alla^t there was; and Saba;
the Host of Heaven; AI Uzza; and Manah the stony one;
for whom the blood of victims flowed; and Wadd and
Sawa^; and Yaghuth the Lion of the dwellers in Yaman;
and Yauk the Horse of Morad; and Nasr the Eagle of
Hamyar; ay; and many more。 Oh; the folly of it all;
the shame and the pitiful folly! Yet when I rose in
wisdom and spoke thereof; surely they would have slain
me in the name of their outraged gods。 Well; so hath
it ever been; but; my Holly; art thou weary of me
already; that thou dost sit so silent? Or dost thou
fear lest I should teach thee my philosophy? for know
I have a philosophy。 What would a teacher be without
her own philosophy? and if thou dost vex me overmuch;
beware! for I will have thee learn it; and thou shalt
be my disciple; and we twain will found a faith that
shall swallow up all others。 Faithless man! And but
half an hour since thou wast upon thy kneesthe
posture does not suit thee; Hollyswearing that thou
didst love me。 What shall we do? Nay; I have it。 I
will come and see this youth; the Lion; as the old
man。 Billali calls him; who came with thee; and who is
so sick。 The fever must have run its course by now;
and if he is about to die I will recover him。 Fear
not; my Holly; I shall use no magic。 Have I not told
thee that there is no such thing as magic; though
there is such a thing as understanding and applying
the forces which are in Nature? Go now; and presently
when I have made the drug ready I will follow thee。〃
Accordingly I went; only to find Job and Ustane in a
great state of grief; declaring that Leo was in the
throes of death; and that they had been searching for
me everywhere。 I rushed to the couch; and glanced at
him: clearly he was dying。 He was senseless; and
breathing heavily; but his lips were quivering; and
every now and again a little shudder ran down his
frame。 I knew enough of doctoring to see that in
another hour he would be beyond the reach of earthly
helpperhaps in another five minutes。 How I cursed my
selfishness and the folly that had kept me lingering
by Ayesha's side while my dear boy lay dying! Alas and
alas! how easily the best of us are lighted down to
evil by the gleam of a woman's eyes! What a wicked
wretch was I! Actually; for the last half…hour I had
scarcely thought of Leo; and this; be it remembered;
of the man who for twenty years had been my dearest
companion; and the chief interest of my existence。 And
now; perhaps; it was too late!
I wrung my hands; and glanced round。 Ustane was
sitting by the couch; and in her eyes burned the dull
light of despair。 Job was blubberingI am sorry I
cannot name his distress by any more delicate word
audibly in the corner。 Seeing my eye fixed upon him he
went outside to give way to his grief in the passage。
Obviously the only hope lay in Ayesha。 _i_ She _i_ ;
and she aloneunless; indeed; she was an impostor;
which I could not believecould save him。 I would go
and implore her to come。 As I stared to do so;
however; Job came flying into the room; his hair
literally standing on end with terror。
〃Oh; God help us; sir!〃 he ejaculated; in a frightened
whisper; 〃here's a corpse a…coming sliding down the
passage!〃
For a moment I was puzzled; but presently; of course;
it struck me that he must have seen Ayesha; wrapped in
her grave like garment; and been deceived by the
extraordinary undulating smoothness of her walk into a
bel
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