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she-第41部分
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I have it; for he is in the very jaws of death; whence
no power of mine can draw him。 And if he die; surely
must the Hell be lived through once moreonce more
must I face the weary centuries; and wait; and wait
till the time in its fulness shall bring my beloved
back to me。 And then thou gavest him the medicine; and
that five minutes dragged along before I knew if he
would live or die; and I tell thee that all the sixty
generations that are gone were not so long as that
five minutes。 But they passed at length; and still he
showed no sign; and I knew that if the drug works not
then; so far as I have had knowledge; it works not at
all。 Then thought I that he was once more dead; and
all the tortures of all the years gathered themselves
into a single venomed spear; and pierced me through
and through; because once again I had lost
Kallikrates! And then; when all was done; behold! he
sighed; behold! he lived; and I knew that he would
live; for none die on whom the drug takes hold。 Think
of it now; my Hollythink of the wonder of it! He
will sleep for twelve hours; and then the fever will
have left him!〃
_i_ She _i_ stopped; and laid her hand upon the
golden head; and then bent down and kissed the brow
with a chastened abandonment of tenderness that would
have been beautiful to behold had not the sight cut me
to the heartfor I was jealous!
CHAPTER XVIII
GO; WOMAN!
THEN followed a silence of a minute or so; during
which _i_ She _i_ appeared; if one might judge from
the almost angelic rapture of her facefor she looked
angelic sometimesto be plunged in a happy ecstasy。
Suddenly; however; a new thought struck her; and her
expression became the very reverse of angelic。
〃Almost had I forgotten;〃 she said; 〃that woman;
Ustane。 What is she to Kallikrateshis servant; or〃
and she paused; and her voice trembled。
I shrugged my shoulders。 〃I understand that she is wed
to him according to the custom of the Amahagger;〃 I
answered; 〃but I know not。〃
Her face grew dark as a thundercloud。 Old as she was;
Ayesha had not outlived jealousy。
〃Then there is an end;〃 she said; 〃she must die; even
now!〃
〃For what crime?〃 I asked; horrified。 〃She is guilty
of naught that thou art not guilty of thyself; O
Ayesha。 She loves the man; and he has been pleased to
accept her love: where; then; is her Sin?〃
〃Truly; O Holly; thou art foolish;〃 she answered;
almost petulantly。 〃Where is her sin? Her sin is that
she stands between me and my desire。 Well I know that
I can take him from herfor dwells there a man upon
this earth; O Holly; who could resist me if I put out
my strength? Men are faithful for so long only as
temptations pass them by。 If the temptation be but
strong enough; then will the man yield; for every man;
like every rope; hath his breaking strain; and passion
is to men what gold and power are to womenthe weight
upon their weakness。 Believe me; ill will it go with
mortal women in that heaven of which thou speakest; if
only the spirits be more fair; for their lords will
never turn to look upon them; and their heaven will
become their hell。 For man can be bought with woman's
beauty; if it be but beautiful enough; and woman's
beauty can be ever bought with gold; if only there be
gold enough。 So was it in my day; and so it will be to
the end of time。 The world is a great mart; my Holly;
where all things are for sale to him who bids the
highest in the currency of our desires。〃
These remarks; which were as cynical as might have
been expected from a woman of Ayesha's age and
experience; jarred upon me; and I answered; testily;
that in our heaven there was no marriage or giving in
marriage。
〃Else would it not be heaven; dost thou mean?〃 she put
in。 〃Fie upon thee; Holly; to think so ill of us poor
women! Is it; then; marriage that marks the line
between thy heaven and thy hell? But enough of this。
This is no time for disputing and the challenge of our
wits。 Why dost thou always dispute? Art thou also a
philosopher of these latter days? As for this woman;
she must die; for though I can take her lover from
her; yet; while she lived; might he think tenderly of
her; and that I cannot away with。 No other woman shall
dwell in my lord's thoughts; my empire shall be all my
own。 She hath had her day; let her be content; for
better is an hour with love than a century of
lonelinessnow the night shall swallow her。〃
〃Nay; nay;〃 I cried; 〃it would be a wicked crime; and
from a crime naught comes but what is evil。 For thine
own sake do not this deed。〃
〃Is it; then; a crime; O foolish man; to put away that
which stands between us and our ends? Then is our life
one long crime; my Holly; for day by day we destroy
that we may live; since in this world none save the
strongest can endure。 Those who are weak must perish;
the earth is to the strong; and the fruits thereof。
For every tree that grows; a score shall wither; that
the strong ones may take their share。 We run to place
and power over the dead bodies of those who fail and
fall; ay; we win the food we eat from out the mouths
of starving babes。 It is the scheme of things。 Thou
sayest; too; that a crime breeds evil; but therein
thou dost lack experience; for out of crimes come many
good things; and out of good grows much evil。 The
cruel rage of the tyrant may prove a blessing to
thousands who come after him; and the sweet…
heartedness of a holy man may make a nation slaves。
Man doeth this and doeth that from the good or evil of
his heart; but he knoweth not to what end his moral
sense doth prompt him; for when he striketh he is
blind to where the blow shall fall; nor can he count
the airy threads that weave the web of circumstance。
Good and evil; love and hate; night and day; sweet and
bitter; man and woman; heaven above and earth beneath…
…all these things are necessary one to the other; and
who knows the end of each? I tell thee that there is a
hand of Fate that twines them up to bear the burden of
its purpose; and all things are gathered in that great
rope to which all things are needful。 Therefore doth
it not become us to say this thing is evil and this
good; or the dark is hateful and the light lovely; for
to other eyes than ours the evil may be the good and
the darkness more beautiful than the day; or all alike
be fair。 Hearest thou; my Holly?〃
I felt it was hopeless to argue against casuistry of
this nature; which; if it were carried to its logical
conclusion; would absolutely destroy all morality; as
we understand it。 But her talk gave me a fresh thrill
of fear; for what may not be possible to a being who;
unconstrained by human law; is also absolutely
unshackled by a moral sense of right and wrong; which;
however partial and conventional it may be; is yet
based; as our conscience tells us; upon the great wall
of individual responsibility that marks off mankind
from the beasts。
But I was deeply anxious to save Ustane; whom I liked
and respected; from the dire fate that overshadowed
her at the hands of her mighty rival。 So I made one
more appeal。
〃Ayesha;〃 I said; 〃thou art too subtle for me; but
thou thyself hast told me that each man should be a
law unto himself; and follow the teaching of his
heart。 Hath thy heart no mercy towards her whose place
thou wouldst take? Bethink thee; as thou sayest
though to me the thing is incrediblehim whom thou
desirest has returned to thee after many ages; and but
now thou hast; as thou sayest also; wrung him from the
jaws of death。 Wilt thou celebrate his coming by the
murder of one who loved him; and whom perchance he
lovedone; at the least who saved his life for thee
when the spears of thy slaves would have made an end
thereof? Thou sayest also that in past days thou didst
grievously wrong this man; that with thine own hand
thou didst slay him because of the Egyptian Amenartas
whom he loved。〃
〃How knowest thou that; O stranger? How knowest thou
that name? I spoke it not to thee;〃 she broke in with
a cry; catching at my arm。
〃Perchance I dreamed it;〃 I answered; 〃strange dreams
do hover about these caves of Ko^r。 It seems that the
dream was; indeed; a shadow of the truth。 What came to
thee of thy mad crime?two thousand years of waiting;
was it not? And now wouldst thou repeat the history?
Say what thou wilt; I tell thee that evil will come of
it; for to him who doeth; at the least; good breeds
good and evil evil; even though in after…days out of
evil cometh good。 Offences must needs come; but woe to
him by whom the offence cometh。 So said that Messiah
of whom I spoke to thee; and it was truly said。 If
thou slayest this innocent woman; I say unto thee that
thou shalt be accursed; and pluck no fruit from thine
ancient tree of love。 Also; what thinkest thou? How
will this man take thee redhanded from the slaughter
of her who loved and tended him?''
〃As to that;〃 she answered; 〃I have already answered
thee。 Had I slain thee as well as her; yet should he
love me; Holly; because he could not save himself
therefrom any more than thou cou
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