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dream days-第3部分

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bitterness of awakening sobriety; when the dying down of the

flames into sullen embers coincided with the frenzied entrance of

Aunt Eliza on the scene。  It was not so much that she was at once

and forever disrated; broke; sent before the mast; and branded as

one on whom no reliance could be placed; even with Edward safe at

school; and myself under the distant vigilance of an aunt; that

her pocket money was stopped indefinitely; and her new Church

Service; the pride of her last birthday; removed from her own

custody and placed under the control of a Trust。  She sorrowed

rather because she had dragged poor Harold; against his better

judgment; into a most horrible scrape; and moreover because; when

the reaction had fairly set in; when the exaltation had fizzled

away and the young…lady portion of her had crept timorously back

to its wonted lodging; she could only see herself as a plain

fool; unjustified; undeniable; without a shadow of an excuse or

explanation。



As for Harold; youth and a short memory made his case less

pitiful than it seemed to his more sensitive sister。  True; he

started upstairs to his lonely cot bellowing dismally; before him

a dreary future of pains and penalties; sufficient to last to the

crack of doom。  Outside his door; however; he tumbled over

Augustus the cat; and made capture of him; and at once his

mourning was changed into a song of triumph; as he conveyed his

prize into port。  For Augustus; who detested above all things

going to bed with little boys; was ever more knave than fool; and

the trapper who was wily enough to ensnare him had achieved

something notable。  Augustus; when he realized that his fate was

sealed; and his night's lodging settled; wisely made the best of

things; and listened; with a languorous air of complete

comprehension; to the incoherent babble concerning pigs and

heroes; moles and bonfires; which served Harold for a self…sung

lullaby。  Yet it may be doubted whether Augustus was one of those

rare fellows who thoroughly understood。



But Selina knew no more of this source of consolation than of the

sympathy with which the stars were winking above her; and it was

only after some sad interval oftime; and on a very moist

pillow; that she drifted into that quaint inconsequent country

where you may meet your own pet hero strolling down the road; and

commit what hair…brained oddities you like; and everybody

understands and appreciates。





DIES IRAE



Those memorable days that move in procession; their heads just

out of the mist of years long deadthe most of them are full…

eyed as the dandelion that from dawn to shade has steeped itself

in sunlight。  Here and there in their ranks; however; moves a

forlorn one who is blindblind in the sense of the dulled

window…pane on which the pelting raindrops have mingled and run

down; obscuring sunshine and the circling birds; happy fields;

and storied garden; blind with the spatter of a misery

uncomprehended; unanalysed; only felt as something corporeal in

its buffeting effects。



Martha began it; and yet Martha was not really to blame。  Indeed;

that was half the trouble of itno solid person stood full

in view; to be blamed and to make atonement。  There was only a

wretched; impalpable condition to deal with。  Breakfast was just

over; the sun was summoning us; imperious as a herald with

clamour of trumpet; I ran upstairs to her with a broken bootlace

in my hand; and there she was; crying in a corner; her head in

her apron。  Nothing could be got from her but the same dismal

succession of sobs that would not have done; that struck and hurt

like a physical beating; and meanwhile the sun was getting

impatient; and I wanted my bootlace。



Inquiry below stairs revealed the cause。  Martha's brother was

dead; it seemedher sailor brother Billy; drowned in one of

those strange far…off seas it was our dream to navigate one day。 

We had known Billy well; and appreciated him。  When an

approaching visit of Billy to his sister had been announced;

we had counted the days to it。  When his cheery voice was at last

heard in the kitchen and we had descended with shouts; first of

all he had to exhibit his tattooed arms; always a subject for

fresh delight and envy and awe; then he was called upon for

tricks; jugglings; and strange; fearful gymnastics; and lastly

came yarns; and more yarns; and yarns till bedtime。  There had

never been any one like Billy in his own particular sphere; and

now he was drowned; they said; and Martha was miserable; andand

I couldn't get a new bootlace。  They told me that Billy would

never come back any more; and I stared out of the window at the

sun which came back; right enough; every day; and their news

conveyed nothing whatever to me。  Martha's sorrow hit home a

little; but only because the actual sight and sound of it gave me

a dull; bad sort of pain low down insidea pain not to be

actually located。  Moreover; I was still wanting my bootlace。



This was a poor sort of a beginning to a day that; so far as

outside conditions went; had promised so well。  I rigged up a

sort of jurymast of a bootlace with a bit of old string; and

wandered off to look up the girls; conscious of a jar and a

discordance in the scheme of things。  The moment I entered the

schoolroom something in the air seemed to tell me that here; too;

matters were strained and awry。  Selina was staring listlessly

out of the window; one foot curled round her leg。  When I spoke

to her she jerked a shoulder testily; but did not condescend to

the civility of a reply。  Charlotte; absolutely unoccupied;

sprawled in a chair; and there were signs of sniffles about her;

even at that early hour。  It was but a trifling matter that had

caused all this electricity in the atmosphere; and the girls'

manner of taking it seemed to me most unreasonable。  Within the

last few days the time had come round for the despatch of a

hamper to Edward at school。  Only one hamper a term was permitted

him; so its preparation was a sort of blend of revelry and

religious ceremony。  After the main corpus of the thing had been

carefully selected and safely bestowedthe pots of jam; the

cake; the sausages; and the apples that filled up corners so

nicelyafter the last package had been wedged in; the girls had

deposited their own private and personal offerings on the top。  I

forget their precise nature; anyhow; they were nothing of any

particular practical use to a boy。  But they had involved some

contrivance and labour; some skimping of pocket money; and much

delightful cloud…building as to the effect on their enraptured

recipient。  Well; yesterday there had come a terse

acknowledgment from Edward; heartily commending the cakes and the

jam; stamping the sausages with the seal of Smith major's

approval; and finally hinting that; fortified as he now was;

nothing more was necessary but a remittance of five shillings in

postage stamps to enable him to face the world armed against

every buffet of fate。  That was all。  Never a word or a hint of

the personal tributes or of his appreciation of them。  To usto

Harold and me; that isthe letter seemed natural and sensible

enough。  After all; provender was the main thing; and five

shillings stood for a complete equipment against the most

unexpected turns of luck。  The presents were very well in their

wayvery nice; and so onbut life was a serious matter; and the

contest called for cakes and half crowns to carry it on; not gew…

gaws and knitted mittens and the like。  The girls; however;

in their obstinate way; persisted in taking their own view of the

slight。  Hence it was that I received my second rebuff of the

morning。



Somewhat disheartened; I made my way downstairs and out into the

sunlight; where I found Harold playing conspirators by himself on

the gravel。  He had dug a small hole in the walk and had laid an

imaginary train of powder thereto; and; as he sought refuge in

the laurels from the inevitable explosion; I heard him murmur: 

〃‘My God!' said the Czar; ‘my plans are frustrated!'〃  It seemed

an excellent occasion for being a black puma。  Harold liked black

pumas; on the whole; as well as any animal we were familiar with。



So I launched myself on him; with the appropriate howl; rolling

him over on the gravel。



Life may be said to be composed of things that come off and

things that don't come off。  This thing; unfortunately; was one

of the things that didn't come off。  From beneath me I heard a

shrill cry of; 〃Oh; it's my sore knee!〃  And Harold wriggled

himself free from the puma's clutches; bellowing dismally。  Now;

I honestly didn't know he had a sore knee; and; what's more; he

knew I didn't know he had a sore knee。  According to boy ethics;

therefore; his attitude was wrong; sore knee or not; and no

apology was due from me。  I made half…way advances; however;

suggesting we should lie in ambush by the edge of the pond and

cut
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