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dream days-第4部分

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suggesting we should lie in ambush by the edge of the pond and

cut off the ducks as they waddled down in simple; unsuspecting

single file; then hunt them as bisons flying scattered over the

vast prairie。  A fascinating pursuit this; and strictly illicit。 

But Harold would none of my overtures; and retreated to the house

wailing with full lungs。



Things were getting simply infernal。  I struck out blindly for

the open country; and even as I made for the gate a shrill voice

from a window bade me keep off the flower…beds。  When the gate

had swung to behind me with a vicious click I felt better; and

after ten minutes along the road it began to grow on me that some

radical change was needed; that I was in a blind alley; and that

this intolerable state of things must somehow cease。  All that I

could do I had already done。  As well…meaning a fellow as ever

stepped was pounding along the road that day; with an exceeding

sore heart; one who only wished to live and let live; in touch

with his fellows; and appreciating what joys life had to offer。 

What was wanted now was a complete change of environment。  Some

where in the world; I felt sure; justice and sympathy still

resided。  There were places called pampas; for instance; that

sounded well。  League upon league of grass; with just an

occasional wild horse; and not a relation within the horizon!  To

a bruised spirit this seemed a sane and a healing sort of

existence。  There were other pleasant corners; again; where you

dived for pearls and stabbed sharks in the stomach with your big

knife。  No relations would be likely to come interfering with you

when thus blissfully occupied。  And yet I did not wishjust

yetto have done with relations entirely。  They should be made

to feel their position first; to see themselves as they really

were; and to wishwhen it was too latethat they had behaved

more properly。



Of all professions; the army seemed to lend itself the most

thoroughly to the scheme。  You enlisted; you followed the drum;

you marched; fought; and ported arms; under strange skies;

through unrecorded years。  At last; at long last;

your opportunity would come; when the horrors of war were

flickering through the quiet country…side where you were cradled

and bred; but where the memory of you had long been dim。  Folk

would run together; clamorous; palsied with fear; and among the

terror…stricken groups would figure certain aunts。  〃What hope is

left us?〃 they would ask themselves; 〃save in the clemency of the

General; the mysterious; invincible General; of whom men tell

such romantic tales?〃  And the army would march in; and the guns

would rattle and leap along the village street; and; last of all;

youyou; the General; the fabled heroyou would enter; on your

coal…black charger; your pale set face seamed by an interesting

sabre…cut。  And thenbut every boy has rehearsed this familiar

piece a score of times。  You are magnanimous; in finethat goes

without saying; you have a coal…black horse; and a sabre…cut;

and you can afford to be very magnanimous。  But all the same

you give them a good talking…to。



This pleasant conceit simply ravished my soul for some twenty

minutes; and then the old sense of injury began to well up

afresh; and to call for new plasters and soothing syrups。  This

time I took refuge in happy thoughts of the sea。  The sea was my

real sphere; after all。  On the sea; in especial; you could

combine distinction with lawlessness; whereas the army seemed to

be always weighted by a certain plodding submission to

discipline。  To be sure; by all accounts; the life was at first a

rough one。  But just then I wanted to suffer keenly; I wanted to

be a poor devil of a cabin boy; kicked; beaten; and sworn atfor

a time。  Perhaps some hint; some inkling of my sufferings might

reach their ears。  In due course the sloop or felucca would turn

upit always didthe rakish…looking craft; black of hull;

low in the water; and bristling with guns; the jolly Roger

flapping overhead; and myself for sole commander。  By and by; as

usually happened; an East Indiaman would come sailing along full

of relationsnot a necessary relation would be missing。  And the

crew should walk the plank; and the captain should dance from his

own yardarm; and then I would take the passengers in handthat

miserable group of well…known figures cowering on the quarter…

deck!and thenand then the same old performance: the air thick

with magnanimity。  In all the repertory of heroes; none is more

truly magnanimous than your pirate chief。



When at last I brought myself back from the future to the actual

present; I found that these delectable visions had helped me over

a longer stretch of road than I had imagined; and I looked

around and took my bearings。  To the right of me was a long low

building of grey stone; new; and yet not smugly so; new; and yet

possessing distinction; marked with a character that did not

depend on lichen or on crumbling semi…effacement of moulding and

mullion。  Strangers might have been puzzled to classify it; to

me; an explorer from earliest years; the place was familiar

enough。  Most folk called it 〃The Settlement〃; others; with quite

sufficient conciseness for our neighbourhood; spoke of 〃them

there fellows up by Halliday's〃; others again; with a hint of

derision; named them the 〃monks。〃  This last title I supposed to

be intended for satire; and knew to be fatuously wrong。  I was

thoroughly acquainted with monksin booksand well knew the cut

of their long frocks; their shaven polls; and their fascinating

big dogs; with brandy…bottles round their necks; incessantly

hauling happy travellers out of the snow。  The only dog at the

settlement was an Irish terrier; and the good fellows who owned

him; and were owned by him; in common; wore clothes of the most

nondescript order; and mostly cultivated side…whiskers。  I had

wandered up there one day; searching (as usual) for something I

never found; and had been taken in by them and treated as friend

and comrade。  They had made me free of their ideal little rooms;

full of books and pictures; and clean of the antimacassar taint;

they had shown me their chapel; high; hushed; and faintly

scented; beautiful with a strange new beauty born both of what it

had and what it had notthat too familiar dowdiness of common

places of worship。  They had also fed me in their dining…hall;

where a long table stood on trestles plain to view; and all the

woodwork was natural; unpainted; healthily scrubbed; and

redolent of the forest it came from。  I brought away from that

visit; and kept by me for many days; a sense of cleanness; of the

freshness that pricks the sensesthe freshness of cool spring

water; and the large swept spaces of the rooms; the red tiles;

and the oaken settles; suggested a comfort that had no connexion

with padded upholstery。



On this particular morning I was in much too unsociable a mind

for paying friendly calls。  Still; something in the aspect of the

place harmonised with my humour; and I worked my way round to the

back; where the ground; after affording level enough for a

kitchen…garden; broke steeply away。  Both the word Gothic and the

thing itself were still unknown to me; yet doubtless the

architecture of the place; consistent throughout; accounted for

its sense of comradeship in my hour of disheartenment。  As I

mused there; with the low; grey; purposeful…looking building

before me; and thought of my pleasant friends within; and what

good times they always seemed to be having; and how they larked

with the Irish terrier; whose footing was one of a perfect

equality; I thought of a certain look in their faces; as if they

had a common purpose and a business; and were acting under orders

thoroughly recognised and understood。  I remembered; too;

something that Martha had told me; about these same fellows doing

〃a power o' good;〃 and other hints I had collected vaguely; of

renouncements; rules; self…denials; and the like。  Thereupon; out

of the depths of my morbid soul swam up a new and fascinating

idea; and at once the career of arms seemed over…acted and stale;

and piracy; as a profession; flat and unprofitable。  This; then;

or something like it; should be my vocation and my revenge。 

A severer line of business; perhaps; such as I had read of;

something that included black bread and a hair…shirt。  There

should be vows; tooirrevocable; blood curdling vows; and an

iron grating。  This iron grating was the most necessary feature

of all; for I intended that on the other side of it my relations

should range themselvesI mentally ran over the catalogue; and

saw that the whole gang was present; all in their proper places

a sad…eyed row; combined in tristful appeal。  〃We see our error

now;〃 they would say; 〃we were always dull dogs; slow to catch

especially in those akin to usthe finer qualities of soul!  We

misunderstood you; misappreciated you; and we ow
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