green mansions-第50部分

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living　and　near？　　Can　it　be；　can　it　be　that　we　shall　meet　again？　　To　look　again　into　your　divine　eyesto　hold　you　again　in　my　arms　at　last！　　I　so　changedso　different！　But　the　old　love　remains；　and　of　all　that　has　happened　in　your　absence　I　shall　tell　you　nothingnot　one　word；　all　shall　be　forgotten　nowsufferings；　madness；　crime；　remorse！　　Nothing　shall　ever　vex　you　againnot　Nuflo；　who　vexed　you　every　day；　for　he　is　dead　nowmurdered；　only　I　shall　not　say　thatand　I　have　decently　buried　his　poor　old　sinful　bones。　　We　alone　together　in　the　woodOUR　wood　now！　　The　sweet　old　days　again；　for　I　know　that　you　would　not　have　it　different；　nor　would　I。

Thus　I　talked　to　myself；　mad　with　the　thoughts　of　the　joy　that　would　soon　be　mine；　and　at　intervals　I　stood　still　and　made　the　forest　echo　with　my　calls。　　〃Rima！　　Rima！〃　　I　called　again　and　again；　and　waited　for　some　response；　and　heard　only　the　familiar　night…soundsvoices　of　insect　and　bird　and　tinkling　tree…frog；　and　a　low　murmur　in　the　topmost　foliage；　moved　by　some　light　breath　of　wind　unfelt　below。　　I　was　drenched　with　dew；　bruised　and　bleeding　from　falls　in　the　dark；　and　from　rocks　and　thorns　and　rough　branches；　but　had　felt　nothing；　gradually　the　excitement　burnt　itself　out；　I　was　hoarse　with　shouting　and　ready　to　drop　down　with　fatigue；　and　hope　was　dead：　and　at　length　I　crept　back　to　my　hut；　to　cast　myself　on　my　grass　bed　and　sink　into　a　dull；　miserable；　desponding　stupor。

But　on　the　following　morning　I　was　out　once　more；　determined　to　search　the　forest　well；　since；　if　no　evidence　of　the　great　fire　Kua…ko　had　described　to　me　existed；　it　would　still　be　possible　to　believe　that　he　had　lied　to　me；　and　that　Rima　lived。　　I　searched　all　day　and　found　nothing；　but　the　area　was　large；　and　to　search　it　thoroughly　would　require　several　days。

On　the　third　day　I　discovered　the　fatal　spot；　and　knew　that　never　again　would　I　behold　Rima　in　the　flesh；　that　my　last　hope　had　indeed　been　a　vain　one。　　There　could　be　no　mistake：　just　such　an　open　place　as　the　Indian　had　pictured　to　me　was　here；　with　giant　trees　standing　apart；　while　one　tree　stood　killed　and　blackened　by　fire；　surrounded　by　a　huge　heap；　sixty　or　seventy　yards　across；　of　prostrate　charred　tree…trunks　and　ashes。　　Here　and　there　slender　plants　had　sprung　up　through　the　ashes；　and　the　omnipresent　small…leaved　creepers　were　beginning　to　throw　their　pale　green　embroidery　over　the　blackened　trunks。　　I　looked　long　at　the　vast　funeral　tree　that　had　a　buttressed　girth　of　not　less　than　fifty　feet；　and　rose　straight　as　a　ship's　mast；　with　its　top　about　a　hundred　and　fifty　feet　from　the　earth。　　What　a　distance　to　fall；　through　burning　leaves　and　smoke；　like　a　white　bird　shot　dead　with　a　poisoned　arrow；　swift　and　straight　into　that　sea　of　flame　below！　　How　cruel　imagination　was　to　turn　that　desolate　ash…heap；　in　spite　of　feathery　foliage　and　embroidery　of　creepers；　into　roaring　leaping　flames　againto　bring　those　dead　savages　back；　men；　women；　and　childreneven　the　little　ones　I　had　played　withto　set　them　yelling　around　me：　〃Burn！　　burn！〃　　Oh；　no；　this　damnable　spot　must　not　be　her　last　resting…place！　　If　the　fire　had　not　utterly　consumed　her；　bones　as　well　as　sweet　tender　flesh；　shrivelling　her　like　a　frail　white…winged　moth　into　the　finest　white　ashes；　mixed　inseparably　with　the　ashes　of　stems　and　leaves　innumerable；　then　whatever　remained　of　her　must　be　conveyed　elsewhere　to　be　with　me；　to　mingle　with　my　ashes　at　last。

Having　resolved　to　sift　and　examine　the　entire　heap；　I　at　once　set　about　my　task。　　If　she　had　climbed　into　the　central　highest　branch；　and　had　fallen　straight；　then　she　would　have　dropped　into　the　flames　not　far　from　the　roots；　and　so　to　begin　I　made　a　path　to　the　trunk；　and　when　darkness　overtook　me　I　had　worked　all　round　the　tree；　in　a　width　of　three　to　four　yards；　without　discovering　any　remains。　　At　noon　on　the　following　day　I　found　the　skeleton；　or；　at　all　events；　the　larger　bones；　rendered　so　fragile　by　the　fierce　heat　they　had　been　subjected　to；　that　they　fell　to　pieces　when　handled。　　But　I　was　carefulhow　careful！to　save　these　last　sacred　relics；　all　that　was　now　left　of　Rima！kissing　each　white　fragment　as　I　lifted　it；　and　gathering　them　all　in　my　old　frayed　cloak；　spread　out　to　receive　them。　　And　when　I　had　recovered　them　all；　even　to　the　smallest；　I　took　my　treasure　home。

Another　storm　had　shaken　my　soul；　and　had　been　succeeded　by　a　second　calm；　which　was　more　complete　and　promised　to　be　more　enduring　than　the　first。　　But　it　was　no　lethargic　calm；　my　brain　was　more　active　than　ever；　and　by　and　by　it　found　a　work　for　my　hands　to　do；　of　such　a　character　as　to　distinguish　me　from　all　other　forest　hermits；　fugitives　from　their　fellows；　in　that　savage　land。　　The　calcined　bones　I　had　rescued　were　kept　in　one　of　the　big；　rudely　shaped；　half…burnt　earthen　jars　which　Nuflo　had　used　for　storing　grain　and　other　food…stuff。　　It　was　of　a　wood…ash　colour；　and　after　I　had　given　up　my　search　for　the　peculiar　fine　clay　he　had　used　in　its　manufacturefor　it　had　been　in　my　mind　to　make　a　more　shapely　funeral　urn　myselfI　set　to　work　to　ornament　its　surface。　　A　portion　of　each　day　was　given　to　this　artistic　labour；　and　when　the　surface　was　covered　with　a　pattern　of　thorny　stems；　and　a　trailing　creeper　with　curving　leaf　and　twining　tendril；　and　pendent　bud　and　blossom；　I　gave　it　colour。　Purples　and　black　only　were　used；　obtained　from　the　juices　of　some　deeply　coloured　berries；　and　when　a　tint；　or　shade；　or　line　failed　to　satisfy　me　I　erased　it；　to　do　it　again；　and　this　so　often　that　I　never　completed　my　work。　　I　might；　in　the　proudly　modest　spirit　of　the　old　sculptors；　have　inscribed　on　the　vase　the　words：　Abel　was　doing　this。　　For　was　not　my　ideal　beautiful　like　theirs；　and　the　best　that　my　art　could　do　only　an　imperfect　copya　rude　sketch？　　A　serpent　was　represented　wound　round　the　lower　portion　of　the　jar；　dull…hued；　with　a　chain　of　irregular　black　spots　or　blotches　extending　along　its　body；　and　if　any　person　had　curiously　examined　these　spots　he　would　have　discovered　that　every　other　one　was　a　rudely　shaped　letter；　and　that　the　letters；　by　being　properly　divided；　made　the　following　words：

Sin　vos　y　siu　dios　y　mi。

Words　that　to　some　might　seem　wild；　even　insane　in　their　extravagance；　sung　by　some　ancient　forgotten　poet；　or　possibly　the　motto　of　some　love…sick　knight…errant；　whose　passion　was　consumed　to　ashes　long　centuries　ago。　　But　not　wild　nor　insane　to　me；　dwelling　alone　on　a　vast　stony　plain　in　everlasting　twilight；　where　there　was　no　motion；　nor　any　sound；　but　all　things；　even　trees；　ferns；　and　grasses；　were　stone。　　And　in　that　place　I　had　sat　for　many　a　thousand　years；　drawn　up　and　motionless；　with　stony　fingers　clasped　round　my　legs；　and　forehead　resting　on　my　knees；　and　there　would　I　sit；　unmoving；　immovable；　for　many　a　thousand　years　to　comeI；　no　longer　I；　in　a　universe　where　she　was　not；　and　God　was　not。

The　days　went　by；　and　to　others　grouped　themselves　into　weeks　and　months；　to　me　they　were　only　daysnot　Saturday；　Sunday；　Monday；　but　nameless。　　They　were　so　many　and　their　sum　so　great　that　all　my　previous　life；　all　the　years　I　had　existed　before　this　solitary　time；　now　looked　like　a　small　island　immeasurably　far　away；　scarcely　discernible；　in　the　midst　of　that　endless　desolate　waste　of　nameless　days。

My　stock　of　provisions　had　been　so　long　consumed　that　I　had　forgotten　the　flavour　of　pulse　and　maize　and　pumpkins　and　purple　and　sweet　potatoes。　　For　Nuflo's　cultivated　patch　had　been　destroyed　by　the　savagesnot　a　stem；　not　a　root　had　they　left：　and　I；　like　the　sorrowful　man　that　broods　on　his　sorrow　and　the　artist　who　thinks　only　of　his　art；　had　been　improvident　and　had　consumed　the　seed　without　putting　a　portion　into　the　ground。　　Only　wild　food；　and　too　little　of　that；　found　with　much　seeking　and　got　with　many　hurts。　　Birds　screamed　at　and　scolded　me；　branches　bruised　and　thorns　scratched　me；　and　still　worse　were　the　angry　clouds　of　waspish　things　no　bigger　than　flies。　　Buzzbuzz！　　Sting…　…sting！　　A　serpent's　tooth　has　failed　to　kill　me；　little　do　I　care　for　your　small　drops　of　fiery　venom　so　that　I　get　at　the　spoilgrubs　and　honey。　　My　white　bread　and　purple　wine！　　Once　my　soul　hungered　after　knowledge；　I　took　delight　in　fine　thoughts　finely　expressed；　I　sought　them　carefully　in　printed　books：　now　only　this　vile　bodily　hunger；　this　eager　seeking　for　grubs　and　honey；　and　ignoble　war　with　little　things！

A　bad　hunter　I　proved　after　larger　game。　　Bird　and　beast　despised　my　snares；　which　took　me　so　many　waking　hours　at　night　to　invent；　so　many　daylight　hours　to　make。　　Once；　seeing　a　troop　of　monkeys　high　up　in　the　tall　trees；　I　followed　and　watched　them　for　a　long　time；　thinking　how　royally　I　should　feast　if　by　some　strange　unheard…of　accident　one　were　to　fall　disabled　to　the　ground　and　be　at　my　mercy。　　But　nothing　impossible　happened；　and　I　had　no　meat。　　What　meat　did　I　ever　have　except　an　occasional　fledgling；　killed　in　its　cradle；　or　a　lizard；　or　small　tree…frog　detected；　in　spite　of　its　green　colour；　among　the　foliage？　　I　would　roast　the　little　green　minstrel　on　the　coals。　　Why　not？　　Why　should　he　live　to　tinkle　on　his　mandolin　and　clash　his　airy　cymbals　with　no　appreciative　ear　to　listen？　　Once　I　had　a　different　and　stra