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the daisy chain, or aspirations-第75部分

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this。  It takes away from much of my comfort in sending you into the
world; and for higher thingshow can I believe you really impressed
and reverent; if the next minute〃

〃I'm not fit!  I'm not fit!〃 sobbed Harry; hiding his face。

〃Indeed; I hardly know whether it is not so;〃 said the doctor。  〃You
are under the usual age; and; though I know you wish to be a good
boy; yet I don't feel sure that these wild spirits do not carry away
everything serious; and whether it is right to bring one so
thoughtless to〃

〃No; no;〃 and Harry cried bitterly; and his father was deeply
grieved; but no more could then be said; and they parted for the
nightDr。 May saying; as he went away; 〃You understand; that it is
not as punishment for your trick; if I do not take you to Mr。 Ramsden
for a ticket; but that I cannot be certain whether it is right to
bring you to such solemn privileges while you do not seem to me to
retain steadily any grave or deep feelings。  Perhaps your mother
would have better helped you。〃

And Dr。 May went away to mourn over what he viewed as far greater
sins than those of his son。

Anger had; indeed; given place to sorrow; and all were grave the next
morning; as if each had something to be forgiven。

Margaret; especially; felt guilty of the fears which; perhaps; had
not been sufficiently combated in her days of health; and now were
beyond control; and had occasioned so much pain。  Ethel grieved over
the words she had yesterday spoken in haste of her father and sister;
Mary knew herself to have been an accomplice in the joke; and Norman
blamed himself for not having taken the trouble to perceive that
Harry had not been talking rhodomontade; when he had communicated
〃his capital scheme〃 the previous morning。

The decision as to the Confirmation was a great grief to all。  Flora
consoled herself by observing that; as he was so young; no one need
know it; nor miss him; and Ethel; with a trembling; almost sobbing
voice; enumerated all Harry's excellences; his perfect truth; his
kindness; his generosity; his flashes of intense feelingdeclared
that nobody might be confirmed if he were not; and begged and
entreated that Mr。 Wilmot might be written to; and consulted。  She
would almost have done so herself; if Richard had not shown her it
would be undutiful。

Harry himself was really subdued。  He made no question as to the
propriety of the decision; but rather felt his own unworthiness; and
was completely humbled and downcast。  When a note came from Mrs。
Anderson; saying that she was convinced that it could not have been
Dr。 May's wish that she should be exposed to the indignity of a
practical joke; and that a young lady of the highest family should
have been insulted; no one had spirits to laugh at the terms; and
when Dr。 May said; 〃What is to be done?〃 Harry turned crimson; and
was evidently trying to utter something。

〃I see nothing for it but for him to ask their pardon;〃 said Dr。 May;
and a sound was heard; not very articulate; but expressing full
assent。

〃That is right;〃 said the doctor。  〃I'll come with you。〃

〃Oh; thank you!〃 cried Harry; looking up。

They set off at once。  Mrs。 Anderson was neither an unpleasing nor
unkind personher chief defect being a blind admiration of her sons
and daughters; which gave her; in speaking of them; a tone of
pretension that she would never have shown on her own account。

Her displeasure was pacified in a moment by the sight of the confused
contrition of the culprit; coupled with his father's frank and kindly
tone of avowal; that it had been a foolish improper frolic; and that
he had been much displeased with him for it。

〃Say no morepray; say no more; Dr。 May。  We all know how to
overlook a sailor's frolic; and; I am sure; Master Harry's present
behaviour; but you'll take a bit of luncheon;〃 and; as something was
said of going home to the early dinner; 〃I am sure you will wait one
minute。  Master Harry must have a piece of my cake; and allow me to
drink to his success。〃

Poor Mr。 May! to be called Master Harry; and treated to sweet cake!
But he saw his father thought he ought to endure; and he even said;
〃Thank you。〃

The cake stuck in his throat; however; when Mrs。 Anderson and her
daughters opened their full course of praise on their dear Harvey and
dearest Edward; telling all the flattering things Dr。 Hoxton had said
of the order into which Harvey had brought the school; and insisting
on Dr。 May's reading the copy of the testimonial that he had carried
to Oxford。  〃I knew you would be kind enough to rejoice;〃 said Mrs。
Anderson; 〃and that you would have nono feeling about Mr。 Norman;
for; of course; at his age; a little matter is nothing; and it must
be better for the dear boy himself to be a little while under a
friend like Harvey; than to have authority while so young。〃

〃I believe it has done him no harm;〃 was all that the doctor could
bring himself to say; and thinking that he and his son had endured
quite enough; he took his leave as soon as Harry had convulsively
bolted the last mouthful。

Not a word was spoken all the way home。  Harry's own trouble had
overpowered even this subject of resentment。  On Sunday; the notice
of the Confirmation was read。  It was to take place on the following
Thursday; and all those who had already given in their names were to
come to Mr。 Ramsden to apply for their tickets。  While this was read;
large tear…drops were silently falling on poor Harry's book。

Ethel and Norman walked together in the twilight; in deep lamentation
over their brother's deprivation; which seemed especially to humble
them; 〃for;〃 said Norman; 〃I am sure no one can be more resolved on
doing right than July; and he has got through school better than I
did。〃

〃Yes;〃 said Ethel; 〃if we don't get into his sort of scrape; it is
only that we are older; not better。  I am sure mine are worse; my
letting Aubrey be nearly burnedmy neglects。〃

〃Papa must be doing right;〃 said Norman; 〃but for July to be turned
back when we are taken; makes me think of man judging only by outward
appearance。〃

〃A few outrageous…looking acts of giddiness that are so much grieved
over; may not be half so bad as the hundreds of wandering thoughts
that one forgets; because no one else can see them!〃 said Ethel。

Meanwhile; Harry and Mary were sitting twisted together into a sort
of bundle; on the same footstool; by Margaret's sofa。  Harry had
begged of her to hear him say the Catechism once more; and Mary had
joined with him in the repetition。  There was to be only one more
Sunday at home。  〃And that!〃 he said; and sighed。

Margaret knew what he meant; for the Feast was to be spread for those
newly admitted to share it。  She only said a caressing word of
affection。

〃I wonder when I shall have another chance;〃 said Harry。  〃If we
should get to Australia; or New Zealandbut then; perhaps; there
would be no Confirmation going on; and I might be worse by that
time。〃

〃Oh; you must not let that be!〃

〃Why; you see; if I can't be good here; with all this going on; what
shall I do among those fellows; away from all?〃

〃You will have one friend!〃

〃Mr。 Ernescliffe!  You are always thinking of him; Margaret; but
perhaps he may not go; and if he should; a lieutenant cannot do much
for a midshipman。  No; I thought; when I was reading with my father;
that somehow it might help me to do what it called putting away
childish thingsdon't you know?  I might be able to be stronger and
steadier; somehow。  And then; ififyou know; if I did tumble
overboard; or anything of that sort; there is that about thewhat
they will go to next Sunday; being necessary to salvation。〃

Harry laid down his head and cried; Margaret could not speak for
tears; and Mary was incoherently protesting against any notion of his
falling overboard。

〃It is generally necessary; Harry;〃 Margaret said at last〃not in
impossible cases。〃

〃Yes if it had been impossible; but it was not; if I had not been a
mad goose all this time; but when a bit of fun gets hold of me; I
can't think。  And if I am too bad for that; I am too bad forfor
and I shall never see mamma again!  Margaret; it almost makes me af
afraid to sail。〃

〃Harry; don't; don't talk so!〃 sobbed Mary。  〃Oh; do come to papa;
and let us beg and pray。  Take hold of my hand; and Margaret will beg
too; and when he sees how sorry you are; I am sure he will forgive;
and let you be confirmed。〃  She would have dragged him after her。

〃No; Mary;〃 said Harry; resisting her。 〃It is not that he does not
forgive。 You don't understand。  It is what is right。  And he cannot
help it; or make it right for me; if I am such a horrid wretch that I
can't keep grave thoughts in my head。  I might do it again after
that; just the same。〃

〃You have been grave enough of late;〃 said Mary。

〃This was enough to make me so;〃 said Harry; 〃but even at church;
since I came home; I have behaved ill!  I kicked Tom; to make him
look at old Levitt asleep; and then I went on; because he did not
like it。  I know I am too idle。〃

On the Tuesday; Dr。 May had said he would take Norman and Etheldred
to Mr。 Ramsden。  Ethel was gravely putting on her walking dress; when
she heard
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