5 midnigh+sun-第17部分

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72　

She　glanced　toward　Carlisle　and　Tyler。　　Tyler　was　paying　us　no　attention　at　all；　
but　Carlisle　was　monitoring　my　every　breath。　
Carefully；　Edward。　
〃I'd　like　to　speak　to　you　alone；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　she　insisted　in　a　low　voice。　
I　wanted　to　tell　her　that　I　did　mind　very　much；　but　I　knew　I　would　have　to　do　this　
eventually。　　I　may　as　well　get　on　with　it。　
I　was　full　of　so　many　conflicting　emotions　as　I　stalked　out　of　the　room；　listening　
to　her　stumbling　footsteps　behind　me；　trying　to　keep　up。　
I　had　a　show　to　put　on　now。　　I　knew　the　role　I　would　play—I　had　the　character　
down：　I　would　be　the　villain。　　I　would　lie　and　ridicule　and　be　cruel。　
It　went　against　all　my　better　impulses—the　human　impulses　that　I'd　clung　to　
through　all　these　years。　　I'd　never　wanted　to　deserve　trust　more　than　in　this　moment；　
when　I　had　to　destroy　all　possibility　of　it。　
It　made　it　worse　to　know　that　this　would　be　the　last　memory　she　would　have　of　
me。　　This　was　my　farewell　scene。　
I　turned　on　her。　
〃What　do　you　want？〃　I　asked　coldly。　
She　cringed　back　slightly　from　my　hostility。　　Her　eyes　turned　bewildered；　the　
expression　that　had　haunted　me？　
〃You　owe　me　an　explanation；〃　she　said　in　a　small　voice；　her　ivory　face　blanched。　
It　was　very　hard　to　keep　my　voice　harsh。　　〃I　saved　your　life—I　don't　owe　you　
anything。〃　
She　flinched—it　burned　like　acid　to　watch　my　words　hurt　her。　
〃You　promised；〃　she　whispered。　
〃Bella；　you　hit　your　head；　you　don't　know　what　you're　talking　about。〃　
Her　chin　came　up　then。　　〃There's　nothing　wrong　with　my　head。〃　
She　was　angry　now；　and　that　made　it　easier　for　me。　　I　met　her　glare；　making　my　
face　more　unfriendly。　
〃What　do　you　want　from　me；　Bella？〃　
〃I　want　to　know　the　truth。　　I　want　to　know　why　I'm　lying　for　you。〃　
What　she　wanted　was　only　fair—it　frustrated　me　to　have　to　deny　her。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
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〃What　do　you　think　happened？〃　I　nearly　growled　at　her。　
Her　words　poured　out　in　a　torrent。　　〃All　I　know　is　that　you　weren't　anywhere　near　
me—Tyler　didn't　see　you；　either；　so　don't　tell　me　I　hit　my　head　too　hard。　　That　van　was　
going　to　crush　us　both—and　it　didn't；　and　your　hands　left　dents　in　the　side　of　it—and　you　
left　a　dent　in　the　other　car；　and　you're　not　hurt　at　all—and　the　van　should　have　smashed　
my　legs；　but　you　were　holding　it　up？〃　　Suddenly；　she　clenched　her　teeth　together　and　
her　eyes　were　glistening　with　unshed　tears。　
I　stared　at　her；　my　expression　derisive；　though　what　I　really　felt　was　awe；　she　had　
seen　everything。　
〃You　think　I　lifted　a　van　off　you？〃　I　asked　sarcastically。　
She　answered　with　one　stiff　nod。　
My　voice　grew　more　mocking。　　〃Nobody　will　believe　that；　you　know。〃　
She　made　an　effort　to　control　her　anger。　　When　she　answered　me；　she　spoke　each　
word　with　slow　deliberation。　　〃I'm　not　going　to　tell　anybody。〃　
She　meant　it—I　could　see　that　in　her　eyes。　　Even　furious　and　betrayed；　she　would　
keep　my　secret。　
Why？　
The　shock　of　it　ruined　my　carefully　designed　expression　for　half　a　second；　and　
then　I　pulled　myself　together。　
〃Then　why　does　it　matter？〃　I　asked；　working　to　keep　my　voice　severe。　
〃It　matters　to　me；〃　she　said　intensely。　　〃I　don't　like　to　lie—so　there'd　better　be　a　
good　reason　why　I'm　doing　it。〃　
She　was　asking　me　to　trust　her。　　Just　as　I　wanted　her　to　trust　me。　　But　this　was　a　
line　I　could　not　cross。　
My　voice　stayed　callous。　　〃Can't　you　just　thank　me　and　get　it　over　with？〃　
〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　and　then　she　fumed　silently；　waiting。　
〃You're　not　going　to　let　it　go；　are　you？〃　
〃No。〃　
〃In　that　case？〃　　I　couldn't　tell　her　the　truth　if　I　wanted　to？and　I　didn't　want　to。　
I'd　rather　she　made　up　her　own　story　than　know　what　I　was；　because　nothing　could　be　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
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worse　than　the　truth—I　was　a　living　nightmare；　straight　from　the　pages　of　a　horror　novel。　
〃I　hope　you　enjoy　disappointment。〃　
We　scowled　at　each　other。　　It　was　odd　how　endearing　her　anger　was。　　Like　a　
furious　kitten；　soft　and　harmless；　and　so　unaware　of　her　own　vulnerability。　
She　flushed　pink　and　ground　her　teeth　together　again。　　〃Why　did　you　even　
bother？〃　
Her　question　wasn't　one　that　I　was　expecting　or　prepared　to　answer。　　I　lost　my　
hold　on　the　role　I　was　playing。　　I　felt　the　mask　slip　from　my　face；　and　I　told　her—this　one　
time—the　truth。　
〃I　don't　know。〃　
I　memorized　her　face　one　last　time—it　was　still　set　in　lines　of　anger；　the　blood　not　
yet　faded　from　her　cheeks—and　then　I　turned　and　walked　away　from　her。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
75　
4。　Visions　
I　went　back　to　school。　　This　was　the　right　thing　to　do；　the　most　inconspicuous　way　to　
behave。　
By　the　end　of　the　day；　almost　all　the　other　students　had　returned　to　class；　too。　　Just　
Tyler　and　Bella　and　a　few　others—who　were　probably　using　the　accident　as　a　chance　to　
ditch—remained　absent。　
It　shouldn't　be　so　hard　for　me　to　do　the　right　thing。　　But；　all　afternoon；　I　was　
gritting　my　teeth　against　the　urge　that　had　me　yearning　ditch；　too—in　order　to　go　find　the　
girl　again。　
Like　a　stalker。　　An　obsessessed　stalker。　　An　obsessessed；　vampire　stalker。　
School　today　was—somehow；　impossibly—even　more　boring　than　it　had　seemed　
just　a　week　ago。　　Coma…like。　　It　was　as　if　the　color　had　drained　from　the　bricks；　the　trees；　
the　sky；　the　faces　around　me？　　I　stared　at　the　cracks　in　the　walls。　
There　was　another　right　thing　I　should　be　doing？that　I　was　not。　　Of　course；　it　was　
also　a　wrong　thing。　　It　all　depended　on　the　perspective　from　which　you　viewed　it。　
From　the　perspective　of　a　Cullen—not　just　a　vampire；　but　a　Cullen；　someone　who　
belonged　to　a　family；　such　a　rare　state　in　our　world—the　right　thing　to　do　would　have　
gone　something　like　this：　
〃I'm　surprised　to　see　you　in　class；　Edward。　　I　heard　you　were　involved　in　that　
awful　accident　this　morning。〃　
〃Yes；　I　was；　Mr。　Banner；　but　I　was　the　lucky　one。〃　　A　friendly　smile。　　〃I　didn't　get　
hurt　at　all？　　I　wish　I　could　say　the　same　for　Tyler　and　Bella。〃　
〃How　are　they？〃　
〃I　think　Tyler　is　fine？just　some　superficial　scrapes　from　the　windshield　glass。　
I'm　not　sure　about　Bella；　though。〃　　A　worried　frown。　　〃She　might　have　a　concussion。　　I　
heard　she　was　pretty　incoherent　for　a　while—seeing　things　even。　　I　know　the　doctors　were　
worried？〃　
That's　how　it　should　have　gone。　　That's　what　I　owed　my　family。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
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〃I'm　surprised　to　see　you　in　class；　Edward。　　I　heard　you　were　involved　in　that　
awful　accident　this　morning。〃　
〃I　wasn't　hurt。〃　　No　smile。　
Mr。　Banner　shifted　his　weight　from　foot　to　foot；　uncomfortable。　
〃Do　you　have　any　idea　how　Tyler　Crowley　and　Bella　Swan　are？　　I　heard　there　
were　some　injuries？〃　
I　shrugged。　　〃I　wouldn't　know。〃　
Mr。　Banner　cleared　his　throat。　　〃Er；　right？〃　he　said；　my　cold　stare　making　his　
voice　sound　a　bit　strained。　
He　walked　quickly　back　to　the　front　of　classroom　and　began　his　lecture。　
It　was　the　wrong　thing　to　do。　　Unless　you　looked　at　it　from　a　more　obscure　point　
of　view。　
It　just　seemed　so？so　unchivalrous　to　slander　the　girl　behind　her　back；　especially　
when　she　was　proving　more　trustworthy　than　I　could　have　dreamed。　　She　hadn't　said　
anything　to　betray　me；　despite　having　good　reason　to　do　so。　　Would　I　betray　her　when　she　
had　done　nothing　but　keep　my　secret？　
I　had　a　nearly　identical　conversation　with　Mrs。　Goff—just　in　Spanish　rather　than　
in　English—and　Emmett　gave　me　a　long　look。　
I　hope　you　have　a　good　explanation　for　what　happened　today。　　Rose　is　on　the　
warpath。　
I　rolled　my　eyes　without　looking　at　him。　
I　actually　had　come　up　with　a　perfectly　sound　explanation。　　Just　suppose　I　hadn't　
done　anything　to　stop　the　van　from　crushing　the　girl？　　I　recoiled　from　that　thought。　　But　
if　she　had　been　hit；　if　she'd　been　mangled　and　bleeding；　the　red　fluid　spilling；　wasting　on　
the　blacktop；　the　scent　of　the　fresh　blood　pulsing　through　the　air　？　
I　shuddered　again；　but　not　just　in　horror。　　Part　of　me　shivered　in　desire。　　No；　I　
would　not　have　been　able　to　watch　her　bleed　without　exposing　us　all　in　a　much　more　
flagrant　and　shocking　way。　
It　was　a　perfectly　sound　excuse？but　I　wouldn't　use　it。　　It　was　too　shameful。　
And　I　hadn't　thought　of　it　until　long　after　the　fact；　regardless。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
77　

Look　out　for　Jasper；　Emmett　went　on；　oblivious　to　my　reverie。　　He's　not　as　
angry？but　he's　more　resolved。　
I　saw　what　he　meant；　and　for　a　moment　the　room　swam　around　me。　　My　rage　was　
so　all…consuming　that　a　red　haze　clouded　my　vision。　　I　thought　I　would　choke　on　it。　
SHEESH；　EDWARD！　　GET　A　GRIP！　　Emmett　shouted　at　me　in　his　head。　　His　
hand　came　down　on　my　shoulder；　holding　me　in　my　seat　before　I　could　jump　to　my　feet。　
He　rarely　used　his　full　strength—there　was　rarely　a　need；　for　he　was　so　much　stronger　
than　any　vampire　any　of　us　had　ever　encountered—but　he　used　it　now。　　He　gripped　my　
arm；　rather　than　pushing　me　down。　　If　he'd　been　pushing；　the　chair　under　me　would　have　
collapsed。　
EASY！　　He　ordered。　
I　tried　to　calm　myself；　but　it　was　hard。　　The　rage　burned　in　my　head。　
Jasper's　not　going　to　do　anything　until　we　all　talk。　　I　just　thought　you　should　
know　the　direction　he's　headed。　
I　concentrated　on　relaxing；　and　I　felt　Emmett's　hand　loosen。　
Try　not　to　make