5 midnigh+sun-第41部分

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〃Next；〃　I　said。　
〃But　that's　the　easiest　one！'　
〃Next；〃　I　said　again。　
She　was　frustrated　by　my　refusal。　　She　looked　away　from　me；　down　to　her　food。　
Slowly；　thinking　hard；　she　took　a　bite　and　chewed　with　deliberation。　　She　washed　it　down　
with　more　coke；　and　then　finally　looked　up　at　me。　　Her　eyes　were　narrow　with　suspicion。　
〃Okay　then；〃　she　said。　　〃Let's　say；　hypothetically；　of　course；　
that？someone？could　know　what　people　are　thinking；　read　minds；　you　know—with　just　
a　few　exceptions。〃　
It　could　be　worse。　
This　explained　that　little　half…smile　in　the　car。　　She　was　quick—no　one　else　had　
ever　guessed　this　about　me。　　Except　for　Carlisle；　and　it　had　been　rather　obvious　then；　in　
the　beginning；　when　I'd　answered　all　his　thoughts　as　if　he'd　spoken　them　to　me。　　He'd　
understood　before　I　had？　
This　question　wasn't　so　bad。　　While　it　was　clear　that　she　knew　that　there　was　
something　wrong　with　me；　was　not　as　serious　as　it　could　have　been。　　Mind…reading　was；　
after　all；　not　a　facet　of　the　vampire　cannon。　　I　went　along　with　her　hypothesis。　
〃Just　one　exception；〃　I　corrected。　〃Hypothetically。〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
187　

She　fought　a　smile—my　vague　honesty　pleased　her。　　〃All　right；　with　one　
exception；　then。　　How　does　that　work？　　What　are　the　limitations？　　How　would？that　
someone？find　someone　else　at　exactly　the　right　time？　　How　would　he　know　that　she　was　
in　trouble？〃　
〃Hypothetically？〃　
〃Sure。〃　　Her　lips　twitched；　and　her　liquid　brown　eyes　were　eager。　
〃Well；〃　I　hesitated。　　〃If？that　someone？〃　
〃Let's　call　him　'Joe；'〃　she　suggested。　
I　had　to　smile　at　her　enthusiasm。　　Did　she　really　think　the　truth　would　be　a　good　
thing？　　If　my　secrets　were　pleasant；　why　would　I　keep　them　from　her？　
〃Joe；　then；〃　I　agreed。　　〃If　Joe　had　been　paying　attention；　the　timing　wouldn't　have　
needed　to　be　quite　so　exact。〃　　I　shook　my　head　and　repressed　a　shudder　at　the　thought　of　
how　close　I　had　been　to　being　too　late　today。　　〃Only　you　could　get　into　trouble　in　a　town　
this　small。　　You　would　have　devastated　their　crime　rate　statistics　for　a　decade；　you　
know。〃　
Her　lips　turned　down　at　the　corners；　and　pouted　out。　　〃We　were　speaking　of　a　
hypothetical　case。〃　
I　laughed　at　her　irritation。　
Her　lips；　her　skin？　　They　looked　so　soft。　　I　wanted　to　touch　them。　　I　wanted　to　
press　my　fingertip　against　the　corner　of　her　frown　and　turn　it　up。　　Impossible。　　My　skin　
would　be　repellent　to　her。　
〃Yes；　we　were；〃　I　said；　returning　to　the　conversation　before　I　could　depress　
myself　too　thoroughly。　　〃Shall　we　call　you　'Jane'？〃　
She　leaned　across　the　table　toward　me；　all　humor　and　irritation　gone　from　her　
wide　eyes。　
〃How　did　you　know？〃　she　asked；　her　voice　low　and　intense。　
Should　I　tell　her　the　truth？　　And；　if　so；　what　portion？　
I　wanted　to　tell　her。　　I　wanted　to　deserve　the　trust　I　could　still　see　on　her　face。　
〃You　can　trust　me；　you　know；〃　she　whispered；　and　she　reached　one　hand　forward　
as　if　to　touch　my　hands　where　they　rested　on　top　of　the　empty　table　before　me。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
188　

I　pulled　them　back—hating　the　thought　of　her　reaction　to　my　frigid　stone　skin—　
and　she　dropped　her　hand。　
I　knew　that　I　could　trust　her　with　protecting　my　secrets；　she　was　entirely　
trustworthy；　good　to　the　core。　　But　I　couldn't　trust　her　not　to　be　horrified　by　them。　　She　
should　be　horrified。　　The　truth　was　horror。　
〃I　don't　know　if　I　have　a　choice　anymore；〃　I　murmured。　　I　remembered　that　I'd　
once　teased　her　by　calling　her　'exceptionally　unobservant。'　　Offended　her；　if　I'd　been　
judging　her　expressions　correctly。　　Well；　I　could　right　that　one　injustice；　at　least。　　〃I　was　
wrong—you're　much　more　observant　than　I　gave　you　credit　for。〃　　And；　though　she　might　
not　realize　it；　I'd　given　her　plenty　of　credit　already。　　She　missed　nothing。　
〃I　thought　you　were　always　right；〃　she　said；　smiling　as　she　teased　me。　
〃I　used　to　be。〃　　I　used　to　know　what　I　was　doing。　　I　used　to　be　always　sure　of　my　
course。　　And　now　everything　was　chaos　and　tumult。　
Yet　I　wouldn't　trade　it。　　I　didn't　want　the　life　that　made　sense。　　Not　if　the　chaos　
meant　that　I　could　be　with　Bella。　
〃I　was　wrong　about　you　on　one　other　thing　as　well；〃　I　went　on；　setting　the　record　
straight　on　another　point。　　〃You're　not　a　magnet　for　accidents—that's　not　a　broad　enough　
classification。　　You　are　a　magnet　for　trouble。　　If　there　is　anything　dangerous　within　a　ten…　
mile　radius；　it　will　invariably　find　you。〃　　Why　her？　　What　had　she　done　to　deserve　any　of　
this？　
Bella's　face　turned　serious　again。　　〃And　you　put　yourself　into　that　category？〃　
Honesty　was　more　important　in　regards　to　this　question　than　any　other。　
〃Unequivocally。〃　
Her　eyes　narrowed　slightly—not　suspicious　now；　but　oddly　concerned。　　She　
reached　her　hand　across　the　table　again；　slowly　and　deliberately。　　I　pulled　my　hands　an　
inch　away　from　her；　but　she　ignored　that；　determined　to　touch　me。　　I　held　my　breath—not　
because　of　her　scent　now；　but　because　of　the　sudden；　overwhelming　tension。　　Fear。　　My　
skin　would　disgust　her。　　She　would　run　away。　
She　brushed　her　fingertips　lightly　across　the　back　of　my　hand。　　The　heat　of　her　
gentle；　willing　touch　was　like　nothing　I'd　ever　felt　before。　　It　was　almost　pure　pleasure。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
189　

Would　have　been；　except　for　my　fear。　　I　watched　her　face　as　she　felt　the　cold　stone　of　my　
skin；　still　unable　to　breathe。　
A　half…smile　turned　up　the　corners　of　her　lips。　
〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　meeting　my　stare　with　an　intense　gaze　of　her　own。　　〃That's　
twice　now。〃　
Her　soft　fingers　lingered　on　my　hand　as　if　they　found　it　pleasant　to　be　there。　
I　answered　her　as　casually　as　I　was　able。　　〃Let's　not　try　for　three；　agreed？〃　
She　grimaced　at　that；　but　nodded。　
I　pulled　my　hands　out　from　under　hers。　　As　exquisite　as　her　touch　felt；　I　wasn't　
going　to　wait　for　the　magic　of　her　tolerance　to　pass；　to　turn　to　revulsion。　　I　hid　my　hands　
under　the　table。　
I　read　her　eyes；　though　her　mind　was　silent；　I　could　perceive　both　trust　and　
wonder　there。　　I　realized　in　that　moment　that　I　wanted　to　answer　her　questions。　　Not　
because　I　owed　it　to　her。　　Not　because　I　wanted　her　to　trust　me。　
I　wanted　her　to　know　me。　
〃I　followed　you　to　Port　Angeles；〃　I　told　her；　the　words　spilling　out　too　quickly　for　
me　to　edit　them。　　I　knew　the　danger　of　the　truth；　the　risk　I　was　taking。　　At　any　moment；　
her　unnatural　calm　could　shatter　into　hysterics。　　Contrarily；　knowing　this　only　had　me　
talking　faster。　　〃I've　never　tried　to　keep　a　specific　person　alive　before　and　it's　much　more　
troublesome　than　I　would　have　believed。　　But　that's　probably　just　because　it's　you。　
Ordinary　people　seem　to　make　it　through　the　day　without　so　many　catastrophes。〃　
I　watched　her；　waiting。　
She　smiled。　　Her　lips　curved　up　at　the　edges；　and　her　chocolate　eyes　warmed。　
I'd　just　admitted　to　stalking　her；　and　she　was　smiling。　
〃Did　you　ever　think　that　maybe　my　number　was　up　that　first　time；　with　the　van；　
and　that　you've　been　interfering　with　fate？〃　she　asked。　
〃That　wasn't　the　first　time；〃　I　said；　staring　down　at　the　dark　maroon　table　cloth；　
my　shoulders　bowed　in　shame。　　My　barriers　were　down；　the　truth　still　spilling　free　
recklessly。　　〃Your　number　was　up　the　first　time　I　met　you。〃　
It　was　true；　and　it　angered　me。　　I　had　been　positioned　over　her　life　like　the　blade　
of　a　guillotine。　　It　was　as　if　she　had　been　marked　for　death　by　some　cruel；　unjust　fate；　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
190　

and—since　I'd　proved　an　unwilling　tool—that　same　fate　continued　to　try　to　execute　her。　
I　imagined　the　fate　personified—a　grisly；　jealous　hag；　a　vengeful　harpy。　
I　wanted　something；　someone；　to　be　responsible　for　this—so　that　I　would　have　
something　concrete　to　fight　against。　　Something；　anything　to　destroy；　so　that　Bella　could　
be　safe。　
Bella　was　very　quiet；　her　breathing　had　accelerated。　
I　looked　up　at　her；　knowing　I　would　finally　see　the　fear　I　was　waiting　for。　　Had　I　
not　just　admitted　how　close　I'd　been　to　killing　her？　　Closer　than　the　van　that　had　come　
within　slim　inches　of　crushing　her。　　And　yet；　her　face　was　still　calm；　her　eyes　still　
tightened　only　with　concern。　
〃You　remember？〃　　She　had　to　remember　that。　
〃Yes；〃　she　said；　her　voice　level　and　grave。　　Her　deep　eyes　were　full　of　awareness。　
She　knew。　　She　knew　that　I　had　wanted　to　murder　her。　
Where　were　the　screams？　
〃And　yet　here　you　sit；〃　I　said；　pointing　out　the　inherent　contradiction。　
〃Yes；　here　I　sit？because　of　you。〃　　Her　expression　altered；　turned　curious；　as　she　
unsubtly　changed　the　subject。　　〃Because　somehow　you　knew　how　to　find　me　today？？〃　
Hopelessly；　I　pushed　one　more　time　at　the　barrier　that　protected　her　thoughts；　
desperate　to　understand。　　It　made　no　logical　sense　to　me。　　How　could　she　even　care　about　
the　rest　with　that　glaring　truth　on　the　table？　
She　waited；　only　curious。　　Her　skin　was　pale；　which　was　natural　for　her；　but　it　still　
concerned　me。　　Her　dinner　sat　nearly　untouched　in　front　of　her。　　If　I　continued　to　tell　her　
too　much；　she　was　going　to　need　a　buffer　when　the　shock　wore　off。　
I　named　my　terms。　　〃You　eat；　I'll　talk。〃　
She　processed　that　for　half　a　second；　and　then　threw　a　bite　in　her　mouth　with　a　
speed　that　belied　her　calm。　　She　was　more　anxious　for　my　a