5 midnigh+sun-第8部分

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the　way　everyone　responded　to　her。　　Hadn't　I　wanted；　instinctively；　to　protect　her；　too？　
Before　I'd　wanted　to　kill　her；　that　is？　
But　was　the　girl　ill？　
It　was　hard　to　judge—she　looked　so　delicate　with　her　translucent　skin？　　Then　I　
realized　that　I　was　worrying；　too；　just　like　that　dimwitted　boy；　and　I　forced　myself　not　to　
think　about　her　health。　
Regardless；　I　didn't　like　monitoring　her　through　Mike's　thoughts。　　I　switched　to　
Jessica's；　watching　carefully　as　the　three　of　them　chose　which　table　to　sit　at。　　Fortunately；　
they　sat　with　Jessica's　usual　companions；　at　one　of　the　first　tables　in　the　room。　　Not　
downwind；　just　as　Alice　had　promised。　
Alice　elbowed　me。　　She's　going　to　look　soon；　act　human。　
I　clenched　my　teeth　behind　my　grin。　
〃Ease　up；　Edward；〃　Emmett　said。　　〃Honestly。　　So　you　kill　one　human。　　That's　
hardly　the　end　of　the　world。〃　
〃You　would　know；〃　I　murmured。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
32　

Emmett　laughed。　　〃You've　got　to　learn　to　get　over　things。　　Like　I　do。　　Eternity　is　a　
long　time　to　wallow　in　guilt。〃　
Just　then；　Alice　tossed　a　smaller　handful　of　ice　that　she'd　been　hiding　into　
Emmett's　unsuspecting　face。　
He　blinked；　surprised；　and　then　grinned　in　anticipation。　
〃You　asked　for　it；〃　he　said　as　he　leaned　across　the　table　and　shook　his　ice…　
encrusted　hair　in　her　direction。　　The　snow；　melting　in　the　warm　room；　flew　out　from　his　
hair　in　a　thick　shower　of　half…liquid；　half…ice。　
〃Ew！〃　Rose　complained；　as　she　and　Alice　recoiled　from　the　deluge。　
Alice　laughed；　and　we　all　joined　in。　　I　could　see　in　Alice's　head　how　she'd　
orchestrated　this　perfect　moment；　and　I　knew　that　the　girl—I　should　stop　thinking　of　her　
that　way；　as　if　she　were　the　only　girl　in　the　world—that　Bella　would　be　watching　us　laugh　
and　play；　looking　as　happy　and　human　and　unrealistically　ideal　as　a　Norman　Rockwell　
painting。　
Alice　kept　laughing；　and　held　her　tray　up　as　a　shield。　　The　girl—Bella　must　still　be　
staring　at　us。　
？staring　at　the　Cullens　again；　someone　thought；　catching　my　attention。　
I　looked　automatically　toward　the　unintentional　call；　realizing　as　my　eyes　found　
their　destination　that　I　recognized　the　voice—I'd　been　listening　to　it　so　much　today。　
But　my　eyes　slid　right　past　Jessica；　and　focused　on　the　girl's　penetrating　gaze。　
She　looked　down　quickly；　hiding　behind　her　thick　hair　again。　
What　was　she　thinking？　　The　frustration　seemed　to　be　getting　more　acute　as　time　
went　on；　rather　than　dulling。　　I　tried—uncertain　in　what　I　was　doing　for　I'd　never　tried　
this　before—to　probe　with　my　mind　at　the　silence　around　her。　　My　extra　hearing　had　
always　come　to　me　naturally；　without　asking；　I'd　never　had　to　work　at　it。　　But　I　
concentrated　now；　trying　to　break　through　whatever　shield　surrounded　her。　
Nothing　but　silence。　
What　is　it　about　her？　Jessica　thought；　echoing　my　own　frustration。　
〃Edward　Cullen　is　staring　at　you；〃　she　whispered　in　the　Swan　girl's　ear；　adding　a　
giggle。　　There　was　no　hint　of　her　jealous　irritation　in　her　tone。　　Jessica　seemed　to　be　
skilled　at　feigning　friendship。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
33　

I　listened；　too　engrossed；　to　the　girl's　response。　
〃He　doesn't　look　angry；　does　he？〃　she　whispered　back。　
So　she　had　noticed　my　wild　reaction　last　week。　　Of　course　she　had。　
The　question　confused　Jessica。　　I　saw　my　own　face　in　her　thoughts　as　she　checked　
my　expression；　but　I　did　not　meet　her　glance。　　I　was　still　concentrating　on　the　girl；　trying　
to　hear　something。　　My　intent　focus　didn't　seem　to　be　helping　at　all。　
〃No；〃　Jess　told　her；　and　I　knew　that　she　wished　she　could　say　yes—how　it　rankled　
inside　her；　my　staring—though　there　was　no　trace　of　that　in　her　voice。　　〃Should　he　be？〃　
〃I　don't　think　he　likes　me；〃　the　girl　whispered　back；　laying　her　head　down　on　her　
arm　as　if　she　were　suddenly　tired。　　I　tried　to　understand　the　motion；　but　I　could　only　make　
guesses。　　Maybe　she　was　tired。　
〃The　Cullens　don't　like　anybody；〃　Jess　reassured　her。　　〃Well；　they　don't　notice　
anybody　enough　to　like　them。〃　　They　never　used　to。　　Her　thought　was　a　grumble　of　
complaint。　　〃But　he's　still　staring　at　you。〃　
〃Stop　looking　at　him；〃　the　girl　said　anxiously；　lifting　her　head　from　her　arm　to　
make　sure　Jessica　obeyed　the　order。　
Jessica　giggled；　but　did　as　she　was　asked。　
The　girl　did　not　look　away　from　her　table　for　the　rest　of　the　hour。　　I　thought—　
though；　of　course；　I　could　not　be　sure—that　this　was　deliberate。　　It　seemed　like　she　
wanted　to　look　at　me。　　Her　body　would　shift　slightly　in　my　direction；　her　chin　would　
begin　to　turn；　and　then　she　would　catch　herself；　take　a　deep　breath；　and　stare　fixedly　at　
whoever　was　speaking。　
I　ignored　the　other　thoughts　around　the　girl　for　the　most　part；　as　they　were　not；　
momentarily；　about　her。　　Mike　Newton　was　planning　a　snow　fight　in　the　parking　lot　after　
school；　not　seeming　to　realize　that　the　snow　had　already　shifted　to　rain。　　The　flutter　of　
soft　flakes　against　the　roof　had　become　the　more　common　patter　of　raindrops。　　Could　he　
really　not　hear　the　change？　　It　seemed　loud　to　me。　
When　the　lunch　period　ended；　I　stayed　in　my　seat。　　The　humans　filed　out；　and　I　
caught　myself　trying　to　distinguish　the　sound　of　her　footsteps　from　the　sound　of　the　rest；　
as　if　there　was　something　important　or　unusual　about　them。　　How　stupid。　
My　family　made　no　move　to　leave；　either。　　They　waited　to　see　what　I　would　do。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
34　

Would　I　go　to　class；　sit　beside　the　girl　where　I　could　smell　the　absurdly　potent　
scent　of　her　blood　and　feel　the　warmth　of　her　pulse　in　the　air　on　my　skin？　　Was　I　strong　
enough　for　that？　　Or　had　I　had　enough　for　one　day？　
〃I？think　it's　okay；〃　Alice　said；　hesitant。　　〃Your　mind　is　set。　　I　think　you'll　make　
it　through　the　hour。〃　
But　Alice　knew　well　how　quickly　a　mind　could　change。　
〃Why　push　it；　Edward？〃　Jasper　asked。　　Though　he　didn't　want　to　feel　smug　that　I　
was　the　one　who　was　weak　now；　I　could　hear　that　he　did；　just　a　little。　　〃Go　home。　　Take　it　
slow。〃　
〃What's　the　big　deal？〃　Emmett　disagreed。　　〃Either　he　will　or　he　won't　kill　her。　
Might　as　well　get　it　over　with；　either　way。〃　
〃I　don't　want　to　move　yet；〃　Rosalie　complained。　　〃I　don't　want　to　start　over。　
We're　almost　out　of　high　school；　Emmett。　　Finally。〃　
I　was　evenly　torn　on　the　decision。　　I　wanted；　wanted　badly；　to　face　this　head　on　
rather　than　running　away　again。　　But　I　didn't　want　to　push　myself　too　far；　either。　　It　had　
been　a　mistake　last　week　for　Jasper　to　go　so　long　without　hunting；　was　this　just　as　
pointless　a　mistake？　
I　didn't　want　to　uproot　my　family。　　None　of　them　would　thank　me　for　that。　
But　I　wanted　to　go　to　my　biology　class。　　I　realized　that　I　wanted　to　see　her　face　
again。　
That's　what　decided　it　for　me。　　That　curiosity。　　I　was　angry　with　myself　for　feeling　
it。　　Hadn't　I　promised　myself　that　I　wouldn't　let　the　silence　of　the　girl's　mind　make　me　
unduly　interested　in　her？　　And　yet；　here　I　was；　most　unduly　interested。　
I　wanted　to　know　what　she　was　thinking。　　Her　mind　was　closed；　but　her　eyes　were　
very　open。　　Perhaps　I　could　read　them　instead。　
〃No；　Rose；　I　think　it　really　will　be　okay；〃　Alice　said。　　〃It's？firming　up。　　I'm　
ninety…three　percent　sure　that　nothing　bad　will　happen　if　he　goes　to　class。〃　　She　looked　at　
me　inquisitively；　wondering　what　had　changed　in　my　thoughts　that　made　her　vision　of　the　
future　more　secure。　
Would　curiosity　be　enough　to　keep　Bella　Swan　alive？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
35　

Emmett　was　right；　though—why　not　get　it　over　with；　either　way？　　I　would　face　
the　temptation　head　on。　
〃Go　to　class；〃　I　ordered；　pushing　away　from　the　table。　　I　turned　and　strode　away　
from　them　without　looking　back。　　I　could　hear　Alice's　worry；　Jasper's　censure；　Emmett's　
approval；　and　Rosalie's　irritation　trailing　after　me。　
I　took　one　last　deep　breath　at　the　door　of　the　classroom；　and　then　held　it　in　my　
lungs　as　I　walked　into　the　small；　warm　space。　
I　was　not　late。　　Mr。　Banner　was　still　setting　up　for　today's　lab。　　The　girl　sat　at　
my—at　our　table；　her　face　down　again；　staring　at　the　folder　she　was　doodling　on。　　I　
examined　the　sketch　as　I　approached；　interested　in　even　this　trivial　creation　of　her　mind；　
but　it　was　meaningless。　　Just　a　random　scribbling　of　loops　within　loops。　　Perhaps　she　was　
not　concentrating　on　the　pattern；　but　thinking　of　something　else？　
I　pulled　my　chair　back　with　unnecessary　roughness；　letting　it　scrape　across　the　
linoleum；　humans　always　felt　more　comfortable　when　noise　announced　someone's　
approach。　
I　knew　she　heard　the　sound；　she　did　not　look　up；　but　her　hand　missed　a　loop　in　the　
design　she　was　drawing；　making　it　unbalanced。　
Why　didn't　she　look　up？　　Probably　she　was　frightened。　　I　must　be　sure　to　leave　
her　with　a　different　impression　this　time。　　Make　her　think　she'd　been　imagining　things　
before。　
〃Hello；〃　I　said　in　the　quiet　voice　I　used　when　I　wanted　to　make　humans　more　
comfortable；　forming　a　polite　smile　with　my　lips　that　would　not　show　any　teeth。　
She　looked　up　then；　her　wide　brown　eyes　startled—almost　bewildered—and　full　
of　silent　questions。　　It　was　the　same　expression　that　had　been　obstructing　my　vision　for　
the　last　week。　
As　I　stared　into　those　oddly　deep　brown　eyes；　I　realized　that　the　hate—th