红字-the scarlet letter(英文版)-第8部分

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e。　It　went　with　me　on　my　sea…shore　walks；　andrambles　into　the　country；　whenever…　which　was　seldom　andreluctantly…　I　bestirred　myself　to　seek　that　invigorating　charm　ofNature；　which　used　to　give　me　such　freshness　and　activity　ofthought；　the　moment　that　I　stepped　across　the　threshold　of　the　OldManse。　The　same　torpor；　as　regarded　the　capacity　for　intellectualeffort；　acpanied　me　home；　and　weighed　upon　me　in　the　chamberwhich　I　most　absurdly　termed　my　study。　Nor　did　it　quit　me；　when；late　at　night；　I　sat　in　the　deserted　parlour；　lighted　only　by　theglimmering　coal…fire　and　the　moon；　striving　to　picture　forth　imaginaryscenes；　which；　the　next　day；　might　flow　out　on　the　brightening　page　inmany…hued　description。　　If　the　imaginative　faculty　refused　to　act　at　such　an　hour；　itmight　well　be　deemed　a　hopeless　case。　Moonlight；　in　a　familiar　room；falling　so　white　upon　the　carpet；　and　showing　all　its　figures　sodistinctly…　making　every　object　so　minutely　visible；　yet　so　unlike　amorning　or　noontide　visibility…　is　a　medium　the　most　suitable　for　aromance…writer　to　get　acquainted　with　his　illusive　guests。　There　isthe　little　domestic　scenery　of　the　well…known　apartment；　the　chairs；with　each　its　separate　individuality；　the　centre…table；　sustaining　aworkbasket；　a　volume　or　two；　and　an　extinguished　lamp；　the　sofa；　thebookcase；　the　picture　on　the　wall…　all　these　details；　so　pletelyseen；　are　so　spiritualised　by　the　unusual　light；　that　they　seem　tolose　their　actual　substance；　and　bee　things　of　intellect。　Nothingis　too　small　or　too　trifling　to　undergo　this　change；　and　acquiredignity　thereby。　A　child's　shoe；　the　doll；　seated　in　her　little　wickercarriage；　the　hobby…horse…　whatever；　in　a　word；　has　been　used　orplayed　with；　during　the　day；　is　now　invested　with　a　quality　ofstrangeness　and　remoteness；　though　still　almost　as　vividly　present　asby　daylight。　Thus；　therefore；　the　floor　of　our　familiar　room　hasbee　a　neutral　territory；　somewhere　between　the　real　world　andfairyland；　where　the　Actual　and　the　Imaginary　may　meet；　and　each　imbueitself　with　the　nature　of　the　other。　Ghosts　might　enter　here　withoutaffrighting　us。　It　would　be　too　much　in　keeping　with　the　scene　toexcite　surprise；　were　we　to　look　about　us　and　discover　a　form；beloved；　but　gone　hence；　now　sitting　quietly　in　a　streak　of　this　magicmoonshine；　with　an　aspect　that　would　make　us　doubt　whether　it　hadreturned　from　afar；　or　had　never　once　stirred　from　our　fireside。　　The　somewhat　dim　coal…fire　has　an　essential　influence　in　producingthe　effect　which　I　would　describe。　It　throws　its　unobtrusive　tingethroughout　the　room；　with　a　faint　ruddiness　upon　the　walls　andceiling；　and　a　reflected　gleam　from　the　polish　of　the　furniture。This　warmer　light　mingles　itself　with　the　cold　spirituality　of　themoonbeams；　and　municates；　as　it　were；　a　heart　and　sensibilitiesof　human　tenderness　to　the　forms　which　fancy　summons　up。　It　convertsthem　from　snow…images　into　men　and　women。　Glancing　at　thelooking…glass；　we　behold…　deep　within　its　haunted　verge…　thesmouldering　glow　of　the　half…extinguished　anthracite；　the　whitemoonbeams　on　the　floor；　and　a　repetition　of　all　the　gleam　and　shadowof　the　picture；　with　one　remove　farther　from　the　actual；　and　nearer　tothe　imaginative。　Then；　at　such　an　hour；　and　with　this　scene　beforehim；　if　a　man；　sitting　all　alone；　cannot　dream　strange　things；　andmake　them　look　like　truth；　he　need　never　try　to　write　romances。　　But；　for　myself；　during　the　whole　of　my　Custom…House　experience；moonlight　and　sunshine；　and　the　glow　of　firelight；　were　just　alikein　my　regard；　and　neither　of　them　was　of　one　whit　more　avail　thanthe　twinkle　of　a　tallow…candle。　An　entire　class　of　susceptibilities；and　a　gift　connected　with　them…　of　no　great　richness　or　value；　but　thebest　I　had…　was　gone　from　me。　　It　is　my　belief；　however；　that；　had　I　attempted　a　different　order　ofposition；　my　faculties　would　not　have　been　found　so　pointless　andinefficacious。　I　might；　for　instance；　have　contented　myself　withwriting　out　the　narratives　of　a　veteran　shipmaster；　one　of　theInspectors；　whom　I　should　be　most　ungrateful　not　to　mention；　sincescarcely　a　day　passed　that　he　did　not　stir　me　to　laughter　andadmiration　by　his　marvellous　gifts　as　a　story…teller。　Could　I　havepreserved　the　picturesque　force　of　his　style；　and　the　humorouscolouring　which　nature　taught　him　how　to　throw　over　hisdescriptions；　the　result；　I　honestly　believe；　would　have　beensomething　new　in　literature。　Or　I　might　readily　have　found　a　moreserious　task。　It　was　a　folly；　with　the　materiality　of　this　dailylife　pressing　so　intrusively　upon　me；　to　attempt　to　fling　myselfback　into　another　age；　or　to　insist　on　creating　the　semblance　of　aworld　out　of　airy　matter；　when；　at　every　moment；　the　impalpable　beautyof　my　soap…bubble　was　broken　by　the　rude　contact　of　some　actualcircumstance。　The　wiser　effort　would　have　been；　to　diffuse　thought　andimagination　through　the　opaque　substance　of　to…day；　and　thus　to　makeit　a　bright　transparency；　to　spiritualise　the　burden　that　began　toweigh　so　heavily；　to　seek；　resolutely；　the　true　and　indestructiblevalue　that　lay　hidden　in　the　petty　and　wearisome　incidents；　andordinary　characters；　with　which　I　was　now　conversant。　The　fault　wasmine。　The　page　of　life　that　was　spread　out　before　me　seemed　dull　andmonplace；　only　because　I　had　not　fathomed　its　deeper　import。　Abetter　book　than　I　shall　ever　write　was　there；　leaf　after　leafpresenting　itself　to　me；　just　as　it　was　written　out　by　the　realityof　the　flitting　hour；　and　vanishing　as　fast　as　written；　only　becausemy　brain　wanted　the　insight　and　my　hand　the　cunning　to　transcribeit。　At　some　future　day；　it　may　be；　I　shall　remember　a　few　scatteredfragments　and　broken　paragraphs；　and　write　them　down；　and　find　theletters　turn　to　gold　upon　the　page。　　These　perceptions　have　e　too　late。　At　the　instant；　I　was　onlyconscious　that　what　would　have　been　a　pleasure　once　was　now　a　hopelesstoil。　There　was　no　occasion　to　make　much　moan　about　this　state　ofaffairs。　I　had　ceased　to　be　a　writer　of　tolerably　poor　tales　andessays；　and　had　bee　a　tolerably　good　Surveyor　of　the　Customs。That　was　all。　But；　nevertheless；　it　is　anything　but　agreeable　to　behaunted　by　a　suspicion　that　one's　intellect　is　dwindling　away；　orexhaling；　without　your　consciousness；　like　ether　out　of　a　phial；　sothat；　at　every　glance；　you　find　a　smaller　and　less　volatileresiduum。　Of　the　fact　there　could　be　no　doubt；　and；　examining　myselfand　others；　I　was　led　to　conclusions；　in　reference　to　the　effect　ofpublic　office　on　the　character；　not　very　favourable　to　the　mode　oflife　in　question。　In　some　other　form；　perhaps；　I　may　hereafter　developthese　effects。　Suffice　it　here　to　say；　that　a　Custom…House　officer；　oflong　continuance；　can　hardly　be　a　very　praiseworthy　or　respectablepersonage；　for　many　reasons；　one　of　them；　the　tenure　by　which　he　holdshis　situation；　and　another；　the　very　nature　of　his　business；　which…though；　I　trust；　an　honest　one…　is　of　such　a　sort　that　he　does　notshare　in　the　united　effort　of　mankind。　　An　effect…　which　I　believe　to　be　observable；　more　or　less；　inevery　individual　who　has　occupied　the　position…　is；　that；　while　heleans　on　the　mighty　arm　of　the　Republic；　his　own　proper　strengthdeparts　from　him。　He　loses；　in　an　extent　proportioned　to　theweakness　or　force　of　his　original　nature；　the　capability　ofself…support。　If　he　possess　an　unusual　share　of　native　energy；　orthe　enervating　magic　of　place　do　not　operate　too　long　upon　him；　hisforfeited　powers　may　be　redeemable。　The　ejected　officer…　fortunatein　the　unkindly　shove　that　sends　him　forth　betimes；　to　struggle　amid　astruggling　world…　may　return　to　himself；　and　bee　all　that　he　hasever　been。　But　this　seldom　happens。　He　usually　keeps　his　ground　justlong　enough　for　his　own　ruin；　and　is　then　thrust　out；　with　sinewsall　unstrung；　to　totter　along　the　difficult　footpath　of　life　as　hebest　may。　Conscious　of　his　own　infirmity…　that　his　tempered　steeland　elasticity　are　lost…　he　forever　afterwards　looks　wistfully　abouthim　in　quest　of　support　external　to　himself。　His　pervading　andcontinual　hope…　a　hallucination；　which；　in　the　face　of　alldiscouragement；　and　making　light　of　impossibilities；　haunts　himwhile　he　lives；　and；　I　fancy；　like　the　convulsive　throes　of　thecholera；　torments　him　for　a　brief　space　after　death…　is；　that　finally；and　in　no　long　time；　by　some　happy　coincidence　of　circumstances；　heshall　be　restored　to　office。　This　faith；　more　than　anything　else；steals　the　pith　and　availability　out　of　whatever　enterprise　he　maydream　of　undertaking。　Why　should　he　toil　and　moil；　and　be　at　so　muchtrouble　to　pick　himself　up　out　of　the　mud；　when；　in　a　little　whilehence；　the　strong　arm　of　his　Uncle　will　raise　and　support　him？　Whyshould　he　work　for　his　living　here；　or　go　to　dig　gold　in　California；when　he　is　so　soon　to　be　made　happy；　at　monthly　intervals；　with　alittle　pile　of　glittering　coin　out　of　his　Uncle's　pocket？　It　issadly　curious　to　observe　how　slight　a　taste　of　office　suffices　toinfect　a　poor　fellow　with　this　singular　disease。　Uncle　Sam's　gold…meaning　no　disrespect　to　the　worthy　old　gentleman…　has；　in　thisrespect；　a　quality　of　enchantment　like　that　of　the　Devil's　wages。Whoever　touches　it　should　look　well　to　himself；　or　he　may　find　thebargain　to　go　hard　against　him；　involving；　if　not　his　soul；　yet　manyof　its　better　attributes；　its　sturdy　force；　its　courage　and　constanc