da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第1部分

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　　There　is　a　theory　which　states　that　if　ever　anyone　discovers
　　exactly　what　the　Universe　is　for　and　why　it　is　here；　it　will
　　instantly　disappear　and　be　replaced　by　something　even　more
　　bizarre　and　inexplicable。
　　　
　　There　is　another　theory　which　states　that　this　has　already　happened。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　1
　　
　　The　story　so　far：
　　In　the　beginning　the　Universe　was　created。
　　This　has　made　a　lot　of　people　very　angry　and　been　widely　regarded　as　a　bad　move。
　　Many　races　believe　that　it　was　created　by　some　sort　of　God；　though　the　Jatravartid　people　of　Viltvodle　VI　believe　that　the　entire　Universe　was　in　fact　sneezed　out　of　the　nose　of　a　being　called　the　Great　Green　Arkleseizure。
　　The　Jatravartids；　who　live　in　perpetual　fear　of　the　time　they　call　The　ing　of　The　Great　White　Handkerchief；　are　small　blue　creatures　with　more　than　fifty　arms　each；　who　are　therefore　unique　in　being　the　only　race　in　history　to　have　invented　the　aerosol　deodorant　before　the　wheel。
　　However；　the　Great　Green　Arkleseizure　Theory　is　not　widely　accepted　outside　Viltvodle　VI　and　so；　the　Universe　being　the　puzzling　place　it　is；　other　explanations　are　constantly　being　sought。
　　For　instance；　a　race　of　hyperintelligent　pan…dimensional　beings　once　built　themselves　a　gigantic　superputer　called　Deep　Thought　to　calculate　once　and　for　all　the　Answer　to　the　Ultimate　Question　of　Life；　the　Universe；　and　Everything。
　　For　seven　and　a　half　million　years；　Deep　Thought　puted　and　calculated；　and　in　the　end　announced　that　the　answer　was　in　fact　Forty…two　…　and　so　another；　even　bigger；　puter　had　to　be　built　to　find　out　what　the　actual　question　was。
　　And　this　puter；　which　was　called　the　Earth；　was　so　large　that　it　was　frequently　mistaken　for　a　planet　…　especially　by　the　strange　ape…like　beings　who　roamed　its　surface；　totally　unaware　that　they　were　simply　part　of　a　gigantic　puter　program。
　　And　this　is　very　odd；　because　without　that　fairly　simple　and　obvious　piece　of　knowledge；　nothing　that　ever　happened　on　the　Earth　could　possibly　make　the　slightest　bit　of　sense。
　　Sadly　however；　just　before　the　critical　moment　of　readout；　the　Earth　was　unexpectedly　demolished　by　the　Vogons　to　make　way　…　so　they　claimed　…　for　a　new　hyperspace　bypass；　and　so　all　hope　of　discovering　a　meaning　for　life　was　lost　for　ever。
　　Or　so　it　would　seem。
　　Two　of　there　strange；　ape…like　creatures　survived。
　　Arthur　Dent　escaped　at　the　very　last　moment　because　an　old　friend　of　his；　Ford　Prefect；　suddenly　turned　out　to　be　from　a　small　planet　in　the　vicinity　of　Betelgeuse　and　not　from　Guildford　as　he　had　hitherto　claimed；　and；　more　to　the　point；　he　knew　how　to　hitch　rides　on　flying　saucers。
　　Tricia　McMillian　…　or　Trillian　…　had　skipped　the　planet　six　months　earlier　with　Zaphod　Beeblebrox；　the　then　President　of　the　Galaxy。
　　Two　survivors。
　　They　are　all　that　remains　of　the　greatest　experiment　ever　conducted　…　to　find　the　Ultimate　Question　and　the　Ultimate　Answer　of　Life；　the　Universe；　and　Everything。
　　And；　less　than　half　a　million　miles　from　where　their　starship　is　drifting　lazily　through　the　inky　blackness　of　space；　a　Vogon　ship　is　moving　slowly　towards　them。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　2
　　
　　Like　all　Vogon　ships　it　looked　as　if　it　had　been　not　so　much　designed　as　congealed。　The　unpleasant　yellow　lumps　and　edifices　which　protruded　from　it　at　unsightly　angles　would　have　disfigured　the　looks　of　most　ships；　but　in　this　case　that　was　sadly　impossible。　Uglier　things　have　been　spotted　in　the　skies；　but　not　by　reliable　witnesses。
　　In　fact　to　see　anything　much　uglier　than　a　Vogon　ship　you　would　have　to　go　inside　and　look　at　a　Vogon。　If　you　are　wise；　however；　this　is　precisely　what　you　will　avoid　doing　because　the　average　Vogon　will　not　think　twice　before　doing　something　so　pointlessly　hideous　to　you　that　you　will　wish　you　had　never　been　born　…　or　（if　you　are　a　clearer　minded　thinker）　that　the　Vogon　had　never　been　born。
　　In　fact；　the　average　Vogon　probably　wouldn't　even　think　once。　They　are　simple…minded；　thick…willed；　slug…brained　creatures；　and　thinking　is　not　really　something　they　are　cut　out　for。　Anatomical　analysis　of　the　Vogon　reveals　that　its　brain　was　originally　a　badly　deformed；　misplaced　and　dyspeptic　liver。　The　fairest　thing　you　can　say　about　them；　then；　is　that　they　know　what　they　like；　and　what　they　like　generally　involves　hurting　people　and；　wherever　possible；　getting　very　angry。
　　One　thing　they　don't　like　is　leaving　a　job　unfinished　…　particularly　this　Vogon；　and　particularly　…　for　various　reasons　…　this　job。
　　This　Vogon　was　Captain　Prostetnic　Vogon　Jeltz　of　the　Galactic　Hyperspace　Planning　Council；　and　he　was　it　who　had　had　the　job　of　demolishing　the　so…called　〃planet〃　Earth。
　　He　heaved　his　monumentally　vile　body　round　in　his　ill…fitting；　slimy　seat　and　stared　at　the　monitor　screen　on　which　the　starship　Heart　of　Gold　was　being　systematically　scanned。
　　It　mattered　little　to　him　that　the　Heart　of　Gold；　with　its　Infinite　Improbability　Drive；　was　the　most　beautiful　and　revolutionary　ship　ever　built。　Aesthetics　and　technology　were　closed　books　to　him　and；　had　he　had　his　way；　burnt　and　buried　books　as　well。
　　It　mattered　even　less　to　him　that　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　was　aboard。　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　was　now　the　ex…President　of　the　Galaxy；　and　though　every　police　force　in　the　Galaxy　was　currently　pursuing　both　him　and　this　ship　he　had　stolen；　the　Vogon　was　not　interested。
　　He　had　other　fish　to　fry。
　　It　has　been　said　that　Vogons　are　not　above　a　little　bribery　and　corruption　in　the　same　way　that　the　sea　is　not　above　the　clouds；　and　this　was　certainly　true　in　his　case。　When　he　heard　the　words　〃integrity〃　or　〃moral　rectitude〃；　he　reached　for　his　dictionary；　and　when　he　heard　the　chink　of　ready　money　in　large　quantities　he　reached　for　the　rule　book　and　threw　it　away。
　　In　seeking　so　implacably　the　destruction　of　the　Earth　and　all　that　therein　lay　he　was　moving　somewhat　above　and　beyond　the　call　of　his　professional　duty。　There　was　even　some　doubt　as　to　whether　the　said　bypass　was　actually　going　to　be　built；　but　the　matter　had　been　glossed　over。
　　He　grunted　a　repellent　grunt　of　satisfaction。
　　〃puter；〃　he　croaked；　〃get　me　my　brain　care　specialist　on　the　line。〃
　　Within　a　few　seconds　the　face　of　Gag　Halfrunt　appeared　on　the　screen；　smiling　the　smile　of　a　man　who　knew　he　was　ten　light　years　away　from　the　Vogon　face　he　was　looking　at。　Mixed　up　somewhere　in　the　smile　was　a　glint　of　irony　too。　Though　the　Vogon　persistently　referred　to　him　as　〃my　private　brain　care　specialist〃　there　was　not　a　lot　of　brain　to　take　care　of；　and　it　was　in　fact　Halfrunt　who　was　employing　the　Vogon。　He　was　paying　him　an　awful　lot　of　money　to　do　some　very　dirty　work。　As　one　of　the　Galaxy's　most　prominent　and　successful　psychiatrists；　he　and　a　consortium　of　his　colleagues　were　quite　prepared　to　spend　an　awful　lot　of　money　when　it　seemed　that　the　entire　future　of　psychiatry　might　be　at　stake。
　　〃Well；〃　he　said；　〃hello　my　Captain　of　Vogons　Prostetnic；　and　how　are　we　feeling　today？〃
　　The　Vogon　captain　told　him　that　in　the　last　few　hours　he　had　wiped　out　nearly　half　his　crew　in　a　disciplinary　exercise。
　　Halfrunt's　smile　did　not　flicker　for　an　instant。
　　〃Well；〃　he　said；　〃I　think　this　is　perfectly　normal　behaviour　for　a　Vogon；　you　know？　The　natural　and　healthy　channelling　of　the　aggressive　instincts　into　acts　of　senseless　violence。〃
　　〃That；〃　rumbled　the　Vogon；　〃is　what　you　always　say。〃
　　〃Well　again；〃　said　Halfrunt；　〃I　think　that　this　is　perfectly　normal　behaviour　for　a　psychiatrist。　Good。　We　are　clearly　both　very　well　adjusted　in　our　mental　attitudes　today。　Now　tell　me；　what　news　of　the　mission？〃
　　〃We　have　located　the　ship。〃
　　〃Wonderful；〃　said　Halfrunt；　〃wonderful！　and　the　occupants？〃
　　〃The　Earthman　is　there。〃
　　〃Excellent！　And。。。？〃
　　〃A　female　from　the　same　planet。　They　are　the　last。〃
　　〃Good；　good；〃　beamed　Halfrunt；　〃Who　else？〃
　　〃The　man　Prefect。〃
　　〃Yes？〃
　　〃And　Zaphod　Beeblebrox。〃
　　For　an　instant　Halfrunt's　smile　flickered。
　　〃Ah　yes；〃　he　said；　〃I　had　been　expecting　this。　It　is　most　regrettable。〃
　　〃A　personal　friend？〃　inquired　the　Vogon；　who　had　heard　the　expression　somewhere　once　and　decided　to　try　it　out。
　　〃Ah；　no；〃　said　Halfrunt；　〃in　my　profession　you　know；　we　do　not　make　personal　friends。〃
　　〃Ah；〃　grunted　the　Vogon；　〃professional　detachment。〃
　　〃No；〃　said　Halfrunt　cheerfully；　〃we　just　don't　have　the　knack。〃
　　He　paused。　His　mouth　continued　to　smile；　but　his　eyes　frowned　slightly。
　　〃But　Beeblebrox；　you　know；〃　he　said；　〃he　is　one　of　my　most　profitable　clients。　He　had　personality　problems　beyond　the　dreams　of　analysts。〃
　　He　toyed　with　this　thought　a　little　before　reluctantly　dismissing　it。
　　〃Still；〃　he　said；　〃you　are　ready　for　your　task？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃Good。　Destroy　the　ship　immediately。〃
　　〃What　about　Beeblebrox？〃
　　〃Well；〃　said　Halfrunt　brightly；　〃Zaphod's　just　this　guy；　you　know？〃
　　He　vanished　from　the　screen。
　　The　Vogon　Captain　pressed　a　municator　button　which　connected　him　with　the　remains　of　his　crew。
　　〃Attack；〃　he　said。
　　At　that　precise　moment　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　was　in　his　cabin　swearing　very　loudly。　Two　hours　ago；　h