rz.thegunsofavalon-第27部分

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　〃It　is　difficult　to　understand。。。〃
　〃One　day　you　will。　Leave　it　at　that　for　now。〃
　〃Then　tell　me　another　thing。　Since　I　am　able　to　negotiate　shadows　somewhat；　even　without　having　taken　the　Pattern；　tell　me　more　precisely　how　you　go　about　it。　I　want　to　get　better　at　it。〃
　〃No！〃　I　said。　〃I　will　not　have　you　fooling　with　Shadow　until　you　are　ready。　It　is　dangerous　even　after　you　have　taken　the　Pattern。　To　do　it　before　is　foolhardy。　You　were　lucky；　but　do　not　try　it　again。　I'll　even　help；　by　not　telling　you　anything　more　about　it。〃
　〃All　right！〃　she　said。　〃Sorry。　I　guess　I　can　wait〃
　〃I　guess　you　can。　No　hard　feelings？〃
　〃No。　Well　…〃　She　laughed。　〃They　wouldn't　do　me　any　good；　I　guess。　You　must　know　what　you　are　talking　about。　I　am　glad　that　you　care　what　happens　to　me。〃
　I　grunted；　and　she　reached　out　and　touched　my　cheek。　At　this；　I　turned　my　head　again　and　her　face　was　moving　slowly　toward　my　own；　smile　gone　and　lips　parting；　eyes　almost　closed。　As　we　kissed；　I　felt　her　arms　slide　about　my　neck　and　shoulders　and　mine　found　their　way　into　a　similar　position　around　her。　My　surprise　was　lost　in　the　sweetness；　gave　way　to　warmth　and　a　certain　excitement。
　If　Benedict　ever　found　out；　he　was　going　to　be　more　than　just　irritated　with　me。。。
　
　
　Chapter　7
　
　The　wagon　creaked；　monotonously；　and　the　sun　was　already　well　into　the　west；　though　it　still　poured　hot　streams　of　daylight　upon　us。　Back　among　the　cases；　Ganelon　snored；　and　I　envied　him　his　noisy　occupation。　He　had　been　sleeping　for　several　hours；　and　this　was　my　third　day　without　rest。
　We　were　perhaps　fifteen　miles　out　of　the　city；　and　heading　into　the　northeast。　Doyle　had　not　had　my　order　pletely　ready；　but　Ganelon　and　I　had　persuaded　him　to　close　up　his　shop　and　accelerate　its　production。　This　involved　several　additional　hours'　curse…worthy　delay。　I　had　been　too　keyed…up　to　sleep　then　and　was　unable　to　do　so　now；　as　I　was　edging　my　way　through　shadows。
　I　forced　back　the　fatigue　and　the　evening　and　found　some　clouds　to　shade　me。　We　moved　along　a　dry；　deeply　rutted；　clay　road。　It　was　an　ugly　shade　of　yellow；　and　it　cracked　and　crumbled　as　we　went。　Brown　grasses　hung　limply　on　either　side　of　the　way；　and　the　trees　were　short；　twisted　things；　their　barks　thick　and　shaggy。　We　passed　numerous　outcrops　of　shale。
　I　had　paid　Doyle　well　for　his　pounds；　and　had　also　purchased　a　handsome　bracelet　to　be　delivered　to　Dara　the　following　day。　My　diamonds　were　at　my　belt；　Grayswandir　near　to　my　hand。　Star　and　Firedrake　walked　steadily；　strongly。　I　was　on　my　way　to　having　it　made。
　I　wondered　whether　Benedict　had　returned　home　yet。　I　wondered　how　long　he　would　remain　deceived　as　to　my　whereabouts。　I　was　by　no　means　out　of　danger　from　him。　He　could　follow　a　trail　for　a　great　distance　through　Shadow；　and　I　was　leaving　him　a　good　one。　I　had　little　choice　in　the　matter；　though。　I　needed　the　wagon；　I　was　stuck　with　our　present　speed；　and　I　was　in　no　condition　to　manage　another　hellride。　I　handled　the　shifts　slowly　and　carefully；　very　conscious　of　my　dulled　senses　and　growing　weariness；　counting　on　the　gradual　accumulation　of　change　and　distance　to　build　up　a　barrier　between　Benedict　and　myself；　hoping　that　it　would　soon　bee　an　impenetrable　one。
　I　found　my　way　from　late　afternoon　back　to　noontide　within　the　next　two　miles；　but　kept　it　a　cloudy　noon；　for　it　was　only　its　light　that　I　desired；　not　its　heat。　Then　I　managed　to　locate　a　small　breeze。　It　increased　the　probability　of　rain；　but　it　was　worth　it。　You　can't　have　everything。
　I　was　fighting　back　drowsiness　by　then；　and　the　temptation　was　great　to　awaken　Ganelon　and　simply　add　more　miles　to　our　distance　by　letting　him　drive　while　I　slept。　But　I　was　afraid　to　try　it　this　early　in　the　journey。　There　were　still　too　many　things　to　do。
　I　wanted　more　daylight；　but　I　also　wanted　a　better　road；　and　I　was　sick　of　that　goddamned　yellow　clay；　and　I　had　to　do　something　about　those　clouds；　and　I　had　to　keep　in　mind　where　we　were　headed。。。
　I　rubbed　my　eyes；　I　took　several　deep　breaths。　Things　were　starting　to　jump　around　inside　my　head；　and　the　steady　clop…clop　of　the　horses'　hoofs　and　the　creaking　of　the　wagon　were　starting　to　have　a　soporific　effect。　I　was　already　numb　to　the　jolting　and　the　swaying。　The　reins　hung　loosely　in　my　hands；　and　I　had　already　nodded　and　let　them　slip　once。　Fortunately；　the　horses　seemed　to　have　a　good　idea　as　to　what　was　expected　of　them。
　After　a　time；　we　mounted　a　long；　easy　slope　that　led　down　into　mid…morning。　By　then；　the　sky　was　quite　dark；　and　it　took　several　miles　and　half　a　dozen　twistings　of　the　road　to　dissipate　the　cloud　cover　somewhat。　A　storm　could　turn　our　way　into　a　river　of　mud　quite　quickly。　I　winced　at　the　thought；　let　the　sky　alone　and　concentrated　on　the　road　once　more。
　We　came　to　a　dilapidated　bridge　leading　across　a　dry　stream　bed。　On　its　other　side；　the　road　was　smoother；　less　yellow。　As　we　proceeded；　it　grew　darker；　flatter；　harder；　and　the　grass　came　green　beside　it。　By　then；　though；　it　had　begun　raining。
　I　fought　with　this　for　a　time；　determined　not　to　surrender　my　grass　and　the　dark；　easy　road。　My　head　ached；　but　the　shower　ended　within　a　quarter　of　a　mile　and　the　sun　came　out　once　more。　The　sun。。。oh　yes；　the　sun。
　We　rattled　on；　finally　ing　to　a　dip　in　the　road　that　kept　twisting　its　way　down　among　brighter　trees。　We　descended　into　a　cool　valley；　where　we　eventually　crossed　another　small　bridge；　this　one　with　a　narrow　band　of　water　drifting　along　the　middle　of　the　bed　beneath　it。　I　had　wrapped　the　reins　about　my　wrist　by　then；　because　I　kept　nodding。　As　from　a　great　distance；　I　focused　my　concentration；　straightening；　sorting。。。
　Birds　queried　the　day；　tentatively；　from　within　the　woods　to　my　right。　Glistening　droplets　of　dew　clung　to　the　grass；　the　leaves。　A　chill　came　into　the　air；　and　the　rays　of　the　morning　sun　slanted　down　through　the　trees。。。
　But　my　body　was　not　fooled　by　the　awakening　within　this　shadow；　and　I　was　relieved　finally　to　hear　Ganelon　stir　and　curse。　If　he　had　not　e　around　before　much　longer　I　would　have　had　to　awaken　him。
　Good　enough。　I　tugged　gently　on　the　reins　and　the　horses　got　the　idea　and　halted。　I　put　on　the　brake；　as　we　were　still　on　an　incline；　and　located　a　water　bottle。
　〃Here！〃　said　Ganelon；　as　I　drank。　〃Leave　a　drop　for　me！〃　I　passed　the　bottle　back　to　him。
　〃You　are　taking　over　now；〃　I　told　him。　〃I　have　to　get　some　sleep。〃
　He　drank　for　half　a　minute；　then　let　out　an　explosive　exhalation。
　〃Right；〃　he　said；　swinging　himself　over　the　edge　of　the　wagon　and　down。　〃But　bide　a　moment。　Nature　summons。〃
　He　stepped　off　the　road；　and　I　crawled　back　onto　the　bed　of　the　wagon　and　stretched　out　where　he　had　lain；　folding　my　cloak　into　a　pillow。
　Moments　later；　I　heard　him　climb　onto　the　driver's　seat；　and　there　was　a　jolt　as　he　released　the　brake。　I　heard　him　cluck　his　tongue　and　snap　the　reins　lightly。
　〃Is　it　morning？〃　he　called　back　to　me。
　〃Yes。〃
　〃God！　I've　slept　all　day　and　all　night！〃
　I　chuckled。
　〃No。　I　did　a　little　shadow…shifting；〃　I　said。　〃You　only　slept　six　or　seven　hours。〃
　〃I　don't　understand。　But　never　mind；　I　believe　you。　Where　are　we　now？〃
　〃Still　heading　northeast；〃　I　said；　〃around　twenty　miles　out　of　the　city　and　maybe　a　dozen　or　so　from　Benedict's　place。　We　have　moved　through　Shadow；　also。〃
　〃What　am　I　to　do　now？〃
　〃Just　keep　following　the　road。　We　need　the　distance。〃
　〃Could　Benedict　still　reach　us？〃
　〃I　think　so。　That's　why　we　can't　give　the　horses　their　rest　yet。〃
　〃All　right。　Is　there　anything　special　I　should　be　alert　for？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃When　should　I　raise　you？〃
　〃Never。〃
　He　was　silent　then；　and　as　I　waited　for　my　consciousness　to　be　consumed；　I　thought　of　Dara；　of　course。　I　had　been　thinking　of　her　on　and　off　all　day。
　The　thing　had　been　quite　unpremeditated　on　my　part。　I　had　not　even　thought　of　her　as　a　woman　until　she　came　into　my　arms　and　revised　my　thinking　on　the　subject。　A　moment　later；　and　my　spinal　nerves　took　over；　reducing　much　of　what　passes　for　cerebration　down　to　its　basics；　as　Freud　had　once　said　to　me。　I　could　not　blame　it　on　the　alcohol；　as　I　had　not　had　that　much　and　it　had　not　affected　me　especially。　Why　did　I　want　to　blame　it　on　anything？　Because　I　felt　somewhat　guilty；　that　was　why。　She　was　too　distant　a　relation　for　me　to　really　think　of　her　as　one。　That　was　not　it。　I　did　not　feel　I　had　taken　unfair　advantage　of　her；　for　she　had　known　what　she　was　doing　when　she　came　looking　for　me。　It　was　the　circumstances　that　made　me　question　my　own　motives；　even　in　the　midst　of　things。　I　had　wanted　to　do　more　than　simply　win　her　confidence　and　a　measure　of　friendship　when　I　had　first　spoken　with　her　and　taken　her　on　that　walk　into　Shadow。　I　was　trying　to　alienate　some　of　her　loyalty；　trust；　and　affection　from　Benedict　and　transfer　it　to　myself。　I　had　wanted　her　on　my　side；　as　a　possible　ally　in　what　might　bee　an　enemy　camp。　I　had　hoped　to　be　able　to　use　her；　should　the　need　arise　when　the　going　got　rough。　All　this　was　true。　But　I　did　not　want　to　believe　that　I　had　had　her　as　I　did　just　to　further　this　end。　I　suspected　there　was　some　truth　to　it；　though；　and　it　made　me　feel　unfortable　and　more　than　a　little　ignoble。　Why？　I　had　done　plenty　of　things　i