pzb.drawingblood-第37部分

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but　a　drug。　In　his　heart　he　knew　it　hadn't　made　Bobby　kill　his　family　any　more　than　the　hammer　had。
　　The　idea　of　being　drunk　still　made　Trevor　feel　sick；　though。　All　he　could　remember　was　the　stinging　scent　of　whiskey　that　had　surrounded　Bobby　like　a　cloud　as　he　watched　his　five…year…old　son　drink　Seconal；　then　hugged　him　goodnight　for　the　last　time。
　　Trevor　heard　a　floorboard　creak　in　the　hall；　then　a　closer　sound。　The　door　of　his　room；　which　he　had　pushed　to；　slowly　swinging　open。　His　body　stiffened　and　his　ears　strained；　he　felt　his　pupils　dilating　hugely；　painfully　against　the　blackness。
　　〃Trevor？　You　still　awake？〃
　　It　was　Zach。
　　He　thought　of　not　answering；　of　pretending　to　be　asleep。　He　couldn't　imagine　what　Zach　wanted　now。　But　Zach　had　listened　to　him　this　afternoon。
　　〃I'm　awake；〃　he　said；　and　sat　up。
　　〃What　was　that　medicine　you　gave　me？〃
　　〃Aspirin；　like　you　asked　for。〃
　　〃Are　you　sure　it　was　aspirin？〃
　　〃Well；　Excedrin。　That's　what　I　always　take。〃
　　〃Oh；　god。〃　Zach　laughed　weakly。　〃That　shit　has　sixty…five　milligrams　of　caffeine　in　every　tablet。　I　can't　deal　with　caffeine。〃
　　〃What　happens？〃
　　〃It　hits　me　like　speed。　Bad　speed。〃
　　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　do？〃
　　〃Nothing。〃　He　felt　Zach's　weight　settle　onto　the　edge　of　the　mattress。　〃I'm　not　gonna　be　able　to　sleep　for　a　while；　though。　I　thought　maybe　we　could　talk　some　more。〃
　　〃Why？〃
　　〃Why　what？〃
　　〃Why　do　you　want　to　talk　to　me？〃
　　〃Why　shouldn't　I？〃
　　〃I　don't　understand　why　you　like　me。　The　first　time　I　ever　laid　eyes　on　you；　I　tried　to　knock　your　brains　out。　Now　I've　poisoned　you。　How　e　you're　still　here？〃
　　He　heard　Zach　try　to　laugh。　It　came　out　more　like　a　moan。　〃Just　persistent；　I　guess。〃
　　〃No。　Really。〃
　　〃Well　。。。〃　A　shudder　ran　through　Zach's　body；　into　the　mattress。　〃Do　you　mind　if　I　stretch　out　here？〃
　　〃I　guess　not。〃
　　Trevor　moved　to　one　side　of　the　bed。　He　felt　Zach　arranging　himself　on　the　other　side；　thought　he　could　feel　electricity　crackling　off　Zach's　skin。　When　Zach's　elbow　brushed　his；　it　gave　Trevor　a　sensation　like　the　shock　one　gets　from　walking　across　a　carpet　and　then　touching　metal。
　　〃First　of　all；〃　said　Zach；　〃you　didn't　try　to　knock　my　brains　out。　You　stopped。　Second；　you　didn't　know　caffeine　would　hurt　me。〃
　　〃Even　so…〃
　　〃Even　so；　seems　like　I　would　have　figured　out　by　now　that　you　aren't　exactly　good　for　my　health？〃
　　〃Something　like　that；　yeah。〃
　　〃Maybe　I'm　not　in　this　for　my　health。〃
　　〃In　what？〃
　　〃Life。〃
　　〃Then　what　are　you　in　it　for？〃
　　〃Um　。　。　。〃　He　felt　Zach　shiver。　〃To　keep　myself　amused；　I　guess。　No；　not　amused。　Interested。　I　want　to　do　everything。〃
　　〃You　do？　Really？〃
　　〃Sure。　Don't　you？〃
　　Trevor　thought　about　it。　〃I　think　I　just　want　to　see　everything；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃And　sometimes　I'm　not　even　sure　I　want　to。　I　just　feel　like　I　have　to。〃
　　〃That's　because　you're　an　artist。　Artists　remind　me　of　stills。〃
　　〃Of　what？〃
　　〃Of　stills。　What　they　use　to　make　moonshine。　You　take　in　information　and　distill　it　into　art。〃　Zach　was　silent　for　a　moment。　〃I　guess　that's　not　such　a　good　analogy　from　your　point　of　view。〃
　　〃It's　okay。　A　still　doesn't　have　much　choice　about　making　moonshine。　The　choice　is　up　to　the　person　who　drinks　it。〃
　　〃Then　I'll　drink　your　moonshine　anytime　you　want　to　give　me　some；〃　said　Zach。　〃I　admire　you。　That's　why　I　didn't　leave　this　afternoon。　You　may　be　crazy；　but　I　think　you're　also　very　brave。〃
　　Suddenly　Trevor　felt　like　crying　again。　Here　was　this　young　kid　on　the　run　from　some　sinister　unknown；　this　curious；　generous；　resilient　soul　who　could　stand　up　to　a　stranger　with　a　hammer　and　make　friends　afterward；　and　he　thought　Trevor　was　brave。　It　didn't　make　sense；　but　it　sure　made　him　feel　better。　He　couldn't　remember　the　last　time　anyone　had　told　him　he　was　doing　something　right。
　　〃Thanks；〃　he　said　when　he　could　trust　his　voice。　〃I　don't　feel　very　brave；　though。　I　feel　scared　all　the　time。〃
　　〃Yeah。　Me　too。〃
　　Something　brushed　the　side　of　Trevor's　hand；　then　crept　warmly　into　the　palm。　Zach's　ringer；　still　trembling　a　little。　Trevor　nearly　jerked　his　hand　away；　actually　felt　his　muscles　tensing　and　pulling。　But　at　the　last　second；　his　own　fingers　curled　around　Zach's　and　trapped　it。
　　If　he　went；　he　wouldn't　take　anyone　with　him。　That　was　the　one　thing　Trevor　had　promised　himself。
　　But　if　he　had　someone　to　hang　on　to；　maybe　he　wouldn't　have　to　go。　At　least；　not　all　the　way　down。
　　Zach's　touch　sent　little　currents　through　his　hand；　into　his　bloodstream。　The　old　scars　on　his　arm　throbbed　in　time　with　his　heartbeat。　In　the　darkness　he　could　just　make　out　Zach's　shining　eyes。　〃What　do　you　want？〃　he　whispered。
　　〃Could　you　。　。　。〃　Zach　squeezed　his　hand；　then　let　go。　〃Could　you　just　hold　me？　This　damn　Excedrin　。　。　。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Trevor。　〃I　think　I　can。　I'll　try。〃
　　Gingerly　he　reached　out　and　found　Zach's　bare　shoulder；　slid　his　arm　around　Zach's　chest；　moved　closer　so　that　their　bodies　were　nestled　like　two　spoons　in　a　drawer。　Zach's　heart　was　hammering　madly；　his　muscles　so　taut　it　was　like　hugging　an　electrical　coil　about　to　blow。　His　body　felt　smaller　and　frailer　than　Trevor　would　have　expected。　It　reminded　him　of　sleeping　with　Didi；　they　had　often　nestled　together　in　just　the　same　way。
　　〃The　damndest　thing；〃　Zach　said　into　the　pillow；　〃is　my　head　still　hurts。〃
　　Trevor　laughed。　He　could　hardly　believe　any　of　this　was　happening。　He　would　wake　up　and　find　that　he'd　slept　another　night　at　the　drawing　table；　had　invented　this　boy；　this　impossible　situation。　He　wasn't　supposed　to　be　feeling　like　this。　He　had　never　felt　like　this。　He　was　supposed　to　be　finding　out　why　he　was　alive。
　　But　he　was　very　aware　of　Zach's　skin　against　his　own；　as　smooth　as　he　had　imagined　it；　and　he　didn't　want　to　pull　away。　If　anything；　he　wanted　to　get　closer。　？　He　wondered　if　this　might　have　something　to　do　with　why　he　was　alive。
　　Trevor　pressed　his　face　into　the　soft　hair　at　the　back　of　Zach's　neck。　〃Are　you　supposed　to　be　here？〃　he　asked　very　softly；　half　hoping　Zach　would　not　hear　him。　〃Is　this　part　of　what's　supposed　to　happen？〃
　　〃Fuck　supposed　to；〃　said　Zach。　〃You　make　it　up　as　you　go　along。〃
　　
　　Holding　each　other　like　a　pair　of　twins　in　the　womb；　they　were　able　to　sleep。
　　Sometime　just　before　dawn；　a　slow　shimmering　began　in　the　air　near　the　ceiling　just　above　the　bed。　It　deepened　into　a　vaguely　circular　whirlpool　pattern　something　like　the　waves　of　heat　that　swim　above　asphalt　in　the　heart　of　a　Southern　summer。　Then　tiny　white　fragments　of　paper　began　to　fall；　appearing　in　the　air　and　seesawing　slowly　down。　Soon　a　funnel…shaped　cloud　of　them　was　swirling　like　a　freak　snowstorm　in　the　hot；　still　room。
　　Trevor　and　Zach　slept　on；　not　knowing；　not　caring。　The　bits　of　paper　collected　on　the　floor；　the　bed；　the　boys'　sweaty　sleeping　bodies。
　　Dawn　found　them　still　locked　tightly　together；　Trevor's　face　buried　in　the　hollow　of　Zach's　shoulder　and　his　arms　clamped　across　Zach's　chest；　Zach's　hands　clutching　Trevor's　so　tightly　that　Trevor　would　later　find　the　indentations　of　Zach's　nails　in　his　palms。
　　Awake；　they　had　been　afraid　to　touch　each　other　at　all。
　　Asleep；　they　looked　as　if　they　would　be　terrified　to　ever　let　go。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　Twelve
　　
　　As　luck　would　have　it；　Eddy　had　a　hacker　in　her　apartment　when　the　Secret　Service　kicked　the　door　down。
　　His　name　was　Stefan；　better　known　on　Zach's　beloved　pirate　boards　as　〃Phoetus；〃　and　he　was　one　of　the　few　local　puter　outlaws　who　knew　Zach's　real　name　and　where　he　lived。　Even　if　Zach　hadn't　wanted　him　to　have　this　information；　Phoetus　could　easily　have　chivied　it　out　of　the　vast　grid　of　data　kept　under　electronic　lock　and　key　by　the　phone　pany。　Zach　said　he　was　very　good。
　　He　ran　with　a　local　gang　of　hackers　who　called　themselves　〃The　0rder　0f　Dag0n。〃　（Hackers；　Zach　had　explained　to　her；　often　employed　a　unique　spelling　system　in　which　f's　were　replaced　with　ph's；　plural　s's　with　z's；　and　ordinary　o's　with　zeroes。）　It　amused　Eddy　to　picture　Lovecraft's　blasphemous　fish…frogs　of　nameless　design　flopping；　hopping；　croaking；　bleating；　and　surging　inhumanly　through　the　spectral　moonlight　all　the　way　from　Innsmouth　to　New　Orleans　and　the　surrounding　swamps；　where　they　had　presumably　set　themselves　up　with　the　latest　technology　and　started　tapping　phone　lines　and　cracking　databanks。
　　He　came　knocking　at　her　door　early　Tuesday　morning；　sometime　around　eleven。　Eddy　had　spent　all　day　Sunday　and　most　of　Monday　trundling　her　stuff　from　her　old　apartment　over　to　Madison　Street　in　a　little　red　wagon　she　usually　used　for　shopping　and　laundry。　It　didn't　dawn　on　her　until　she　was　making　the　second…to…last　trip　that　she　could　have　hired　a　moving　van。　Having　thousands　of　dollars　in　the　bank　was　difficult　to　get　used　to。　She　kept　expecting　someone　to　stop　her　on　the　street　and　tell　her　there　had　been　a　mistake。
　　Which　of　course　there　had　been…but　with　luck；　They　wouldn't　find　out　about　it。
　　By　Monday　night　she　was　sore　and　exhausted。　She　had　collapsed　on　Zach's　bed；　thinking　she　would　just　rest　for　a　few　minutes；　then　get　up　and　go　to　the　corner　liquor　store　for　a