dclegg.purity-第12部分

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family　has　huge　pull　in　that　area；　and　she　was　smart　enough。
　It　hardly　bears　parison　with　a　night　spent　on　a　dirty　mattress　in　the　back　of　some　studio　apartment　in　Chelsea　with　Chip；　who　fell　on　hard　times　after　prep　school。　That　sleaziness　he　had；　like　an　air；　like　marijuana　smoke　in　the　back　of　a　bus　…　that's　what　his　place　was　like。　He　was　slumming；　he　was　degrading　himself。　His　parents　had　cut　him　off；　and　he　was　willing　to　live　like　that。　Hardly　any　furniture；　a　job　that　barely　paid　him　per　month　what　a　reasonable　man　can　live　on。　And　still；　he　was　willing　to　live　like　that　for　the　sake　of　the　feeling　in　his　organ。　I　am　never　going　to　let　that　happen　to　me。　I　am　never　going　to　let　people　know　how　I　am　on　the　inside　if　I　can　help　it。　I　got　so　mad　at　Chip　I　guess　I　ended　up　roughing　him　up　a　little；　but　he　kept　trying　to　ruin　things；　and　I　just　won't　let　anyone　do　that。　My　dad　is　ruining　things　as　it　is；　and　pretty　soon　other　people　are　going　to　know　how　he's　ruining　things；　and　I　do　not　intend　to　be　in　that　spot　with　him。
　I　remember　clasping　Jenna's　hand；　and　listening　to　her　optimistically　go　on　about　the　life　she　intended　for　herself。
　So　I　knew　that　if　I　just　kept　my　eyes　on　her；　it　would　all　go　in　the　right　direction。
　When　we　made　love　for　the　first　time；　it　even　felt　right。　She　was　overheated　on　the　inside；　it　was　like　lava　or　something；　it　felt　so　natural。
　I　thought　it　was　all　right　up　until　I　met　Mooncalf。
　I　tried　to　fight　it；　too。　I　looked　at　him　and　tried。　I　tried　not　to　look　at　his　body。　So　well　developed。　The　way　he　spoke；　almost　sullenly。　I　didn't　want　him　then；　but　I　knew　he　had　it　in　him　to　take　me　over。　And　I　suppose　he　has。
　There's　even　a　dangerousness　to　him　I　enjoy。　I　find　myself　looking　over　Jenna's　shoulder；　when　we're　at　the　beach；　or　bicycling；　hoping　he's　there；　just　out　of　reach。
　And　then；　the　party。　It　was　like　waking　up　for　the　first　time。　It　was　like　knowing　that　I'd　been　telling　myself　lies　for　years。
　That　I'd　been　foolish　and　wrong。
　Now；　all　I　think　about　is　Mooncalf　and　I　wish　we　were　in　a　different　world；　not　one　of　secrets　and　half…truths；　but　one　where　we　could　just　be　together。
　I　know　he　feels　the　same。
　I'm　sleeping　pretty　much　on　the　boat　now。　I　can't　stay　with　Jenna。　Not　in　her　room。　And　her　dad　gives　me　those　looks；　which　aren't　pleasant；　either。
　Jenna's　been　cold。　Can't　blame　her。　I　know　somehow　it　will　all　turn　out　okay。　I　know　it　will　because　I　know　life　is　not　meant　to　be　bad；　and　it's　not　meant　to　be　confusing；　and　if　we　can　all　just　get　through　this　summer；　it'll　somehow　work　out　because　life　is　supposed　to　work　out。
　Sometimes；　I　get　so　lonely　I　want　to　just　hold　Jenna。　As　a　friend。
　I　want　to　see　him　again；　but　he's　been　avoiding　me　since　the　party。　I've　had　two　weeks　now；　seeing　Jenna　and　her　family；　playing　a　little　golf；　some　tennis；　taking　the　boat　out　when　I　can。　Jenna's　been　good　about　this　even　if　she's　turned　icy。　She　seems　to　handle　my　silences　well。　She　really　is　a　friend。
　I'm　glad　we　can　be　this　close　and　that　she　can　be　so　understanding。
　Most　of　the　time；　she　seems　to　act　as　if　the　night　of　her　party　never　happened；　that　I　didn't　go　off　with　him。　She　won't　really　understand　what　it　means；　anyway。　She'll　think　she'll　know；　but　I'll　let　her　know　it　was　nothing。
　I'll　get　her　thinking　about　us　again；　which　is　what　she　really　wants；　anyway。
　
　
　Chapter　Seven　
　The　hurricane　approaches　
　1
　There　he　is　again：　I　see　him。　That　boy　Owen。　He's　been　running　down　on　the　beach；　swimming　too　much　for　his　own　good；　working　on　his　oxygen　intake　because　breathing　is　the　key；　and　he's　felt　a　strength　grow　within　him　to　match　his　body's　power。
　2
　The　weeks　after　the　party　went　by　in　a　blur　of　moments　and　flashes　in　his　brain　…　the　sky　clouded　and　then　became　unbearably　sunny；　the　humidity　soared　and　then　dropped　and　then　soared　again；　a　tropical　storm　to　the　south　had　been　upgraded　to　a　hurricane　but　it　would　not　strike　so　far　north　as　Outerbridge；　and　once；　in　the　dead　of　night；　Owen　lay　in　bed　convinced　he'd　heard　a　gun　go　off　somewhere　on　the　island。
　August　was　like　that　sometimes。
　3
　〃Owen。　Why？〃
　〃Why　what？〃　he　asked；　shielding　his　eyes　from　the　sun。
　Jenna　had　emerged　from　the　deck　all　wrapped　in　a　big　yellow　towel；　and　yet　to　him　it　was　as　magnificent　as　a　summer　dress。　The　smell　of　the　pool　was　intoxicating。　He　had　just　finished　his　morning　laps；　and　felt　cleaner　and　stronger。　Chlorine　stank　on　his　skin。　He　looked　up　at　her。　He　wanted　to　kiss　her；　he　wanted　to　touch　her。　They　stood　so　close。
　〃Why　the　gun？〃
　〃It's　just　a　pistol。　It's　an　antique。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃I　thought　you'd　want　it。　I　thought　you'd　like　it。〃
　〃I'm　not　a　fan　of　guns。〃
　〃No　one　is。　But　it　has　that　inlay。　It's　mother　of　pearl。　It　seems　feminine。〃
　〃You　must　be　out　of　your　mind。　To　give　me　that　as　a　gift。　On　my　birthday。〃
　〃It　was　my　grandfather's。〃
　〃Well；　I'm　giving　it　back。　God；　I　don't　want　it　in　the　house；　let　alone　in　my　hand。〃
　〃You　need　protection。〃
　〃From　what？〃
　〃Jimmy；〃　Owen　said。　He　sucked　a　breath　in　briefly。　It　was　time　to　let　it　begin。　He　felt　a　curious　shiver　sweep　through　his　body；　as　if　he　were　on　the　verge　of　some　delightful　pleasure。　〃He　told　me。。。〃
　〃Told　you　what？　What　did　he　say？　Was　it　about　me？〃
　Owen　paused。　He　wanted　her　to　feel　the　words　as　he　said　them。　He　wanted　to　make　sure　that　she　was　pletely　focused　on　him。　On　his　lips　as　he　spoke。　〃No；　it's　nothing。　I　just　think　you　should　keep　the　gun。〃
　〃No；　he　said　something；〃　she　nearly　snarled。　〃Tell　me。〃
　〃I'm　sure　he　didn't　mean　it；〃　Owen　said。
　〃It　made　you　think　I　needed　a　gun？〃　she　asked。　Her　face　went　blank。
　She　looked　down　at　her　feet　for　a　moment。　Then；　she　glanced　up　and　looked　him　in　the　eye。　〃What's　been　going　on　between　you　two？〃
　〃Nothing；〃　Owen　whispered。
　〃Owen；　what's　going　on？〃　she　said。
　He　looked　at　her　and　said；　〃Jenna；　I　want　you　to　be　safe。　That's　all。
　Look；　I　know　you　don't　care　for　me；　and　that's　fine。　I　can't　make　you　like　me。
　And　I　know　I　can't　make　you。。。care　for　me。。。in　a　way　I　happen　to　care　for　you。
　No　one　is　magician　enough　for　that。　I've　thought　about　you　since　we　were　both　little　kids。　I've　always　considered　you　someone　special。〃
　〃What？〃　she　asked　in　a　voice　that　was　barely　more　than　mouse　squeak。
　〃I　know　that　you'll　go　on　to　some　really　great　college　and　you'll　meet　lots　of　guys　like　Jimmy　and　you'll　e　back　to　the　island　during　the　summer　and　be　friendly　with　me　but　you'll　see　me　as　the　island　townie　who　paints　houses　for　a　living；　or　perhaps　works　on　boats。　And　you'll　have　a　different　life。〃
　〃What　is　this　all　getting　to　…〃　Jenna　gasped；　and　then　her　eyes　lit　up。
　〃You　lost　the　island　accent。　You　talk　like　one　of　us　now。〃
　She　said　it　as　if　it　was　one　of　the　most　dreadful　things　imaginable。　As　if　the　〃one　of　us〃　was　the　worst　thing　that　could　happen。
　〃That　isn't　true；〃　Owen　said。　Then；　he　glanced　away　from　her；　at　the　house　and　the　beginnings　of　the　roses　his　father　so　lovingly　tended。　〃Look；　I　know　I'm　nothing　to　you。　Just　consider　the　gun　some　kind　of　protection。　He's　dangerous。〃
　He　walked　away　from　her；　his　body　barely　dry　from　the　swimming　pool。
　She　called　after　him；　but　he　didn't　turn。　He　walked　from　the　pool　to　the　back　lawn；　and　then　disappeared　down　the　path。
　4
　Another　morning；　he　helped　Mr。　M　with　his　golf　clubs　and　luggage；　driving　the　truck　up　from　the　ferry。　Mr。　M　had　almost　missed　the　summer　on　the　island。　〃Business　takes　a　man　over；〃　he　told　Owen　on　the　way　up　the　hill　to　the　house。　He　was　the　biggest　man　Owen　had　ever　seen　…　like　a　bear；　but　slick；　too；　and　shiny。　He　had　on　dark　glasses　and　a　rumpled　blue　oxford　cloth　shirt；　his　skin　was　like　pink　snow。　When　Owen　got　to　the　door　with　the　last　of　the　bags；　Mrs。　M　（he　had　to　start　thinking　of　her　as　Cathy　if　he　was　going　to　ever　grow　up）　kissed　her　husband　lightly　on　the　nose。
　〃How's　the　summer？〃
　〃Quiet；〃　Mrs。　M　said。
　〃Where's　that　boy？〃
　〃Which？〃
　〃McTeague；〃　Mr。　M　said。
　〃I　think　it's　over。　She's　gone　to　Dr。　Vaughan　three　times　in　two　weeks。
　That's　a　record　for　her；〃　Mrs。　M　said；　and　then　turned　to　Owen。　〃Sweetie；　can　you　go　grab　the　mail？〃
　Owen　nodded；　feeling　far　too　obedient；　feeling　his　heart　beating　too　fast；　feeling　too　much　within　his　frame；　as　if　his　muscles　were　about　to　twist　and　untangle　and　he　was　afraid　for　a　moment　that　he　had　not　heard　what　he　thought　he'd　heard。
　5
　Owen　sat　by　the　koi　pond；　absorbing　the　last　of　an　afternoon　sun　on　one　of　his　days　off　…　the　weather　had　gone　back　and　forth；　between　brief　bouts　of　showers　and　then　sudden　sunbursts。　He　was　about　to　reach　for　Dagon　beneath　the　placid　green　water；　when　he　noticed　a　shadow　reflection　move　across　the　water。
　He　didn't　turn；　but　knew　that　Jimmy　had　e　up　behind　him。
　〃Aren't　you　ever　going　to　talk　to　me　again？〃
　Owen　shrugged。
　〃I　thought。。。I　thought　we　could。。。we　could　at　least　be　friends；〃　Jimmy　said。　〃I　think　about　you。　All　the　time。〃
　〃Don't　e　here　again；〃　Owen　measured　his　words　carefully。　The　shadow　withdrew；　and　Owen　had　the　sun　again。
　6
　Owen　lay　back　in　the　grass　and　closed　his　eyes　to　the　sun。　As　the　violet　darkness　of　his　inner　mind　grew；　he　began　to　see　the　shadow　sea　of　Dag