dclegg.purity-第13部分

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　6
　Owen　lay　back　in　the　grass　and　closed　his　eyes　to　the　sun。　As　the　violet　darkness　of　his　inner　mind　grew；　he　began　to　see　the　shadow　sea　of　Dagon's　realm。　From　the　dusky　waves；　a　form　emerged；　a　magnificent　sea　god；　its　eyes　round　and　without　mind；　like　those　of　a　shark；　its　body　slick　as　oil　with　thousands　of　fins　sprouting　along　its　back；　and　as　it　grew；　Owen　knew　what　the　god　asked　of　him。
　7
　〃I　said　peel　the　potatoes；〃　his　mother　said；　but　he　could　see　the　look　in　her　eyes。　His　mother　was　afraid　of　him。　A　little。　Just　a　little　fear。　That　was　good。
　〃Don't　use　that　tone　of　voice　with　me；〃　Owen　said　almost　politely；　as　he　lifted　the　first　potato　and　brought　it　to　the　small　sharp　knife。
　〃Something's　missing　in　the　house；〃　she　said；　but　his　mother　had　begun　saying　strange　things　for　the　past　few　weeks　…　sentences　that　didn't　go　together；　phrases　that　meant　something　only　in　her　mind。
　〃You　probably　misplaced　whatever　it　is；〃　he　told　her　almost　nonchalantly。　〃You've　always　been　like　that；　haven't　you？〃
　8
　And　then；　the　storm　came。
　When　storms　e　to　Outerbridge；　they　usually　have　lost　most　of　their　power；　they　usually　have　been　downgraded　from　hurricanes　by　the　time　they　hit　Bermuda　to　Tropical　Storms　when　they　reach　Long　Island；　and　by　the　time　they　make　it　past　Block　Island　and　start　heading　to　the　Avalons；　it's　usually　high　winds　and　warm　rains　but　not　much　damage。　The　islanders　who　are　over　sixty　remember　the　storm　of　'53　that　〃took　the　hats　off　houses；〃　as　they　said；　and　generally　made　a　mess　of　the　summer　homes。
　The　storm　that　arrived　the　last　week　of　August　was　not　a　terror；　nor　did　it　threaten　to　take　the　hats　off　houses。　It　was　a　warm　palace　of　rain　and　wind　and　it　changed　the　geometry　of　the　island　with　its　shifts　and　movements。
　The　sky　became　a　hardened　gray；　and　the　rain　was　constant；　and　the　koi　pond　overflowed。　Owen　ran　outside　with　his　father；　newspapers　curled　over　their　heads；　to　try　and　save　the　fish　as　they　flip…flopped　along　the　mud　and　grass；　their　patchwork　colors　seeming　to　melt　beneath　the　downpour。
　9
　Owen　was　on　his　way　to　work；　using　his　father's　truck　to　get　to　the　Salty　Dog；　when　he　saw　the　figure　standing　in　the　pouring　rain　of　afternoon　down　by　the　docks。　Owen　pulled　the　truck　to　the　edge　of　the　road　and　parked。　He　got　out　in　the　rain；　opening　his　dark　umbrella。　The　smell　of　fish　was　overpowering　…　it　was　a　stink　he　was　used　to；　but　with　the　storm　it　was　worse。
　Jimmy　looked　otherworldly：　he　wore　a　shiny　parka；　and　his　face　was　pale　beneath　it。　He　nearly　galloped　over　to　Owen；　and　reached　out　to　touch　him　on　the　shoulder；　but　Owen　pulled　back。　Owen　slammed　the　truck　door　shut。
　〃I'm　going　to　work；〃　Owen　said。
　〃Mooncalf？〃
　〃Leave　me　alone。〃
　〃I　thought　you　…　〃
　〃You　thought　wrong。〃
　〃I've　been　waiting　for　you。　At　the　boat。　Every　night；　I　watch　you　leave　the　restaurant　and　walk　home。　Every　night　I　wish　you'd　e　to　me。〃
　〃You　disgust　me。〃
　〃Stop　it。　I　know　that's　not　true。〃　Jimmy's　shoulders　began　heaving。　The　sound　of　the　rain　became　thunderous　and　sheets　and　blocks　of　it　seemed　to　dump　right　down　around　them。　〃God。　God！〃　Jimmy　cried　out；　his　arms　going　up　to　the　sky　like　some　clown；　like　some　revival　preacher　clown；　the　rain　pouring　against　his　face。　A　thunderclap　hid　the　sound　of　his　bleating。　〃If　only　you　knew！　If　only　you　could　grow　up　inside　me！　Knowing　how　I've　been　pushed　and　pulled；　first　my　father　forcing　me　into　tennis　and　basketball　and　soccer　since　I　was　six　years　old；　the　camps　I've　gone　to　every　summer；　and　these　schools　I　go　to；　and　what　it　all　means　when　inside。。。inside　Owen。。。you　know　something　about　yourself　that's　like　a　doorway　into　a　different　world。
　Something　that's　like。。。I　don't　know。。。like　a　doorway　out　of　this　torture　place　and　into　this　garden。　When　I　was　nine　I　had　this　garden　that　I　helped　create。
　It　had　vegetables　and　flowers　in　it；　nothing　pretty　and　nothing　special；　but　it　was　mine。　My　dad　dug　it　up　in　the　middle　of　the　night。
　He　dug　it　up　and　told　me　that　no　son　of　his　was　going　to　be　a　goddamn　gardener。　That's　what　this　feels　like。　Like　someone　is　trying　to　dig　up　the　garden　I　need　to　grow。　And　you　know　you　need　to　go　to　that　garden　but　every　single　human　being　from　your　mother　to　your　father　to　your　coaches　to　your　teachers　to　your　friends　to　even　strangers　…　every　single　human　being　…　wants　you　to　keep　away　from　the　one　garden　where　you　know　you　can　just　help　things　grow　and　where　you'll　feel　calm　for　once　in　your　life。。。where　you　will　feel　that　what　you　have　known　inside　your　body；　inside　your　heart；　inside　your　mind；　is　the　way　God　and　nature　and　whatever　it　is　that　moves　things　within　any　human　being　…　meant　for　you　to　be。〃
　Owen　nearly　gasped　when　Jimmy　had　finished。
　〃Jim；　Christ；　I　know；〃　Owen　said；　feeling　as　if　he'd　rehearsed　the　lines。
　He　attempted　a　feeble　smile。　Part　of　him　felt　removed　from　within　his　body。
　He　was　watching　himself　…　Owen　…　react；　seem　gentle；　seem　kind。　〃It's　just　like　that。〃　Then；　he　looked　around　at　the　tourists　ing　off　the　ferry；　their　black　and　clear　and　red　and　green　umbrellas　all　blossoming　above　their　heads；　and　there；　beyond　the　Crab　Shack　were　six　of　the　island　guys　he'd　grown　up　with；　and　when　he　looked　through　the　thick　rain；　he　saw　other　people　he　had　known　all　his　life。
　〃Look；　we　can't　do　this　here；〃　Owen　said。　〃Get　in　the　truck。〃
　10
　Owen　drove　in　silence　through　a　rain…shattered　world　…　and　followed　the　slick　black　island　roads　until　they　were　nearly　to　the　Great　Salt　Pond。
　Jimmy　seemed　content　with　the　quiet　of　the　drive。　When　Owen　glanced　over；　he　noticed　that　Jimmy　pressed　his　forehead　against　the　window　beside　him；　reminding　him　somehow　of　a　puppy。　Finally；　they　came　to　the　end　of　road…
　break　that　looked　out　over　the　enormous　pond。　When　he'd　turned　off　the　ignition；　Owen　reached　over　and　took　Jimmy's　hand　in　his。
　〃I　know。　It's　difficult；〃　Jimmy　said。　〃I'm　not　like　this　either。　Not　really。
　There　are　things　I　want　out　of　life。　Things　that　have　nothing　to　do　with　this。
　But　right　now；　Christ；　right　now；　this　is　it。〃
　〃Other　people　can　do　this　kind　of　thing；　but　I　can't。　It　wouldn't　be　right。〃
　〃No；　it　wouldn't　be。　But　we　can　go　somewhere　where　it'll　all　be　all　right。〃
　〃Where？〃　Owen　laughed。　〃Where　would　it　be　right？　My　god。　Where？〃
　Jimmy　recoiled　as　if　he'd　been　slapped。　〃Out　to　sea。　In　the　boat。〃
　〃For　how　long；　Jimmy？　How　long　before　your　dad　cuts　you　off；　or　before　we　move　on？　How　long　before　you　need　to　go　off　to　your　Ivy　League　school　and　then　marry　and　meanwhile；　I　live　in　some　kind　of　shame　on　this　island。　I'm　not　like　you。　I'm　not　like　the　kind　of　men　who　do　this　with　other　men。　I'm　just。。。Just。〃
　〃Just？〃
　〃Just　not　sure　what　I　feel　right　now。〃
　It　was　easy　to　lie　once　Owen　knew　what　he　would　do　with　Jimmy。　How　he　would　destroy　him。　How　it　would　go　easy　once　everything　was　in　place。
　〃Oh；　baby；〃　Jimmy　moaned；　leaning　over；　into　him；　pressing　his　scalp　against　Owen's　neck。　Owen　felt　wetness　along　his　throat。　〃You　don't　know　how　long　I've　hoped　you'd　say　it。〃
　〃We　don't　need　Jenna　do　we？　Or　girls　like　her；〃　Owen　whispered。
　〃God；　if　I　could；　I'd　kill　her。〃
　〃Who？　Kill？〃
　〃I　didn't　mean　that；〃　Owen　said；　and　kissed　him　on　the　top　of　his　head。
　The　rain　beat　down　in　great　sheets　around　the　truck；　and　the　great　clouds　roiled；　and　Owen　knew　that　he　had　him　now。
　He　had　Jimmy　right　where　he　wanted　him。
　Where　Dagon　wanted　him。
　
　
　Chapter　Eight
　Dagon　
　1
　〃Owen？〃　his　mother　asked；　holding　it　in　her　hand。　The　statue。　It　had　always　seemed　enormous　to　him；　but　in　her　hand；　it　was　only　a　foot　in　length。
　The　base　was　cracked；　some　of　its　teeth　had　fallen　out；　and　all　it　was；　after　all；　in　her　hand；　was　something　that　someone　had　carved　and　had　left　behind。
　〃Where'd　you　get　that？〃
　〃Where　you　left　it；〃　she　said。　She　hefted　it　in　her　hand。　〃Where　did　it　e　from？〃
　〃I。。。I　found　it。〃
　〃You　found　it？〃
　〃Yeah；　I　did。　It's　mine。〃　He　held　his　hand　out。
　〃Did　you　buy　it？〃
　〃That's　none　of　your　business；〃　he　said。　〃That's　mine。〃
　〃Why　did　you　put　it　in　the　fish　pond？〃
　〃It's　an　ornament。　It　looked　nice　there。　Give　it　back。〃
　〃It's　terrible　looking。　It's　eyes。　The　skin　on　it。　Who…　ever　made　that　thing　was　sick。　I　think　some　kind　of　animal　was　used。　It　smells；　too。〃
　〃Mother。〃
　〃Don't　mother　me。　You　may　be　a　young　man；　but　you　have　a　thing　or　two　to　learn。　I　know　you；　Owen。　I　know　how　you　think。　I　saw　you　that　morning。〃
　〃What　are　you　talking　about？〃
　〃I　saw　you。　You　cut　your　arm　and　let　it　bleed　on　this。。。this　thing。〃
　〃That's　crazy。　Why　would　I　do　something　crazy　like　that？　Like　…　what　…　like　cut　myself？　And　what　…　did　you　say　…　bleed？〃
　〃It's　some　kind　of　awful　thing；　isn't　it？　This　thing。　It's　some　awful　thing　for　you。　The　way　your　mind　works。〃　She　looked　at　the　small　statue　in　her　hand；　and　then　back　at　his　face。　She　squinted　as　if　trying　to　see　him　more　clearly。　〃You've　never　been　quite　right。　You　know　that；　too。　You　know　how　you're　different　from　other　boys；　don't　you？　Yes；　you're　crafty　and　you　look　good　in　a　suit　and　you　can　make　your　muscles　talk　for　you。　But　I　know　you　better　than　you　know　yourself；　Owen　Crites。　I　know　how　cold　you　are　on　the　inside。　I　know　how